becuase you g/f doesnt like that sort of film, but your friend is really into marvel and dc comics and the movies
use the Poll
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When you have had enough let it out. A forum style blog about relationship issues and concerns,join in and have your say.
is it ok to go and see the X Men movie with a girl who isnt your girlfriend
Disneyland parenting
Do any of you have advice for handling a Disneyland parent? One of the major reasons my wife filed for separation was because I protested the lifestyle she and the kids (9 and 3) shared. She regularly gets season passes to the zoo, museums, children's museums, amusement parks, movies, and many other places. Upon news we were separating, her parents paid for a 10 day trip to Disneyland. Now, a few months later, they're on a three week vacation to the Oregon Coast and Yellowstone.
I know that I have little recourse to change any of that behavior, but it leaves me in a pair of problems. One, everything there is to do around town - they've done it with her already. And Two, when it comes time for my weekends with them, they're usually exhausted. During the school year, they'll usually hit at least one of those places a week, and 4 or 5 of them a week over the summer. I really like spending time with the kids, and like to focus on what it is THEY want to do, but it tends to lead to weekends of naps, downtime, and tv/books. Not horrible, but I'd like to be able branch out a bit, you know?
Any advice/success stories?
I know that I have little recourse to change any of that behavior, but it leaves me in a pair of problems. One, everything there is to do around town - they've done it with her already. And Two, when it comes time for my weekends with them, they're usually exhausted. During the school year, they'll usually hit at least one of those places a week, and 4 or 5 of them a week over the summer. I really like spending time with the kids, and like to focus on what it is THEY want to do, but it tends to lead to weekends of naps, downtime, and tv/books. Not horrible, but I'd like to be able branch out a bit, you know?
Any advice/success stories?
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I'm 20 and still a virgin (male)
I've just finished my first year at uni and I feel "shameful" for not having sex? I have actually had many opportunities with girls during nights out. Like "in your face" ones (excuse the pun). But I always seem to decline or ignore them. They're not ugly or anything. It's just that during those moments I never actually "feel like it" (drunk or sober). What's wrong with me?
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Dating work colleague?
What are peoples opinions of dating someone you work with?
I work in convenience store, so when we're both in we see each other quite a lot.
We're going on a date next week to the cinema, a new film we both wanted to see.
I'm 22, and this will be my first ever date :/
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Tickling model wanted
I'm just about to delve into the world of tickling media and need a female model for my first video.
This one will be exclusively foot tickling and the camera will focus on the soles of your feet as I tickle them (your face will not be shown so this can be an anonymous shoot).
The fee for the shoot is £75. In order to be considered your feet must, naturally, be ticklish and seeing as the camera will be zoomed in, your feet must be well cared for and pedicured.
If you're interested, just get in touch with some information about yourself and some pictures (just feet). I promise to get back to everyone who responds and if you seem suitable I will tell you about myself and go through exactly what will happen to try to make you feel as at ease as possible in this most unusual of scenarios!
Hope this doesn't seem too weird to people. There is a big market for this sort of thing though. As a student just looking to make a little money to get by I thought it made sense to see if another student fancied this really easy way of making a decent sum of money in a short space of time - just by sitting down!
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No friends / relationships over summer.
My friends are all at uni and are staying until their housing contracts end. The few i do have here have full time work and aren't the type of people i'd hang out with on our own - i'd need a group as we don't have much in common (plus they're always busy).
The past two weeks i've let myself be lazy, watching shows and reading and games etc, but now it's getting lonely. I wanted to change this summer, to boost my confidence and get a date (i want to have a relationship before i turn 21 in September), but there are no clubs to join, i'm applying for jobs and that's not going well, and i don't want to go to a night club by myself.
I'm 20 and a girl, no idea how attractive i am but i consider myself average. I'm scared my summer will just be me staying in my house doing nothing and wasting months of my life.
Yes, this is a pity post. But does anyone have any advice? What would you do?
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masterbation question
My partner masterbates. So do I. He does it because it feels good and I do it because it feels good.
The difference is he masterbates to other women(started this after he moved in with me) and I only think of him when I masterbate.
What does this mean. Am I more into him than he is to me?
The difference is he masterbates to other women(started this after he moved in with me) and I only think of him when I masterbate.
What does this mean. Am I more into him than he is to me?
Put the internet to work for you.
masterbation question
My partner masterbates. So do I. He does it because it feels good and I do it because it feels good.
The difference is he masterbates to other women(started this after he moved in with me) and I only think of him when I masterbate.
What does this mean. Am I more into him than he is to me?
The difference is he masterbates to other women(started this after he moved in with me) and I only think of him when I masterbate.
What does this mean. Am I more into him than he is to me?
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Crashing and burning after one year.
I'm going to try and keep this as short and succinct as I can because looking around, I can see that some of these "getting my thoughts out" threads can explode in to heavy confessionals. (Good opening paragraph, but didn't keep to that promise...)
Too Long Didn't Read Version
- Married my first love after being together for eight years.
- Sex life not great. Living together proving difficult.
- Shortly after our first year, I cheated with someone who just felt right despite initially telling myself I could keep our interactions platonic.
- All the "bad stuff" I buried for the sake of my relationship over the years, the sacrifices and compromises have risen to the surface and turned ugly.
- I feel it's over and I need to grow alone. Feel I married for wife's sake not mine.
- Going into marriage counselling (delaying the inevitable) this week. Largely just hoping to mediate a situation where I keep the house or at least don't end up living with my parents again.
Background
- I'm 27, my wife is 26.
- I met he almost nine years ago at the beach through a mutual friend.
-We spent a few months just as friends, and when a very brief relationship I had going on broke up she offered to take me out to the cinema to brighten my spirits. It turned out well, as we agreed the following morning it was more of a date and so something started.
- We were each other's first love. First proper kiss (my previous relationship was a bust in that department, she was terrible and I was only trying something with her to shake off the being alone-ness that dominated my early teens). First physical love.
- After one year together, we went to different universities 300 miles apart. We endured the hardships of long distance for three years through our shared determination/stubborness.
- Upon graduating, I turned down a job where I was to come back home and hopefully build something with her. Turned out the job market in my chosen field was slimmer pickings back home, and her being a mummy's girl meant she wasn't willing to move away with me.
- This led to me having a major period of depression which she ultimately helped me out of. At the end of it - and this may be where the problem started - I proposed. Because I felt I owed her. I was very fond of her and my probably still broken brain thought this was the woman who could support me for the rest of my life. Because, what, I can't support myself? After six years together (albeit a lot of time physically apart) it felt logical at the time. Logical, but not emotionally justified?
The Union
- Post-proposal, we bought our first house together. A combination of my savings and her good job worked out a good combination. Moving in together provided its own challenges, of course.
- When she said she wanted a garden, I provided. We laid a new lawn, setup borders. It looked good. She then lost interest in its maintenance and it fell to me. I'd have rather concreted over the whole thing for parking.
- She constantly harps on about how we should work as a team. So, the household chores are split between us. Despite the fact they're largely falling on me, she still can't do the simplest things.
- Example? I load the laundry and hang it on a Monday, so she can iron it on a Tuesday evening while I work late. Does she do it? No. I get in at 10pm and there's the laundry still hanging on the clothes horse for me to do on Wednesday.
- Bathroom needs cleaning every fortnight. This is the one thing I haven't wavered on because it is the smallest room in the house, while my weekly tasks include pretty much every other room. Typically, the bathroom only gets cleaned by her when the ****roaches protest.
- My job means I am mostly the one to cook meals in an evening. When I ask "What do you want tonight?" I get the same apathetic "Whatever" which gives me no inspiration and no assistance.
- The sex is barely existent. She's always been protesting she's shy, that it feels weird. No oral. Barely ever anything manual. I always initiate and it's always lacking in passion. Anytime I said anything, she'd just pull her sad puppy eyes and I'd say it doesn't matter.
- But I keep it all nicely bottled up, because who else could possibly want me? I'm not particularly good looking, not physically impressive and a massive nerd. Few girls go for that, she did. Part of me thinks the "Who else would have me?" attitude was her reason for marrying, but she has insisted in recent weeks otherwise.
The Trigger
- So, a few weeks ago a girl who had just resigned from work to something new starts showing an interest in me. We have a scary amount in common. She's practically my twin, as messed up and weird as me. And we start texting. A lot. A colleague says we're clearly both smitten, but I laugh it off. I've got my wife, and we'd only just had our first anniversary.
- But we end up on a night out alone together. We play a few games at the arcade, we have a drink and talk for hours. We go to a restaurant and talk for longer. And then we admit it, we're feeling something. One thing leads to another and we end up having a very enjoyable make out and fumble in my car. And we gel on that level as well. It's smooth, effortless, comfortable, despite the confines. Neither of us had ever done such a thing before.
- Wife finds out, the next day. You can't exactly get in at 5am on a Sunday morning and have her not be suspicious enough to go through your texts. And she did. And we hadn't been subtle, and I should've had a stronger password than my wife's name.
- So I do the only thing I really know how to do. I panic. And lie. I do what's right for everyone else, ignoring what could be right for me. I say it was a one off, it meant nothing, I can end it and we can fix us.
- So that's what I try and do the next day. Although as far as my wife was concerned I ended it the previous night by text that's something I can never do. And, christ, it hurts to let this wonderful other woman out of my life. She encourages me to do the right thing, to delete her entirely as I literally never have to see her again. And I do it. And it hurts. And I crash into the lowest point of my life in a long time.
- And my wife makes excuses for me. Diminished responsibility, I was feeling low about work and her not being around so much. And I play that as the card that keeps me sane: I went crazy.
- I even tried to use that as the justification to her when we parted. That my wife had seen me at my worst and accepted it. That this girl had fallen for an idea of me, when that's probably the me I want to be. And could be, if I didn't keep clinging to the need for a mother figure to get me through life.
The Fallout
- So I embrace the misery, I resign myself to my bed in a world of self pity, longing for what could've been. And wife stays supportive for a time. And then she gets bored with it. I'm abandoning her emotionally, we can get past all this. I made my decision. I hate to say it, sweetheart, but I made my decision the moment I kissed that girl and I've been trying to fool myself into thinking otherwise.
- So the animosity grows, tensions heighten and we grow more distant.
- And then, last night, she pulls the biggy:
"Do you know how much I have compromised for you?" she shouts in the latest flare up.
"Probably not as much as I have for you." I retort.
"I ironed your pants!" she protests.
"That's the best you've got? I made countless trips to you at University, you made a handful in return. I turned down a perfectly good job to come back home and build a life with you. I have been patient and understanding in the bedroom. I have compromised on living five minutes away from your mother. I have become house husband and chief cook to keep you happy. And the best you have, which by the way I backed down on eventually, is that you had to iron my pants?"
There's been tears, there's been fights. I know I didn't crash and fall into this girl's arms for comfort. But neither of us is willing to move out. "This is my house, I've done nothing wrong" she says. "This is my house, and half your stuff is at your mother's anyway," I bite back. It's a painful circle I want out of, but I can't pull the trigger.
So now we're going a marriage counsellor on Wednesday, in an act I'm calling in my own mind now "delaying the inevitable". I've kept too much buried over the last few years, married for her not for me and the **** has hit the fan at maximum velocity.
I went to my dad with this issue, and that just messed my head up even more as he said he "settled" with the first woman that came his way. He had one objective, to procreate and continue the family name/line and that just made me feel even more worthless. And I don't want kids. Always been somewhat hesistant, but like with everything else I went along with what my wife wanted, because "Happy wife, happy life."
Any and all comments wanted. Short and concise, huh?
Too Long Didn't Read Version
- Married my first love after being together for eight years.
- Sex life not great. Living together proving difficult.
- Shortly after our first year, I cheated with someone who just felt right despite initially telling myself I could keep our interactions platonic.
- All the "bad stuff" I buried for the sake of my relationship over the years, the sacrifices and compromises have risen to the surface and turned ugly.
- I feel it's over and I need to grow alone. Feel I married for wife's sake not mine.
- Going into marriage counselling (delaying the inevitable) this week. Largely just hoping to mediate a situation where I keep the house or at least don't end up living with my parents again.
Background
- I'm 27, my wife is 26.
- I met he almost nine years ago at the beach through a mutual friend.
-We spent a few months just as friends, and when a very brief relationship I had going on broke up she offered to take me out to the cinema to brighten my spirits. It turned out well, as we agreed the following morning it was more of a date and so something started.
- We were each other's first love. First proper kiss (my previous relationship was a bust in that department, she was terrible and I was only trying something with her to shake off the being alone-ness that dominated my early teens). First physical love.
- After one year together, we went to different universities 300 miles apart. We endured the hardships of long distance for three years through our shared determination/stubborness.
- Upon graduating, I turned down a job where I was to come back home and hopefully build something with her. Turned out the job market in my chosen field was slimmer pickings back home, and her being a mummy's girl meant she wasn't willing to move away with me.
- This led to me having a major period of depression which she ultimately helped me out of. At the end of it - and this may be where the problem started - I proposed. Because I felt I owed her. I was very fond of her and my probably still broken brain thought this was the woman who could support me for the rest of my life. Because, what, I can't support myself? After six years together (albeit a lot of time physically apart) it felt logical at the time. Logical, but not emotionally justified?
The Union
- Post-proposal, we bought our first house together. A combination of my savings and her good job worked out a good combination. Moving in together provided its own challenges, of course.
- When she said she wanted a garden, I provided. We laid a new lawn, setup borders. It looked good. She then lost interest in its maintenance and it fell to me. I'd have rather concreted over the whole thing for parking.
- She constantly harps on about how we should work as a team. So, the household chores are split between us. Despite the fact they're largely falling on me, she still can't do the simplest things.
- Example? I load the laundry and hang it on a Monday, so she can iron it on a Tuesday evening while I work late. Does she do it? No. I get in at 10pm and there's the laundry still hanging on the clothes horse for me to do on Wednesday.
- Bathroom needs cleaning every fortnight. This is the one thing I haven't wavered on because it is the smallest room in the house, while my weekly tasks include pretty much every other room. Typically, the bathroom only gets cleaned by her when the ****roaches protest.
- My job means I am mostly the one to cook meals in an evening. When I ask "What do you want tonight?" I get the same apathetic "Whatever" which gives me no inspiration and no assistance.
- The sex is barely existent. She's always been protesting she's shy, that it feels weird. No oral. Barely ever anything manual. I always initiate and it's always lacking in passion. Anytime I said anything, she'd just pull her sad puppy eyes and I'd say it doesn't matter.
- But I keep it all nicely bottled up, because who else could possibly want me? I'm not particularly good looking, not physically impressive and a massive nerd. Few girls go for that, she did. Part of me thinks the "Who else would have me?" attitude was her reason for marrying, but she has insisted in recent weeks otherwise.
The Trigger
- So, a few weeks ago a girl who had just resigned from work to something new starts showing an interest in me. We have a scary amount in common. She's practically my twin, as messed up and weird as me. And we start texting. A lot. A colleague says we're clearly both smitten, but I laugh it off. I've got my wife, and we'd only just had our first anniversary.
- But we end up on a night out alone together. We play a few games at the arcade, we have a drink and talk for hours. We go to a restaurant and talk for longer. And then we admit it, we're feeling something. One thing leads to another and we end up having a very enjoyable make out and fumble in my car. And we gel on that level as well. It's smooth, effortless, comfortable, despite the confines. Neither of us had ever done such a thing before.
- Wife finds out, the next day. You can't exactly get in at 5am on a Sunday morning and have her not be suspicious enough to go through your texts. And she did. And we hadn't been subtle, and I should've had a stronger password than my wife's name.
- So I do the only thing I really know how to do. I panic. And lie. I do what's right for everyone else, ignoring what could be right for me. I say it was a one off, it meant nothing, I can end it and we can fix us.
- So that's what I try and do the next day. Although as far as my wife was concerned I ended it the previous night by text that's something I can never do. And, christ, it hurts to let this wonderful other woman out of my life. She encourages me to do the right thing, to delete her entirely as I literally never have to see her again. And I do it. And it hurts. And I crash into the lowest point of my life in a long time.
- And my wife makes excuses for me. Diminished responsibility, I was feeling low about work and her not being around so much. And I play that as the card that keeps me sane: I went crazy.
- I even tried to use that as the justification to her when we parted. That my wife had seen me at my worst and accepted it. That this girl had fallen for an idea of me, when that's probably the me I want to be. And could be, if I didn't keep clinging to the need for a mother figure to get me through life.
The Fallout
- So I embrace the misery, I resign myself to my bed in a world of self pity, longing for what could've been. And wife stays supportive for a time. And then she gets bored with it. I'm abandoning her emotionally, we can get past all this. I made my decision. I hate to say it, sweetheart, but I made my decision the moment I kissed that girl and I've been trying to fool myself into thinking otherwise.
- So the animosity grows, tensions heighten and we grow more distant.
- And then, last night, she pulls the biggy:
"Do you know how much I have compromised for you?" she shouts in the latest flare up.
"Probably not as much as I have for you." I retort.
"I ironed your pants!" she protests.
"That's the best you've got? I made countless trips to you at University, you made a handful in return. I turned down a perfectly good job to come back home and build a life with you. I have been patient and understanding in the bedroom. I have compromised on living five minutes away from your mother. I have become house husband and chief cook to keep you happy. And the best you have, which by the way I backed down on eventually, is that you had to iron my pants?"
There's been tears, there's been fights. I know I didn't crash and fall into this girl's arms for comfort. But neither of us is willing to move out. "This is my house, I've done nothing wrong" she says. "This is my house, and half your stuff is at your mother's anyway," I bite back. It's a painful circle I want out of, but I can't pull the trigger.
So now we're going a marriage counsellor on Wednesday, in an act I'm calling in my own mind now "delaying the inevitable". I've kept too much buried over the last few years, married for her not for me and the **** has hit the fan at maximum velocity.
I went to my dad with this issue, and that just messed my head up even more as he said he "settled" with the first woman that came his way. He had one objective, to procreate and continue the family name/line and that just made me feel even more worthless. And I don't want kids. Always been somewhat hesistant, but like with everything else I went along with what my wife wanted, because "Happy wife, happy life."
Any and all comments wanted. Short and concise, huh?
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How does a man get good at oral?
Or should it come naturally? I'm a woman btw.
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When's too soon to ask her out? Is there such a thing?
Met a girl at work a fortnight ago - hilariously mistook her for another colleague in her department who she had a passing resemblance to from a distance. We do get on quite well, I'm probably the person she's spoken the most to since she joined and she always smiles and has consistently brilliant eye contact.
I was walking her out to the car park earlier this afternoon and just felt that connection. We were talking about films and one she wanted to see, when I felt tempted to ask her if she wanted to see it together but I stopped myself right there because I thought that at a fortnight it was far too soon to seriously consider a relationship with her - despite her being pretty much one of the nicest girls I have met in a long time.
Should I have just taken a chance? Seeing her tomorrow, and no doubt I'll probably try to return to that film topic and make that move. Should I just go for it and take this opportunity to get to know her better, or should I hold off and continue talking to her and get to know her better before making that move?
One thing which complicates this is that I am actively trying to shift department and if I am successful I'd never work alongside her again unless I volunteered to help out (and that's not going to happen for various reasons).
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Clubbing without excellent English
Hello TSR community,
I live couple of years in London and if I go clubbing, most of the time I choose my nationality clubs as I can confidently speak in there. I am tall, handsome and attractive guy, so I don't have much problems with my look, however, to speak in English with the girls in the clubs I feel without any confidence and quite shy inside. The crucial point is that I haven't spoken a lot with those girls so far.
In the job and the college my English is very well, I can make excellent presentations in front of everyone, my tasks and activities I undertake are most of the time gets highest criteria. But when it comes talking to the beautiful girls in English, I actually get stuck, especially when I explain something to her, or telling the story and she doesn't understand.. Oh god, that is most awkward moment for me and it gives more pressure for me. However, to talk in English with the not sweet and not beautiful girls it's opposite.
I've seen many beutiful English girls or the ones from other countries with second language as an English.
What should I do, do you have any advice, or just go straight to the club and improve myself from time to time.
Thank you !
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POF question
My girlfriend(?) and I met on pof.
We are going through a rough patch at the moment and she left home last week. I know she never deleted her account, rather just hid it from public view. I just created an account to see whether she is back on it and she appears on the user name search. However I cannot find her on a generic search with her specific details (starsigns, height, location etc).
Does this mean anything? Is she back on? Would she appear on a username search if she didn't have her account logged into recently?
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Are rebounds ever a good idea?
Hi guys,
Just wanted some opinions on this, I guess. One of my best friends has started seeing a guy literally a month after her ex cheated on and broke up with her after a 2.5 year relationship.
Needless to say, she's not over her ex at all, and the new guy is a total douche.
What do you think?
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Another debate on dating: This time..... who drives?
On an all women's message board, there's the debate about whether a woman accept that meets the guy for the date or if she expects / requires / whatever fancy term you want here that guy pick her or somehow arranges for her transportation.
A couple of women are saying that if the guy really likes you, he will accept that that part of the date is his responsibility.
So guys, let us know, will a woman comes across as a cheap date and not worthy of serious consideration if she drives herself......
and when a woman reminds of your responsibility to provide transportation for the date, is your view of her that she's worthy reinforced?
Women can weigh in with their own experiences here.
A couple of women are saying that if the guy really likes you, he will accept that that part of the date is his responsibility.
So guys, let us know, will a woman comes across as a cheap date and not worthy of serious consideration if she drives herself......
and when a woman reminds of your responsibility to provide transportation for the date, is your view of her that she's worthy reinforced?
Women can weigh in with their own experiences here.
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Is this an affair fog?
Hello everyone,
I am a long time lurker, and have finally gotten the courage to write.
I have been with my husband for 18 years (we are high school sweethearts). We got married five years ago.
January 27, 2014: I discovered the name of a psychologist on his cell phone. I asked him about it, and was stunned when he said "Because it's been 18 years, I love you and I don`t want to throw it all away" That was the first time he had ever indicated anything was wrong. Our sex life was wonderful, we had not been fighting. He would constantly tell me loves me, and very affectionate. He left 2 days later and stayed at his mother's house. 24 hours after leaving, he was pushing me to sell our house and to get a divorce. So I made an arrangement with him to pay for the mortgage indefinitely. He had his tattoo (with my name on it) redone 72 hours later.
The reason he gave me for leaving him was this: when we were 18 years old, me and him decided to lie about his level of education (because my family would not accept him) he agreed to and participated in this lie for almost 10 years, never indicating it was a problem. His family openly knew about it, and we never really discussed it again. He said this lie destroyed him, he couldn't respect himself, and that I had forced him to do this and he didn't have a choice.
After he left, he admitted to me that he had kissed a girl 3 days before he left (at a bar). Four days after he left me, he told me he had slept with her (I saw the hotel reciept, 700$ for one night...second time he saw her).
February to March: After 2 months living with his mother (and having a relationship with her, he moved into a condo. He would text me every second day "I miss you, do you need me to do anything in the house?" I would periodically answer the texts. He made no attempt to see me. Nor would he call me. I finally do 3 weeks of NC. He showed up at my parents house, crying and begging me to come back to him. I agreed, as I loved him. That night he broke it off with the girl (he says).
April to May
In the last month, my husband has shown up at my work and followed me around for an entire day begging for a second chance. Shown up at my parents 3 times begging to try again. He appears sincere, tells me he loves me. And explains that he`s so lucky I'm still willing to take him back. He is very loving. Says he's broken it off with her. I take him back every time. But this lasts at most 5 days, until we fight, or he goes to counseling. Then he says "I can't take what you did to me etc" and goes back to her. He says that it's because I destroyed him with my lie, and his self respect hurt, as is his ego and pride and it has nothing to do with the other girl...that she's a distraction...But I don't believe that.
He told me the following about her:
She's a secretery
When she slept with him on the second date she said "I'm not usually like this" he laughed and thought to himself "Yeah right"
Eventhough she dresses really skanky doesn't mean she has no morals.
She's like a doll and needs to have every guy's attention
When he walks around with her, she dresses so sexy that men turn around to look at her.
At one point, I got so sad hearing about her, that I asked him "why are you always telling me how sexy she is? It makes me feel bad."
May 24-25 (during yet another period where he had broken up with me), he had booked a weekend trip with her. I gave him an ultimatum. "If you go with her, it's over, so think about this before you do it". 6 hours before he was supposed to leave, he showed up at my house, begging me to go with him, that he chose me and that he loved me, please come with him. He c called her to tell her it was over. He said she hated him for cancelling 6 hours before their weekend getaway.
We went away and had a great weekend. On the way back, he stopped to make a key for me, because he wanted me to move in with him right away. He brought me to the condo and showed me around. At that point, I got very very stressed because I didn't know if this is what I wanted. He then got very stressed and said "how am I going to cope with your family hating me?" That night, he asked me to come over after hockey, I told him "Maybe tomorrow"
He wanted to know why I was changing my mind, "I told him it was stressful for me" Then the next morning he was texted me that he wanted a STAT divorce and for me to sell the house... (In retrospect I wonder if he ended having the OW over?)
May 29 After speaking a lot to his family (who don't recognize this new person, they think he's bipolar due to erratic and rash decisions...that are really unlike him) they suggested it was time to put my foot down, because being supportive wasn't working.
So I texted him "You have until August to sell the house. I won't pay the mortgage anymore, nor will I pay for upkeep" He knows I love the house, and would fight tooth and nail for it.
May 30 The following day, he didn't go to work, and mowed the lawn.
That night, I went and cleaned out all my things.
May 31 Morning after he got a realtor, and cleaned out his things.
June 1 The next morning he called and texted me "I need to speak to you" I ignored him. He then texted my MOTHER that he needed to speak to me and to have me call him. My mother texted back that if it had anything to do with sale of the house or divorce that he could leave the papers with her.
June 3 , he left me a note in the bedroom saying "I filled out divorce papers, please respect my decision"
I have been no contact for 14 days. I have never begged or pleaded with him to change his mind. (I don't understand the *please respect my decision*
He is blocked on my cell phone (most of the time) but has not made any attempts to see me.
I went to a lawyer yesturday and they say he does not have grounds to file for divorce (In our province, 1 year separation needed, or adultery (accusation can only be made by betrayed spouse). In addition, since we went away only 10 days ago, this constitutes a recounciliation, and the 1 year waiting period has been reset!!!!!!
Also, we did 4 sessions of marriage counseling (His request!!!) which went really well. But he would decompensate right after, and then break up with me, and start contacting her. After 4 sessions, he started individual counseling for a few sessions.
I'm so confused about this erratic behavior. I don't think he has a psychiatric condition, and wonder if this is affair fog? Or major ambivalence about the relationship? He cries all the time (previous to this, he only cried once in our entire relationship). He keeps telling me his mind says he can't forgive me, but his heart loves me and it's driving him crazy. I could probably call him and convince him to change his mind about the divorce, but history shows, it won`t last anyways...and his family feels tough love is the only way to go.
I'm so hurt about this. I don't want to get divorced. If this is affair fog or infatuation, I'm willing to wait. The divorce lawyer said there seemed to be *instability* on his part and that time would help.
I'm torn between NC, and continue tough love, and calling him and trying to work it out. Can anyone please give me insight?
I am a long time lurker, and have finally gotten the courage to write.
I have been with my husband for 18 years (we are high school sweethearts). We got married five years ago.
January 27, 2014: I discovered the name of a psychologist on his cell phone. I asked him about it, and was stunned when he said "Because it's been 18 years, I love you and I don`t want to throw it all away" That was the first time he had ever indicated anything was wrong. Our sex life was wonderful, we had not been fighting. He would constantly tell me loves me, and very affectionate. He left 2 days later and stayed at his mother's house. 24 hours after leaving, he was pushing me to sell our house and to get a divorce. So I made an arrangement with him to pay for the mortgage indefinitely. He had his tattoo (with my name on it) redone 72 hours later.
The reason he gave me for leaving him was this: when we were 18 years old, me and him decided to lie about his level of education (because my family would not accept him) he agreed to and participated in this lie for almost 10 years, never indicating it was a problem. His family openly knew about it, and we never really discussed it again. He said this lie destroyed him, he couldn't respect himself, and that I had forced him to do this and he didn't have a choice.
After he left, he admitted to me that he had kissed a girl 3 days before he left (at a bar). Four days after he left me, he told me he had slept with her (I saw the hotel reciept, 700$ for one night...second time he saw her).
February to March: After 2 months living with his mother (and having a relationship with her, he moved into a condo. He would text me every second day "I miss you, do you need me to do anything in the house?" I would periodically answer the texts. He made no attempt to see me. Nor would he call me. I finally do 3 weeks of NC. He showed up at my parents house, crying and begging me to come back to him. I agreed, as I loved him. That night he broke it off with the girl (he says).
April to May
In the last month, my husband has shown up at my work and followed me around for an entire day begging for a second chance. Shown up at my parents 3 times begging to try again. He appears sincere, tells me he loves me. And explains that he`s so lucky I'm still willing to take him back. He is very loving. Says he's broken it off with her. I take him back every time. But this lasts at most 5 days, until we fight, or he goes to counseling. Then he says "I can't take what you did to me etc" and goes back to her. He says that it's because I destroyed him with my lie, and his self respect hurt, as is his ego and pride and it has nothing to do with the other girl...that she's a distraction...But I don't believe that.
He told me the following about her:
She's a secretery
When she slept with him on the second date she said "I'm not usually like this" he laughed and thought to himself "Yeah right"
Eventhough she dresses really skanky doesn't mean she has no morals.
She's like a doll and needs to have every guy's attention
When he walks around with her, she dresses so sexy that men turn around to look at her.
At one point, I got so sad hearing about her, that I asked him "why are you always telling me how sexy she is? It makes me feel bad."
May 24-25 (during yet another period where he had broken up with me), he had booked a weekend trip with her. I gave him an ultimatum. "If you go with her, it's over, so think about this before you do it". 6 hours before he was supposed to leave, he showed up at my house, begging me to go with him, that he chose me and that he loved me, please come with him. He c called her to tell her it was over. He said she hated him for cancelling 6 hours before their weekend getaway.
We went away and had a great weekend. On the way back, he stopped to make a key for me, because he wanted me to move in with him right away. He brought me to the condo and showed me around. At that point, I got very very stressed because I didn't know if this is what I wanted. He then got very stressed and said "how am I going to cope with your family hating me?" That night, he asked me to come over after hockey, I told him "Maybe tomorrow"
He wanted to know why I was changing my mind, "I told him it was stressful for me" Then the next morning he was texted me that he wanted a STAT divorce and for me to sell the house... (In retrospect I wonder if he ended having the OW over?)
May 29 After speaking a lot to his family (who don't recognize this new person, they think he's bipolar due to erratic and rash decisions...that are really unlike him) they suggested it was time to put my foot down, because being supportive wasn't working.
So I texted him "You have until August to sell the house. I won't pay the mortgage anymore, nor will I pay for upkeep" He knows I love the house, and would fight tooth and nail for it.
May 30 The following day, he didn't go to work, and mowed the lawn.
That night, I went and cleaned out all my things.
May 31 Morning after he got a realtor, and cleaned out his things.
June 1 The next morning he called and texted me "I need to speak to you" I ignored him. He then texted my MOTHER that he needed to speak to me and to have me call him. My mother texted back that if it had anything to do with sale of the house or divorce that he could leave the papers with her.
June 3 , he left me a note in the bedroom saying "I filled out divorce papers, please respect my decision"
I have been no contact for 14 days. I have never begged or pleaded with him to change his mind. (I don't understand the *please respect my decision*
He is blocked on my cell phone (most of the time) but has not made any attempts to see me.
I went to a lawyer yesturday and they say he does not have grounds to file for divorce (In our province, 1 year separation needed, or adultery (accusation can only be made by betrayed spouse). In addition, since we went away only 10 days ago, this constitutes a recounciliation, and the 1 year waiting period has been reset!!!!!!
Also, we did 4 sessions of marriage counseling (His request!!!) which went really well. But he would decompensate right after, and then break up with me, and start contacting her. After 4 sessions, he started individual counseling for a few sessions.
I'm so confused about this erratic behavior. I don't think he has a psychiatric condition, and wonder if this is affair fog? Or major ambivalence about the relationship? He cries all the time (previous to this, he only cried once in our entire relationship). He keeps telling me his mind says he can't forgive me, but his heart loves me and it's driving him crazy. I could probably call him and convince him to change his mind about the divorce, but history shows, it won`t last anyways...and his family feels tough love is the only way to go.
I'm so hurt about this. I don't want to get divorced. If this is affair fog or infatuation, I'm willing to wait. The divorce lawyer said there seemed to be *instability* on his part and that time would help.
I'm torn between NC, and continue tough love, and calling him and trying to work it out. Can anyone please give me insight?
Put the internet to work for you.
Thinkin of leavin
Hi my and my wife been married 3 years now I have a 3 year old baby with her and she has kids b4 we was married now my step kids.
we never get on shill I say she always puts me down and makes me fill **** as if nothing done her way its the end of the world and im the hated person once again. Its been going om for some time now and iv fill like givin up and ****in off as I think ill be better of on my own. We dont have sex prob once a month or 2 months I lost intreset in her because how she always acts. Were both 28. But im worried if I leave will she stop me seein my daughter and will she **** me over with csa as if she did we would both be worst of. Any help please ppl
we never get on shill I say she always puts me down and makes me fill **** as if nothing done her way its the end of the world and im the hated person once again. Its been going om for some time now and iv fill like givin up and ****in off as I think ill be better of on my own. We dont have sex prob once a month or 2 months I lost intreset in her because how she always acts. Were both 28. But im worried if I leave will she stop me seein my daughter and will she **** me over with csa as if she did we would both be worst of. Any help please ppl
Put the internet to work for you.
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