Why do councilling and family support resources not speak of men in womens' midlife c

Worked my butt off for 15 years to support the family, who didn't want to shift when work forced me to move. busted my arse, burnt friendships, relationships, took horrendous risks to be there whenever I could. Came to every child thing I could manage. Worked 12-17 hours a day, 7 days week, 8 years - only breaks I had was to spend time with them.
Business partners finally wanted to retire so I sold up, and put everything into a couple of rental properties and a house just down the road from them....

And she is having her mid life crisis.

Why aren't men (and government and culture) aware that women go through this mid life crisis ?! I have put my entire life into supporting them and trying to build a future only to be treated like absolute ****, I am the enemy I can't open my mouth without being told how wrong and nasty I am or just outright ignored.

I read up on the (little) literature that exists, and all I can find supports the "poor woman rediscovering herself" and talking how wonder it is she can "re-invent" who she wants to be......usually by ditching the poor guy who thought they were in for the long haul (like she demanded early in the relationship). And all the responses are so positive about how wonderful it is for her, how empowering, how much she "deserves it".

If I gave my wife this much pain and loss, I'd be imprisoned. (it's not like I've done anything wrong!!!! I'm finally getting to come home :crying::crying::crying::crying::crying::crying::c rying:)

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Dealing with anger left behind by cheating husband

I thought i was doing fine after all these time . N 2 days ago , i buckle under stress n i yelled at my kids who didnt cooperate with homework n bedtime . I burst n said a few things about what the father did , cheating financially , and hence i am working my ass off . i shouldnt have . Does it happen to you , anger issues ? Do you seek counseling to deal with anger at being cheated ?

I really dont want to have another outburst at my kids again .

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Love Addiction?

Has anyone ever seriously gotten into what it really takes to say one has a love addiction?

When I read about it I check some of the boxes but many of them just seem like insecurity issues. IE, I've been cheated on in my last 3 relationships so I don't think my trust issues are because of my upbringing. Just curious if anyone has dug into this or has opinions. I pasted one of their lists below.


Most Common Signs and Characteristics of Love Addiction:

Lack of nurturing and attention when young
Feeling isolated, detached from parents and family
Seek to avoid rejection and abandonment at any cost
Highly manipulative and controlling of others
Unrealistic expectations of others in relationships
Mistake intensity for intimacy (drama driven relationships)
Hidden Pain / Denial
Afraid to trust anyone in a relationship
Inner rage over lack of nurturing, early abandonment
Sense of worthlessness without a relationship or partner
Need for positive regard
Tolerance for high-risk behavior
Presence of other addictive or compulsive problems
Using others, sex & relationships to alter mood or relieve emotional pain
Confusion of sexual attraction with love at first sight
For some, a tendency to trade sexual activity for "love" or attachment
Outer facade of "having it all together" to hide internal disintegration
Existence of a secret "double life"
Refusal to acknowledge existence of problem
Tendency to leave one relationship for another. (Inability to be without a relationship.)

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My next step?

There is no trust in my marriage. My H has been unfaithful from the moment I met him. I saw the warning signs, but against my better judgement, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He begged me to stay the first time I accused him of cheating. Technically, he hadn't been in a physical relationship with anyone (that I knew of), but he was still communicating with his ex while we were dating. He told me that he was faithful and that I didn't have anything to worry about. I chose to believe him. We've been together for almost 17 years now, married for 16, but there has been no trust in our relationship since that first betrayal. He lies to my face; however, there is never any physical evidence so I come out looking crazy and insecure. With the help of social media he managed multiple sights, passwords, and tweaks to cover his tracks. Last year I found sexual paraphernalia from OW he'd met both locally and online. I was ready to sign divorce papers that day, but against my better judgement, I gave him another chance. After 17 years of emotional and mental abuse you'd think I'd know better than to trust him.


He has been acquitted, but was charged with rape in a military court. Initially, he lied to me about the charges. He told me that members of his unit were being charged with stealing and that others in the unit, including him, were being investigated for the same thing. A few weeks before I'd asked him to leave the house. I'd had finally had enough. He told me that he wasn't going anywhere until his trial was over. I couldn't accept this. I had had enough and wanted him out. He was lying, cheating, and sneaking around, but without proof I was just "crazy". He'd come and go as he pleased as if I were just his housemaid and nanny and his text records were over 30 pages long. I could't keep accusing him without solid proof, so I decided to do some research. I found that he was talking and texting over 30 different W. Co-workers, random women he'd found over social media, and EG. One of the OW he'd text everyday, from the time he woke up in the morning, into the early morning hours. The times he drove to and from work, while working, after work, and while at home with his family. Most of the time while his children and I were sitting in the same room. His phone was always glued to his hip and was always locked, he'd quickly shut his computer whenever I entered the house (or the room), and he'd lock his phone screen or put it down whenever I entered the room. I also noticed how he'd turn his body away at an angle while texting so that I couldn't see what he was doing. Most of this going on while I sat in the same room.

The only concrete evidence I had was how he treated me. It came to a point where all I felt was hatred, so I went forward with my plans for separation. I had the agreement all typed up. We went to mediation and I was ready to begin my journey to divorce. I was also in counseling and my counselor thought that it was unfair of him to keep me in the dark about what was going on with his trial. The only reason I found the truth was because my counselor contacted his commanding officer and told him about what was going on with him at home. I was so embarrassed. I, a grown woman, needed the help of another adult to get the answers my "H" was too afraid to admit. He finally came clean though. He cried. He did admit to seeking OW out and meeting some of them. He admitted that he'd been doing this as long as we'd been married. He also told me that despite all of that, he wasn't guilty of the assault or sleeping with anyone. He convinced me to stay with him despite the past and what he'd been doing recently. He told me that he would delete everything and everyone from every social media outlet. In that moment I decided to give him another chance because I felt as though I would be a "bad wife" for leaving him at his lowest point. I also felt guilty. So I stayed. Now, a little over a year later, we're right back to the lack of trust. He insists that he has changed, some, and I do see a minor change. I've also acknowledged that. However, I still see the secrecy, strange behaviors, and questionable texts. Now, we also have to deal with the financial stress of no longer being a military family. One of the reasons we had to retire was because of his court-martial. Rather than apply for a local government position or a mid-range salary position, he decides (on his own) to accept a job in Texas working with a former service member. Despite not having any family or friends on this side of the map, I agree to move our five children cross-country. Now I'm being blamed for our money problems and being called lazy for not working. He complains when I spend money on essentials, but when I give him the list of errands to run, he tells me that he's working and that I "do nothing all day", so its basically my job to do it. I left a government position to follow him to TX only to be belittled, attacked verbally, intimidated, and probably cheated on. I sent him the separation agreement this week. He wants me wait until he's ready to discuss the next step.

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Hello

I'm Beth. I am a mom of five and a wife of almost 16 years. We were a military family for 17 years, now we've settled in TX. I hope to gain some perspective on my current situation, as well as help anyone else in a similar situation as mine.

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I don't know what I should do...

I've been married for nearly two years. We've been together for almost four. Early on in the relationship we had problems. I saw something on her phone and instead of asking I immediately accused her of cheating. Since then I had tried to work on my insecurity. We have both been cheated on in the past. After a while, I got curious and started checking her phone and then she lost her trust in me. We still tried to work things out. I got a new job shortly after moving in. Her daughter started calling me daddy. She's 7 now. Anyway, we had our fights. We both got better at not storming off afterwards. And tried talking things out. On a semi related note, I have ADHD. I do a lot of things on impulse. Or I decide not to do things on impulse. Well, time went by and we got married. I can see now how lazy I must have looked to her. I started saying abusive things to or about her, not on purpose but impulse. And it got worse when she started getting fed up and I wo und up taking it out on our daughter. I didn't mean to, but I did. I'm still no good at this dad thing. And then I started getting written up at work. We fought, and I asked her for another chance time and time again. fast forward to 5 months ago, and there we were again. Same problems, but every time I thought we were better, boy was I wrong. She never forgot anything I've done over the years. All the mistakes I made and times I've hurt her come through. Now to July this year, vacation to see my family. Daughter is watching my cousin and I doing something and walks off and trips on something and breaks her elbow. I was in panic mode like honey get the car let's go to the hospital. Well now here we are Sunday the 6th this month I get my final write up as she's getting ready to leave town to build up clients for Mary Kay. I try not to worry about it, and we talk until Monday morning. After Monday morning, that ugly creature rears its head. Doubt. I had started suspecting her of cheating again. Then I did something worse, I went to her best friend, trying to catch her in a lie, if she was. That's when it all went south again. Her friend had informed her of what we had planned, saying that I said she likes sex more than her own daughter, which I never did. Again, all impulse. She gets home Wednesday night and yeah, she's mad. She's tried to help me but I always got annoyed with her. Anyway, things seemed to be okay until the following day, when I get my termination papers. I immediately went over to her friend with every intention of stopping our plan. She ignores me and says we'll see what she says monday. Now is when she goes and talks to my soon to be ex wife without my knowledge, twisting my own words against me. Friday night, 6 am. Well Saturday morning but doesn't matter. We have a huge fight, like one we haven't had in years. I said things I can never take back. Now I'm furious at her friend and take off to confront her at 6 am. Not thinkin g about the fact she and her husband have a newborn baby. I sit there and talk with another friend of theirs just to try to calm down. He told me what was said between us stayed that way. What a crock. Now they're all pissed at me thanks to whatever my wife told them after I left later that afternoon. Some friends huh. Anyway, the next day she's telling me to leave. I refused at first, but then I gave in once she threatened the cops on me. Sunday I packed up what I could fit in my car. After begging and pleading for her to take me back. I know now she never returned to trusting me. She said the very reason she was done and it was to late was I was abusive to them both. I see that I was now. She immediately declared legal separation on the 14th. And thanks to tribal law our divorce is on our 2nd anniversary of all days. She doesn't trust me to the point that she honestly believes that I broke our daughter's arm. Here we are now and she's letting me stay here until my new apar tment is ready on the 1st. But she still insists This isn't my home anymore. She only lets me see my daughter under close supervision and with as little contact as possible. I don't get it. She's got such hate for me and says she'll never forgive me but acts civil because she "only cares about me as a human being. " I've tried talking to her a couple of times but when I get her to listen she runs off to her friend. Now I don't know. Maybe she still loves me but she just can't ever forgive or trust me again. I see how hurt she is. I blew my last chance, but I still want to try to change. I've already started by getting back on medication for adhd, finally doing what she asked of me hoping she'll change her mind about the divorce. I even got her and our daughter a matching anniversary gift back in July when I thought things were fine and now I don't know what to do with that. I've contemplated going ahead and finishing moving out, and waiting until the court date with no other contact just to deliver them to her with a heartfelt letter and just walking off and hoping for the best, since according to her I won't need to be there and the divorce will go through immediately without a 30 day waiting period. What should I do? I've meant it every time I wanted to better myself and our marriage but I let her down too many times? I don't want to have to move on, and then there's our daughter. I'm seeing her every day since I left. I've read all the articles saying let her and she'll either remember and start to miss you or she'll move on. I don't want that. I don't want this divorce. I want to show her for once that I WILL change with a determination I've never shown before. What do I do? Anyone help me!
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Five Love Languages - speaking AND listening

Had some spare time and did some thinking.

If you don't know the background to this already, there's a book Home | The 5 Love Languages® | Improving Millions of Relationships? One Language at a Time.

Maybe I haven't done enough of my own reading but it seems to me that there are TWO facets to each of those five languages. It's our responsibility to speak in a language other people understand to get our message across. There are TWO parts to language – speaking and comprehension.

If my partner, colleague, babysitter, etc doesn't understand Korean, I would not go around trying to initiate discussions or tell them anything important in that language. If they only speak Spanish to me, I would not understand anything they were telling me. If neither of us made an effort to use the other language, we'd never accomplish anything together.

This is where that Love Languages facet thing comes in. You have to be aware of what YOU use to demonstrate your love, and you also have to be aware of what you like to receive from your partner to internalize their love for you. You also have to speak to your partner about love in a language THEY understand, and recognize when they are trying to express love in THEIR own language. So for a good marriage, you need all FOUR of those things going.

If the man gives love through touch, the woman has to understand that him touching her and trying to initiate sex is not about his physical pleasure, it's about him demonstrating love. If the woman doesn't understand this, she just feels groped all the time and that he treats her body as a tool for him to use. She won't feel loved.

If the woman receives love through acts of service, she feels loved when her partner does his fair share around the house and extras for her. If the man slacks off on housework or tends to leave home reno projects unfinished, she won't feel loved.

If the woman gives love through quality time, she expresses her love by wanting to be around the man all the time, and wanting them to go everywhere together. If the man doesn't understand this, he just feels smothered and annoyed by her constant presence. He won't feel loved.

If the man gives love through gifts, he may frequently bring flowers, trinkets, appliances, chocolate for her. If she doesn't understand this, she may be annoyed at the expense of the flowers all the time, feel the knick knacks are cluttering up the house, think that appliances mean he wants her to work harder in the kitchen, and be disappointed that he's not supportive of her attempts to lose weight. She won't feel loved.

If the woman gives love through words of affirmation, she may always be talking about how great he is, how much she loves him, how she finds him attractive, etc, but he won't believe it if she doesn't follow it up with action that matches what he likes to receive. He won't feel loved.

If the man receives love through quality time, but his wife likes to keep busy with the house, the children and her job and hobbies, he will feel low priority in her life and feel neglected. He won't feel loved.

If the woman receives love through words of affirmation, but her husband tends to be uncommunicative and not talk about his emotions, she'll doubt his feelings for her. She won't feel loved.

If the woman gives love through acts of service, she may work hard to keep the house spotless and have gourmet dinner ready when he comes home from work. But if he loves simple mac 'n cheese just as much as roast chicken with all the trimmings and would prefer to unwind from work in front of the TV before eating, he won't feel loved.

I could go on and on with examples of love language incompatibility. Even the HD/LD divide (except when medical) is fundamentally a difference in the love language of touch. The HD person is one who gives AND receives love through touch, while the LD is someone for whom it's much further down on the scale. They simply can't understand the message, nor can they communicate well in it.

There's also an unfortunate dynamic where people feel that expressing love in a way that doesn't come naturally to them only needs to be done for a limited time. So if you need to receive touch, your partner may provide sexual activity long enough to prove they love you, then assume that now you know, those efforts don't need to be kept up. If you need to receive gifts, your partner may initially provide a sufficient supply to demonstrate their affection and devotion, then slow down or stop because you've been 'won.'

I think the best marriages must be those who have compatible love languages, where each partner likes to give the same thing their partner likes to receive. Anything else leads to resentment building up over time unless the partners put in great effort at communication.

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Does your wife have toxic friends

During the worst part of our almost 50 year marriage, I blamed a major part of it on my wife's friendship with a women who had a cheating a$$ of a husband.....

They would have long phone conversations, each one trying to one-up the other about what a pric% they had married.....The wife would come away from these conversations with a huge chip on her shoulder....

My wife also had atrial fib that would act up when she was upset....Which these phone calls would do...The friend would always say...You should rush to the emergency room...I would tell her...Take a Xanax and an ambien and go to bed....When she was rushed to the hospital they gave her a Xanax and an ambien and put her to bed....SURPRISE!

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I like my "cousin" is this incest?

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I like my "cousin" is this incest?

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• 3 hours ago 3h ago

Okay i see him a lot at family events and he's really cool and cute.
I call him my "cousin" but i guess he's just a relative.
He's my mum's brothers wife's brother's son.
Is it weird/incest that i kinda like him?
What even is he to me?

Please don't be mean

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If you can find it in your heart, please pray for my XH

I am so glad I found this particular forum as I need help.

My XH I believe is severely depressed. A mutual friend told me he was not himself and explained to me how he saw him. I feel terrible as we have no contact and I'm afraid all his anger has gone inward and so now he is self reflecting. He is very stubborn and will probably not seek medical attention.

Please pray so that our good Lord finds someone that can guide my X into seeking professional help ASAP. I know what the power of prayer can do.

Thank you so much in advance for your much needed help.

************************************************** *******


Quick recap on my story:

I Divorced my XH almost 7 years ago. About a month ago, I seeked contact and we spend a great weekend together. I love the man, but he was still very angry at me for leaving him and divorcing him. Not entirely true, but it was his belief and in a way a mechanism to accept letting me go...just speculating cuz I really don't know.

Anyhow, I posted my story on another thread, but I stupidly use my nickname (Bibi) which is what I go by IRL. Not a very common name at all, so now I'm feeling paranoid and I feel like I need to go back and delete my posts that may be traced to me IRL.


With much gratitude,

Bibi

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How can I find a girl my age?

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How can I find a girl my age?

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• 3 hours ago 3h ago

I'm at university and 25 years old. Everyone is 18/19/20. Well most are 18/19. Sometimes when I think about pursuing some 18/19 year old girls I feel really dirty.

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friendship??

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friendship??

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• 1 Hour Ago 1 hour ago

ok so I'm kinda in a rut. I have this friend which puts me down and never congratulates me for things that have been important to me... She likes to talk over me when in a crowd also but she is sometime there when times are tough? What should I do? Ditch??? P.s friendship of 10 years +

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Should I ask my best friend out of not? man > woman

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Should I ask my best friend out of not? man > woman

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• 1 Hour Ago 1 hour ago

I hang out with a fairly big group of friends that I've met at uni mainly made up of girls. I've had good friendships with all of them, never been there sexually with any of them.

One girl in particular has been my best mate right from the start of university and continued the friendship as we get along very well. She would always come to me whenever something bad happens, if a guy is being a dick to her, stressed about anything. Because we also lived together in halls she would often come in my room and lay next to me on my bed , inviting herself watching me watch what I watching on TV or playing a game. sleep next to me

I moved house after uni living in the same town and she always round, she is a great friend to me love her company but I've noticed she has become way more touchy and flirty towards me, she has even undresses in front of me (not nude) that I find kind of strange. sharing in the same bed

She knows about the girls I sleep with and hell she even helped me herself but I don't know if she has fallen for me or not, or just being extra clingy since we both live together anymore.

I don't know if I like that way or not but if I asked her and read her wrong it could ruin our friendship and we have the same friendship group so don't want them to take sides or the group fall apart if doesn't work.

What should I do?

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How much should I spend on an annual basis for a girl in a LDR to keep her satisfied?

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How much should I spend on an annual basis for a girl in a LDR to keep her satisfied?

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• 2 hours ago 2h ago

I know this question is rather subjective and depends on quite a lot of factors, but I need an estimation.

We are in out early twenties (I am a final year student and she is working), in two years time we will hopefully move together hence I will have to keep her happy in the meantime.

Every time I come and visit her which should be once every two months (she lives in Germany) I will bring her a gift.

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Do you ever contemplate the end?

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Do you ever contemplate the end?

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• 3 hours ago 3h ago

I sometimes wonder. I'm 19 and thought about dying and wonder if anyone would care. I wonder if my parents would care at all.

Does anyone else feel the same?

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Behaviour/body language of these two girls?

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Behaviour/body language of these two girls?

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• 47 minutes ago 47m ago

I work in a shop, and was wondering about the body language and behaviour of these two girls that came in (during different instances)

Girl 1:

Very pretty. Was making small talk with her, and she was all smiles. Told me she worked in a cafe down the road. I mentioned to her that her place was supposed to be good and that I should try it out sometime, and she was quick to say "you should, I'll serve you." I noticed that she had her phone in her hand and kept looking at it, and also had her arms folded at one point.

Girl 2:

Absolute hottie, the sort who you'd imagine would have all kinds of guys looking at her, probably gets hundreds of likes on her Facebook photos etc. She comes in now and again and seems like a nice enough girl, always smiles and says hello when I'm stood outside having a cigarette and she comes in. When I served her, I noticed she kept playing with her hair and adjusting her top.

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I grabbed her by the neck and pushed her, was i in the wrong?

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I grabbed her by the neck and pushed her, was i in the wrong?

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• 1 Hour Ago 1 hour ago

Shes extremely bossy and controlling. She always wants me to stay home by her side. However i have my own life, i like to spend time with my friends. Yesterday i informed her that im meeting some of my friends but she reacted aggressively with a harsh tone. "look at the time and youre going out with friends". It was literally 9pm so i just ignored her and walked off. She shouts, "why the **** are you ignoring me". She then comes behind me and pours hot soup behind my back. I was honestly fuming, so i grabbed her by the neck and pushed her to floor. I havent seen a week since, i have burn marks because of her. Was i in the wrong?

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