Ruined chances

I have a friend who is obsessed with me. He invited me to do things alone such as salsa. He then insults our male friends calling them perverts to their faces just because they compliment me

I met a nice guy at a party on the weekend and this friend kept coming up to me putting his arms around me and whispering which the guy asked what my friend was doing. I feel upset as I am not going to get a boyfriend with this guy trying to jeopardise my chances. Any advice?

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Girls - would you agree with this comment?

Hi All,

I am seeing a girl and at one point she felt felt butterflies in her stomach and all of that. However, at this ocassion I did not make a move but I did a few dates later where those feelings were no longer there. That move got rejected. We will try again in a few months as some cooling off time is needed.


My friend made this comment, however:


"women feel something a point and place in time...if you don't move at that moment, the moment passes and then they feel like it wasn't anything special after all"


Do you agree with this? Is this the case in my situation? If the moment passes, how can you create it again?


Stupid questions I know but I am confused. :(



Thanks

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Does everybody find black women ugly?

It's just something I've noticed lately, people saying that they're not/will never be/have never been attracted to a black girl. Is there any particular reason for this?

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Would this classify as cheating?

Basically me and my girlfriend of 4 years have been on a kind of 'relationship break' following an argument and some emotional conversations but agreed that we weren't single and still committed, just we needed some space.

One week into the break she went out with her friends and got extremely drunk probably because of all the emotions running through her. Anyway both her and her friends met up with a group of guys and were all joking around and my girlfriend ended up flirting with this guy who she eventually kissed. She told me they literally just had a very quick peck on the lips and it was nothing more than that and said that she had a boyfriend and then continued the night (not with these guys).

Not sure what to think about this really, when she told me (after me asking) I took it pretty well and I still am but questions do arise. What would others think in this situation?

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It's been a bad year

Sop far this year my beloved grandmother died, I was forced to sell my house for pennies on the dollar and leave my hometown so hubby could be closer to work. My adored 13 year old Black Lab/ Great Dane had to be put to sleep in my arms three months ago.
I've been having severe pain with degenerative bone disease and now my failure of a daughter has had my grandkids taken away by CPS because of her and her low-life husband and I can't afford or physically take them.
I'm just about ready to give up. My first husband commuted suicide and sometimes that looks really tempting. They consider him a saint and practically worship him. My daughter has told me numerous times she wishes I had dies instead. I have no hope for the future and feel like nobody would miss me except my husband (and he deserves better).
Any advice? I'm a 39year old woman

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men,please explain....

husband n i are trying 2 work things out,he is a farmer/driver/operator ect....he says the other nite...we should go to big farm in floridia to work,says he will get us a truck/camper says he can make more $. then he says a few times "i just can't imagine my life without you " what does this mean???? would he go without me?{ b4 he said he wouldn't when i asked} i have been sick i don't know if he thinks he could lose me? he is very hard to read.....if i process it over w/him he says that i read too much into things or that i misunderstand him or that i blow things out of proportion. it's hard for me to talk to him to understand him...then sometimes he says he doesn't know???!!:scratchhead: we have been getting along fairly good lately,there are days when everything falls into place so nicely and it's like it always has been {32yrs}then a few times when we have walls again. why do men "talk" so different.any comments are appreciated,thanks .i'm trying to be hopefull:)

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How to bulk up

Is any guy here tall (like 6' 2" + ) and used to be skinny but was able to bulk up with mass and muscle?

I'm 6' 4" but have been skinny my entire life. I want to get some tone and definition but I think that if I start working out in a gym I'll just get skinner. I'm a really picky eater.

What foods should I eat to bulk up in a healthy way and then what exercises should I start?

Thanks guys.

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Staying at home

I left my g/f over a month ago after living together for nearly 5 years and I seem to become more emotional when Im running errands. Im currently staying with my older sister who just had knee surgery and staying in the house all the time is driving her crazy. When I have to go someplace I do what I need to do as fast as I can than get home ASAP but she likes to shop and look around in the mean time Im dying inside because wherever were at or whatever were doing Im thinking about the last time my ex and I were in that same general area.

My sister just bought a new washer and dryer which is the same store my ex and I just bought from not two months ago. The entire time we were in the store I had to fight back the tears. It was so obvious my sister told me to stop being such a wuss and told me that she can guarantee my ex isnt at home crying so I need to man up and let it go.

To say this woman screwed me over is understatement. Knowing that how come it still hurts? Im I really that weak emotionally?

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Website contains a known threat?

I just got a message from Webroot, my anti-virus software, stating that TAM contains a known threat. Anyone else ever get this?

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Do you get tired of stbxh with another woman threads??

I am in the same predicament as Sherry1997.
My soon to be ex husband is with another woman. I found out today, when I read that message I was shaking like a leaf.
NOw I have had time to digest the information and I am feeling more calm.

I want to know her name and see pictures of them together. I feel it would help me a lot. With every new discovery I get stronger and better. I was so deluded, I thought he was a wonderful man who loved me, but as mentioned before with every new discovery comes understanding.

His problem is that he cares too much about what people think of him, I want peace of mind. I want to see them together and know who she is. I think I am closer to letting go. I am not even angry anymore. I feel like "yeah it was expected, no big surprise he is with someone". My stbxh can be oh so charming and that is what bother me. Knowing that he is charming this woman. Maybe because I know how he used to be.
I am grieving the way we were. But that is long gone.

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Need advice!! Am I an idiot?

Hello, I'm new to the forum and I am going to try to make my story/situation as short as possible so as not bore anyone.
After 17 years of marriage (as of this Nov 2) and a miracle 10 year old daughter, my husband and I separated in July of this year. Again, trying to make a long story short. I asked or I should say ordered my husband to leave after months of heavy drinking, fighting and lot of of disappointment. He has always "liked" his beer and drank more then he should on alot of occasions, but it never really got out of hand until the months prior to the separation. He/we had a falling out with his parents who live out of state about 6 years ago. Its a long story as well but after years of being treated like the black sheep and being the butt of jokes and alot of belittling, my husband stood up to them while we were visiting just a few days before xmas. Although there was communication between them, he/we hadn't visited their home for 5 years. His sister's stepson was diagnosed w/bone cancer about 2 years ago and his health was deteriorating and he wasn't given long to live. We were all de vastated by the news . His mother starting calling more and more and my husband started drinking more and more and distancing himself from me and my daughter. He would go out and get firewood every weekend (which we needed) but he would come back and I could tell her "had a few". He would go to his drinking friend's house and stay for hours and when he was home, he was in the back bedroom watching TV and rarely coming out to be with us. He made several trips to visit his family and each time came back with a chip on his shoulder. I initiated all of us going for a birthday party we were invited to so as to show him/them I am also ready for reconciling. I also wanted to be able to see my nephew as his condition was very grave. The drinking kept getting worse at home, lying about the drinking, hiding beers, the chip on his shoulder etc. My husband is a football coach and helps with alot of fundraising stuff. On the 4th of July he had alot to do so wouldn't be able to spend much time with us so my daughter and I planned a trip out of town for the day for a movie and shopping. The plan when we got back into town was to let off fireworks my husband had bought my daughter. We got back into town after all the 4th of July stuff was over and saw my husband's truck at his friends. We went home and waited forever and about 10:30pm, his friends wife pulls up driving my husband's truck because he had a few too many. This is when I lost it and unfortunately made a scene, but enough was enough. My husband spent the next few days in our camp trailer not speaking to us for 3 days or coming out to bathe or anything. I think he went to the store a couple of times but that is all. When he finally came out, I told him he had to move out. This had to stop, until he could get a handle on his drinking and make us a priority, he had to move out. He moved out and lives less than a 1/4 blk from us. We went to a couple of marriage counseling sessions but it was very one si ded in that my temper about his drinking, made him drink more. I was the problem and so on and so forth. Since mending his relationship with his family, he has made several more trips over there. When there is a home football game, his brother and family comes to get firewood and they have NEVER tried to contact my daughter. Since the separation, my own husband has spent very little time with my daughter and has went through 2 weeks at a time not calling her. I do not know this man anymore. He used to be a hands-on dad and a very loving, sensitive man (even with his drinking) prior to my nephew getting sick (he has since passed) and now, he spends no time with his daughter and all his time coaching football and with his family. He spends every weekend cutting firewood FOR THEM and either hauling it there or they come here. Mind you, they live 3 hours away in the 15 years we have lived here, came 3 times prior now are here nearly every other weekend. They make no attempt to s ee my daughter nor does my husband when they are in town... We have always both thought the separation would be temporary and to be fair, we both have acted like two year olds when arguing and texting each other. We have both said some pretty rotten things to each other but he always said he did NOT want a divorce. He never really apologized for his drinking and disappointing us only made excuses that he needs to cut down and my nagging about it made him want to drink more etc.. I have since went and got divorce papers but have not filled them out. I have discussed with him and only now is he making attempts to talk to my daughter. In the last 4 months it has been about his coaching and his family and I feel his family, mainly his mother, has put him on such a guilt trip about our nephew and my husband not being around them for all these years that he doesn't care about us as a family any more. He has done absolutely nothing to make me think he cares. So why am I having such a hard time filling out and filing the papers? I still love him very much and though I am angry about all the drinking and disappointment prior to the separation, we have 17 years together and though some not all good, he was a good husband and a good dad but something changed him drastically!! Now he barely acknowledges his own daughter. I can't sleep (been up since 2:30 am) and can't barely eat or function.

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I will versus you should

Hi, this is my thread for being divorced, again. It took two weeks from a joint self-filing to be divorced again. I found out six months ago that my wife didn't love me and had been using me for some time. More details on that in my threads on hoping for an R and then going through divorce.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/reconci...most-gone.html

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...m-herself.html

To be fair, there are mistakes I made in my marriage and life and TAM and IC have been invaluable to figuring out how to change my behavior. How to focus on what I can control and stop my bad behaviors. How to step back from wanting to control others. It's a path I'll continue on for the rest of my life, but I'm awake now and aware of what I need to focus on to be happy.

I thought of this thread's title on a bike ride; it's about how we all live on the same street. Some of us live on the side of the street with personal responsibility or I Will. Some of live on the side of the street that deals with control and resentment and judging or You Should. I've moved across the street this year and I'm pretty happy on the I Will side. I'm less naive, less optimistic, but more of a realist about how people work and why they behave they way they do.

I don't post on TAM as much, but I'm adding this thread to sound off on topics I want help or advice on. Or just to vent, etc.

I have two teenage daughters from my first marriage and two stepdaughters from my second marriage. Most of the parenting issues that some TAM members face are pretty well resolved for me, as I've been divorced from my daughters' mom (X1) for 10 years. I don't get to see my stepdaugthers much anymore, but I still love them, even as I've detached from my 2nd exwife (X2).

There's more detail in my other threads on my background, but I'm dating again, working on my career and raising my kids. I like to help on TAM when I can, because it's given me so much on a difficult road this year. Thanks to TAMmers for their support and advice.

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Really Nervous about first date, any pep talks?

So its been two months in the making. I finally asked her out, so my surprise she said yes. We are in the same classes at uni, so I see her at least three times a week. Every time I'm around her I feel very anxious. Anyway, on Saturday, I'm taking her out for a meal, and the thought of it, is making me feel quite anxious, I don't know if I'll even be able to eat anything! So I was just wanting some advice from people who've been on first dates, how I can control my nerves?

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Speaking Spanish can seduce a woman?

Is this true? Would I be able to seduce a woman of this complexion? Not this exact woman of course.

Before anyone asks, she is legal. In fact, she is older than me anyway.

http://www.lakecityquietpills.com/ph...1719994101.gif

http://www.lakecityquietpills.com/ph...8701329903.gif

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Getting a date on TSR?

Hey guys,

I've been single for a while now, I split up with my last girlfriend a few months or so ago. My course is all guys and i met my last girlfriend from back home so I haven't been able to meet anyone really. I've been told I'm goodlooking, i dunno i mean for me its hard to tell lol but..

I just simply can't do the whole pulling in clubs thing cause im not really into clubs at all. the whole scene is really not my thing...

I guess I'm after that one girl on here who is in a similar situation, PM me? :rolleyes:

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How long will I last?

Interested to see the opinions.

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On a scale of 1-10, how annoying is it when your family asks if you have a bf/gf?

i'm starting to think I might need a standard snarky response to whoever asks :p

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do you find life difficult?

I find life quite difficult partly because of things like the death of a close sibling but also life in general. It has felt like this for maybe the past ten years even though I have also spent time unemployed which even though it is basically doing nothing. So sometimes I look at other people and they seem to be coasting through life so easily that I can't understand it.

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Asexual in a relationship

Hi, i'm in a relationship but I find most forms of intimacy (from kissing onwards) awkward and uncomfortable. It's not that i'm shy, nervous or whatever, but more that the entire concept isn't something I can particularly get into. Basically, i'm asexual (but still feel the emotions/ romance that one would usually).

My partner is not like this. They want intimacy and contact. They are very understanding about my issues with it, but at the same time it is very obviously frustrating for them some of the time.

Is anybody in a similar sort of situation or could anybody offer any advice to how we can cope with this?

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GF has male friends that are more then friends..

Not an infidelity thing.. But I am having some issues here.. As you can imagine it is causing me triggers..

The simple gist of it is as follows..

I am discovering the current GF has male friends that basically are into her.. They want to be more then friends..

Her on the other hand swears they never had any romantic interest or at least on her part. So nutshell the feelings are one way..

My rational part tells me if she wanted to be with them then she would have been with them..

But insane part ( thanks to the Ex ) wants to erase these men off the earth..

I explained to her that having men around that basically want to fvck you is no good on many levels.. I also explained that for me it leaves the door open for the guy she might actually want to fvck on side that comes in under the guise of being a friend.

I being a man am very territorial. I don't want any guy around my woman that wants to fvck her straight and simple, even if she will never or has never fvcked this man..

She understands and part of it she sort of admitted was maybe the attention she used to have..

What made this all come out is basically she was talking to one such man as they discussed their personal relationships.. She stated she loved me to him and in a nutshell he basically said to her "your a rebound and he is going to use you and then kick you to the curb and crush your heart"

As you can imagine I got pissed off.. To me this guy is nothing but trying to c0ckblock me as he know if he lets this relationship flourish, he will never have a chance to break it up..

I simply told her she needed to terminate this friendship if she wanted to be with me.

Again I expressed to her that I am uncomfortable with having any man around my woman that has other intentions beyond a true friendship and her trying lie to me about this really sets me back and shuts me down emotionally..

To me her lying about something as stupid as this and add on top she supposably loves me. It pretty much is almost pushing me to break this off with her. I cannot handle the emotions this trigger is causing me straight and simple.. I truly do not want to break it off with her, but my inner Betrayed spouse voice is telling me don't do this to protect myself and my feelings..

Now flash to what is going on now..

Weeks ago she told a male friend ( you see where this is going ) who plays in a metal band that we were going to see him play..

He knows I'm coming..

But just today about 1 hour ago I just hit her up with the simple question. This guy is a friend right ? Or this another guy that wants to fvck you..

She couldn't answer straight and then finally replies.. He's a man.. Which of course means yes...

So I have issues with the guy friend / fvck thing and I have issue with her keeping this from me..

The lying is what is killing me with her.. Its not some blasphemous imperial lie.. But it is retarded for her to try to dodge this..

So simply am I being retarded about this and just need to trust her or am I right not to like this sort of stuff..

Again part of me is rational and tells me there is no evidence of her cheating.. That is something the therapist actually discussed last week with me related to something else.. He mentioned, where is the evidence when you think these thoughts. He expressed that this is what I need to think when I get these thoughts..

So I can see I am sort of accusing her of cheating when there is nothing there.. Which is not fair..

But the lying is crushing me..

I intend on explaining this to her again..

But am I going overboard with this stuff.. At least the friends issue..

part of me feels like I am a controlling tyrant..

I am thinking suck this up and let it go.. If something happens that I don't like.. Then I'm out.. Meaning this fvck friend shows up at the house.. ETC

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Goodnight, happy holidays, best wishes

and kiss my arse.

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A need a woman's thoughts on this.

My girlfriend of four months and said that she wanted to engage in sex but wasn't sure if she was ready. i suggested that we 69 instead. She was okay with it. A week after that she came over and I had made sure that I cleaned myself down there. Anyway, I remembered that she loves mint ice cream so I bought mint flavored lube and put a little on so she wouldn't have to taste me.
When licked me she asked why I had mint lube on and I told her so she wouldn't have to taste me. She respond with "What if I did that to myself?" I told her if you did that would be up to you. She left and said not after but i tried to get her to talk. I'm confused and I need help understanding what it was that I did wrong.

I don't know if this helps but it has been three days.

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Confused and hurting

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm gonna give my background story and I want honest advice back. No holding back. We have known each other for over a yr but only been together for a few months. We got together in June. Split in late July and during that time I got back with my ex. Keep in my mind that this was not the reason for leaving him at all. But yes it did happen. Things did not work with my ex and we got back together in mid September. We married on Sunday 3 wks ago. Since we said I do he has begun to tell me that he has not forgiven me for leaving him, and that he does not trust me not to do it again, or to be around my ex. However my ex and I have children so it is unavoidable to see him. My husband has began fighting with me daily worsening over the last 5. Sunday night we fought from3pm-10pm when we finally just stopped and went to bed m-t it has been the same way. fighting from the time i get home from work until we go to bed. I have done nothing to make him believe that I would leave but his fear has led to this. But not there is an aggressive temper involved. He gets in my face and screams at me and also punched a hole in our bedroom wall during the fight on Sunday night. I grew up around violence and this worries me bc when a person has trouble controlling their anger it can easily escalate into an abussive relationship. During our fighting I am seeing a lot that I disagree with about him and a lot I d not like. There were a lot of good times too, don't get me wrong. If not I would not have married him. But his agression really scares me. Please tell me what to do?

Prior to getting married we were crazy happy, or I wouldn't have married him. I know it was crazy fast but geez. What happened? He's like a different person.

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I think I want to have to much sex with my husband!!!

We have been together for 3 yrs. he says I only want sex and that that's all I care about! Before this past month we had sex twice a month. But this past month we had sex 8 times. Anyways we can do it in the morning but then at night he touches me or I see him getting out of the shower and dam he just turns me on. Or when he asks me if I want to go lay down I always think that maybe he wants to do it, but we don't. To tell you the truth we fight a lot because of this issue. I stopped asking him for any physical contact for two months and we were the happiest couple. I just want to be desired
by him. He said why don't I initiated it so I have but it's like sometimes I wish he would just grab me and throw me on the bed cause he really wanted me but that doesn't happen. I think my issue is that I think to much about him and how good looking he is! I don't know what else to do. I just want more!!! I'm actually getting scared to ask him if he would like to have sex cause I just don't want to get into an argument. Well know I usually ask if he would like to go fool around but usually his answer is I guess. I need to change for him cause I love him and I know he loves me! I just need advice of how to not think so much how to change my thoughts about how sexy he looks and not want to do him all the time???
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Put out or get out.

Simple.

My good buddy has been married for 4 years, and whilst chatting about marriage and how his has become rather lacking I jokingly said tel her "put out or get out" and after him taking the time to rearrange the finances and adjust the potential fall out in his favor he went and read MMSLP among other books I recommended and realized where it was going wrong.

Success, put out or get out worked for him, quite simply, he stated that anything less than twice a week was not on and if she made excuses she needed to pack her bags.

My instant question was "do you actually want to get divorced?" and he said that he would rather get divorced than to turn up here complaining about not getting any and suffering in silence for years like so many others.

He reports that she is now showing willingness to explore their intimacy further, not going there, he can do what he wants but I don't have to know LOL

Anyone else tried this approach?

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Are you living in the same house?

Are you living in the same house together but living separate lives?

I have three friends living this way that are not sure what do do.

I have told them about this forum but I don't think they have checked it out.

They all claim money reasons but I see it as not wanting to give up their yuppie lifestyles and keeping up appearances.

Is it easier to reconcile a marriage by living in the same home?

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Failing marriage with kids

I need help. I am extremely miserable with my marriage of 10 years and 2 great kids. I will try to keep this short.

Wife has lost 5 jobs in a matter of a few years. Drinks every night. Sex, none. And on that subject, sex is only when I initiate it. Never touched. Wife does absolutely nothing around the house. And I mean nothing. Cant even put the dishes in the washer. The only thing good here I can say is she does the homework extremely well with the boys. I feel so neglected and unappreciated.

I am considering divorce, but I do not know if I can do that with my kids.

Am I cheating. No, but someone has caught my eye and that is it.

Not sure what I am looking for here on this forum, we have mutual friends, so it is very hard for me to talk to them.

I am a fireman and work 24 hr shifts, and no, she is not cheating. At least not that I know of and if she was Im not sure if I would even know, but my gut says no on wife cheating on me.

Point here is I put 100% into this marriage and have held this family together for over 5 years now and I am at the end of my rope.

Any suggestions or like story's, actually, anything at all would help me understand what is going on.

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Inhouse separation - no hope

Hi,

This is my first post, I've been reading for a long time.

We have 22yr marriage coming to an end, 3 sons still at home, my stbx is still living in the house in a different room. It is tough because we get along well enough, polite but distant, and yet he has no feeling. It is weird. I would have loved to see some passion many years, and some explanation for what is happening, but I doubt I will get any real closure. I won't beg anymore, it's too humiliating.

While not a saint, I have been a been a devoted wife of 22 yrs, have made every effort to support him, but found it did not go both ways. While I was open and resolved things, he has kept his cards close to his chest and sandbagged resentment toward me it would seem.

I don't think there is any other person, at least a PA, but I'm sure EAs galore. He has always got along better with women, a nice guy for sure, and now I've become the object of his hostility, albeit polite and civil.

We are culturally different, met when we were young, I was the first girl he ever kissed, and he had me on a pedestal. It was a recipe for disaster looking back. Looking back I had to compete with a romantic ideal and always fell short. I really need to get my life back. The last 10 yrs have been tough on my self esteem as he pulled away and withdrew.

What I have such a hard time with is having given so many years of my life, struggling, trying, making every effort to make a marriage work because I believed in it. I have followed him from his job changes, moved when I didn't want to for him, lived or endured rather his need to control his environment to the smallest detail (he is quite uptight about having things his way), and accepted his quirks and tried to focus at the best.

In return he has not accepted me, and has focused on my faults. Early in our M I would, I had a temper, it was usually when he corrected something about the home, or some habit, and I would react strongly..it always felt so insanely controlling. I am and came from a laid back family. We are neat, but not uptight.

What I'm hoping for is some strength in maintaining the 180, regaining my self esteem and rebuilding my life. I'm so hurt, feel so betrayed and yet I cycle through denial and bargaining. I have been open that I do not want this, that M is for life and worth working for and protecting. He doesn't feel the same. I've not felt loved for years.

Why hang on? I can't have him back truly unless he makes a commitment to us and is loving again. I have to be strong in this, but also need to be hopeful. But he is firm that it is over.

We both work, but he makes more than me. I stayed home for many years when the boys were young and did not build the earning power he did. He never had to take a sick day for the kids nor take them to a doctor/dentist apppointment: nothing. I did everything. I feel so angry about this, and used.

So much to process, so much sadness, and don't know where to begin. I hope someone will at least tell me maybe there is hope, whatever it is. I love sex and like men, but so scared to go out there again and afraid of being hurt. Have gone through crying, and it does feel cleansing. It's been kind of relieving in a way not trying to get someone's love who won't give it.

Started a DivorceCare group nearby, just need people to talk to who understand and have been or are going through the same. Sometimes I feel so sad about my future. I want to be positive and not feel that life is over. I want to live again.

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