People think my boyfriend is gay.

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People think my boyfriend is gay.

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Whilst at uni, I have been going out with this guy for a while now and we are both very happy. However, I have a little voice in the back of my head
Some of my friends have admitted that when they first met my boyfriend they thought he was gay. Now, I think I thought the same thing for a little while, that he was quite camp, but as we became friends, then really close friends I began to think differently. The thing is, he openly jokes about this, joking that he always seems to get hit on by men in clubs, and he seems to use the fact he is aware he can be camp sometimes as a running joke. I always laugh along but part of me worries that there might be some truth behind his jokes sometimes.
He recently met my parents, and although they seem to like him they have mentioned to me lightly that when they first met him they thought he was gay.Of course I wouldn't have any issue if he was gay, but I would rather know and be honest. He has never dated anyone else but me either.

He always tells me he loves me, hes perfect when it is just me and him, he's so kind, is such a good listener, makes me laugh and makes me so happy.
But sometimes when he jokes about being gay etc and people mention this to me I worry that there might be some truth to what people are saying or truth to his jokes. I don't know, im probably worrying unnecessarily...

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Seperation

I'm in month one of our seperation, I'm fight two battles. My marrige and clinical depression. I have brought us to counseling, I have made huge changes in myself and for my marriage. I cook, clean, I'm the best father I can be for my three beautiful children. Now I'm On A Single Income and Trying To find Childcare. We see mom once a week and I feel like I'm drowning and she is watching me. She asked for my patience and I will gladly give as much as I can. But the uncertainty when she doesn't call to say goodnight to the kids, the physical love I need, (holding hands, cold side of the bed, hearing her singing) makes my mind fester in terrible ways. I'm doing my best, giving her my patience. But I can only take so much.

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Past situation continues to haunt me.

Fiance and I have been together for 3 years and engaged for about half of that. In the beginning we talked a lot about life decisions, wants, dreams, hopes....the norm.

When we met, moved in together, and got engaged he and I both said we did not know if we wanted children together. I have 2 school age children from a prior marriage and he has none.

Tad bit of background. Fiance spent 15+ years partying, living it up, and being single. No long term or committed relationships at all. He finally decided to settle down and met a woman he fell in love with. Bought the big brick home, the ring, etc. THEY intended on having a baby. One day she up and changed her mind then later down the road just up and left him out of the blue for no valid reason or warning. She told mutual friends etc he was not good to her and treated her bad. Which a good deal of life long friends believed and bailed. So to speak...the first woman he finally decides to establish a life with just completely shattered him. We later found out she was cheating, lying, you name it.

He told me specifically how he resented her while they were still together for changing her mind over the child issue. That she took his chance away....well till she left him.

Less than 6 months later he meets me and I spent 2 years righting every wrong that woman burned in his heart. He accused me and "punished" me time and time again for the pain she caused....while I stood there and just gave more and more love. I saw it as him learning to trust and love again. I loved him until he realized I wasn't a fraud.

We have now overcome all of that.

Last summer....we were still undecided on the baby subject. He then decided....on his own....without asking me, talking to me, or asking my wishes that HE did not want a baby and that we were not going to have a child. He felt he was too old and his time had passed. There is a 12 year age gap in between us...him being older. He is barely into his 40's. I am 30.

I was given no choice, no voice, no option, and no apology. I was told if I wanted another child to find someone new.

I had to choose between him and a child. Prob is I wanted a child with HIM. So leaving would be pointless. I didn't want a baby just to want a baby. I wanted the OPTION...or to at least be heard...to have a child with HIM. To experience all of it etc with HIM. So I stayed with him and a year has gone by.

I'd say I've mostly accepted him and I won't have a child. But when it comes up from people or in train of thought all the pain and anger of not being gave a choice.....not having a voice....comes flooding back. My eyes fill with tears and I want to scream at him that HE did to me what SHE did to him. He didn't give me a say no more than she gave him one.

I understand and respect his points for not wanting one. The thing kills me is A.)He wanted one with her 3-4 years prior. Is 3-4 years REALLY that big of a diff age wise? B.) He didn't even let me decide what I wanted before he made the choice for us. C.) I feel he wanted one with her and not me. D.) That he would opt to our relationship over it even though he claims she was a "river" and I am the "ocean." (If you know that song then props.)

It keeps haunting me. Showing its ugly face when I have to birth control decisions etc. How I overcome this!!???

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Played Volvo Mechanic Today...

100,000 mile routine maintenance but I decided to replace the timing belt, tensioner, idler, water pump, coolant flush, oil change. Got everything done but the oil change (finish that tomorrow).

These S80s are sweet performance sedans, but damn if they're not a PITA to work on. I could not get what I believe were the timing marks on the cams to line up, so after wrestling with it a few hours I said "**** it". painted my own marks, locked in the cams and went for it.

Fired it up (crossing fingers hoping not to bend valves...I did manually crank the motor a few times before going for it for safe measure)...and viola! got a sweet running Volvo S80.

I've read of horror stories about bending/breaking valves after replacing timing belts, so you can imagine that it was a nerve racking day...glad it's over.

*pours a glass of Pinot Noir* :)

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My wife is consumed by her AA group

Don't get me wrong, I'm ecstatic my wife got into a program and has been clean and sober for the past 2 years but I am angry and feel betrayed by the results. I have been behind her and supportive unconditionally and given her time and space to work her program and interact with her support group, occasionally attending meetings with her and being there to celebrate her one year anniversary. The program has taken its toll on our relationship however. She has been attending more meetings recently and even though they start at 6 or 7, she doesn't get home till 10 or 11. She didn't even bother to tell me when her 2 year anniversary was and attended that milestone meeting without me. She recently became a sponsor (and is very effective and committed in that role) but the friction stems from the fact that even when she is home, she's texting her sponsor/sponsee and generally isolating herself from me and our daughter. When we had a recent fight and I exp ressed my feelings of neglect and isolation, she suggested we "make time" just for us which i thought was a good sign. The very next day however, she told me she was taking on another sponsee and my jaw hit the floor. Going from one meeting a week to 3 or 4 and wanting to take on a second sponsee when the one she already has takes up most of the time she could be spending with us when she's not working or at a meeting, makes me feel that her family is no longer a factor in her decisions.

Hollow Man

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Husband finally agreed to counseling but I am skeptical

Married 7 yrs this month, together for 8. This is my first marriage, I am his 4th (was led to believe I was #3 for yrs until the truth came out, even his own mother who came to visit every 2 yrs waited for me to find out on my own?). He also lied about being divorced when we met, though he was in his own apartment. I was hesitant at how fast he wanted to move in our relationship even in the first month, but I'll admit I was on cloud 9 with how much this man wanted to love me, I felt he was out of my league to be honest.

My post would be so long if I told the whole story, so this is as short as I can handle ...the 2 lies, or fibs/false truths, layer back taxes issues hidden from me. In the beginning Mr Prince charming treated me like I was gods gift to his life, his saving grace if you will. He seemed to me like the last marriage just broke him and he had no confidence. I felt I helped him work through that, but there were some turbulent times. See, I was always very independent, and this man made me feel more and more like I SHOULD be able to let my guard down and let someone else take the wheel for a bit. He said I didn't have to work, he would take care of me. Since I'd worked since the age of 14, hells yes I wanted to have a break and let him take care of me. Then came the controlling behavior, wanted all of my time. No hitting per say, but maybe he'd punch a wall, hit himself in the head, hold me down, some bruises. I should've run right? But hey, I'd been in abusive relationsh ips in the past and it seemed to me he had this internal struggle going on, made it seem like his last marriage has run him out of control. I wasn't afraid he was going to kill me or anything, I just thought he needed some confidence in his self. He is smart, he has climbed the latter at work (a LOT since we met, and he did credit me for that). Instead of abuse getting worse, he got better?! He was excelling in work, seemed happy both at home and work. Then came the travel for work. He said he was "tested", but did not cheat. I was a stay at home wife, stepmother, landscaper, do it all gal. Yrs go by and suddenly he thinks I don't "manage my time", while at home (resentment?), so, I took on a new job getting a CDL. My income was to be supplimental for my horses, but quickly became what he required I do. I have to shorten this up a bit so fast forward...he's threatened the D word so many times, that just over a month ago I said fine, let's divorc e. He wanted me to just go sign papers with no lawyer, and I disagree. I had a house when I met him, it's gone. I've taken care of horses, one in particular for 23 yrs! On my own! But when I dint work I lost all status in my field of accounting, and my CDL is bringing in $, but not enough to support myself. I had asked for counseling in the past as he had an "emotional affair" a few yrs ago, he refused. Now he agreed to counseling, we've been to one session. From just the one i can see he is playing on how level headed he is, successful, and sorta putting me out to be unreasonable and difficult. I cried in that first session and hated that I did so, but I've been under a lot of stress and I do think he's trying to play me out to be some crazy woman with the counseling. What is his end goal? He says he doesn't see us getting divorced, yet at home we are in separate rooms, he won't have any conversation with me beyond one liners, and I even said hey, since we're stuck together for now, how's about some sex even if it's just because one of us needs it? He has not taken me up on that, wtf? I get more attention from a guy at the gas pump across from me than I do at home. I'm not a bad looking woman. Next cousel9date is Monday and I'll bet he's just going to lay down the charm again and I'm gonna get nailed for something I've done wrong (I never seem to do anything right so I'm told). I wanted the counseling, and our first session the counselor asked if I was willing to make changes. I said I know how this works, but ultimately I am the same person I was when I met my husband, I want to be loved for who I am. Of course I can take and work on suggestions, but I will never be able to change who I truely am. Just seemed to me that I was singled out, hubby was so polite in that session and an dismissive at home. Will anyone see the man I see, or is he alway going to be prince charming to everyone else? Whew, sorry it was so long, I didn't even cover much...think I could write a frigging book if had the notion to.

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am I being overly controlling??

My H and I have been married for almost two years now, and we have a darling little boy who is turning one.

My H comes from a group of friends who are more like family to him than his own family, and they welcomed me in as soon as we started dating. As a group we do a lot of things together, something that I love and appreciate.
It has also been common for my husband to have guys nights, multiple times a week, for hours....

When my husband isn't working or with them, he is at home with me and our son. And while sometimes I have to remind him to be present and engaged, he does spend time with us.

Even though I know for sure that nothing inappropriate is going on, and even though he always asks me first, I want to tell him that it's too much. Too many nights a week. Too many hours at a time.

I want a healthy and happy marriage, I want my husband to feel loved and welcome and secure in his own home. I also want to feel like we're the priority. I just don't know what a healthy balance looks like.

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Cry

I've had enough. I can't stop crying and have to go outside so my already paranoid daughter doesn't worry about me. Her dad COULD have spent time with her and chose to go out. I have been running non stop between my kids crying, one not sleeping, a sick dog to take care of, and he w as here to take her to the vet and left 15 minutes before she got home and again she asked why he didn't stay to see her. What am I supposed to tell her? "Oh, your dad has just been so busy this last 21 days even though all he has to do is go to work and take care of himself while I haven't had a break and I've been sick but still have kids to take care of, a dog who constNtly needs attn, a house to clean, shop for school supplies and school clothes and on top of everything else that comes with kids, the added questions and stress they are feeling and one who constantly wants to and needs to talk at all hours. She was up crying at 1am. He knows they are struggling and hasn't m ade an effort to even try. He only wants them to take places and have fun (but hasn't even wanted that) and as soon as things get serious, he's gone leaving me to pick them up and hug and kiss them and tell them that I love them, constantly reassuring them that everything will work out in the end but I don't even know that it is because I have no clue what he's thinking or doing and he's too much of a jacka** to take part in anything that makes him uncomfortable or that he sees as a waste of time. He tells me he is committed to this family even through a divorce but his actions say different and idk what to tell my kids so I am just trying to keep them busy and keep a routine. And I should have put this in general relationships but for some reason I can't cut and paste so I guess this is OK.
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Our life sucks

This may be a bit long. I am 25 and my husband will be 27 soon. We have been together for 3 years, married for 1. Until recently everything has been pretty good but now we have hit a pretty rough patch. Several reasons:

1. My husband hates his job. Hates it with every fiber of his being. The schedule is grueling and often abusive (being made to work until 2am and then back in at 10am). He is the only one working right now to support me while I am in cosmetology school full time. My program is intensive, 5 days a week 8 hours a day like a full-time job. It is draining and stressful and I have another 8 months to go before I finish. Due to his schedule being different every week, we rarely get a day off together and when we do we are so broke it's not like we can do much.

2. He is unable to really look for a different job as we have only one car and I need to take it to school which is much farther than his job, which is 5 minutes away. He takes Ubers to work but finds this inconvenient and demoralizing. We can't afford another car, let alone insurance and gas for two cars so getting another one is out of the question. We are left to try to make it work as best we can, which is very difficult.

3. He is from the UK where he did not need a car to get around and he is feeling like he's lost all independence as an adult, having to rely on me to take him for haircuts and stuff like that, when we can work it around my schedule. If I am ever irritable at having to take him somewhere when I'm tired and stressed from school and I think it can wait, he calls me selfish.

4. His degree is in political science and he feels it is completely useless and he will hate every job he ever has. He thinks, at 27, that his options have run out and it is too late to do anything with his life. He is incredibly pessimistic and hopeless about it and when he gets into a 'mood' about it, nothing I say can cheer him up or give him any hope and he becomes very quiet and cold and unaffectionate. Sometimes he is a bottomless pit of negativity and it is really difficult to be around. I struggle with depression and anxiety and intense negativity aggravates my symptoms and then we're both even worse off.

5. We live at my dad's house. My dad spends a few nights a week with his wife about an hour away but commutes to work down here so he is here 2 nights a week usually. We both absolutely hate it. We have no feeling of privacy or marital intimacy. My dad doesn't seem to care how uncomfortable it makes us and is aware that we are too poor to move out. He charges us $600 a month which is the absolute maximum we can afford. And the house is full of all his crap that my stepmom won't let him bring to her house and clutter the place up with.

6. His job will not let him socialize with sales associates (he's a manager). So he has made zero friends in the entire time he's lived here. No one. I am all he has. He has a really close group of friends back home that he talks to on Whatsapp and he's heartbroken and disappointed all the time by all the fun things they're doing at home that he can't be part of. He is horribly homesick lately.

We are stressed, sad, broke, and drifting apart from each other. I love him and he loves me but sometimes the misery of being at home is just soul-crushing. I feel like I ruined his life by bringing him out here. He has nothing and is totally stuck and it's my fault. I think he is deeply depressed and who wouldn't be in his situation? What do we do here? How can we make this better? I feel like I'm losing my mind and I've fallen into a bad depression recently as well and started going back to therapy. I just want my husband to be happy but it feels like there is nothing I can do for him. Please help.

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When "Full Disclosure" Can Be a Bad Thing...

So I committed to full disclosure with my wife, right? I don't want to hide anything from her and so tonight I'm working on the T-100 when I realize I need a battery terminal clamp. I'm dressed in a tank top and short shorts (like I always wear around the house and when I run), but I tell her that I need to run to the auto parts store for a terminal, k?

Well, I go down to the local autozone, get the parts, and on my way out the door I heard another clerk behind say something so I turn around and spotted the male clerk that just helped me scoping me out (yes...we can tell, right?). Yes...I get checked out by gay men a lot...LOL!

Anyway, I texted my wife what just transpired thinking she'd get a kick out of it...And then I get home....ugh.

I immediately get accused of "You're still looking, aren't you?"

*jaw hits floor*

"Yeah baby...I'm really putting it out there for the guys to hit on me."

She then proceeds to say "How would you feel if I told you someone was checking me out?" To which I reply "didn't I just point out how that group of guys were leering at you as you walked into the grocery store in Willits?" (my wife is very...umm...stacked and it shows...LOL!") And I say "I'd say you're a beautiful woman and I can see why they do!", to which she retorts "I don't pay attention to that ****."

*sigh*

I told her that she needs to work on her issues, but she believes that I am the only one who needs help (which I am doing), but I said that these issues/fears are hers and she needs to own them and work on them. Not sure if it sank in, but I suppose we'll see.

Really makes me want to shut down the open communication that I vowed to do, know what I mean?

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I screwed up and want to fix it...

I am going through a terrible phase, having screwed up and facing consequences of my own actions.

I am married, early 30s ( both of us). I met a man, also married and 1 kid, at work and would occasionally chat with him, go for coffee. Once we went for drinks and he told me he is attracted to me and wants to sleep with me. I think that acted like a huge ego boost to me and I fell for him. After that, it was a limerance kind of phase : I always wanted to talk to him, be with him, had thoughts about him, lost some focus at work, forgot how to be a wife at home, forgot my family etc. I told him after a few days of the drinks meeting that I also had feelings for him and am attracted to him. He listened carefully to me. Ofcourse, he is the kind who is more than happy to have sex ( one time or a few times and forget the woman). However, he did mention to me that if he and I were to be involved physically then I would not be the same person in his eyes since I am not the kind of woman who is involved in one night stands. He mentioned he values my friendship and therefore we shoul d try and not to get involved sexually. I agreed but I do have physical feelings for him. I also feel a little rejected since I know I am attractive to a lot of men in general but this man did give me very valid reasons for us not to sleep with each other. So, I controlled the feelings.

Then he left the job to move to another job and we still meet 2-3 times a week ( earlier it would be 5 times a week, every day after work). We talk a lot of stuff : work, career development, sometimes our spouses ( but nothing private), health etc. I feel like I am the one head over heels with him and it is hurting me that he does not show his feelings as much. I know I shouldn't feel that way but I have these feelings. Now, all of this made me think about how terrible I have been to my husband and I want to end the feelings I have for this man but want to keep the friendship ( I value his input in my life, he is very respectful, wise etc).

I am thinking of having a chat with him next week and telling him that I am hurt he rejected me sexually, I still have feelings, I will control my feelings and focus my energy on my husband but he will always be close to my heart. I will end up destroying myserf if I keep going on with feelings for him. He also wanted me to be someone like a wingwoman for him to pick up women who are interested in one night stands, I am thinking of helping him now. I was not able to help him before because I had feelings for him and it was hard to imagine him with other women. Any thoughts on the chat that I plan to have with him?

I have a wonderful marriage and husband and I don't know why I did this. Hope I can find an answer eventually.

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blamed for all

I am frustrated with my marriage of 8 years. I have 2 children from previous marriage boy 23, girl 14. My son has had significant mental health and substance abuse issues. He is currently in treatment and am hopeful. My issue is that my husband consistently tells me that I am at fault for my son's issues and tries to tell me it was not my fault....I was just ignorant of how to raise a son. He uses it to try to change my interactions with my daughter by saying you do not want her to turn out like x. She is an honor student...plays 3 instruments and is an all around good kid. I do not know how to get through to him how hurtful it is as a parent to have a child have problems and you blame yourself enough without significant other blaming you. Am I wrong to feel hurt when this is used with every disagreement?

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My wife gave up all intimacy, sex, kissing- 6 yrs ago

I've told my story to multiple friends as objectively as possible, yet I continue to seek any advice that could save my marriage because it is hanging by a thread. Sadly each one of my friends are amazed I've stayed in this marriage and I'm recently beginning to agree with them. It all started when we were 13-14yrs old.

1. History: W and I met as young teenagers and became great friends. We never engaged in a romantic relationship. She went to college and I went to the military. After she graduated we began to date and eventually married. We got pregnant our wedding night and I was thrilled about having kids ASAP.

2. Newly Weds: I moved her, payed her student loans ($60K), bought a house and spent my life savings to start our lives. She was very selfish in the beginning and spent too much money. I became very critical of her and we started to bicker over daily issues. The sex and intimacy dramatically slowed at about 6 months of pregnancy.

3. W Transformation: The W transformed almost overnight. After the kid was born I made her happy by maintaining abstinence for 3 months. I figured she would be excited to get back into it. She began to make countless excuses to avoid any intimate contact with me. Sex became a rare treat and we often argued over her lies and excuses not to have it. She later revealed to me that sex hurt and she had been faking pleasure for over a year. We became pregnant again with twins. The problem compounded after their birth. She quickly rearranged her priorities and placed me last in her life.

4. Intimacy: Before getting married we had a very healthy, fun and wild sex life. We loved to pleasure each other and she would passionately kiss me all the time. we flirted and had fun together. After child birth she quit flirting and only focused on kids. She suddenly stopped kissing me. She started pinching her lips together and I haven't had an open mouth or tongue kiss for 6 yrs no matter how much I try. She hates to be cuddled with, her neck breathed on/kissed, her breasts touched, touching me in any way. Basically she is disgusted by anything beyond mother/child interaction. Which is ironic because the kids get way more intimacy than me.

5. Sex: The W made this a passive aggressive tool to get her way. She would attempt to get all the extra chores and foot rubs in exchange for a sexual encounter. When anything didn't go her way the day that she scheduled sex, she would fight and argue so she could justify denying me intimacy. Sexual contact of all types is only allowed under her rules. Only 3 positions allowed, I have to finish quickly (as coached) and she refuses to take her top/bra off and she won't touch me ever. Having sex with a dead fish that constantly complains and only allows it 2-3 times a month began to wear on me. All other forms of sexual contact were under strict rule setting and guilt ridden tactics designed to make sex a transaction or concession for her wants around the house/relationship.

6. Professional Help: She claims the pregnancy caused physical damage and it is painful to have sex. I had to nag her for 2 years to discuss the problem with her doctor. She had no desire to solve the problem. When she finally met with the Dr. she refused to try most of the suggestions. She finally engaged in counseling. The doc told me to be patient while she tried to work on her intimacy issues. I did my part and she barely made any progress. We repeated this cycle (me begging her to seek help, her getting help, me giving her space/support while she healed) for the last 6 years and she hasn't made any progress. I've made several improvements with how I treat her but there has literally been no change in her motivation or intimacy progress. She just doesn't care.

7. Fidelity: After begging for my wife to be my lover and friend for 5yrs, and her giving very little effort, she suggested me seeking sex outside of marriage. To this day she still thinks it's all about sexual release. I must confess how badly I missed a woman desiring me, laying closely with me, sleeping with me and enjoying my company. It sucks to get rejected by your own wife on a regular basis. When I slept with other girls I didn't tell my wife, even though she gave me open consent all the time. Eventually she asked if I had ever done it and I told her yes. Surprisingly she was vey upset and she felt very hurt that I did it. She also claimed it was never sanctioned because we never worked out the specific terms of the arrangement. She confessed that she suggested it with the hopes a release would make me nicer to her and less horny. After all that time she still didn't understand that release would not solve problems in our marriage.

8. Roommates: For the last 4-5yrs we have basically been roommates. she expects me to be the complete husband, helping her with everything around the house. Sadly she is only playing part of the wife role. I work all day while she is home alone (kids at school) and I come home just to work more for her. She expects me to do everything she wants yet my needs are completely unfulfilled.

9. Current Situation: After living as roommates with no emotional connection, I made one last ditch effort to save the marriage. I decided to give her everything she wanted, be the perfect husband/father and to gain her affection. Surprisingly she appreciated the effort but made no attempts to improve the intimacy. After 3 months of that we got in a huge fight because she wouldn't cuddle with me in bed on fathers day. After two days of fights, I told her I wanted a divorce. I'm tired of being the only one to try.

10. Divorce: I told her if she didn't aggressively try to repair her intimacy issues that I would leave ASAP. She sat emotionless when I mentioned the D and she said she needed to process the information. She came back two days later and told me she wanted to try counseling again. I was super frustrated when she also asked me to go get individual counseling. We both agree that her issues are related to her childhood and her mother raising kids in an abusive home. I've given her 7yrs and I'm unhappy.

Should I give any more time to a woman that isn't interested in a romantic relationship ever again? I think divorce is the best option for us and especially my kids.

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How do you spend?

How do you spend Friday nights?
Date night, family night, alone? I am and feel terribly lonely now. Thought this would be a good question to ask. What do you do?
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I screwed up and want to fix it...

I am going through a terrible phase, having screwed up and facing consequences of my own actions.

I am married, early 30s ( both of us). I met a man, also married and 1 kid, at work and would occasionally chat with him, go for coffee. Once we went for drinks and he told me he is attracted to me and wants to sleep with me. I think that acted like a huge ego boost to me and I fell for him. After that, it was a limerance kind of phase : I always wanted to talk to him, be with him, had thoughts about him, lost some focus at work, forgot how to be a wife at home, forgot my family etc. I told him after a few days of the drinks meeting that I also had feelings for him and am attracted to him. He listened carefully to me. Ofcourse, he is the kind who is more than happy to have sex ( one time or a few times and forget the woman). However, he did mention to me that if he and I were to be involved physically then I would not be the same person in his eyes since I am not the kind of woman who is involved in one night stands. He mentioned he values my friendship and therefore we shoul d try and not to get involved sexually. I agreed but I do have physical feelings for him. I also feel a little rejected since I know I am attractive to a lot of men in general but this man did give me very valid reasons for us not to sleep with each other. So, I controlled the feelings.

Then he left the job to move to another job and we still meet 2-3 times a week ( earlier it would be 5 times a week, every day after work). We talk a lot of stuff : work, career development, sometimes our spouses ( but nothing private), health etc. I feel like I am the one head over heels with him and it is hurting me that he does not show his feelings as much. I know I shouldn't feel that way but I have these feelings. Now, all of this made me think about how terrible I have been to my husband and I want to end the feelings I have for this man but want to keep the friendship ( I value his input in my life, he is very respectful, wise etc).

I am thinking of having a chat with him next week and telling him that I am hurt he rejected me sexually, I still have feelings, I will control my feelings and focus my energy on my husband but he will always be close to my heart. I will end up destroying myserf if I keep going on with feelings for him. He also wanted me to be someone like a wingwoman for him to pick up women who are interested in one night stands, I am thinking of helping him now. I was not able to help him before because I had feelings for him and it was hard to imagine him with other women. Any thoughts on the chat that I plan to have with him?

I have a wonderful marriage and husband and I don't know why I did this. Hope I can find an answer eventually.

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am I being overly controlling??

My H and I have been married for almost two years now, and we have a darling little boy who is turning one.

My H comes from a group of friends who are more like family to him than his own family, and they welcomed me in as soon as we started dating. As a group we do a lot of things together, something that I love and appreciate.
It has also been common for my husband to have guys nights, multiple times a week, for hours....

When my husband isn't working or with them, he is at home with me and our son. And while sometimes I have to remind him to be present and engaged, he does spend time with us.

Even though I know for sure that nothing inappropriate is going on, and even though he always asks me first, I want to tell him that it's too much. Too many nights a week. Too many hours at a time.

I want a healthy and happy marriage, I want my husband to feel loved and welcome and secure in his own home. I also want to feel like we're the priority. I just don't know what a healthy balance looks like.

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Our life sucks

This may be a bit long. I am 25 and my husband will be 27 soon. We have been together for 3 years, married for 1. Until recently everything has been pretty good but now we have hit a pretty rough patch. Several reasons:

1. My husband hates his job. Hates it with every fiber of his being. The schedule is grueling and often abusive (being made to work until 2am and then back in at 10am). He is the only one working right now to support me while I am in cosmetology school full time. My program is intensive, 5 days a week 8 hours a day like a full-time job. It is draining and stressful and I have another 8 months to go before I finish. Due to his schedule being different every week, we rarely get a day off together and when we do we are so broke it's not like we can do much.

2. He is unable to really look for a different job as we have only one car and I need to take it to school which is much farther than his job, which is 5 minutes away. He takes Ubers to work but finds this inconvenient and demoralizing. We can't afford another car, let alone insurance and gas for two cars so getting another one is out of the question. We are left to try to make it work as best we can, which is very difficult.

3. He is from the UK where he did not need a car to get around and he is feeling like he's lost all independence as an adult, having to rely on me to take him for haircuts and stuff like that, when we can work it around my schedule. If I am ever irritable at having to take him somewhere when I'm tired and stressed from school and I think it can wait, he calls me selfish.

4. His degree is in political science and he feels it is completely useless and he will hate every job he ever has. He thinks, at 27, that his options have run out and it is too late to do anything with his life. He is incredibly pessimistic and hopeless about it and when he gets into a 'mood' about it, nothing I say can cheer him up or give him any hope and he becomes very quiet and cold and unaffectionate. Sometimes he is a bottomless pit of negativity and it is really difficult to be around. I struggle with depression and anxiety and intense negativity aggravates my symptoms and then we're both even worse off.

5. We live at my dad's house. My dad spends a few nights a week with his wife about an hour away but commutes to work down here so he is here 2 nights a week usually. We both absolutely hate it. We have no feeling of privacy or marital intimacy. My dad doesn't seem to care how uncomfortable it makes us and is aware that we are too poor to move out. He charges us $600 a month which is the absolute maximum we can afford. And the house is full of all his crap that my stepmom won't let him bring to her house and clutter the place up with.

6. His job will not let him socialize with sales associates (he's a manager). So he has made zero friends in the entire time he's lived here. No one. I am all he has. He has a really close group of friends back home that he talks to on Whatsapp and he's heartbroken and disappointed all the time by all the fun things they're doing at home that he can't be part of. He is horribly homesick lately.

We are stressed, sad, broke, and drifting apart from each other. I love him and he loves me but sometimes the misery of being at home is just soul-crushing. I feel like I ruined his life by bringing him out here. He has nothing and is totally stuck and it's my fault. I think he is deeply depressed and who wouldn't be in his situation? What do we do here? How can we make this better? I feel like I'm losing my mind and I've fallen into a bad depression recently as well and started going back to therapy. I just want my husband to be happy but it feels like there is nothing I can do for him. Please help.

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Love.

• Thread Starter

Love.

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• 41 minutes ago 41m ago

Many people on this part of the forum talk about their feelings or emotions of being in love or having love for someone else. However these people never talk about what actions they have undertaken for this person or what they have given up or compromised for them. Or when people are told that someone else loves them and they actually believe it. Even though the other person does nothing for them and treats them badly and hurts them.

So basically words, thoughts, emotions and feelings are meaningless. Actions are what matter. If people aren't willing to follow objective morality. Then they should be taught that actions prove someones love, nothing else does. Maybe if people understood this they wouldn't make as many mistakes and get hurt all the time.

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