Is this natural selection or residual abuse?

Hey ladies,

Lately it has dawned on me that nearly every single woman I have ever dated (included my ex-wife) has been overweight. One of the renters I had to kick out told me this recently in an immature way. It didn't hurt my feelings (he was acting like a child) but it made me wonder. Although he didn't know how I met those women and the background context, he was somewhat right. No matter where I go, what I do or what I say, bigger women gravitate towards me naturally and all the "sexy" women tend to be completely disinterested. Why could this be?

I love all women. I love the conversations and I love energy. I have boundaries and I am not a pig or a guy who goes for the "easy ones". Heck these days I couldn't care less about sex.

I am not depressed, sad, angry nor even emotional. My life is a blessing, filled with many good friends and abundant wealth. I love myself and my life. A few months ago I questioned whether it had to do with confidence, my height (5.5), my appearance, my attitude, but I know for sure it's not the case. Given the opportunity, I rock. I was once told that shorter men make some women feel huge. The women I have been with seem to be extremely comfortable in their own skin and with very little insecurities. It's one of the main reasons that they are my friends. I like cool chicks without trust issues, but lately I think that every "sexy" woman has some sort of issue to that regard. I don't want to believe this. Do you believe this is true, perhaps to some extent? Do "sexy" women feel like they are being prayed upon more often and perhaps feel safer around men who aren't a threat? Is this really true? I am really starting to empathize and feel sympathy for ladies.

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I snubbed my husband

My husband was off from work yesterday and I had to go into the office. He did a great job with hanging out with the kids without me asking him to. We have two boys, 9 &13. I'm always up for sex and have never outright refused him in that area but I just couldn't go there last night. After he came home from visiting with a friend, he tried to wake me up but I feigned a deep sleep until he gave up. I was just not feeling sexual. Started a demanding job for less money and haven't been going to the gym so I feel just yucky about my physical appearance and myself overall. He had an affair 2 years ago that I discovered and I have worked hard on forgiving him and putting our marriage together and I was handling it but at times I still get resentful. :frown2:

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Husband won't communicate

H won't communicate

Thank you for taking the time to read as this is rather long. My husband and I have been married 18 years. We have our issues and I know we should be divorced but in the meantime, he doesn't communicate with me. He tells the kids he will do things for them then doesn't and when they come to me I have no clue what they are talking about. He doesn't discuss our finances with me and when he does its after there is a problem and he acts as if I should have known. He schedules appointments for the kids, doesn't tell me until it's too late then expects me to be available to take them.

We barely talk but even still, I put everything in our online calendar and make sure that he gets notifications that I scheduled something and then once a day reminders starting three days ahead so there is no excuse for things to get messed up. But he ignores those and then gets mad at me when he can't do something he knew about for days, weeks, or months.

I never wanted to use the online calendar and he used to get on me because I didn't like it but once I started using it, not only did he stop using it, he stopped even looking at it as well as stopped adding groceries we run out of to the grocery list I keep there.

I'm not perfect but I can at least say that there are no surprises with me when it comes to communication from telling him I gave the dog fresh water to how I feel to appointments, and I even ask him how much money I can spend at the grocery store.

If I ask him questions that require a yes or no answer THEN he has a lot to say but it almost never has anything to do with the question I asked.

He is always yelling at me and calling me names and acts as if it's my fault when things don't go as planned but the only other thing I can think to do is open the calendar on his phone for him and make him read it out loud to me.

I have tried on many occasions and taken many different approaches in trying to tell him how I feel about this and I admit that they always haven't been civil, but for the most part, I'm either asking him why he feels I should not be included in major and minor decesions as well as asked him why he refuses to keep me informed. We even talked about this with the therapist who was pretty useless because he seemed more interested in my husband's level of stress than in the depression I have been going through as a result of this as well as the well being of our marriage at all.

This causes many fights. Any suggestions besides divorce him? That will happen in time. I have my reasons.
Thank You once again for taking the time to read this.
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Happy Father's Day to all the TAM Dads!

I hope all of the Dads here have a wonderful Father's Day! Extra special wishes for all the single dads, especially the FULL time single dads/widowers!

What's one thing you think you're good at as a dad?

If you're not a dad, what's one thing that you admire(d) about your dad, or anyone else who is a dad (i.e. husband, brother, friend) if your dad wasn't so great?

One thing I loved about my dad was that he was always SO positive. He only has one word on his gravestone...."Excellent." That's the word everyone knew him by because whenever he was greeted and asked how are you doing, he'd say, "Excellent!" in a booming voice. My dad was a high level executive in a Fortune 500 company, but was always sure to praise and compliment even the most menial of jobs. I remember one time he was in the hospital (he conquered stage IV bladder cancer) and I called him as I usually did at 7AM, and he said, "Oh hold on a second honey, the aide is here to give me my breakfast....."Jim," you are doing an EXCELLENT job! Thank you so much!"

My dad looooved Wendy's Frosties and also loved Dave Thomas (we went to hear him speak many years ago as part of my alma mater's Lyceum series) and his life story. Every year on Father's Day, Wendy's donates 50 cents for every Frosty purchase to the Dave Thomas adoption fund. My dad died of a heart attack on Christmas Day 2006, but I haven't missed a Father's Day Frosty since then, in memory of him. Even though I have a very busy day packing to move tomorrow, I'll be sure to make a special trip out for my Frosty! :)

My thoughts are with everyone for whom Father's Day is hard, whether it be because of a loss of your dad, a sick dad, an unfulfilled desire to be a dad, or a less-than-ideal dad.

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Need to vent!

Last night my husband was getting on our 12 year old son about studying for his English exam. Our son was frustrated and expressed to him that he basically didnt know how he was suppose to study. While I agreed with my husand, I basically stated to my husband that our son probably doesn't know where to begin. I wasn't finished speaking and my husband immediately jumped to the conclusion that I was making excuses for him(which, I was not).He went on a tirade at me accusing me of not encouraging him to study for the test. I'm on our son everyday aout his homework and studying. I immediately jumped to defend myself without getting a word in edgewise. Our two and a half year old son was in the room when all this took place. Meanwhile my husband words turned hurtful very quickly towards me as he dropped F-bombs. He then went into our bedroom and I followed. This is not common for my husband to act this way. I wasn't going to let him get away with twisting my w ords. I wanted to talk it out and resolve the issue. He told me to get out and I refused because I could not let it just go. Both kids were very upset and crying. He proceeded to call me the "B" word, go to hell and told me to go live with my " stupid sister". I hardley slept that night because I couldnt stop crying. He hurt me tremendously and I am very angry that our kids had to see him behave like that. I am not speaking to him. I can't, I'm too angry. I havn't even gotton an apology from him yet. I don't know what to do with the anger and sadness that I feel towards him. I want him to realize what he did was inexcusable and very hurtful.

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3 things you just can't ask for...

Rewriting a post... think this thread asks my question better...

Based on my life experiences I have found three things that I don't believe we have any right to ask for:
Trust Respect Forgiveness

I believe these things have to be earned. Are there any holes in this logic? Factors that I have not considered before I consider this principle absolute?

Also in terms of forgiveness (which I made a thread about but deleted as I thought it's better asked here):

There's the argument of "forgiveness is more for the forgiver; ie moving on with life etc", but is such a passive approach the best when it comes to dealing with - for instance - infidelity? Or a spouse that shows his or her partner no respect?

When there are no consequences it only encourage more of that behavior in my opinion, do folks disagree with this?

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Forgive and Move On or Make an Exit?

I found out 4 years ago that my husband had a one night stand with a work associate. At the time we were going through a rough patch financially and he said he didn't feel appreciated. I found out a few months later and decided to work through it for the sake of our three children. We went to counseling and moved on. Now fast forward to the present, I recently found out that the affair I know about was the second one. He had a three month affair earlier that same year with another work associate. He didn't tell me at the time for fear that I would leave. He was right of course, I would have. But I found out because he had been recently texting this person. Flirty texts, checking in with each other, meeting for lunch. But he swears it was nothing else. He seems to truly regret all of it. He says he no longer talks to the girl he was texting. He loves me and wants our marriage to work. Other than these instances he has been Mr Wonderful! But I am having a hard time letting things go. I want to believe that any sexual encounters happened years ago and the remorse he is showing to me is true. But how can I ever trust him again? I feel empty inside and like I just want to end it. But I worry about the impact that would have on our kids. They have a happy home life and this would be devastating. Advice anyone????

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So stupid, but getting wiser....

Started a new thread because it has a different focus...and question...

Quick recap: separated now two weeks, I have anger issues ( am in counseling for that now) never physically abusive but was verbally. She started the separation for anger but found out she fell in love with a mutual friend about a year ago (no doubt my anger didn't help).

New news: she let our friend know how she feels and he flat out rejected her and was extremely uncomfortable about it. Several people have told me about their argument over it so believe it is true. I have acted in the dark however to spare her any more pain.

I have read so much on this website and am currently reading the book "strong fathers, strong daughters" because I have a 4.5yr little girl that I want to be the best dad to. I highly recommend this book by the way even if you don't have a daughter, if you are male it is eye opening.

So. Reading this book and hundreds of threads it has confirmed for me that I am a total idiot, had no idea what my wife needed or how damaging my anger was. I have no excuses but I truly lived in darkness about it.

In reading the posts from women on this sight they show all the signs I am seeing with my wife now and it is so frequent and similar I guess it must be an evolutionary reaction at some point.

My question is simple, I am going to work on me and my issues regardless but am beginning to think that the best thing I can do now is walk away and push the big D, would it give her more peace. Reading those wanting to reconcile with verbal abusers is quite painful to read and at this point I think she deserves better. Regardless of any retaliatory steps she has taken toward me, I don't think I can blame her. Can a women truly bounce back from that kind of hurt?

I would take her back in a heartbeat but seriously question if that is what's best. Would love to hear thoughts, suggestions, advice...especially from women who may have experienced this first hand.

Thank you in advance.

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Husband chooses his free time over supporting his family

I am a working mother of a 1 year old, that can not afford daycare, so I rely on my mother to watch my son without pay. My husband is a poker dealer, only works 4 days a week, and every work day is between 2-5 hours long. Working for tips is stressful and difficult I know. But very inconsistent pay.
I have just recently taken on a second job, because both of our incomes combined, we still are over-drawn in our account every month just paying bills/rent/groceries/gas etc.

My husband on the other hand...refuses to find another job, or better, more consistent paying job. He goes on his runs every morning and plays his round of Disc golf. On his 3 days off he likes to go to his friends house to play pool/drink. He still complains that he does not get to go cycling anymore and he would be a lot happier if he did.
I have tried to tell him to get another job so he can support his family like he should, and he gets defensive. He claims that money does not buy happiness (and many people in the world would agree), but for someone in OUR position, penny pinching everyday, and struggling to pay our bills, and feeding our son the right nutritious foods he should be having...DAMN STRAIGHT money would make us a whole lot happier!

The thing is...I know that his free time to do what he wants for HIM, is more important than making sure his family is well taken care of. I thought I was marrying an "old fashioned" type of guy, but I was very wrong. I feel that if this continues, I am just going to resent him more and more until its too late. I love my husband, and want nothing more than to make this marriage work, especially for our son's sake. I just wish he would try harder!!

Please, any advice will be greatly appreciated.

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Is this normal?

I can NOT handle when my husband is upset. If he gets frustrated at the littlest thing it stresses me out and I try to fix it though I know I can't. He has slight anger issues as far as just letting things get him angry too fast. But really I am the one making myself feel like I have to walk on eggshells because if he gets slightly dissapointed (even if he's not mad at me specifically), I get really tense.
So this is my latest and I can't sleep now: It's my birthday weekend. I've never been to a casino before. There is one about 40 minutes away from home and another one 1.5 hours away from home. So I decided we should go to the one furthest away from home and get a hotel room and make a true "night away" out of it. We got there pretty early, spent the 200 we had planned on bringing in, and we were done by 8. Of course we didn't make any money which was to be expected, but of course my husband got irritated and quickly walked out after the last 20 was spent. He then mumbles about how stupid it was that we got a hotel and now we "have to be bored and stuck in a room and we spent 100 more on this hotel than if we would have gone to the closer one." We are well off financially so it's not a big deal to me, but he is PISSED now that we spent 300 dollars total in a weekend and wouldn't even speak to me in the hotel room. Went to sleep early. I can't handle this. I 'm at the point of shaking and I feel immense guilt for doing this for my birthday. Is it normal to HATE your husband being upset this much? Like if he is not happy, there's no way I am.

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Need advice

I've been married for 25 years and have been thinking about divorce for quite a while (5 years at least). Numerous times throughout, I have considered divorce but stayed. I had basically told myself that when my kids were through high school, I would divorce. My wife and I have not had sex in years, we rarely do anything together. I'm to the point that I don't like hanging out with her. So, youngest child will finish HS next year, recently the wife and I have had a few arguments and I've told her things that have bothered me. She said something to me that really took me back, she said that I made her feel that she was never good enough for me. I'm at the point that I think we both deserve to be happy. She isn't making me happy and I don't think I will make her happy. I feel like we are just existing and not really in a marriage. It does not feel like a relationship.
My question, should I talk to my wife and tell her I want a divorce before filing or should I get everything in order and then tell her?
This will be a shock to her. I've talked to a friend that went through a similar situation. His comment was this, long term happiness is more important than short term guilt. That is what I feel when I want to bring this up, is guilt. I don't feel in love with her anymore. I don't feel like spending time with her. ANyone that has gone through this, I'd love to get some advice.

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Not sure what to do

Dear friends, hello again. Its been a while since I posted anything here, but I have been a regular lurker.
So I find myself in a bit of a situation where I need some sense knocked into me...or a good 2x4 kick.

A year ago I met a woman who almost knocked me off my feet. I say almost, because if I wasn't so cynical and afraid she probably would have succeed in doing so. This was two years after my divorce (met her on the same date I filed). She is a single mother and had a very similar situation to mine. Very similar thinking and has old school values. We instantly clicked, but took things slowly.
I saw a potential in this relationship, unlike any relationship I had before. She is a wonderful and caring person.
So here we are, a year later…I still have trust issues and am somewhat less cynical than year ago. Probably because I know things could and any day so I am protecting my heart. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing.
I introduced my boys to her after about 8 months of dating and she did the same with her daughter. Boys (7&9) really like her and love playing with her daughter, who is the same age as my younger one. Her daughter likes me and I really like her (too early to say I love her), but I feel she is overly attached to her mom who lets her get away with anything. I told her this and she agreed with me, so now she is trying to change things a bit. But I don't want her to do it for me, if you know what I mean.
Anyhow, we both enjoy spending time together which is twice or three times a week and have very similar interests and outlook towards life. About a month ago we started having overnights with kids included, but we never slept in the same bed. Still taking things slowly a bit but very steady.
One thing that bothers me, and I told her this is that she is 35 and does not have a steady career. She came to US when she was 20 and worked different jobs. From bartending to working in a beauty salon. Right now she works in a nice restaurant four nights a week and during the day works in her own beauty salon (converted bedroom). She is a hard worker, and her ex finally started contributing towards the child expenses.
I have a good stable job making decent money. 20% of my paycheck goes to my ex who just went to court and is asking for more, which she will likely get. If she does that is going to put quite a stretch on my finances, so girlfriend and I talked about moving in together. She is very excited about this. In one hand I am too, because it will take a lot of financial burdens and stress from both of us trying to manage bills. But in the other hand I feel if we do so the relationship will change and I am afraid it will be harder. Yeah, I know it's supposed to be hard. So I am still undecided. By moving in together I would be 3-4 miles away from the boys (right now 12). I will have more money to spend on them and enjoy doing fun things together. But I am afraid that things between us two might change for worse, and I don't know why. I am afraid that on evenings she is working and I am alone with her daughter that I would not know how to discipline her if needed. I am afraid that my social life would suffer (and I have no reason to believe it would). And it just might be that I am afraid of getting close to someone again and getting hurt.
All my friends say that I am much happier when I am with her. The relationship is so much more refreshing than any I had before. We are both very open and respectful towards each other and we talk a lot about everything. But few times I thought about ending with stupid thinking that it would be better to end it now peacefully than later when things get more complicated. Yeah I know, it's wrong to think that. But I just don't know what I should do.
In hindsight I feel every decision I made in last three years was a right one, but some reason I think this one could cost me all the progress I made. Is this rational thinking? Any of you ever felt the same?
Friends asked me do I love her, I do, very much…but I don't know if I am in love with her. I don't even know what being in love is supposed to feel like any more. I am afraid to let her go because I'd hate to regret it, but sometimes want to see if there is possibly something better out there. Greener grass syndrome maybe?
Do I just go ahead and do it and if it ends at least I would have learned something. But I feel people would end up hurt, including me and the kids.
Damn, I feel like a selfish ******* sometimes. :crying:

My next step is to talk to her about all this I wrote, but I don't want to hurt her feelings.
So dear TAM people...I am asking you for some help. Ask me questions I possibly failed to ask myself. Tell me things from your perspective. And I understand that decision is ultimately mine...but need help to come to it.

Thanks

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Wife cheated and I don't know what to do!!

My wife and I have been married for almost 4 years and have been together for 6. We have 2 children, one is 3 and the other is almost a year old. About a month ago I found out on my wifes birthday that she had been having an affair for 3 months with a co-worker. I use to work at this jon with her so everyone there knew she was married and I even knew the guy she cheated on me with. I found out by finding deleted texts on her phone after I started noticing her coming home late far too often.
They talked very sexual to each other and she even sent him pictures of herself naked while he never sent her one! The affair never was anything but meeting up to kiss and make out. When I confronted her about it she was devestated and didn't know how to react. She said she felt awful about it and didn't know how it got out of hand. She said that it was because I stopped working there and when I did I stopped talking to her about work and stuff. She said he always talked to her about work until one night when he asked her to meet him somewhere so they could discuss work matter.
It eventually led to him kissing her and then it escalated from there. They did have sex one time which was about 5 days before I found out.
I was COMPLETEY destroyed and confused when I found out. She has never acted like the person to cheat. We are very private people. She has no friends and neither do I so we have always been each others support. It just doesnt make sense how this could happen. There were no signs of her being unhappy or anything and again she just ISNT the time to do this yet she did.
She immediately told the guy she was done stopped talking to him and has pulled a complete 180 and is now the perfect wife and is doing everything I ask her to do. She is truly the person I "thought" I was married to before this.
The problem is that I have always had ZERO tolerance for cheating due to it happening to me in previous past 2 relationships. She truly is sorry, I can see it and I do believe she would never do this again but I just don't know if I can get over it. Are there some people who even if the spouse did EVERYTHING right they still couldn't work it out. I feel like thats me and I hate that because I want my children to have their parents together but I just don't know how I can ever get over this hurt or ever get close to trusting her again. Please help!

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Charleston masacre

Obama said at the White House. "At some point, we as a country will have to reckon with the fact that this kind of mass violence does not happen in other advanced countries. It doesn't happen in other places with this kind of frequency. It is in our power to do something about it."
So, in your opinion... what is wrong in America and what should be done about it?

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Is this really over???

Hi there,

Sorry for the length of this post and sorry in advanceed for grammar mistakes...English isn't my first language.

My wife just told me this morning that she loves me but she says she can't bear me anymore, and that she's confused about her feelings...if she loves me, or if it's just an habit etc. She's not seeing someone. She told me and I trust her 100% on this. Let me tell you about my story:

1) I met my wife online and we talked about thee years intensively before I finally decided to go to her country to meet her. Once we met, we fell in love and we decided to try to LD relationship. I would go see her or she would come to see me about every 3-4 months. I proposed to her after 2 years because I was tired and wanted to be with her more often.

2) Even at the beginning of the relationship, things were mostly fine but we would end up in bad fights such as name calling and she would push me but then we would say/promise to each other to work on those issues and that everything would be fine.

3) When she landed at my country, we had to live for a couple months at my fathers place until I would get enough money to get out. My father had alcohol problems back then and it was very stress ambient. I come from a family where my parents only yelled at each other and then the following morning it would be fine. So I did the same with my wife sometimes. I will always remember the first Christmas she was here crying because my uncontrolled father was a mess and I got pissed off at him and she cried because she missed her parents.

4) As I was a selfish prick and only child kind of behavior, I would always tell her how to do things and make sure her choices wouldn't have a negative impact on mine. She felt pressured, and like not being able to be who she is and to follow a path I decided or else I would got angry. It's not like I would always get mad at everything, but she was used to be free with parents who let her be 100% independant.

5) On a couple occasions, it happened that I did disrespected her and then she would hit me in the face to defend herself. She told me then that whenever she hears me up my voice, she feels threatened. I also told her that one night my friends and I went to the stripper's joint and then drunked as hell I kissed a stripper but then I stopped before going all the way because I was feeling like **** and cheating on her.

6) To improve things, I decided to go to counselling and they found out I had ADD disorder and started taking meds. I also tried to solve my family problems from when I was younger and living in this f*cked up atmosphere where disrespect and violence was present.

7) Things got better mainly but then she still feels like I'm threatening her. It's like she sees I've changed but then can't process it inside her. She says that she doesn't forgive herself to not have left me before...but then she says she doesn't know she can't have me in her life. She gets angry easily and escalates small problems into big fights...she says I don't deserve this.

Sooo...since we had an argument last night while driving to a friends bbq, she wanted out of the car and spent the night in the city. When I came back from the bbq, she was sleeping so we didn't talk. This morning I sent her an email saying I loved her but we have communicating issues and we sould seek councellor. She replied to me that she knows we have those problems but apart of this she's confused and she doesn't want to hurt me more. She says she will be out of the appartment soon and we should do it the softest way possible. I said I understand her position and that if I truly love her, I don't want her to be feeling unhappy. I told her that if you find out with clarity what you want with me, I just hope it won't be too late. Let me add that she has been telling me her desire to leave for a couple months when we had big arguments.

As my father is visitating this weekend and got home this morning, I told her if she wanted to eat with us after she announced me that she would leave me and she said...why are you like this and cried and hugged me but then said that she prefers to go out so the mood won't be weird for my father.

I feel like I destroyed that woman before, but then I changed 100% but the hurt is done. Her feelings are mixed: love with resentment. I will never forgive me. She left everything for me. I just dont imagine my life without her. She's my best friend and soulmate. I love her to death.

Am I hoping something that will never happen? Can she find out she misses me and realize that I've really changed and wants me back? Do I contact her from time to time to know how she is doing? Her approach is more like no contact so it doesn't hurt for both of us.

Thank you very much

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Is this natural selection or residual abuse?

Hey ladies,

Lately it has dawned on me that nearly every single woman I have ever dated (included my ex-wife) has been overweight. One of the renters I had to kick out told me this recently in an immature way. It didn't hurt my feelings (he was acting like a child) but it made me wonder. Although he didn't know how I met those women and the background context, he was somewhat right. No matter where I go, what I do or what I say, bigger women gravitate towards me naturally and all the "sexy" women tend to be completely disinterested. Why could this be?

I love all women. I love the conversations and I love energy. I have boundaries and I am not a pig or a guy who goes for the "easy ones". Heck these days I couldn't care less about sex.

I am not depressed, sad, angry nor even emotional. My life is a blessing, filled with many good friends and abundant wealth. I love myself and my life. A few months ago I questioned whether it had to do with confidence, my height (5.5), my appearance, my attitude, but I know for sure it's not the case. Given the opportunity, I rock. I was once told that shorter men make some women feel huge. The women I have been with seem to be extremely comfortable in their own skin and with very little insecurities. It's one of the main reasons that they are my friends. I like cool chicks without trust issues, but lately I think that every "sexy" woman has some sort of issue to that regard. I don't want to believe this. Do you believe this is true, perhaps to some extent? Do "sexy" women feel like they are being prayed upon more often and perhaps feel safer around men who aren't a threat? Is this really true? I am really starting to empathize and feel sympathy for ladies.

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Curious to know...

Wondering if any guys on here have ever downloaded a help book to help them with women. Trying to move on from my WS and i ran into an Ebook called Language of Lust online. Can't seem to find any legit reviews online though.

Anybody ever buy something like this...does this **** work?

I'd like to know your opinions before i dish out 50 bucks.

Not sure if this is a good place to post this but here goes anyways...

I've been out of the dating game so long, I'm just looking for an edge I guess.

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Happy Father's Day to all the TAM Dads!

I hope all of the Dads here have a wonderful Father's Day! Extra special wishes for all the single dads, especially the FULL time single dads/widowers!

What's one thing you think you're good at as a dad?

If you're not a dad, what's one thing that you admire(d) about your dad, or anyone else who is a dad (i.e. husband, brother, friend) if your dad wasn't so great?

One thing I loved about my dad was that he was always SO positive. He only has one word on his gravestone...."Excellent." That's the word everyone knew him by because whenever he was greeted and asked how are you doing, he'd say, "Excellent!" in a booming voice. My dad was a high level executive in a Fortune 500 company, but was always sure to praise and compliment even the most menial of jobs. I remember one time he was in the hospital (he conquered stage IV bladder cancer) and I called him as I usually did at 7AM, and he said, "Oh hold on a second honey, the aide is here to give me my breakfast....."Jim," you are doing an EXCELLENT job! Thank you so much!"

My dad looooved Wendy's Frosties and also loved Dave Thomas (we went to hear him speak many years ago as part of my alma mater's Lyceum series) and his life story. Every year on Father's Day, Wendy's donates 50 cents for every Frosty purchase to the Dave Thomas adoption fund. My dad died of a heart attack on Christmas Day 2006, but I haven't missed a Father's Day Frosty since then, in memory of him. Even though I have a very busy day packing to move tomorrow, I'll be sure to make a special trip out for my Frosty! :)

My thoughts are with everyone for whom Father's Day is hard, whether it be because of a loss of your dad, a sick dad, an unfulfilled desire to be a dad, or a less-than-ideal dad.

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I snubbed my husband

My husband was off from work yesterday and I had to go into the office. He did a great job with hanging out with the kids without me asking him to. We have two boys, 9 &13. I'm always up for sex and have never outright refused him in that area but I just couldn't go there last night. After he came home from visiting with a friend, he tried to wake me up but I feigned a deep sleep until he gave up. I was just not feeling sexual. Started a demanding job for less money and haven't been going to the gym so I feel just yucky about my physical appearance and myself overall. He had an affair 2 years ago that I discovered and I have worked hard on forgiving him and putting our marriage together and I was handling it but at times I still get resentful. :frown2:

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Husband won't communicate

H won't communicate

Thank you for taking the time to read as this is rather long. My husband and I have been married 18 years. We have our issues and I know we should be divorced but in the meantime, he doesn't communicate with me. He tells the kids he will do things for them then doesn't and when they come to me I have no clue what they are talking about. He doesn't discuss our finances with me and when he does its after there is a problem and he acts as if I should have known. He schedules appointments for the kids, doesn't tell me until it's too late then expects me to be available to take them.

We barely talk but even still, I put everything in our online calendar and make sure that he gets notifications that I scheduled something and then once a day reminders starting three days ahead so there is no excuse for things to get messed up. But he ignores those and then gets mad at me when he can't do something he knew about for days, weeks, or months.

I never wanted to use the online calendar and he used to get on me because I didn't like it but once I started using it, not only did he stop using it, he stopped even looking at it as well as stopped adding groceries we run out of to the grocery list I keep there.

I'm not perfect but I can at least say that there are no surprises with me when it comes to communication from telling him I gave the dog fresh water to how I feel to appointments, and I even ask him how much money I can spend at the grocery store.

If I ask him questions that require a yes or no answer THEN he has a lot to say but it almost never has anything to do with the question I asked.

He is always yelling at me and calling me names and acts as if it's my fault when things don't go as planned but the only other thing I can think to do is open the calendar on his phone for him and make him read it out loud to me.

I have tried on many occasions and taken many different approaches in trying to tell him how I feel about this and I admit that they always haven't been civil, but for the most part, I'm either asking him why he feels I should not be included in major and minor decesions as well as asked him why he refuses to keep me informed. We even talked about this with the therapist who was pretty useless because he seemed more interested in my husband's level of stress than in the depression I have been going through as a result of this as well as the well being of our marriage at all.

This causes many fights. Any suggestions besides divorce him? That will happen in time. I have my reasons.
Thank You once again for taking the time to read this.
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