| Interesting title... So, if im posting here then obviously my marriage isnt exactly that great. Why else do people confide in relative anonymity about some of the most personal parts of their lives? this is a relatively long post as most first posts probably are, please listen and if you feel so inclined, offer feedback. hi, im 34 years old and was previously married for 9 years. that marriage ended with ex-wife cheating on me with a high school boyfriend from long ago. we were terrible together and we both kind of knew it. we constantly fought, verbally and physically. it was terrible. we were mutually aggressive. i would say she was far more aggressive than me. i played my part, im no angel. ultimately, what i learned from that marriage was to know when to get out. man, this is going to get messy. during my separation from exwife, i met my current wife. i fell in love with her because she was everything my ex wasnt. of course i tempered my love with the knowledge that i may be using her as a rebound. i thought a lot about it and im positive that was not the case. i still feel that way. now, i had big problems letting go of previous wife. i had sex with both for a short time. current wife, g/f at the time, obviously was crushed and rejected me. because i am a stupid man, i again made the same mistake. after leaving her in a hotel room on new years night to bang my ex one last time, i decided that all i was doing was just not letting go of something familiar, even if i knew it was damaging. best thing i ever did. unfortunately, i have a 5year old that suffers from the split but i do the best i can. after working through all that, my wife decided to marry me. 2 days after we got married, i went to korea for a year because of military obligations. i tried to do the right things there but i failed. i didnt make it a priority to send her much of anything for valentines day, her bday, ect ect. now, i did send things? but really they were just half ass last minute things with barely any thought in to it and she knew it. i got to come home 6 months in, we both needed that. she ended up becoming pregnant during that time. she spent the last 6 months alone getting bigger and bigger. i finally come home and i had gotten out of the military for the reserves. its the equivalent of losing your job. so i come home, have no job, we have no place to live, and wife is preggers. fast forward to now. still no job [ i have been looking, semi-diligently. i could do better... ] and now we have a newborn here along with a 2 year old and a 5 year old. i have been working on and off for $10/hr cash job. during that time, wifey has to take care of all three. she has no job as she quit her job to go back to school in the next year using my gi bill. i love my wife dearly, she is probably the worst person i know about being clean. shes a terrific mother, honestly. shes a terrible housewife though. she hates to cook, she basically never cooks, and she only does dishes cause of the baby bottles. she does laundry, but only her own. i do any/everything else. since ive been home, she has withdrawn from me almost completely. she isnt intimate with me in anyway. shes constantly fatigued from being up all night with the baby. im guilty cause i dont wake up. i dont hear the baby, i dont fake the sleep or anything else. i told her she should be waking me far more often but she reminds me that my mammary glands are slightly underdeveloped vs hers. obviously she breast feeds. lol. so where were are now in our marriage is that i overcompensate for her lack of intimacy by fawning over her constantly. she basically ignores me most of the day and is annoyed by my presence at times. she doesnt say i love you, she doesnt hug me, she doesnt kiss me unless shes leaving somewhere or to roll over to sleep. some of that is who she is, shes never been super affectionate. im not ok with it but i have been ok with it till now. shes pulled back everything though. we fight over dumb things. at least in this marriage theres no physical or emotional abuse though. pretty much i dont listen. i know this because im realizing she keeps saying "we just talked about this" or some derivative there of. i guess really what i wanted to say is that im a bad husband because i dont listen to my wife, i ignore her when we talk, i ignore her needs to the point where shes considering divorce. honestly, i think she just wants me to grow up. the problem i have is: though i know what i need to do, how do i remember what to do when the time comes. example, i interrupt her talking and go off on completely different tangents. she gets really pissed and tells me that i interrupt her and dont listen. i dont consciously do this on purpose. she says that if i really cared, i would listen. that i dont listen because i dont care about her. i want to disagree but her logic is valid. i do care about her regardless of what she says. i love my wife more than anything in the world and i want to spend every moment i have on this planet with her. i want to win back my friend. i want to be there for her. help. this is probably hard to read. my apologies. i pretty much vomited my thoughts on the keyboard and this half assed stack paragraphs came out. if you manage to read and comprehend this, thank you for your diligence. lol | |||
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