My husband of 3 years had a severe panic attack two days ago. He thought he would die and couldn't breath - I panicked upon seeing this, called emergency and he got admitted and discharged next morning, with a follow up with a counsellor.
The story is: My husband and I met 5 years ago while he was working abroad. We fell in love and and moved in together. The problem was he is from a very strict Muslim background (I am not, but we are from the same country), while we were dating his parents back home (which is quite common in his village) decided to arrange his marriage with a distant relative living in their village. My husband explained to them he already found his love but they were not willing to accept this and in his absence 'gave word' to the girls family and they were according to his family engaged. His parents thought (as he is very close to his family) he will give up on me and husband thought his parents will accept his happiness and give up the other 'engagement'.
He tried convincing his parents for almost a year and went back home for this but without any positive result. In the meantime, the other girls family found out about us and felt betrayed and thus broke the engagement obviously.
We went ahead and married only with my family and our friends and none of his family attended our wedding and do ignore me till today, apart of his brother and mother who called once or twice. Husband is somehow in touch with his mother and few others but not his grandfather and father. This broke him a lot and the last few years were very tough on him being disconnected from his family. He tried a lot to make them accept me but they are not willing to even meet me as according to them I have destroyed their wish and happiness.
They not only don't accept us, they threatened me before our wedding to kill me if I go ahead with this marriage. I somehow told myself their anger will be over once they meet me but they weren't willing to meet me.
In fact last year they reached out to me and expected me to agree that my husband ALSO marries that other girl (who has moved on) as a second wife and stated this would be allowed in Islam. I tried ignoring this but I couldn't somehow deal with it. I knew my husband would never do this but it did affect me they expecting this from me.
That didn't work so after that and realising the other girl has moved on his father announced that if husband is willing to divorce me he will accept him back which husband obviously didn't do as we love each other deeply. I was 33 weeks pregnant then and the day after that we had a huge fight, I got severe high blood pressure and I lost my baby the next day. Which was very traumatic and I somehow blamed his family for making my life miserable.
This all has brought huge problems in our marriage. I have started to get a severe depression, I couldn't sleep anymore and was scared something bad will happen anytime. I was always a happy outgoing person but now I feel like a mess. I can't deal with all this and I feel so weak. I want to help my husband to get back to his family but I have so much anger towards them and this makes me so helpless.
I also have anger towards my husband for always trying to justify his parents actions and never taking any actions back.
So two days ago I demanded he disconnects from his mother and brother as well for few months OR we either separate for a while to digest this all. I just need a break from these people and do not want to hear anything from them. Husband didn't react very well and few hours later got this panic attack (for the first time).
I was really scared something will happen to him. We have decided now that we need few days break from each other and he might go back home to meet his mom and his mom thinks that if he comes home after three years his father will melt and accept us. But I don't want them to accept me now. I wanted this but not anymore, I do not want these people in my life but husband will be miserable without them. So I agreed him going to his family while I visit my family. But I don't know if this is a good idea.
Sorry about the long story, I have friends and family who listen to me and are always there but maybe someone here has an advice what to do. We want to do marriage counselling but will that help us? I just don't know how to deal with this anger and depression and sadness.
The story is: My husband and I met 5 years ago while he was working abroad. We fell in love and and moved in together. The problem was he is from a very strict Muslim background (I am not, but we are from the same country), while we were dating his parents back home (which is quite common in his village) decided to arrange his marriage with a distant relative living in their village. My husband explained to them he already found his love but they were not willing to accept this and in his absence 'gave word' to the girls family and they were according to his family engaged. His parents thought (as he is very close to his family) he will give up on me and husband thought his parents will accept his happiness and give up the other 'engagement'.
He tried convincing his parents for almost a year and went back home for this but without any positive result. In the meantime, the other girls family found out about us and felt betrayed and thus broke the engagement obviously.
We went ahead and married only with my family and our friends and none of his family attended our wedding and do ignore me till today, apart of his brother and mother who called once or twice. Husband is somehow in touch with his mother and few others but not his grandfather and father. This broke him a lot and the last few years were very tough on him being disconnected from his family. He tried a lot to make them accept me but they are not willing to even meet me as according to them I have destroyed their wish and happiness.
They not only don't accept us, they threatened me before our wedding to kill me if I go ahead with this marriage. I somehow told myself their anger will be over once they meet me but they weren't willing to meet me.
In fact last year they reached out to me and expected me to agree that my husband ALSO marries that other girl (who has moved on) as a second wife and stated this would be allowed in Islam. I tried ignoring this but I couldn't somehow deal with it. I knew my husband would never do this but it did affect me they expecting this from me.
That didn't work so after that and realising the other girl has moved on his father announced that if husband is willing to divorce me he will accept him back which husband obviously didn't do as we love each other deeply. I was 33 weeks pregnant then and the day after that we had a huge fight, I got severe high blood pressure and I lost my baby the next day. Which was very traumatic and I somehow blamed his family for making my life miserable.
This all has brought huge problems in our marriage. I have started to get a severe depression, I couldn't sleep anymore and was scared something bad will happen anytime. I was always a happy outgoing person but now I feel like a mess. I can't deal with all this and I feel so weak. I want to help my husband to get back to his family but I have so much anger towards them and this makes me so helpless.
I also have anger towards my husband for always trying to justify his parents actions and never taking any actions back.
So two days ago I demanded he disconnects from his mother and brother as well for few months OR we either separate for a while to digest this all. I just need a break from these people and do not want to hear anything from them. Husband didn't react very well and few hours later got this panic attack (for the first time).
I was really scared something will happen to him. We have decided now that we need few days break from each other and he might go back home to meet his mom and his mom thinks that if he comes home after three years his father will melt and accept us. But I don't want them to accept me now. I wanted this but not anymore, I do not want these people in my life but husband will be miserable without them. So I agreed him going to his family while I visit my family. But I don't know if this is a good idea.
Sorry about the long story, I have friends and family who listen to me and are always there but maybe someone here has an advice what to do. We want to do marriage counselling but will that help us? I just don't know how to deal with this anger and depression and sadness.
Put the internet to work for you.
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