Sadfully, back again.

I came on here tonight completely and 100% adamant about my situation with my wife. I felt confident and sure.:grin2:

I look into the top right corner and it shows my log in information stored and ready to be logged in at my will. I have been to this site before, it wasn't just a random Google search tonight like I had originally thought.

I'm a 27 year old airline pilot. I have two children. I have been with the same person for 14 years, married for 5 of those years. One year ago. I found out she had been cheating on me for approximately 18 months or so, even getting pregnant by this...person(ended in a mc). She packed up the kids one day when I was on a trip and moved to the other side of the state in with her parents to get away from the entire situation(meaning the guy).

We moved in together and have been "working it out" for the last year. About 2 months ago she decides she wants the divorce again.

She moves into an apartment and I stay in the house. In the mean time, while we are still married but I guess "separated," she does ORAL ONLY:confused:....with one of our mutual friends. She then goes to the female mutual friend and tells her I'm secretly gay that's why shes leaving me(IE to ensure I couldn't do the same as her). She claims the affair was my fault because I'm more feminine than most. I'm not gay but I am very clean, in shape, stylish, and always get along with women better than men. She takes this as must being gay but I have always just been myself....? I can't sit here and accept that those things caused an affair.

So time goes by, and now she wants me back. Yes we hooked up a couple times and when we spend time together, it's like we are young and problem free again but in the back of my mind is all this.

Our families despise our relationship because of all the drama. I finally am forming relationships again with my father, aunts, uncles, and some of her family members I was close to.

I practice Buddhism, so peacefulness is very much a priority in my life. I don't do drama or chaos.

I know what people will say, get a D and move on. Please understand with two kids its not that easy. Also, I DO genuinely love her but how much weight does that carry in the big scheme of things?


Edit> She does have bipolar disorder.

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I think separation is the next step.

H and I have been together for 5 years, married for almost 4 years. A few mnths before we got married, I found a huge porn stash along with nude pictures of past lovers/girlfriends. I confronted him about it and he promised to delete everything and that it wouldn't happen again. (Back story, my first marriage ended partly because of porn addition) well, this has happened 4 times now. When I found another stash a year ago, I told him that if it happened again, I would leave. Three weeks ago I found another stash along wih pictues he pulled of Facebook of MY friends. We talked nd he said he felt like it was an addiction and that he needed to seek help.
Three weeks in and he hadn't contacted anyone or done anything to make a change. Yesterday I found out that he is still looking at fb pics o my friends and then masterbaiting. Our kids and myself stayed with my parents latnight and he is acting like it is nothing, like I am just gonna get ver it and he will get to keep doing what he wants. I feel like this s it, I'm done. But should I keep trying for our kids sake? They are 3 and 1. I need advice!

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Feeling Overwhelmed and Like my Marriage is Failing...

My husband and I have been married for 6 years now. We have both had our share of mess ups in our marriage. For the past couple months he has bean hateful and just mean at times to me. I know I have my own faults but I have tried to talk to him and as soon as I say something he doesnt like its time for me to hush and he walks away. It comes off as he wants me to beg for him to show me any kind of love or affection. I am at a loss and just need someone to talk to. Thanks

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Antique Restoration Project...

Awhile ago, my wife inherited some antique furniture from her grandparents. They had a house in Puerto Rico (San German) and the house is registered with the Historical Society as it is like well over 100 years old. The shippers, jerks as they are damaged this gorgeous guarda comida that I will be restoring. This particular piece is over 150 years old and has been handed down over generations...







[IMGhttp://i57.tinypic.com/9g8p03.jpg[/IMG]

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Taking my relationship further, committing, and telling parents about relationship

Hi guys, i'm needing advice on what I should be doing in regards to my current relationship. And hopefully, typing it out and telling people would help in clearing my thoughts and figuring out what to do.

I've been seeing this guy (let's name him F), for around 5 months now. We had been friends for over a year over the internet (we knew each other through a mutual friend that we both know in real life. we just started talking because we both play games), and we never really thought about getting together during our friendship. I went through a hurtful break up earlier this year, and F supported me during the healing process, and that's how we got closer. We eventually realized that we like each other and started dating.

After going through a few not so pleasant experience with relationships: falling in love hard and giving too much and receiving too little, I am extremely cautious of getting too close to people. My mom also tells me to focus on uni and stop dating too much/ investing in relationships that would end. (but i mean, who the hell would know the outcome when you first get into a relationship).

It took me a long time to get with F because I always doubt my feelings and my judgement, since all of my previous relationships failed, and I'm often at a loss of why certain things happened the way they did. But F was an incredible friend who was really there and listened, I couldn't be any grateful for him. And as a boyfriend, he's a really dependable guy, and I really really do love him. But this is really different from other relationships that I have. Physically speaking, he isn't really my type (past relationships that I had were sort of based on chemistry and physical attraction), and he also won't be going to university (he hates school), which is not exactly on my "ideals of future bf/husband" list when I wrote as a teenager.

And for those above reasons, I'm not 100% sure of how this relationship is going to go. I grew up in upper middle class, and his family is quite poor when he was a kid. Our bring up is completely different. But I feel that sometimes I think like an elitist (with him not wanting to go to school, and choosing a career path that I wouldn't necessarily want for him. and sometimes i feel like I don't respect his choices), and that's not fair to him.

I've been struggling a lot lately because a lot of times, I do think that I'm being extremely selfish for just thinking about what he can give me, instead of reaching a compromise, and start trying harder. I don't know if it's hormonal, or me being upset, there are days when I really really show him that I love him, and there are days when I don't really feel like up for anything. And this is really bothering me because I guess I was expecting things to fall into pace without me trying. And at times, I doubt if I truly do love him. I know that relationships do take hard work, and I'm always not wanting to make decisions/giving myself excuses.

I haven't told my parents about my relationship with him yet, especially when they don't really like me to date. I've also thought that maybe I'm not ready for a relationship. Normally, when people realize that, they would work on themselves. But let me tell you this, I don't think that being single/having some time on my own would really help me get back on my feet, because I would literally lie down and be a piece of **** anyways. I do need a cause to get myself back together.

What do you guys think? Do you think that I just don't love him enough? Or that I just need to grow a pair (of ovaries), and take on some responsibilities? Are feelings supposed to just click, and are always gonna be there? Or do those feelings require work to maintain? Are we just not compatible because he doesn't fulfil all of the items on my list? I'm confused over the concepts of love being feelings vs love being an action and something you do.

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Wife or Daughter ?

I have a daughter from my previous marriage.

My current wife does not want anything to do with my daughter, she never saw her, or wants me to talk to her.

I am unhappy, feel like I am walking on egg shells. I have to hide my relationship with my daughter, she says if i talk to her, its the same as she talking to her ex boyfriends :frown2:

What is next Divorce ? and move on ?

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New member to the forum

Hi guys, I joined the forum the other day and thought I would say hi before posting on ant of the threads. I've been married for 20 years, some good some bad and for the last 5 years haven't been good at all. Long story I'll get into soon but I think what I'm looking for here is when do you know it's time to separate and move on. I'll look around and posts some questions soon. Thanks.

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New member here ..

Hey everyone :smile2:

I just joined this forum.

Like most relationships there's a good side and bad side to mine though I don't feel comfortable sharing the details or " dirty laundry " at the moment I am seeing how there are others with my same concerns.

I've been with my boyfriend for about 12 years and we have two beautiful little ones. We both work long hours to go home to be Mom and Dad so it's taken it's toll on us being significant others , best friends and lovers :(

I hope to learn from everyone here and hopefully be of help to others as well.

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Is my wife (still) having an affair?

Question for you. Lets assume everything I write below is the truth.

Over the course of a marriage, a woman starts to resent/fall out of love with her husband. She confides in a man at her job and over time, becomes emotionally attached. They cross over to a physical affair on one night only.

She then decides that she wants to try and work on fixing her marriage and her family. She tells the co-worker that they must not do that again but she wants to remain friends. She doesnt have sex with the co-worker again, but the two of them continue to see each other outside of work alone for a few minutes here and there, after work he walks her to her car, etc. They send each other e-mails about music and sometimes the woman lets her guard down and will say something like "I miss you terribly".

My question is simply this: Is she still having an affair if she continues to engage this co-worker like this? Is this considered an ongoing affair?

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Great read for the BS!! Why Is It So Hard to Remember They Suck?

Why Is It So Hard to Remember They Suck?

August 17, 2015 by Chump Lady

Today's guest post is by Tempest (who has a PhD in psychology)

Why is it so hard to remember that they suck? What makes hapless chumps so prone to pity and compassion, even after our spouse has attempted every position in the Kama Sutra with our best friend from college?

We are all at varying stages in the process — suffering the first pangs of horror and panic attacks after learning of the ultimate betrayal, followed by the slow, but still sharp pain of realization of how badly we were deceived by the one person we trusted most with our hearts. And the RAGE that seems as if it might consume us from within, but which finally propels us to take the steps necessary to disengage from our marriage or union and look ever so slightly into the future at what life will be like post-divorce. A sigh of relief — the divorce is final, settlement is settled, no-contact is in place (as well as it can be if we are co-parenting with the cheater), the anger subsides, and then….we start to miss them, to edit the past and remember the good times with the person we thought they were.

What's up with that? Month after month, our cheaters got carpal-tunnel system from texting their APs, sneaked away from family events to bang the babysitter or the next door neighbor or a graduate student or a co-worker, bought the APs fancy dinners or gifts that we never saw the likes of. And we MISS them? Get nostalgic for the happy times? Huh?!


(read the rest here)

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Magic Hands

Do you have magic hands? I bet you do, but you just haven't worked on enhancing the magic in them, using your focus and deliberate intention. I wrote this blog post about this topic:

Sexy+Positive Blog: Magic Hands

I got some feedback from some tantra experts and sensual massage workers and I'm working with them to get some more tips on this topic, will update my blog post and here when I get those.

I love my husband's hands on me and I've learned to conjure the magic in my hands too...it can definitely be learned and developed.

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Married name, keep or toss?

I'm sure this has already been asked but I didn't see it so I'll ask again.
I was asked by stbxh if I planned on changing my last name back and he was irritated that I didn't plan on it. I was asked by my lawyer as well and it seems it's covered in the divorce to have it done but I said no. I will have the same last name as my kids who were both very upset they couldn't change their last names lol.

So did you go back to your maiden name? Were you offended when your ex kept yours?

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What does "head of household" mean to you?

This is not to piss anyone off. I am really interested in hearing how anyone may feel about this. This is not a joke but a genuine question that I would like to be enlightened on


I have always believed that a man that is supposed to provide and protect his family. The man should work and not be lazy and that it should be his joy to provide. That is what makes a man feel like more of a man (supposedly).

But these days it seems like men dont want to provide. They want women that will work also and pay the bills, tend to the children and keep everything in order. They are looking for sugar mamas. I have actually heard men say how they need a woman with money.

What makes a man fit to be head of household when there is a woman who does just as much as he does? women are very capable of providing and making decisions for the family as a whole. However it seems that men only want the title of head of household because they think they should have it. Okay, it might be written in the bible that men are supposed to lead, but if you aren't able to provide for your family how are you leading? Do you feel that you are truly head of the home when your wife makes more money than you? Is that even an issue?( i believe it is) Time and time again I have asked what makes men more capable or more suited to head the household and have yet to get a straight answer that makes sense to me. The best answer my bf could come up with is that someone has to make a final decision about things. LOL yeah okay. I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions

Women own guns, shoot them, run corporations, and take care of their children too and still find time to please their men.

So why are men thought to be better at heading the household again??

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Do families where wives are breadwinners have lower chances of success?

Megan Fox officially files for divorce from Brian Austin Green


I just saw this news this morning. Megan Fox was married to Brian Austin Green. She has been pretty successful over the past 5-7 years whereas his success was in the 90s.

This line in the article stood out.

Quote:

TMZ claims Fox will most likely have to shell out spousal support to Green because she's been the bigger breadwinner in the family for a number of years.

For millennia, the men have been the bread winners of the family and they pride themselves on that. Most men consider their jobs to be a very important part of their identity if not the most important, and base their self worth on their career success. In families where the wife is more successful and makes more money, I have always wondered how the husbands take it? They may make politically correct statements, but what do they feel deep inside? Do they feel worthless? Do they feel like their wives now order them around (even if she isn't)?

We know a few couples where the wife is very successful and the husband is not, and in all those relationships, the men are laid back, unambitious and exhibit traditionally wife-like behaviors. Highly beta. These women probably would not be happy with another alpha man since they are very alpha themselves.

In this case. Austin-Green was a popular actor, so still might be hurting inside that he is probably now known as "Megan's husband". Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillipe were another such couple where her career shot up and his floundered and then they ended up divorcing.

How do many women look at their husbands when they are less successful than themselves? Lose respect? At least in our circles, the wives get togther and discuss (and gloat) about their husbands careers and promotions and titles, but the husbands never do so.

PS: I am talking in generalized and "most probable" terms, so there will be examples to prove things in either direction.

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depressed

Im going back 'home' tommorow and I am feeling really sad. I cry for no reason. I am right now at my family's place in another city. I guess its a mix of vacarion ending, having to find a job, having to work hard and be alone again. Here I am spolit and my parents cook good food for me and I am cared after. I will also miss my sister and her little kid so much. I am so sad and annoyed and mad at my husband and I dont know how to control it? He had come with me in this vacation but left a week earlier to go back to work. Tonight (friday) I call my husband and I find out he is out with his single buddy at a bar. He doesnt go out with his friends anymore once we got married so I guess it is okay to go without me when I am not there right? But I cannot control my emotions and feel like he is not growing up and being a normal 31 year old married guy when he chooses to go out every weekend with his buddy (all of them are single except one married couple btw) wh en I go away. We also hang out with them when I am there once in a while but I just feel so mad that he HAS TO GO OUT when im not there on the weekends. Sometimes it would be nice to just stay in or visit a friend for dinner and not have to make it a 2am coming home night from bar.

Anyways dont know why but I am so sad to leave home and go back to reality. Just feeling very blue.

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On Feeling Protected

The other night I was picking up my husband. We were on the phone with each other as I explained where I'd parked. Meanwhile, a man who was working there approached me and began giving me a hard time. I was still inside the car and asserted myself before ignoring him so he'd go away. Hubs heard the whole thing.

As my husband walked towards the car he called out, 'Was this the guy?' From inside the car, I turned around and nodded. He walked up to him and said, 'Hey, I don't appreciate you harassing my wife...' Hubs said a few choice words, being assertive not aggressive, and the guy backed down.

I felt relief that it didn't escalate, combined (admittedly) with admiration that he'd stood up for me. It's rarely needed. The scenarios are few and far between when I experience that side of my husband. When I do though, I can't help but swoon like a stereotype. At my core, there's allure with feeling protected.

Have you experienced this with your husband? And how did you feel towards him as a result?

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what I have learned...hope this helps others

Everyone's situation is different but I can tell you what seems across the board the same for everyone.

That is if you are having problems marriage counseling can work but you have to find a good one. If one isn't working switch right away to another.

Second , take it 1 day at a time. Problems take a long time to work out.

Third, don't give up easily. After all filing divorce is expensive and grueling from what I hear.

Fourth , put your thoughts on your spouse point of view. Perhaps you are being unreasonable and difficult and not understanding.

Fifth, don't expect much at first. Until he or she feels relaxed again, comfortable , feels it legit and it's going to last it will slowly change.

Sixth, finding out the reason(s) why it's not working to fix the problems. It may be lack of communication, lack of date nights, working too many hours , verbal abuse, not helping out enough with chores or kids, health reasons, substance abuse, and so on.

Seventh, once you are getting along better keep it up. Dont go back to your old ways or the conflict will start all over again.

Eighth, understand over the course of a ltr people change a bit and to go with the changes of times.

Ninth, there are a lot of good suggestions on this site. It's true I've found that women want men not to be indecisive. To be the man and not get walked on by them. They also need their time and time with their girlfriends without a insecure husband that is controlling.

I'm sure I left out a lot but the positive side is there is hope, stay positive , keep smiling, be secure, be confident and don't become a beta full time. Obviously not all relationships are meant to be and infidelity is a deal breaker in my opinion.

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Coping with wife talking to other men

OK. I need real help. I'm not sure at all what to do or what is right anymore. I've been married since May and my wife drinks about 2 times a week. Every time she drinks, she changes and becomes more aggressive and a loud talker. She also cant slow down and walks up to the local bars. She is pretty and gets hit on constantly but I have zero reason to not trust her other then she talks back to these guys hitting on her. I love her and she loves me but when she drinks, I worry about so much. I am not a big drinker and I do not neglect her in the slightest but nothing I say will get her to stop drinking or walking to bars or talking to guys. She will not stop and counseling is also off the table for her. We have been together for 2.5 years and married since May. I thought she would slow down after we got married but it has not happened. Do I just let her be her and deal with this thing I hate or do I keep pushing back or do I just end this. I need some real advice and help. Thank you

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Creepiest videos on the internet

Okay, another dark and strange thread, I know, I know, it's my thing >:)

What are the creepiest videos you have ever seen on the internet? YouTube features tons of them and countdowns, etc. They don't have to be scary or make you jump, but they just make your skin crawl or make you uneasy.

OBEY THE WALRUS is number one on a lot of lists of creepy videos. Watch it and let us know what you think.

Also, post disturbing videos as well. Now shut off the lights, grab your wine and enjoy:

https://youtu.be/8vBWmV5sjMA

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Girls who know they're hot...

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Girls who know they're hot...

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You just know that they know they're hot, you see them walking around like they're hot ****

Then there are the girls who aren't so hot who think and act like they are which is just a bit cringe..

What do you make of them?

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Fellow guys how do you feel when you see a previous lover, crush .. getting pregnant

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Fellow guys how do you feel when you see a previous lover, crush .. getting pregnant

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• 1 Hour Ago 1 hour ago

Fellow guys how do you feel when you see a previous lover, crush or ex having kids or getting married?

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