Take a break from sex to solve issues?

When we met I thought I had finally met someone with higher sex drive than me and I am borderline nympho, very HD but only when someone has my interest and I am in a committed relationship. My love language is touch and I love non sexual touch just as much, I love intimacy. This is not the only reason I married him but it was certainly nice.

Been married for a couple of years and turns out hubby can go without for like 3 weeks or so without complaining or initiating, if for whatever reason we can't he will forget about it for another 3 weeks or until I jump him. He will rarely reject me and for that I am thankful, lately I have been feeling resentful though, I see it as pity sex or like he is trying to control me or fooling me into things being ok.

Things are not ok... I see that now after getting away from him for a month (not officially separated, came to visit my mother abroad so she can spend time with our child). I am very open and honest with my thoughts and feelings with him. I have told him our marriage needs work and even mentioned separation/divorce in our conversations on the phone while here, not asked for it, but made it clear it feels like a reasonable option to consider before we end up hating each other.

Our sex life has been going on decline for a while, quality not only quantity. We don't really talk anymore, we don't do things together like go to the movies, hell, we don't even cuddle watching tv anymore. He stays up at night so he sleeps all day and I am very lonely, used to think he was being kind taking care of our baby at night(which he has done quite often since he was born) but while here our child has only asked for one bottle at night, sometimes none... So that is no longer it, he also seemed relieved when I said I wanted to go visit my mother for a few weeks.

Sorry for the long story, basically what I am asking is, would it make sense to move to the guest bedroom until we reconnect and go without? He will probably convince me easily if I stay in the bedroom... Might burst out crying and blurt out that sex is terrible at this point and hurting his feelings if that happened.

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Wife Is Out Of Town And I'm Feeling Adventurous...

It's Friday and I'm gonna cut loose tonight after work.

Gonna upgrade the OS on my machine here at home. Yeah, I know what you're all thinkin'..."Wow, that MR dude sure is a party animal."

Yep yep...Cuz that's how I roll. :rofl:

I might even kick it up a notch and put on Season 3 of "House of Cards". :D

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Cards Against Humanity

My kids, not really kids (16 -24) been playing this game. I can't help but laugh at some of the things. It seems so wrong, but I can't help myself. My husband and I joined in once, I can tell you I don't know the last time I have laughed that much!

Anybody ever play this game? What do you think?

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toys.. what toys?

Toys… if you ask my wife of 50 years if she likes toys, she'll just smile. She doesn't like change so no matter what new toy I bring home, she goes back to her electric back massager. Works wonders and gives orgasms for her in two ways. One, quickly and two "in bunches"

She doesn't like anything inside her but me so no dildos not even if they vibrator your teeth loose. While we continue to have PIV, she has admitted that without the vibrator during PIV, we probably would have much less PIV. YOU see, she' part of the group that seldom has orgasms from PIV.

"Bob" that's what I call it) is always plugged in and lays between our pillows in the bed. I'm too old to stand on my head reaching under the bed trying to find it and ruining the moment. So we spice up sex with a threesome and "Bob" is always ready with the turn of the switch. My wife doesn't like me to refer to him as being the third in our threesome.

What is really a turn on is watching her use it before we go to PIV. she seldom does it, I guess its part of her upbringing where girls don't play with themselves.

So the next time you're in Walgreen's and you see the little ole lady picking up a "back massager" be sure to wink at her as you go by. That may be my wife if we wear out "bob"

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On Deciding to see other people and getting caught...

Hey everyone,

So, in this thread, I wanted to discuss 2 things. One is the fact that I've decided I want to start seeing other people. The other, well, I got caught being sneaky last night by my wife.

The whole reason I want to see other people is because my wife's been becoming a real pain to deal with, as you can see in this thread...

http://ift.tt/1e6Zdsx

In that thread, a few users, including TobyBoy, thought my wife might be having an affair. I really doubt she is, but she seems to be hiding something, mainly because she changed the PW on her phone. The other day, I found out what her PW was.

And this is the part where I get caught trying to be sneaky.


Yesterday, after we had almost packed everything to go Kayaking/paddleboarding, my wife asked me to go upstairs and get her phone. I went up and decided to check the PW to see if it was still the same (she came upstairs right after I found it last time, so I thought she may have realized I found it and changed it). I successfully got into her phone, but didn't check anything yet as she started telling me to hurry up and bring her down her phone. I started heading downstairs slowly and told her I had issues finding it. (This was my big mistake) I thought the screen would lock up before I got downstairs because she she's got it set to a one minute lock.

As soon as I handed her the phone, I realized I had been caught because her screen was still lit. She asked "Oh, haha, so you finally discovered my PW" afterwards, she began an assault of questions like "Why are you trying to find my PW so bad, don't you trust me?","Do you think I'm hiding something?" "What did you find/What were you looking for on my phone?"
I told her I didn't look for anything, which was true, but since she was saying most of this in a smiling, cute face, I couldn't help but smile when she asked me what I did on her phone. Of course she didn't believe, and insisted I told her what I was looking for, or found. I did my best to hold a serious face and told her I just put in her PW, but didn't search for anything.

Later she went on about how she and her family don't share each others' PW in her country and said she deserves some privacy.

For most of this, I felt mentally paralyzed. I didn't know what to say because I didn't want to tell her I didn't trust her. or that I thought she was hiding something. Didn't know how to respond when she made me guilty by saying "Why? you don't trust me?"

I kinda felt like the bad guy, Like I was sneaking around doing something I shouldn't and got caught.

Anyways, so here are some other things that have made me wonder.....

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tobyboy (Post 12643210) No respect for you. Stopped all physical contact. Paying twice as much for lunch. Ask you what you would do if she cheated. Demonizing you. Wants to separate to not hurt you anymore. Projecting on to you her traits. What are the red flags that you've observed JBH?

Ahhh Yes,

I'm not saying you're wrong. I can probably explain those, but mine are actually worse.

First, let me explain some of the above (or at least her reasons)

Stopped all physical contact. This bothers me a lot. She tells me she doesn't feel right hugging/kissing as if "everything's okay" when there are issues in our relationship.

Paying twice as much for lunch. I would assume she was just paying for a friend (as they often pay for her). I'm still bothered by the fact she got so annoyed when I asked her why she spent, though.

The other reasons you mentioned I don't really have good explanations for, aside from the fact that she seems done with our relationship. Honestly, I didn't know they were even signs of cheating.

Reason I'm concerned she's hiding something

-Changed PW on her phone, wouldn't share it with me (Previously she had a PW I knew, or NO PW on her phone) I still had the PW to her Ipad.
-Shuts down websites/apps when I approach and try to see what's on her screen. (possibly because I make it so obvious I'm trying to read her screen)
- She CHANGED her PW again. last night, after I found out what hers was.
-Seems suspicious that I'm trying to snoop. Asks why I want her phone's PW or why I'm looking at her ipad.
-Very few text threads on her phone (just me and a few coworkers). In other words, her history is very clean.
-This past week, she's been asking I'm working OT almost every day, suggests I work MORE OT on said day.. Like one day this week, she texted me asking if I was working OT. I told her until 5:30pm. She said "You should work more OT", I asked her why. She responds saying "IDK, so you can pay off your student loans or whatever"
-Sleeps in a separate room most nights nowadays, keeps her iPad/phone with her.
-In our past conversations about "Is our marriage going to work", which basically leads to "Our marriage seems like it's basically over"
she said "Maybe you'll find someone who's got more in common with you"
"Maybe we should just be separate for awhile/single again"
"Don't you want to date other women?" in reference to when
I said "I wonder what it would've been like to date other women before meeting you." sometime last year.
-She misses traveling alone, as a single person
-Her reasons for not being interested in our relationship are things that I FEEL I haven't done recently (for the most part) like going out to play games/hobbies w. friends. Seemed like things were good until the recent events on Valentines Day and her March B-day.

Reasons Why I think she wouldn't cheat/have an affair
-She never goes anywhere, except to the Gym, out to lunch w. Co-workers (AFAIK), she always comes straight home after work.
-I highly doubt she would have an affair w anyone at work, since everyone there knows she's married and she always wears her rings
-Says she doesn't want to be in a relationship w/ anyone, wants to enjoy being single
-If she got caught and her family found out, she would be mortified and eternally shamed. Filipino culture is all about having a good image amongst your peers/family. Right now, they see as their little angel.
-She has been cheated on before, and knows how bad it hurts. I think her dedication to her religion (Catholic) would also influence her decision not to cheat.
-Constantly asks if I'm going to buy a ticket to go to PH with her

========================================
Either way, i don't want to get caught up in a episode of extreme or unwarranted Paranioa (the kind similar to what those "is he cheating on you" ads seem to want to incite.

I just want to find out what's going on.

Oh, and I almost forgot... Last night I finally got to start seeing other people (I did last weekend as well)
Basically, since I'm tired of having confrotations/being nagged by my wife, I started going out by myself.

Last weekend I went fishing and met another man and his wife. He and I had some pretty nice but brief conversations about how well he was doing and his fishing plans for the evening.

Last night, I also got to talk to a good number of other people, mostly just greeting them with friendly questions about how they were doing, what they caught, etc. Just any friendly, social, respectful, healthy conversations between two people.

I'm wondering if I should start applying the 180 and doing this more often. I just realized I need/want to interact with other people more often, especially strangers

A. Because I realized I haven't seen anyone aside from my wife family in awhile.

B. The only people I know are my wife, some old friends from 10 years ago, and my family.

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Advice on dildo-G-Spot and Size

My wife and I have been married for 12 years, and together for 19th. Our sex life could be more frequent but we have busy life with 3 kids and I understand how women can't focus on only one thing, everything is mixed in. Regardless, no complaints. When we have sex it's pretty awesome and she's opened, which I love. I'm here for advice on dildos. We have talked about them for a few months, she would never go out and buy one, or she will not look at them online with me. It's like she's program that she should only be satisfied with me. I'd like to make some introduction so that she can have some fun with me or solo. However, when I bring the subject, all hears are there and I see that she's interested. Last night she gave me the go ahead. But, I've been looking online and the selection is huge and the price difference for some similar is just too confusing. So, that's why I am writing to you girls, if you could recommend dildos for us. So, there is curiosity toward the G-spot, then size, meaning something pleasurable, not painful…

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I have a really dumb question about cars

I bought (leased) a car on my own for the first time about 5 weeks ago. I still have the temporary registration sticker/paper in my back windshield, and haven't received the permanent registration/stickers in the mail yet. Is this normal? Am I missing a step of something i'm supposed to do? The temp. registration expires in July.

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Just want to pop in

Soooo it's been prob a year or more since I left here. I was still pretty messed up when I did leave.

I believed I was on the right path, but I was only fooling myself.

I went on some other site in hopes of working through everything only to be banned because they felt I was in a hopeless situation.

That crushed me. On top of that, my h was looking into the swinging lifestyle and I started doing disgusting things online. At first it felt really good, lots of positive attention, I finally felt desired ( something I was longing for so desperately in my marriage).

Then in my awkward need to discuss things I ventured out into some other forums. These places did not tolerate my "poor me syndrome" and "LOOK AT ME" complex I was having.

It was just what I needed to snap out of the hole I was in. I realized that talking about the same issues over and over again was not helping me. That these men who "desired" me could really care less about who I was. I was disgusted with myself.

I learned that I needed to start respecting myself. And so I went to a support group for women involved in domestic violence.

There I learned that it is my fault for being in the situation that I'm in. I let him have control over me. I had no boundaries. And he learned that he could do whatever the hell he wanted to without consequence.

So, I made a list of boundaries. I sent it to him. I told him I would leave him if he cannot respect them.

He was shocked of course. All these years of me just agreeing to whatever he said in order to "keep" him had finally stopped.

I think the biggest accomplishment I've had along with the self respect is the loss of my dependency upon him to feel happy about myself.

I started exercising, just finished my first 10k last weekend! I set goals for myself and repeat the phrases "I am beautiful, I am confident, I am strong" everyday in my mind.

The mind is very powerful and if it hears these phrases enough it will replace the ones I have heard before.

So, that's where I'm at. How is my marriage now? Better than ever before, but still broken.

With the history we have it'll be hard for me to ever view it as a healthy marriage. However, if the positives keep repeating themselves perhaps I will one day have that thought replaced too.

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Having daughters is one of the greatest joys I could imagine

Not my quote but as a father of two healthy, loving, young women, I couldn't agree more.

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Should I just make a manual?

I am looking for suggestions to tell my husband my needs are not being met and get some feedback on what can I do to help him be happier, as I know he is not happy either and I still love him, however I am not one of those that stay in a relationship no matter what, he knows this but I get the feeling he is ok with it so he bandaids our marriage right before it falls apart, and then it's just rinse and repeat.

Would it be unrespectful to write him a manual of sorts? And hopefully he would do one for me? A while back I was so happy he started to show interest and asking important questions to work on us, I eagerly responded everything he asked, just to get nothing in return for things I could do for him, I was baffled but didn't push it.

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Any other men out there block themselves from porn giving their wife the key?

A few years ago, due to various stressors in my life/relationship with my wife I had been watching a bit of porn here and there. I've never been one of the types to download gigabytes of it and catalogue it or what not. Just checked out some of the free sites. I went through a period of time where I tried to justify doing this behind my wife's back, but it reached a point where I just couldn't take the guilt of being dishonest with her so I finally got up the courage and told her what I had been doing, but that I was REALLY unhappy with myself for it and wanted to get website filtering software. I've done so and have such software installed on all my PCs and also my smartphone. She holds the key to all of them. Basically if I ever go to anything bad, she gets an email about it.

As a result I haven't seen any porn in over two years. Oddly I don't think I had either a positive or negative effect on our sex life, but I think I have an improved self image. I'm not sure to what degree that is due to being brought up thinking it was bad and to what degree it is objectively true, but I think it's definitely healthier to not watch the stuff.

It's funny though, there's still a part of me that wishes I could see just a little every now and then even though I still very much enjoy sex with my wife. Why? I guess there's just a part of the male psyche that feels entitled or something. I'm not happy that part of me exists. But at least I have changed my environment so I can't get at it anymore. Of course I still fantasize every now and then about women other than my wife. Not actual women I meet mind you, just images of women I invent in my head. Often they are similar to my wife. It's hard to control THAT. I feel like it's built in to the male brain. Like a built in porn channel, hah. "Find creatures that look like this, and then inseminate them" <<

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Hi Y'all

It's been a while since I've been here but I just wanted to say hi to all my friends including:

Jellybeans
bandit.45
pidge70
Chaparral
OldGirl
MattMatt
BFree
LordMayhem
KanDo
Lifescript
Mrs T
arbitrator

New job, and family is doing outstanding.

I love you all and have you in my prayers.

mori

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Getting past the past and over the hurt of dishonesty.

Hello. I've been Googling for months and I came across this board and found some insight, but I haven't really found any answers that meet my situation exactly.

This coming September will make 19 years that we've been married. We dated for about 2 years before getting married. We have 3 children aged between 8 and 10 years old. We were both in the military at the time we met.

Prior to getting married, we had the talk about past partners (Yes, I now know how stupid that was). At 21 years old, I had been in several relationships that were never sexual. I had only had one partner with whom I had any sexual contact and that was only after I was engaged to that person. So my only sexual partner was someone with whom I was in a relationship with. Prior to "the talk" I had expressed my lack of respect for the women in the barracks who slept around freely. When we had "the talk", she said she had been with three partners, but then quickly changed that number to two partners (the third she had just shared a bed with on a trip with friends, there was no sex or touching). I did question her changing her answer at the time, but I was truly in love with this girl and decided that it didn't matter what she had done.

We got married after the talk. We eloped and got married at a courthouse. After eloping, we wanted a church wedding in a military chapel. To do this, we had to go through pre-marital counseling. In this pre-marital counseling session, her past partners came up. She stated that there were 2 partners. The first was a guy who was pursuing her but she had no interest in him. Six months before she met me, she decided it was time to lose her virginity, so she got drunk and had sex with this guy in a hotel. A few days later, she decided to have sex with him again in her room. Her second partner was someone she said she had a crush on. She had never dated this person, but she hoped that having sex with him right before she moved would result in a long distance relationship. She said she forced herself on him a few weeks before she left that assignment and had sex with him on the couch at the place they worked together. She never contacted him after the sex or even went on a date with him after the sex. While not easy for me to accept this, I did accept it. It was who she was and while I wasn't totally cool with what her past held, I was willing to look past it for the person who she was with me. I felt that she was still very much the person that I wanted to be with forever.

After the church wedding, things started to slow down in the bedroom. We were still having sex, but not as often. I was attributing much of that to us both being in college (Thank You GI Bill) and working at the time. There was part of me that still questioned her past due to her answer changing from 3 partners to 2 partners. I would sometimes ask about her past, but she was consistent in her answers. She had slept with 2 other men, she used condoms every time, she never had an orgasm with the others, she had never given or received oral sex. She reassured me that I was the only one who had given her an orgasm, that I was the only one she had performed oral sex on, that I was the only one she had ever had unprotected sex with. I came to believe that she was telling me the truth and never really put much thought into the matter. Any time that I mentioned that we were not having very much sex, she always came up with an excuse for not having sex. School, stress, work, children, "mommies don't have sex". I was in school (and even completed grad school beyond her Bachelors degree), I had stress, I worked more hours than her, I took care of the children as much as she did, and daddies do want to have sex!

Over time, the frequency of sex continued to decrease between us. It was not due to a lack of desire on my part. I still found my wife incredibly sexy. I had repeatedly expressed my desire for more sex with her. I repeatedly told her that I still found her very physically attractive. I purchased her the Panty of the Month for about 3 years, took "glam" photos of her for to use as my computer desktop wallpaper and as the photo for my monthly calendars. I planned a tropical vacation for us alone. Eventually the rejection started taking its toll and I stopped pursuing her as much.

About 8 years ago I started trying again to spice things up. I was begging her to put some effort into thinking about sex every once in a while. Things would cycle regularly. I would beg for sex, things would be good for about a month, things would be stale for 3 or 4 months, I would beg again. Several times I wrote pages of things that she could to to show me she was interested in sex, that I was interested in sex, and that I still found her physically attractive.

Her response was that after being together for so long I couldn't still find her attractive. This was based on an episode of "Cheaters" that we saw one afternoon that showed a guy who was cheating on his wife because he was just tired of her. I repeatedly assured her that this was not the case with her. I was VERY attracted to her still.
After the first 2 kids were born, she attributed the lack of sex to me prying into her past. She said that she thought I was not over her past and that it was the root of our problems. To the contrary, I was fine with her past. I had tried having her fantasize about the other 2 people she had slept with to get her stimulated and to get her interested in sex with ME again. It didn't work.

Fast forward through several years of the same cycle of little to no sex.

June of 2013, I decided I would see just how much sex she desires. We had sex one night and I decided that I would wait to see how long it would be before she had the desire to have sex again. I would not reject her, but I did not pursue her. In the past, we had gone for 3-4 weeks at a time without sex. To go 2 weeks at a time was normal for us despite my begging. As it turns out, it was 8 weeks before she decided that she wanted to have sex. I didn't mention this to her at the time it was happening. I only mentioned it to her about a year later. At that point, I decided I was done with begging for sex from her. I was committed to being faithful to her, but I had just given in to accepting that we were going to have a sexless marriage.

Fast forward to March 2014.

One evening after having sex, my wife decided to tell me that she had lied to me and that she had slept with four other partners before me.

She said the first one was the one in the hotel and again a few days later in her barracks room. She was not interested in him, but chose to sleep with him because he kept asking her out despite her repeatedly rejecting him. She decided he was the one to lose her virginity to because the rumor was that he had slept with many women. She had sex with him on the first date which involved taking her out for dinner and wine and then to a hotel. A few days later she had sex with him when he just showed up at her door. There was no relationship.

The second was another person in the barracks. Several friends were going to get together to watch a movie in the guy's room. She was the only one that showed up, so she watched the movie and then decided to sleep with the guy. She said that he had given her an orgasm. She said that as soon as he was done, he got up and went to playing a game on his computer and left her naked in the bed. She just sat there for a while before getting dressed and going back to her room. There was no relationship.

The third was a guy she had met 3 days earlier. She went with a friend to his house. While her friend and his sister went to look for something, the guy asked her if she was ok with having sex. She had sex with him while waiting on her friend to return. There was no relationship and she never saw the guy again.

The fourth was the coworker previously mentioned. She did have sex on the work couch and, despite previously denying it, she did perform oral sex on this partner. She did not have a relationship with this person either.
She lied about the number of sex partners.

She lied about having orgasms with others after telling me that I was the only one that had given her an orgasm.

She lied about having performed oral sex on anyone and had told me that I was the only one that she had performed oral sex on.

As for condoms, she says she really does not know if any of these guys used condoms or not, but that she just assumes that they did even though she doesn't remember seeing any condoms.


So now here we are today. We have gone through almost a year of marriage counseling and things between us are still hit or miss. We have some good days, but I think we still have more bad days than good days. She has started working with a coach to improve her outlook and her self-esteem. Certainly both of these are things that could improve our relationship. She has also started exercising some. She has started dressing much nicer around me. She has started keeping her hair nicer around me. She has started keeping her nails painted around me. She has starting trying to let me know that she wants to make this work between us.

How do I feel?

I'm not upset by the number of her partners. I am completely disgusted by her dishonesty. If I ask questions about her past now, she gets angry with me. This does nothing to build trust. She also frequently does not remember what happened back then or does not know the answer to what I ask. While these other partners were 20 years ago, I understand that memory fades, but an "I don't know" or an "I don't remember" does nothing to help boost the trust right now.

I feel that I had accepted her for who she was a long time ago, but now I am being forced to accept a person who is much worse than the person that I accepted so many years ago.

I no longer feel attracted to her. It's not just a physical thing. I am finding it hard to be attracted to someone who gives herself up so easily to so many people in such a short time. She basically had 4 one night stands within a 6 month period. There was actually going to be a 5th person (not anyone she was emotionally attached to), but her roommate walked in on her while he was fingering her. I am also finding it hard to be attracted to someone who lied to me for so long. I am finding it hard to be attracted to someone who disrespected me by lying to me. I find it hard to be attracted to someone who disrespected my values (she knew I was not interested in being with a woman who slept around freely as she had done prior to marriage). Physically, she had gained some weight over the years, but was still attractive (still a size 6, and has gotten more toned with her recent decision to start exercising). In fact, prior to this issue coming up, I still would tell her how attracted to her I was even after 3 children. She was still smokin' hot! The problem is that I sometimes see the dishonesty and the "skank" side of her showing through. This is not an all the time phenomenon. There are times that I see past these ugly characteristics and see someone I am attracted to. I wish I could see past the ugly stuff more and see more of the person I was attracted to. As it is now, when I'm desiring sex, most of the time I'd rather take care of it myself than sleep with her.

I am having a hard time with trusting her. She says that she has never cheated on me, but with the very long stretches between us having sex, where was she having her physical needs met? I know that I had to meet my own needs by "taking matters into my own hands". The long history of deceit and multiple lies cast a shadow of doubt over everything she has ever told me. I'm not even sure I believe the version of her past that she is telling me now. She now says that she was forcing herself to not think about sex for fear that if we had sex, I might bring up her past and she would accidentally reveal that she had been lying to me. Along with the trust issues, I feel that she cheated me out of 18 years of happiness. It could have been 18 years of happiness with her (had she dealt with her own past and/or been honest with me) or it could have been with someone else (Yes, I know that if there had been someone else instead of my current wife, things may not have been any better; this is just speculation). She seems to justify lying to me about this as she was just presenting me the best version of herself that she could and that sleeping with random people was not who she really was.

I feel as if she has totally disrespected me by lying to me. She knew what my values were long before we were married. She lied to me about her past because she had done things that didn't meet what my values were. She wants me to respect her while she seems to have no problem with disrespecting me or seeming to have had no respect for herself based on her past.

I know it's stupid, but after all of the rejection, I feel as if she's settling for me. I know she's said the other guys meant nothing to her and that it was just meaningless sex. However, I feel less important to her than her meaningless sex because she felt that keeping her meaningless sex a secret was more important than her relationship with me. I feel as if I have been the only one truly present in our relationship because she has been off guarding her book of secrets instead of being present with me.

We're still going to marriage counseling. I'm still trying to make things work. In the beginning I had a strong desire to hurt her (emotionally, not physically!). I was wishing that I had done something in our past that I could reveal to her that would cause her a great deal of emotional pain as she had caused for me. I had nothing. About 3 months after she told me the truth, I was going to a conference and thought about how great it would be if I could meet someone and have a one night stand to come home and rub in her face. Once I got to the conference location, I couldn't speak to anyone and spent every evening locked alone in my hotel room knowing that I could never cheat on her.

There is a part of me that wants to just divorce her and go on with my life. But even when I think about that, I want to be able to finish paying off our house and leave her and the kids with that so that I know she and the kids will have a stable place to live. She makes about $100k/yr, so with a paid off house and no other debts, she'll be able to live comfortably on that income. But wanting to take care of her in this way tells me that I know I'm not really ready to divorce her because I still care for her and want good things for her. But in staying with her, what do I end up with? I end up with someone that has no problems lying to me and that has sexual morals that I don't agree with. Ultimately, I am a man of integrity and I have committed to raising a family with her and I feel that my duty as a father and commitment to family trumps my desire to divorce her.
When this first erupted, she wanted to have sex a whole lot. We had sex several days in a row and several times per day. In fact, there was one weekend where it was 10 times over 3 days. It was exhausting! However; I felt that she thought that the only problem was that we hadn't been having sex and that now the only thing she had to do to fix things between us was to have sex more often. It seemed as if she just wanted to have sex because she felt guilty about what she had done. She wanted to have sex one time and it didn't feel right to me, so I stopped her and said that more sex wasn't the root of our problems. Since then, the sex has again dried up with it pretty much being 2-3 weeks between us having sex including another 6 week stretch back in November/December. I've tried to explain it to her, but there is a delicate balance here. I do want to have sex, but I don't find her attractive all the time and I also am committed to being faithful to her so I can't get sex elsewhere.

Since this erupted, she has complained that she's unhappy because of the state that we live in. I've said we can move to any state she wants, but she can't un-sleep with the people she randomly chose to sleep with. I'm open to moving, but she's not really interested in moving anywhere now because she is happy with her present job. I just accepted a VERY well-paying job that I couldn't get anywhere else and I am willing to give it up to move and make her happy. I don't honestly think that moving will make either of us any happier right now.
My main problem at this time is trust, respect, and attraction for her.

I know I've rambled on, but any help or advice would be appreciated. Many times the advice is that if the marriage has been great, just let the new information go and enjoy your great marriage. Our marriage hasn't been great. It's been far from it. Much of the advice I've read also says to let the past be the past. I understand it, but that isn't helpful. This isn't jealousy. I'm actually proud that I don't have the emotional baggage that she has from all her partners. I only had sex with one person whom I was very emotionally involved with. I don't regret not sleeping around when I was single. I have no desire to increase the number of people I have slept with. I do not want that baggage to carry around.

I'm open for any constructive help that can be offered.

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Life is funny

So I'm in this little bar/grill not too far from my house. It's very popular with employees from companies located in an industrial complex nearby, especially on Thursdays and Fridays. I'm in a booth enjoying a nice grilled chicken sandwich, sweet potato fries and cole slaw when my ears perk up to a conversation in the booth directly behind me. The gist of their conversation is that the woman's husband recently discovered her affair with this coworker she was having lunch with. She lied to her husband, said it was over, that she wasn't seeing him anymore, that she didn't work with him anymore etc. She was joking around that he believed her that she wanted to work on the marriage, that she loved him, it was all a mistake. They were laughing about how gullible her husband was. The man commented that at least he was clever enough to figure it out. His wife was too stupid to even know he was cheating on her. Anyway after a while I was too sick to my stomach t o finish my lunch. I thought about confronting them but I didn't want to make a scene. Then I had an idea. A wonderful sneaky vicious idea. I paid my check. I took out my cell phone, stood up, walked over to their booth and pretended to take their picture as they were eating saying "your husband says hi." Then I quickly made my exit, hopped in my truck and drove away as the man came running outside.

I really should have just driven away and not looked back at that point but my curiosity got the better of me. I drove around the block and parked in a place where I was unlikely to be noticed but I could see the front door of the place. After a few minutes the couple came out with the woman crying and the man's arm around her shoulder. She was obviously distraught, the poor dear. Again, I couldn't help myself. I proceeded to drive right by them, I paused long enough to take out my phone and pretend to take another picture with his arm around her saying "got you again." I drove away as the man chased after my truck.

Was I cruel?

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Newbie guide for TAM

hi, I am new here and been reading a lot but I often come across terms I don't understand, can someone give me a link to a list of terms commonly used around here? Like LD means low sexdrive is this correct?

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Thoughts?

• Thread Starter

Thoughts?

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• 22 minutes ago 22m ago

dd

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Strait man here seem to be attracted to shemales an ladyboys am I alone ?

• Thread Starter

Strait man here seem to be attracted to shemales an ladyboys am I alone ?

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• 43 minutes ago 43m ago

Basically just says it all in the title so curious about this feeling I get while watching shemales in porn never been in contact With one and only ever participated in strait sex is this normal ??? 😝

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