So how would this sound to you?

I'm trying to understand why I am SO stuck. I have been married for 14 years. We have 2 kids under 8.
I have basically told myself for the past 6 years that my DH is no good and is not the man for me.
We got married very, very young.
But, for some reason, I just can't seem to leave.
I recently started therapy (again) but this time we are working on codependence.
My DH went to therapy when I forced him a few years ago, but hasn't been back since.
Here's where we are at.
I have no physical intimacy with him.
Our relationship is pretty much consumed with him texting me all day complaining about something.
He works (part time) from home. I work nights.
He is always upset about something.
In my recent therapy, I have learned that my DH crosses boundaries a lot and is emotionally abusive when he's got his back up against the wall.
Life is non drama filled if I just keep my mouth shut and just co-habitate. He will be negative and toxic with his text messages
and angry talk radio and I just ignore it.
He has absolutely no plan for how we are going to survive financially. Doesn't want to see a financial planner.
We are broke. He keeps looking to me to make the money and build a side business to give us these big things like a house, pay off our bills, and cars.
We don't have anything but bills. We even lease our house.
The pressure is pretty much on me.

He used to say things to our kids like "when mommy gets that big promotion, we will get that big house on the hill" etc. He has since curbed that language since I told him it was NOT okay. But, the other day I saw on my son's homework, he listed my DH as the parent. Didn't list me. It broke my heart and it's because I work SO much. But, leaving wouldn't change that, it would only make my financial situation worse.

Starting a few years back, I told him that we needed to go to counseling for s*x issues.
He knew I wanted it ..but he said that he was ashamed that he couldn't last very long.
So, he just avoided it.
He would "try" for a few weeks and then we'd fall back to the same trap.
Now, it never happens. I don't initiate and neither does he.

And part of me doesn't want to try because I feel like I will feel close to him again and I want to avoid that.
He's just an angry person, quite often.
And I am often walking around without a wedding ring on (he used the money from mine to pay bills)
I want to cheat. And if I told him..he would try to whip himself back into "trying mode"...and that is just consistently an act. I've seen it too many times to believe it is for real.
I want to believe that he loves me. I think he does in his own way. But, damn if I don't just feel alone.

Not sure what to do. Part of me wishes he would just leave me. It would be easier on me...I think.

I think the better question is WHY can't I get the motivation to leave...

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3 Months Known & Still Not Good

Hi,
I discovered my WW affairs 3 months ago. I am distressed that I am still in such a bad way. I can't focus on work, I work for myself so this could be a big problem), all I do is go to coffee shops and cruise sites like this obsessively. I hate it when my ww is happy. It's like I take it that she is being ****y and waving her attitude in my face. We are supposed to go on a vacation in 2 weeks and after I come back I am seriously going to think of a divorce. I have not yet because I was in such a bad way and am finally at a point where my skin is not crawling and I can at least sleep for 4 or 5 hours straight. Others have told me not to rush to a decision while I was hurting so much and wait, there was no rush. Good days are just bad with constant bad thoughts and movies and the bad days are when I break down.
Even if I felt like a got a sufficient remorseful response I am not sure I would be able to deal with it.
Stats:
me 57
WW 52
Married & together 13 years
WW affairs that I know about in last year
2 I am sure about, 1 90% sure.
She confessed to the last one but lies to me about others
She is acting like a great wife at the moment

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''Everybody's changing...''

• Thread Starter

''Everybody's changing...''

• 8 minutes ago 8m ago

As the title suggests (and to quote Keane), all my friends--most of whom have moved to uni--have changed and I feel like they've left me behind in the sense that I am pretty much the same.

For example, one of my closest friends has lost her virginity and regularly hooks up with guys, which is good as she has become more confident but I remember us both feeling anxious to have sex, and I still am. In general terms, all my friends are having a lot of sex and I haven't even come close to, I feel left out lol...like I'm too frigid or something.

So essentially, they all seem to be having a lot more fun at university, I am happy for them of course, but when we meet to exchange our experiences, I feel like I am really boring and I'm not making the most of my university experience. I know that deep down I am a very sociable person but I'm far too nervous to approach people and lose my inhibitions.

Has anyone felt the same, and if so, how did you overcome this shyness that impedes your ability to have fun?

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During the fight.

Do you ladies ever feel during the fight that you will never be able to love him as much as you did before? Then air cools off and you are back feeling the love for him and you promise yourself that you will from now on prevent that kind of fights from happening. That of course isn't happening, couple of months later there we are fighting again.

Is it possible to stop it- turn the corner so to speak and find harmony OR we will just keep fighting till we have enough and split up.

Question, how often do you fight, I mean, big fight, neighbors can hear kind of fight? (my H has some Scotch Irish in him) I am from north and never raise my voice.

Are we just not compatible or everyone fights now and then?

How often in fights does break-up cross your mind? Right after the last fight the D word actually came up.

How often do you mention the D word if ever. I once read that it is wrong to mention it if you are not serious. I considered to get my seasonal job back where I would have my own housing and I would see him once every other week. I thought that he would realize that he needs me and misses me. I know, that is totally childish way of thinking.

He has said that he is not going to change and that I have to make up my mind once and for all. Have you ever been in a relationship where one party thinks he or she has no blame in conflicts?

Basically I asked him if he had some regrets how that fight went down and he said - no regrets. I had some and there were plenty to be regretful on his part, the yelling for instance.

I don't know, I thought this is going to be a small thread with couple of questions, sorry, I can't sum it up really short.

When enough is enough? How can you see it if you keep lying to yourself.

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Does he want me?

Been married long time. Lots of sex issues over the years. He got into porn and started therapy (my suggestion) to stop that.
Ever since... It hasn't been the same.

About 3 separate times I told him we needed therapy. Because we weren't having sex and when we did he would just want me to give him a hand job. When we got into therapy he said that I was so stressed out and he didn't want to be a burden.
I said well I have obviously been wanting it since I'm dragging is to therapy over it.

Now we are at same place again. No sex. Maybe once in 4 months ? He no longer initiates. Recently I started IC again and I've noticed he tries to rub my feet etc now that he knows ...

My question: if my husband really wanted me.... Would he initiate? Would he ask what's up?

I don't know If this is salvageable. What do u think?
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Sex whilst snooping Q ?

When you were at the suspicion/snooping stage, how did u feel about continuing to have sex with your husband or wife?

Did you stop? Why/why not (your reasoning)

Did you feel guilty for stopping the sex?

Or did you make yourself carry on being sexual as usual on the premise that someone is innocent until proven guilty?

If you continued to have sex, did you do certain sex acts and not others? What and why? How was your enjoyment or satisfaction different compared to when you had no suspicions of infedelity?

If you were ultimately never able to get any hard evidence of an affair, did you have any regrets about the sex/stopping of sex?

Thanks for your thoughts.

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Pic Of Another Woman on His Phone

Damm*t......I had it all under control until that moment

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For the detail oriented....

...would you watch video footage of your spouse with the affair partner? Obviously some people dont want to know anything at all and they would say no. Some people like me want to know every last little thing about what happened. I think I probably would watch it.

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SAHP divorce success stories

Hi all. I am seriously considering divorce and have been doing all the reading up and research on the topic. We've been married 22 years and have three children between the ages of 11 and 18. Our 18 year old is still in H.S. so is still living at home and will most likely not be leaving for several years to come. Which is fine with both H and myself.

I'm just not happy for several various reasons and have finally faced the fact that I just plain and simply can't tolerate my spouses personality. I think he'd be happier in the long run as well if we split up.

As far as I'm concerned there shouldn't be to much trouble deciding custody (50/50) and asset division. We have no debts other than our mortgage. There might be some squabbling over who gets the house, it's a small mortgage compared to rent on apartments.

The one thing that's stopping me is my horrible job prospects. As a SAHM I did work some, just not enough to really cement myself experience wise in any particular industry. I delivered newspapers, worked at a small retail shop, and am now in a delivery job. All minimum wage part time jobs with no advancement opportunities.

I literally have no marketable job skills. I'm over 40, I think that is going to be a roadblock. We live in a state that does not have alimony but something else called maintenance, and from what I'm reading this maintenance is only awarded in limited circumstances. So plans to go back to school for training may be unfeasible for me with out that financial assistance maintenance would provide. BTW Hubs made just under 100K this past year while I made just over 5K.

I need some encouragement folks. I know this can be done. Many SAHP's have gone before me to divorce and build a life for themselves and their children right? I guess my fear is I don't want my kids to suffer and I don't want to live in a constant state of worry about finances. I know things will be rough at times, it seems that's just the realty of it all, but I fear I will fail. I can't bear the thought of failing at this. I personally know of one SAHM who is now living in a shelter and never sees her kids because things have not gone well for her after divorce. I cannot tolerate the thought of losing my kids. This has me frozen in my tracks.

To all of you who have walked down this road, what did you do? How did you do it? Is there anything you would change knowing what you know now? I need to know there are successful people out there who've been there and done that.

I haven't talked to an attorney yet, I'm taking my time as I research this on my own first. But if anyone in the state of IN in particular has any words of either advise or caution I'd love you forever!:)

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When to Leave a "Good Man"

Hello all,
I'm new and realize it's kind of rude to just start off by asking for advice, but I'm desperate so I hope you'll forgive me.

As my username hints I'm a 43 y/o woman, married just over ten years together for 13. We raised my daughter from a previous relationship together though she is grown and gone from home now.

My DH is a 'good man.' He doesn't drink, doesn't hurt me, he's reliable in terms of sticking to a daily routine & helping with chores. He lost his job 6 months ago after doing some job hopping for a few years before that. He was looking for a change, seemed to be restless, and I think that's when our troubles really started.

Right now he works on contracts he can scrounge up and we both work from home. It's a lot of time to be together and I told him ages ago that alone time is very important to me, so perhaps that is adding to the tension.

At this point there is just no common ground / passion between us and we seem to be heading nowhere - he has ZERO ambition. I ask him what his ideal life would look like, or just an ideal DAY, but he literally has no answer. None at all. I have begged him to understand that I can no longer just do work, eat supper and watch t.v. every single day. I can't do it any more!
He always says he hears me and feels ashamed that that's all we do but nothing changes. I try and come up with things to do but even though he will be there in physical form he has no joy in anything. It's like lugging around a 200 lb hunk of clay with me.

No sex life whatsoever. I've brought this up in every way possible and nothing changes. Our best days are when he's feeling slightly silly and he'll make up funny songs while we're doing dishes and that sort of thing. That's about as fun as it gets around here and it's been like this for honestly 5 or 6 years.

I've done everything I can do to bring back his sense of joy, but without any communication / info directly from him it's just blind guessing on my part. I've gotten us out of our labour intensive home (repairs/yard work) and into a condo so that he'd have more free time but that hasn't helped, in fact it just makes me sad not to have a yard, etc. the worst part is that I used to be able to take care of those things but I've got a back injury and it's tough for me to do anything physical. Then he tells me he misses having more space for us outdoors and he'd 'love to give that to me again' but I know he would resent the work so what is the point?

I try and take care of all the bills, organizing, calling repair people, insurance companies, banks, family stuff so that he doesn't have to think about it. I am on the verge of having to do his taxes for him because I can't even motivate him to do that this year. (because he is self employed now I think it scares him but still it HAS to be done)

I have asked him if he's depressed. I have asked him if he'll talk to someone. All denied.

This is all over the place I know but I literally don't get ANY privacy anymore so I am rushing. Now that we live in this condo and my own office is in the dining room area I'm kind of always under his eyes. And he never ever ever ever goes out. No friends, no interests, barely will go pick up milk if we need it unless he's feeling super motivated that day.

any thoughts? I'm thinking of going back to school for something that pays a little better than I make and getting a tiny apartment for myself. I just want to be free and not feel like I'm trapped in this go-nowhere depressing world with someone who doesn't even touch me anymore and can't be bothered to even be honest with me.

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BB after 2 days?

We're pretty active sexually. Usually average 10-15 times per month. But we have gone up to 5 days between once or twice.

When she started her period last we had just had sex 2 days prior. The day she started I got a pretty bad case of blue ball, which she graciously relieved. Then 2 days later again with the blue ball. We had sex that night because the only thing a period stops is a sentence. :D Then it was 4 days until we had sex again and I though I was going to die from the pain. It didn't hit until the 4th day and by the time I got off work it was very painful.

My question is this. It's pretty normal for me to start getting sore after 3 or 4 days, but 2 days? I was wondering if maybe it was pheremones or scent or something related to her period that caused increased production?

Any ideas?

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Why am I attracted to everyone?

• Thread Starter

Why am I attracted to everyone?

• 25 minutes ago 25m ago

I made a thread about me being attracted to a black girl but I find my sexual preferences extend further. I now find myself attracted to every kind of woman in existence. I'm especially attracted to Asian women and more recently Muslim women. The ways these girls dress in their hijab attracts me. A lot of people are jealous because they wish they could wear a Hijab too, especially on bad hair days. Not looking your best? Then throw on a Hijab and forget about it. Or maybe it's because their attire acts as an impenetrable wall and they want men to try to penetrate their defences. I am the impenetrable force and what happens when both forces meet?!? I would like to have a Muslim girlfriend and have her walk around the city with me. I feel like this would draw a lot of attention that I crave for some reason. I like seeing extreme opposites put together because I find this for some reason, quite thrilling. I also would like children of every race and have them walk ar ound with me too.

What should I Do?!

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AM I completey stupid?

• Thread Starter

AM I completey stupid?

• 40 minutes ago 40m ago

• So I was with someone for 3 , but the amount they put me through was unbelievable. They cheated on me , never payed me back any money , went as far as texting other girls in my bed. They were so manipulative that I thought that they really liked me but behind my back they were sleeping with other people. It got to a point where they dumped me for someone else, I spiralled into depression , took anti depressants , counselling , ... I'm okay now but I still have hurtful memories ... In a weird way I still want this person back. Is that strange ? Anyone been through this ? They came back into contact after ending their relationship with the other person...but disappeared again.
  
  

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Girlfriend not in the mood

• Thread Starter

Girlfriend not in the mood

• 1 Hour Ago 1 hour ago

I have been in a new relationship for about 4 months. When we first started going out, things moved with a decent pace and we both seemed happy with this, and she seemed to be in the mood whenever I was.

I have been home from uni for about a month and haven't seen a lot of her due to unforeseen circumstances, when a relative of hers passed away. But a little after this, one of the times we met up we spent intimate time together as we have done before. Since then she went abroad, came back, I didn't see alot of her. And during the time we have had together now, she isn't in the mood.

She has told me she isn't in the mood, has insecurities, wasn't prepared (because she is insecure) and turns me away from anything beyond kissing. Which I find kinda weird. It's like she has decided she doesn't want anything and therefore she won't let anything will happen. She has said it's nothing to do with me, that haven't done anything wrong. But from talking to her about this, it seems to be driven by insecurities, that she doesn't like her body (when I certainly do) . She tells me she doesn't understand it.

Probably because I am a guy, I don't understand how this has suddenly arisen. My best guess is that it is linked to exam/revision stress and her relative passing away unexpectedly about a month ago (not very close, but it has affected the dynamic at home).

I find it hard at the moment because I really like her, she is a great girl, but I am going back to uni for exams/revision of my own and won't see her much in the next 2 months. I wan't to make the most of the time I have left before exams. And I hope this is only temporary.

Does anyone have any insights, ideas, or just advice for how I can not let this bring me down like it does at the moment?

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I'm a white guy attracted to a black woman

• Thread Starter

I'm a white guy attracted to a black woman

• 1 Hour Ago 1 hour ago

I'm attracted to a very tall and modelesque black girl I see around a lot. We've spoken a couple of times and she's very quiet and shy. She doesn't have many friends, from what I can see. She is about the same height as me, both 6 feet tall. On one occasion, she smiled at me and asked me my name but she is too shy to engage in conversation as am I.

Obviously I'm not racist to have these feelings BUT other people are. My friend is also dating a black girl and when I went out with them, a lot of people stared, especially the bigoted Englander types and I felt uncomfortable for them.

She doesn't have facebook or anything, which I find very cute for some reason...

What shall I do?

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I'm being sexually harassed when I go out

• Thread Starter

I'm being sexually harassed when I go out

• 1 Hour Ago 1 hour ago

What do you think about men getting sexually harassed at nightclubs? Does it ever happen to you and how do you feel about it?

Often it is discussed how girls get harassed but not so often how it can happen to men too.

I'm muscly, have big biceps and I get random girls who come and squeeze them when I go out to nightclubs. I do tend to wear quite tight (but not overly) t-shirts/polo shirts but do not intentionally try and show off.

Sometimes girls also squeeze my bum.

What do you think about this? In nowadays society it's always seen as very bad when similar things happen to women.

Perhaps it's my own fault for wearing too tight clothes? If someone said to a girl "well your own fault for dressing up slutty" all the feminists would immediately start raging.

This is just my personal view based on my own feelings: If the girl is hot it's not sexual harrasment but if she is fat and unattractive it definitely feels like I'm being abused.

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Your thoughts on sexual/romantic "vibes"?

At the risk of sounding like a super spiro crackpot, I would like to know your thoughts on this...

Do you believe it's possible for a person to unintentionally send out sexual energy or thoughts, in general or towards a specific person?

Do you believe others can pick up on these vibes despite there being no sign of outward clues/flirting/vibey eye contact?

Do you believe others can be affected by these vibes? Eg, they have thoughts towards you or they reciprocate?

I know this seems crackpot but I do think it is possible.

Context in my marriage, well I am a married woman, I have not physically or otherwise flirted or given off signals to anyone in that way, but every now and then I have a day where I catch myself having inappropriate thoughts, or I feel more horny than usual for no apparent reason (hormones maybe?), and I don't know what it is or how exactly but I feel like certain men pick up on it because I notice they behave a bit differently towards me or I find they are looking me in the eye in that certain way. I am really careful in how I interact with men who I work with etc, and even though I have my unexplained days of inappropriate thoughts, I am no different towards them in my brhaviour. But I am wondering if they are picking up on a "vibe". Maybe it's spiritual, or maybe people are just good at discerning vibes/energy.

This has happened at church, at work, and recently with a man who is supposed to be a support group facilitator of a group i'm in. (I avoided the last group session because I felt uncomfortable with him).

Have you had similar experiences? If so, how do you deal with it? Do you feel guilty or responsible? Do you tell your spouse, and if so, did they freak out?
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Wondering if I love/loved her

OK this is not a rant, not a question, maybe a muse, something like that.

For the uninitiated, I am 2 years out from having the bomb dropped on me, 18 months separated (wonderfully co-parenting our 2 kids) and basically feeling quite fine.

I am in an interesting phase now. Granted I still have feelings for my WAW, I love her as a person and the mother of our children. I will even admit that I am still somewhat hung-up on her (i.e. have not let her go really in my heart of hearts).

Realizing this, I have decided (being the perfectionist that I am) that I want to understand this to the fullest. I want to know what these feelings of "love" are. Do I really love her and want her back? (not that it's an option), or is it just familiarity speaking, perhaps past shared, but was never really truly deep love? I say deep love because I have no doubt I loved her (as I have no doubt I love her still), but suspect perhaps I did not love her enough. Truly love her. See her fully. Soul mate type of love.

So again why is this important to me? Well, if I love her still and would like her back, but given that is not a possibility, at least I will know where I stand and deal with that. But if I do not love her in that way, and perhaps never did love her "enough", maybe that will make it easier to truly let go.

Anyway, this is what occupies my thoughts these days (well, not fully).

Other than that life is good :)

Peace

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Advice from men … what is happening in my marriage if I still have one

My husband is Spanish and has a taste for drama but this time he went too far…
We've been together 3 years and married 4. He moved to my country and while we had money and my business was going great we were ok. We were having some issues like any couple but we were happy. Or at least I thought we were.
Anyhow we are both young but I we had different life styles. He was not working for two years while he was on unemployment because as we are in EU he feared his unemployment would be cut short but also because he was learning the language.
I think he worked for 8 months. He did not adapt, had a work accident (a contusion on one leg) because of a colleague and this was very traumatic for him. He did want us to move to Spain because my business was going bad. So because his flat was let by that moment he went ahead and moved with his parents and got a job so he could make some money, rent a flat while I was supposed to liquidate some things, got accepted to an MBA and move to Spain.
I have to point out that his mother is weird and although she has a husband she needs her younger son for a sort of what I call a weird triangle. I mean she has her husband for the role of a husband but she wants my husband to be her confident, she wants him to drive her around, she wants and goes out with him and his friends.
He never wanted to get married before us so she is not such a big fan of me. I do not know what she did with her older son (because she has 3 boys) but they do not see each other for more than 15 years, and she does not know her grandsons. The other brother moved to another corner of Spain but here she saw her nieces so she does not expect or want her "baby boy" to have children etc.
He goes to Spain and everything is very much ok until two months ago when at his persistence because he was always asking me to send me money I said ok. And this is when everything started – we fight an entire month because he felt obliged to send me money but he didn't want to and then out of the blue 4 weeks ago he says that even if I came to Spain I should think of living with friends from MBA and I was thinking is all because of the dam money. A week after this he is furious and he wants a divorce, goes on that he does not love me anymore, does not want me and well I am shocked because I do not understand where this came from and I tend to not believe him. I am thinking this is another tantrum because he tends to act childish sometimes because of the upbringing. So I decide to tell him that I am ok with the divorce and everything and he pedaled back that maybe we are rushing etc. Then he has problems at work and on top of that the family that was renting the flat decides to live and he has to pay the mortgage and I am tired with the fights over money and I am told him that is ok if he does not want to help me.
On last Wednesday he calls me out of the blue and he is normal for the first 10 minutes telling me that his flat is OK, the tenants left it in good conditions, that we could live there and after 10 minutes he starts we the fact that he cares about me but he does not want to be with me (something very twisted) and starts to tell me all the bad things that you can imagine, that after we get divorced he will never marry again, that he does not wants another woman because I supposedly our marriage was so bad, that he will not regret me for pushing me away and I do not understand why is he calling me if I am so bad, selfish and you name it. He does not know why he is calling me, he wants us to be friends and I am really messed up.
I do not understand him. He told me all those things three times already. I got that he is serious but I never got through something like this and I am hurt and scared and I do not know how to handle this situation. He does not care about my feelings he just wants to hurt me. I can't deal with the drama. I placed all my effort in getting to a top ten school in Spain and now that everything is closer and I can't undo anything I've done.
However I need to go on with my life and I do not know how to start. I mean emotionally I am a wreck and last two months have been an emotional turmoil with all the fights after last week is finally sinking in that everything about the divorce is real and I feel abandoned and just used. Again I do not know how to get through this and what I am supposed to do in order to go on with my life.
:(

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wife having EA and wants ONS...Help

Hello all, I'm new to this forum, my first time doing this. so bear with the newbie. sorry for the lost rants, I'm loosing my mind.

My Wife (26yr) and I (34yr) have been together for 6 yrs. married for 3. We have 2 beautiful kids, son is 4, daughter is 2.
I only work, she stays home with children. I recently discovered my Wife having an EA about 3 weeks ago, that has been going on for 11 months, ( I'm Devastated). Luckily this douche-bag lives in another state, so I know no PA has happened.yet. I initially was very hurt, depressed, betrayed, all that. I have not left my home, Family is very important to me, I love her with everything and want to make this work. I don't want to give up.
I've done some research as to WHY? I wasn't aware of "EA's", as I started reading into this topic, yes this situation falls into exactly what created her to reach out to someone. She has told me that she is not in love with me anymore and hasn't been for 2 yrs. but still loves me? ya
It's been a difficult time financially since we had our first born, she quit work to stay home with the baby, so we struggled a bit financially. Other than that things were good, I realize that now. I say this because I now know that I wasn't there for her emotionally these past 2 years. I kinda got lost in the everyday struggle to make ends meet. Thinking that as long as I can support the family and be faithful to her, that, that was enough for her to struggle with me, stand by me and eventually things would get better. I WAS F'EN WRONG. I see that now, long story short, we disconnected because I didn't keep "flowering the love plant" just was worried about making ends meet.
We separated when my son was 1.5yr, she then told me she was not in love, but I persisted on keeping the family together,that i would change my ways, so she moved back in 3 weeks later. That's when she got prego with my daughter. But since her moving back in, I NEVER CHANGED, which eventually led her to reach out to this douch-bag via ps3 gaming, ya pathetic.
Now I learned that they have communicated for 11 months and text now everyday almost all day. They call each other while I'm at work.
When i confronted her, she lied at first then admitted to this EA. But she tells me she wants to have fun before commiting the rest of her life to me. She wants me to let her have a ONS out of state with this guy and she wants to come back to me, and "fall back in love"?
We try to communicate about this issue, we talk about this guy. She admits that there is no future with this guy, NO JOB, sell drugs, living with wife and kid, (which they live an open marriage relationship) and has another kid with another woman, Just bad news. She claims it's a physical attraction and that's it. she says she never experienced life like i had, ( I was a single bachelor all my 20's), so she wants to **** this guy and end all communication with him, come back to me to work on us for rest of our lives. WTF?
i can't do it, but I'm willing to do whatever for my kids, they are young, I know they will be fine, but not the same.
I'm scared, lost....................any and all comments appreciated

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