Since the age of 17, I've known that having kids was something I wasn't interested in. Many people have told me that my opinion will change, but at 31... I feel more confident than ever in my decision.
When I met my husband, I was very open about not wanting to have kids. 2 weeks before the wedding, he mentioned something about having kids, and we had a very serious discussion about it. I almost called off the wedding - terrified that if he did want them, he would leave me one day. At the time, he said he was very ambivalent about kids and it wasn't a big deal
So now, after about 6 years together, and 2 years of marriage, the issue has come up for the third time... and it seems my worst fears are becoming reality. He is talking about the possibility of divorce, though he sounds confused and is not taking it very well.
Our relationship is otherwise FANTASTIC. We love each other very much, and have a great life together. We get along great and rarely fight. We have lived all over the world together and share in the same values and world views. We make each other laugh. We work from home together and despite spending 24/7 together, we still enjoy each others company. He understands me in a way no one ever has. I love him and the thought of living the rest of my life without him is terrible. But I also live each day wondering when and if he will leave me one day. It's terrible.
I feel terribly misled and hurt. Marriage is something I take quite seriously and the fact that we are even talking about ending it makes me sick. I'm so angry that the didn't take me seriously, or that he thought he could change my view. He's a romantic that takes the view of "love is enough."
The worst part is that I don't think he has a burning desire to have kids. I think it's that romantic view again. Watching sitcoms where kids give him an "aww" moment. In real life, he takes ZERO interest in the babies in our lives - our nephew, our close friends who just had a baby. Honestly, I think it's societal pressure, mixed with feelings he needs to compete with his sister, mixed with an overly rosy romanticized version of what having kids is like. He thinks having a nanny will solve every possible baby-related problem.
I don't want him to leave, obviously. I want him to agree to be child free. But if he REALLY wants kids, I know it's not right for him to stay. I don't want to live in fear of losing him for the rest of my life.
Can anyone offer any advice? Is this salvageable? Where do we go from here?
When I met my husband, I was very open about not wanting to have kids. 2 weeks before the wedding, he mentioned something about having kids, and we had a very serious discussion about it. I almost called off the wedding - terrified that if he did want them, he would leave me one day. At the time, he said he was very ambivalent about kids and it wasn't a big deal
So now, after about 6 years together, and 2 years of marriage, the issue has come up for the third time... and it seems my worst fears are becoming reality. He is talking about the possibility of divorce, though he sounds confused and is not taking it very well.
Our relationship is otherwise FANTASTIC. We love each other very much, and have a great life together. We get along great and rarely fight. We have lived all over the world together and share in the same values and world views. We make each other laugh. We work from home together and despite spending 24/7 together, we still enjoy each others company. He understands me in a way no one ever has. I love him and the thought of living the rest of my life without him is terrible. But I also live each day wondering when and if he will leave me one day. It's terrible.
I feel terribly misled and hurt. Marriage is something I take quite seriously and the fact that we are even talking about ending it makes me sick. I'm so angry that the didn't take me seriously, or that he thought he could change my view. He's a romantic that takes the view of "love is enough."
The worst part is that I don't think he has a burning desire to have kids. I think it's that romantic view again. Watching sitcoms where kids give him an "aww" moment. In real life, he takes ZERO interest in the babies in our lives - our nephew, our close friends who just had a baby. Honestly, I think it's societal pressure, mixed with feelings he needs to compete with his sister, mixed with an overly rosy romanticized version of what having kids is like. He thinks having a nanny will solve every possible baby-related problem.
I don't want him to leave, obviously. I want him to agree to be child free. But if he REALLY wants kids, I know it's not right for him to stay. I don't want to live in fear of losing him for the rest of my life.
Can anyone offer any advice? Is this salvageable? Where do we go from here?
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