Caught Husband Masturbating, how am I supposed to react?

First of all, I do believe masturbation is totally normal and even a healthy option for some people and situations!...

Last night I put the baby to sleep and then went to bed early. My husband stay in the living room watching TV. After an hour and a half I woke up thirsty, on my way to the kitchen I noticed my husband was watching a video on his phone, as I got closer I realized he was masturbating to a porn video. I called his name, he stop and looked at me all surprised and then he said "you were sleeping" and I just stood there paralyzed for a minute or so, then walked away in tears. I was socked, this was the first time I saw my husband masturbating in our 3 years of marriage. He followed me trying to explain and I just locked myself in the bathroom trying to understand what it just happened. When I walked out he was waiting for me and told me, "I'm sorry, is a problem I have, I like touching myself and I haven't stop since I was a teenager" and I told him "I don't want to talk about it right now, I cant think, I'm so confused, just leave me alone" and so he did. This morning he left a no te saying he is deeply sorry and ashamed, he never wanted to hurt me and confused me, that he love me and it wont happened again...

I haven't answered his calls all day, I don't know what to say. I know is not like he was cheating on me but I truly believe our sex life was something great we had, since we are very sexual and passionate . Even during pregnancy the longest was about a week without sex. I'm so confused. I feel so miserable, knowing that all these years he was masturbating behind my back even when I ask him and he simply lie about it. As a woman I feel so little, all I can think is "I can't satisfy my husband and all this time I thought I did". Why do I feel so grossed out and humiliated? I really don't know how to handle this. I would understand his behavior when I'm on my period, or out of town, or upset with each other but, We had sex yesterday morning and still he wanted to masturbate at night instead of being with me. How can I trust him, when I feel that I'm not good enough? Please I need help, I need advise!!!:confused::(

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In need of help/advice!!! Please help!!!

Hey guys! I'm in need of some help and I want people's thoughts on this because I'm tired of hearing my friends say "I don't know" because I feel like they are wanting to tell me something but are scared to do so.

My gf and I have been together for over a year now and ever since we were together we pretty much stayed together. My problem is that lately she has not wanting to have sex with me almost never now. When we first got together she told me that it was important to her and what not and we had sex about 3-4 times a week. Awesome right? Well lately she doesn't even want sex at all and plays with her damn toy more then with me and I'm forced to masturbate. Yeah its nice and all but I'm wanting sex, not my hand and its starting to get boring now and temptations come up of me getting sex from other woman and I don't want to do that because its wrong and I know how it feels to get cheated on.

About a month ago we got into a big argument leading to her telling me that I "force her into have sex". I honestly feel like I don't because its not like I handcuff her and do what I want no...I either ask and flirt my way too it. I felt like that was an excuse. I also been to the doctor alot and a few times when I ask she pretty much tells me that I'm a dirty person in the nicest way and I can tell its true because of how she looks at me and acts around me. I even told her about it and she stayed quiet.

Ever since we both got our jobs, me working the night shift and her either mornings or nights shes been acting different. She can be stubborn, hard headed, closed hearted because shes afraid of letting her feelings out due to her abusive ex which I can understand but honestly I hate the fact that that's stopping her from living a normal life and it affects me because sometimes I feel like she treats me like I were him. But what really upsets me the most is that she says one thing example lots of sex and now almost no sex at all...Sex is not always my number 1 priority but when you get me used to it why wouldn't I get upset about it. I love her and care for her but sometimes I start to doubt our relationship now...I wish she were more open to me. I wish she would come onto me more because sometimes I feel like I'm being used for what I have.

Any help, thoughts or advice would be great and thank you for taking the time to read all this!!! :blush:

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Is it normal to have zero sex drive? (23 year old male)

This problem has been going on since mid-late June. I don't have a sex drive. I used to have one but not anymore it seems. Since mid to late June I have masturbated all of 7 times. Each time I lasted a while (at least half an hour or more) and I had to put in a decent amount of effort to stay hard. I remember just 1 day where I felt properly horny during the summer. I barely woke up with erections. I have been thinking of sex very little (I remember I used to think about it most nights while I was getting to sleep).

I work out in the gym. My diet is good. I get 8 hours of sleep a night or more. I'm not on any medication. I have drunk alcohol just once in months. What the hell is causing this?

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Is It Me?

So none of the guys I ever fancy or like think of me the same way back which is fair enough but it's not done anything to boost my confidence. I always just get hit on by the really creepy ones but my friends and other girls I know always seem to have guys that fancy or like them and are super brilliant guys or are ones they like. I do not. It just kind of sucks because I wonder if it's me...am I not smart/attractive enough? (perish the thought, I know!) I know you guys are strangers but I just needed to get it down as it really sucks seeing someone you like and knowing they would never like you back. I'm not looking for anything but it would be nice to know that someone *may* like me (I know, contradictory!) for me. Again I know this is a stupid thing to moan about but I'm having one of those moments where I just want to...well whine and moan aha Please don't be really harsh with me.

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Dated for 3.5 years...LDR starts, she cheats...don't know how to move forward at all.

Been dating a girl for 3.5 years. We were each others first boyfriend/girlfriend, first everything pretty much. Things were good, great even for most of the 3.5 years. I was and as I type this, still (don't know why) still in love her her.

I'm 20 and she's 19. Around a year and a half back, I left to the US for uni and we did the whole long distance gig for 3 months...it was tough but turned out okay. I had to return home due to some really unfortunate family circumstances. I was really down for a few months after coming home and she was my rock during all this.

Things looked amazing, she was always the one who brought up the future, said she saw us getting married in a few years and what not and I was really warming up to the idea. 3 months back she left to do a summer course in the US and start uni there after that.

She came back yesterday for a week she has off before her classes resume and she's told me that she's been sleeping with some dude from her halls for about 3 weeks. She says she's really sorry and it was all a stupid mistake but I just in disbelief.

I'm numb, I'm absolutely numb...she told me this and I just walked out, walked outside for about an hour wandering aimlessly. I'm devastated beyond belief...things were going so well in my life, I'd gained a fantastic internship for the year, have an unconditional offer to study at one of the best uni's in the UK next year but this has seriously sent my entire world crashing down. She said that she didn't realize how bad she messed up until she landed back home and was in tears as soon as she saw me.

Worst part is before she left she constantly brought up her fears about me staying faithful (I have a 100% clean record in this regard) and told me it would destroy her if I did. She told me this multiple ****** times. The irony.

She was the one, or at least I thought she was...I can't believe someone who I loved so much did this to me. I had a chance or two to cheat myself when she was away, or when I was at uni in the states for a short while and even though I was beyond drunk one time, cheating on her was unthinkable to me...so I'm just trying to understand how and why she's gone and done this...and for 3 ****** weeks.

The only person I've told thus far is my best friend and he's completely of the opinion that I should end things. I'm unsure of what to do, part of me wants to give her a piece of my mind, and cut off all contact but even after she told me she cheated and was crying as she did, my initial reflex was to comfort her (I didn't...I left the room in about 2 minutes after). She's been calling and texting non-stop. She's resorted to email now that I've turned my phone off.

Since she told me, I haven't said a word. I heard her tell me the story for about 2 minutes and left and its been around 7 hours and I haven't contacted her.

Any advice would be much appreciated. Anon since I know a couple people on the forum.

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What would you do in this situation?

I have a flatmate who is smoking shisha in our kitchen. This isn't the first time it has happened. The first time caused me to have an asthma attack, so I spoke to her and explained that I really can't be around shisha and she promised to not do it again. I thought that she would have appreciated me going directly to her rather than security since all shisha stuff is banned in the halls I'm in. Turns out, she doesn't care.

She smoked it a lot over the weekend whilst I was away and has started again now. She does leave the window open at least so it doesn't smell awful for ages, but just going in to wash a plate has set my asthma off again. I can't talk to her now since a load of her friends have just walked in and I find them really intimidating. At the same time, I can't call security because she'll know it was me and I have to live with her for a year still!

What can I do? I'm fed up of not being able to breathe and consequently sleep!

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Guy situation had fried my brain. Advice please!

I realize that even posting this is borderline sociopath(etic) but I just wondered what your unbiased, outside brains would make of this;

So I was seeing this guy for a few months, just out of a long relationship, seemed lovely, had a lot in common, clingy but in a sweet way, etc. I then don't see him for a few weeks, (i was busy), and get the feeling he's losing interest for a few reasons:

1. Contact dramatically goes down the pooper (before he would text me saying he misses me after a few days, want to see me as soon as I came back).

2. Not as affectionate as usual

I know he's bad at talking about his feelings so maybe doing all this is his way of cutting out the problem without having to face me. Tbh I'd been having the feeling that he was losing interest before I went away so I distanced myself a bit (maybe not a very tactical move on my part). I've tried to meet up with him and have the conversation to get his side, find out what happened, whether any of it was my fault, end whatever that thing was and just be friends.

He was up for meeting but never set a time, so I've basically given up. But I still feel like I need closure - find out if I pushed him away and whether I was a rebound or not. (Pretty sure he's at that stage considering I'd seen him involved with another girl)

There's no hard feelings, I just want him to be happy and wanted him to be honest with me, because now I feel cautious around potential new people.

So basically - am I being a typical woman and over-thinking this? (probably) am I giving him more leeway than he deserves, and how would you react?

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How to know if a guy has a girlfriend?

It's quite awkward to ask him directly. I just want to get the answer from his mouth.


Any ideas?

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Commitment to marriage and liking other people

Is it wrong of me to assume that if a girl said she wanted to marry me then she shouldn't want anyone else? This is about my fiancee. Obviously there's a difference between finding someone attractive and liking them. Surely by wanting to marry me (she said she does and I believe her) my fiancee should accept the commitment to marriage, and she shouldn't even like/want any other guy as a result of her wanting to spend her life with me. I get so wound up over this stuff :(

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Am I being too judgemental? Or is this normal?

So I have been talking to this guy for a while, but long story short, I'm starting to get the bigger picture about his life and I can't help but think what the heck.. would these things put you off?
-he has a tattoo of a skull on his arm because it's tradition in the sport he's into to get one.
-he goes to his friends house every single day after work even though his friend is married and has a newborn baby and the wife doesn't seem to mind?
-he spends about £70 a week on take outs, mcdonalds, Burger King, he doesn't know how to cook nor wants to learn, and his parents don't seem to know either from the looks of them, I think he thinks it's a woman's job.
- the rest of his money goes on buying stuff for his hobby.
- he's never had a girlfriend, or even hugged or kissed a girl, and he isn't bothered about it which is what worries me most.

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I need some ideas...

Some time back, I spent a lot of time here while I was watching my marriage disintegrate... and my bad responses to things.

But this isn't about that.

Three months ago, my wife and I set about to move across the country. We moved from a west coast state to near Chicago, she's now a full time university student, studying to become a naturopath doctor (ND).

We sold almost everything we owned, and I gave up my business, leased it out to someone else. I sold all my pet projects (frankly, it was all but 'giving them away', and we left the kids behind, and now it's just the two of us, living in the burbs (instead of our rural life before).

We only brought one vehicle out with us, so I had to fly back and get the other. I drove the 1900+ miles in just two days. I had a long time to think all by myself.

I'm feeling more than a little lost. What was me was expressed in my trucks, my business, my friends, and the awesome beauty of where we lived, and I'm feeling... Well, I don't know what.

Like I suddenly had a large part of the meaning of and interests in my life ripped away and there's nothing but a big hole left. Nothing we did, none of my hobbies or projects or "things I want to do" now exist. The wife is on a trimester plan, where there's 3 breaks a year of two weeks or so. Other than individual holidays, she's chained here. As soon as I get to working (it'll be for myself) I'll have to work 10+ hour days 5-6 days a week to make ends meet at all.

Even the deaths of my parents weren't this much of a change in my life. And I don't know how to get back to being a whole person again. The things that interest me, I cannot do, at least not for the next 5 years or so, until we're done here and head back out west. My hobbies we have no room for, no means of engaging in at all. Going out 4x4 through the mountains, camping, hiking in the mountains, project cars... All gone and can't have them.

I can't talk about it to anyone, I don't know a soul here. And, I really have little to no time to get to know anyone. And being an introvert doesn't help, either. My wife is swamped with school and eventually, a few days of work a month, I really need to hold up and hold it together for her.

Anyone have suggestions or advice? I don't even know what this is called or what I should be feeling or doing.

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I got rejected

I met a guy through a social group in March and we got on really well but the night ended badly as he kept putting his arm around me and kept trying to kiss my cheek so I called him a womaniser. When I saw the guy out with friends 2 weeks later I apologised as I had felt bad about it for weeks. I realised his 'technique' is because he hasn't had a girlfriend and mutual friends have confirmed he is shy.

Since then he will travel 40 miles away for events and he always approached me and none of the other girls. He is shy and would watch me from afar. He would check the group multiple times each day for that week he was coming to an event. If my name was not down he would not come.

I told him last night I liked him and he said he fancies me and is still attracted to me still but he says he lost interest. I asked when he lost interest, he said he cannot remember. I didn't realise people stopped liking someone. He says we have nothing in common which I know is a lie. I said he doesn't know me well and why don't we hang out which he said he doesn't hang out with people he fancies. I didn't get this, if there is a spark wouldn't this be important. Then he threw it back in my face saying he showed me interest the first night and I called him a womaniser and that he isn't one and he wants a relationship.

He said he is looking for someone he has everything in common with - I don't know if that exists. I just feel so heartbroken at the moment I put my heart on the line and got these mixed signals.

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Walking Like a Duck

ObamaCare data for "law enforcement"... here we go!

Obamacare Marketplace: Personal Data Can Be Used For ‘Law Enforcement and Audit Activities’ | The Weekly Standard

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Retroactive Jealousy?! I have that!

I saw a post by samyeagar in another thread but didn't want to jack the thread. He used the term retroactive jealousy, which I found to be the perfect description of what I feel.

So, my current girlfriend is 34, I'm 38. She's been married twice. Her first husband was physically abusive, the second was controling and a serial cheater. I've been married once. I know I'm too old for this jealousy crap, but I can't stop it.

I'd like to know how to get over this or at least manage it.

I'll give some examples of things that will put me in a funk.

Being a glutton for punishment, I went deep into her facebook history. Of course there were old status updates about and pictures of her ex husband. It really bothered me that she kept these. We talked about it and she said she had forgoten they were even on there. She deleted the pictures. I don't know if she has or even if you can delete a status, so I just haven't looked that far back again.

2 weeks ago I did it again but this time it was not as far back and it was just statuses and a video of the last guy she dated before me. I deactivated my FB account to help eliminate the temptation to do it again. She knew something was bothering me, so we talked about it a little bit. She reasured me that she's right where she wants to be and I am who she wants to be with.

There's a hundred little things that are like needles, they don't sting so much but they don't help the situation. Things like her saying "when we lived in _______" or "I used to drive a ______ and the mileage sucked" She doesn't mention the ex when she says these things, but I know that's the time period these things would have taken place.

Last weekend she mentioned that with her second husband she had looked into getting her tubal reversed. Man did that hit me hard. It felt like someone took a butcher knife, put it in a freezer for a week and promptly stabbed me in the gut. I mean, here's a guy that she loved so much she would consider surgery to give him a baby? A guy who was cheating on her! I almost left that night. It hurt THAT bad.

I know this is going to destroy our relationship if I don't get a handle on it. Even if it doesn't drive me away, she will end up losing respect for me because it's just screaming insecure at her. I've felt this in all serious relationships before and it did eventually stop. The problem is that, from what I remember, I had to shut down emotionally a bit to stop feeling jealous. I DON'T want to do that this time.

So what can I do? What can I read? How do I stop myself from dwelling on things I know not too?

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Wish me luck at marriage counseling in 2 days

Would love to hear others' experience or even just a heads up of how it might go.

Background-- married 7 1/2 years, two kids under age 6, nearly sexless (to me, she doesnt think it is a big deal), she is a great person and I love her but I want to get 'it' back...now.

Basically feel like we have not been connected the last few years and this has likely led to less and less sex-- which is a big deal to me and I have told her.

She thinks we have normal stressors and dealing with regular stuff everyone goes through though she is willing to go to counselor.

My thing is, even if it is normal, I want to have a HAPPY, rather than too often miserable, marriage. Maybe this will be a relationship builder for us?

Would love to know your thoughts or experiences-- really curious to see HOW the MC leads the session, where she guides the discussion, etc.

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why cant i talk to ANYONE sober?

im a really really quiet person and i dont know why when i have been drinking i can talk and socialise with people and i can think of things to say in conversation
but when im sober i cant
like yesterday i said hello to my classmates and before i went to say it i thought it would come out as a normal "hello" but instead it came out really quiet and sad sounding , like there was some weird filter between my head and my mouth
i notice that the way i act and talk isnt like how i mean to and observing me in social situations i seem like someone else
when people talk to me i talk in a quiet voice and litereally cant think of anything to say and i just look at them , it really frustrates me beucase i literaly cant think how to talk to people and come across as really shy and i dont even know why and then i feel really awkward
, every one tells me im quiet and some people think im weird

the only time im diferent is when iv been drinking and then im normal and talkative like everyone else

what should i do ? its like there is something wrong with me and alcohol cures it but i cant go round drunk ALL the time ! i need to be able to speak to people sober

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How'd you meet your other half?:)

Not sure if a thread like this has been made but I just want to brighten up the Relationships section! To show its not all doom and gloom!

So how did you meet your boyfriend/girlfriend? Id share my story too but its not really romantic nor interesting!:P

Posted from TSR Mobile

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Relationship with flatmate

I moved into a new flat over the summer and started to fancy a guy who I have been friends with for a few years that was just renting out a room for the summer. He has graduated and planned to move home after the summer. I had to go home for a few months and said he could stay a bit longer in my room. I've missed him the whole time I've been gone and we texted while I was away. When I went back for a weekend he told me he had liked me over the summer and we kissed. We also went out for drinks together. We haven't told the rest of the flat about any of this. I've gone back home again and he has said he's going to look for a flat so he can stay on in the same city but I dont know how to feel about all of this because he may be gone when i get back. I should be happy, its worked out exactly as I wanted but it's weird starting out with someone you've been living with. Any advice?

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Arab girls and Somali guys

Is this the new trend in town? :D

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In love with he wrong person!!

Hi, I would appreciate any advice right now.
I've just split up with my boyfriend who I had been seeing for a year because he started getting violent and had hit me as he made nasty comments and involved his best girl friend and then stuck up for her and not me when he caused trouble. Yet after all of this I keep going back to him and falling for his stories, I just don't know how to break the cycle! I know it sounds stupid but he meant so much to me because I don't really talk to my family and have many close friends.

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signs a woman is a lesbian

There is this girl who was at uni who always hangs around with other girls and often has a best friend that she is quite affectionate with and spend a lot of time with. She had a boyfriend but it sounds weird didn't seem to spend that much time with and didn't seem necessarily to be that interested in. Also she went on holiday with her best friend and never seems that interested in boys or talks about them. She is now 27 and I kind of wonder maybe if she is a lesbian I am not trying to be nasty because I don't consider it a negative thing I just wondered if anyone thinks you can necessarily tell as it is more of an incling even though I said she had a boyfriend.

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Husband, the most wonderful

I am posting this here hoping that I would get some opinion from you. Let me give you some bg.

My husband and I are married for almost 3 years now. He brings all the money in the house even if I work earning some pennies. I would put it that way because he doesn't want me paying any of our bills instead just put it in my wallet or spend in my personal needs. When I went to college my brother has helped me until I graduated and now I am giving back a little while he goes back to college. So it's like that's where my "little pennies" goes. We have talked about this before I entered our marriage. This was never issue at all.

My husband makes around $160,000 a year plus bonus. But we do not have any savings in the bank except from his 401k and that's it. We have debts in our credit cards (me as authorized user) that's totalled $25,000. Some of it was his debt before we got married from vacations we had that I didn't know were all put into his credit card. And that's fine.
We live in a decent community (surrounded by million dollar houses) owned a condo unit and I am now 3 months pregnant and had stopped working for health reasons and will just continue making sure our first baby is healthy as per agreement.
We have $3000 monthly mortgage and all other bills would total another $1500. Every once in a while we would help my family around $50 to $100 a month and we also pay his father's monthly utilities. No issues.
Here's the issue. My husband has been taking out money from his retirement with my consent of course for some valid reason that I approved but...We have the money back $5000 that even if we put back to the retirement we will still be taxed at the end of the year so my husband just want to keep the money at bank and so I told him to never use it because I am sure we will owe tax money at the end of the year. But that did not happen.
He told me that he only has $3000 left in the bank, after a month.
I was asking him where did WE put the money but he would tell me about debts that we have all put in credit cards before and not paid cash. So i thought it wasnt' valid. I do not have access to any of his bank accounts except from some credit cards.
I was not a spender. I am happy with a $10 tshirt. If I own something that cost more than a $75, that's his purchase for me. I do my own nails. I do not go to spa or salon as a routine unless I need a haircut. My point is he had to push me of buying something that is $60 or more. If I buy something, I use my debit from savings from my past job. I don't remember we ever buy something expensive or if we did, it's in the credit card.
We have a nice lifestyle, of going to the GROCERY not being too conservative about the price. Two of us in the house and we would prolly spent $1000 for grocery plus his 3 bottle of wine a week. We would drive around without being too cautious about gas, but we didn't went to any trip for months now.

I don't know if these make any sense, but I am concerned about NOT having any savings in the bank except 401k of course. he would always tell me that we are doing good (he could manage our finances-meaning pay) but I feel like we literally live in debt coz our credit card debt still goes on high. Knowing some of our friends who makes barely $60,000 a year could afford going on vacations with 2 KIDS, owned a house (different area in Cali) so this kinda freaked me out.

How can I convince my husband to literally be more conservative in spending? I know, who ever makes money has something to say about it. but I am just worried about our future specially us having kids. He is almost 50 and have been single all his life and I kind of get it that it probably takes time to realize the lifestyle change but he doesn't buy much of pricey clothing.
You think the $30-$40 wine three to four times a week has something to do with this, and when he doesn't like the taste put into trash after just a pour and buy another one? :p (he will hate me for this)
Is my $4 french fries from a food chain once a week ruin our budget? :smthumbup:

I am not whining, seriously. I have the most wonderful husband and we are in a happy marriage. This spending is just really bothering me.
Even if I spend $100 or more, he won't say anything. But I was born without money and he is the same but we have different views in spending. He loves his "What if I die tomorrow?" and I would answer back, "Well, I'll be left with all of our debt alone."

We don't party. Husband is home and work. It's hard for me to confront because he never wanted to fight about money. Or I get irritated when he would laugh coz he think I am over reacting.

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The Double Standard

I am noticing a common theme in this forum. Maybe it is just my perception, but here goes it:

When a man has a wife not interested in sex the responses are:
- she doesn't care about your needs and must be selfish (bait & switch, etc.)
- she should understand you are hard wired to want sex (marriage is a sexual contract, etc.)
- if she doesn't give it up she should not be surprised when you stray.
- you can't change her desire but if you do A, B, and C and the stars align properly you will get laid. Tons of advice on how to get her to give it up.


When a woman has a husband not interested in sex:
- It's who he is and you shouldn't try to change him
- he must be getting it somewhere else


Do you see my point? For the record I am a woman with a husband who is not meeting my needs.

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Need help! Wife likes to flirt to much???

Okay I need help on this one. I just found out that my wife has been flirting with a guy by the name of Richard at her job. Richard has a girl friend and my wife is of course married to me. They now each others status in relationships and now Richard has asked her if she wants to "HANG OUT" sometime. This was a couple months ago. Now I just found out again that a few days ago my wife was flirting with a guy named Mathew at work with what she explains as a way to pass the time. Now this guy Mathew has asked her if she wants to HANGOUT and she said maybe but she has to get to know him better since they have just been talking a few days ago flirting back in forth at work. She also told him that she dosent like to get with people at work because it creates drama. Mathew said thats okay I can keep things quiet. What do you guys think?? What should I do??? This flirting things is getting out of hand. She flirts with guys on facebook and on her phone which by the way she keeps very secretive. I cant even get on her phone because her phone has a password. I think the password is only to keep me out of her phone. Im not sure what to do??? Is this considered cheating?? I have no proof of any physical encounters yet.

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via Personal Recipe 2629979

Worried about husband during seperation

Where to begin...I've been with my husband for a total of 23 years and married for 14 of those. It's never been a great relationship. My husband is emotionally and verbally abusive but of course he doesn't recognize any of that. I've never felt secure in our relationship. He's always seemed to play on my insecurities. Now, after many years, I know it's because of his own insecurities. He has been physical at times. Not a lot but still any physical abuse it too much.
We've both always worked. I've worked for him all these years plus held an outside job of my own. I've played a very big role in his business and when business was bad I'd get blamed for things even though it was never my fault that things were not going right. Just part of running a business. We have two children, ages 12 and 8. Things were great financially for a long time but with the economy the last 5 years, it's all been downhill. I lost my job and his business came to a brutal halt.
I've been unhappy for years, even before the birth of our second child. I remember crying myself to sleep night after night because I felt unloved and unappreciated. He was they type of man who expected me to iron his clothes, fix his plate, make his drink, etc...all while carrying on a full time job and work for him and do everything for the kids. I got little to no help from him when it came to household chores and taking care of kids. A few years ago things took a turn for the worse. He hit me in the face in front of the kids one night. He had been drinking and arguing with a friend. He always seems to argue with people. He took it out on me. That night, I lost anything I had left. I didn't want to split up our family so I went looking for some outside affection. I ended up having a short fling with my son's baseball coach. Not proud of that one. Husband found out I had something with someone. Didn't know who and didn't know how far it went. Things got wor se. We were on vacation and we had a horrible fight, again in front of the kids. I hit first. I was so frustrated at the whole thing. I'd never hit him ever before but I did and he struck back only harder and more. Broke my nose and had to spend the rest of the trip hiding two black eyes and a broken nose from our friends we were with. After we got back I told him I wanted out but he convinced me that we needed to stay until we could work out our financial problems and cleans things up for the boys. I agreed but I ended up having an emotional affair with someone for two months. My husband found out and ran the guy off and we entered into therapy. Then our problems became all about my two emotional affairs. He would take no responsibility for any of our problems. Even though I took full credit for my wrong doings. We would only argue at therapy and the therapist said he would only see us separately because we got nowhere together. I stayed in therapy for 8 month s while my husband went to 3 sessions before dropping out. He would say he was working on what they've already discussed. This summer I told him I was moving out of state to live with my parents. We put the house up for sell and the kids and I moved in with my parents while my husband as stayed back. That was the middle of August. My husband is living with a friend because he can't afford to live anywhere. I'm living with my parents until I can find a job and support me and the boys. My husbands keeps saying he wants to make this work and I don't. I'm so emotionally broken by this man I can't stand to be around him. He's come to town three times to visit the boys, usually staying with his sister. This past weekend he came in and stayed here with us. I agreed to let him and it was horrible. I can't stand to be around him and I hate that. He's broken. He has no where to go, no money to support himself and I know he hates being around the kids. I just want to fi le and move on but I'm worried about him and what he will do.
I don't even know if any of this makes sense. I'm just trying to clear my head and I don't know what to do. Do I make my kids and my husband suffer because I don't love him or do I suck it up and forget about my happiness so they all can be happy. And not to say my kids would be happy with us all together because all we do is fight when we're together.
I just want to be with someone who loves me and doesn't try to diminish my self worth and tell me all I do wrong. He says I'm holding onto the past and can't forgive him but I know he hasn't changed. He doesn't even see that he needs to change.

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via Personal Recipe 2629979