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When you have had enough let it out. A forum style blog about relationship issues and concerns,join in and have your say.
Am I allowed to be annoyed?
Okay so two of my close friends that I am used to seeing a lot of (at least one of them every day) have recently become involved in a relationship with eachother, they are both a good match for each other and I'm happy for them, but they seem to be being weird with me and I don't know if I'm allowed to be annoyed:
1. So, the main thing is, that I don't see them much anymore. This week alone they've spent 5 days together without including me, and the majority of times they haven't even told me they were together until afterwards, saying things to me like sorry I'm busy or going to sleep :confused:
2. When they are together, they don't talk to me at all, which is fine but when it's me and one of them, they spend the whole time texting the other one which is really starting to get quite offensive... or am I just being dramatic...
3. I went out the other night with some other friends and I ended up getting in a bad way but I wont go into details. I told these friends that at the time and they just ignored me until the end of the next day, when they said they were with eachother for the whole day?
It just feels like they're not thinking about my feelings anymore and have turned into pretty bad friends, but I don't know... :( any opinions?
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I have to leave TAM for a while
I have had recent family developments that will require much time and mental/emotional energy. My H and I are doing an intervention this coming Sunday with a cousin of mine who is an alcoholic and who has grown into severely abusing her 13year old son. I anticipate the fall out will last well beyond Sunday and will eat up my energy with family involvement in protecting this child, so I've got to focus on my family for now. Y'all take care and I will be back when I can and especially if Sunday turns out to be a bust.
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It's over
Hi everyone. I found this site after deciding to end my marriage of almost 11 years.
When we got together, my husband told me he was a sex addict. I honestly had no clue what I was getting into. None. It has totally destroyed my marriage and self esteem.
In the 11 years we've been together, we've never had intercourse due to his ED. Supposedly it is due to his diabetes, but the chronic masturbation certainly has a lot to do with it. At one point I had a tracker on his computer and he was spending up to 8 hours a day watching porn. I've asked him to use the penile injections (pills don't work for diabetics), but he refuses. He tells me he wants sooo bad to have intercourse but refuses to do anything about it. Is it a coincidence that the porn he watches involves lots of facials?
I confronted him several years ago about it and was told it wasn't going to change, so I could deal with it or not. Financially I wasn't in a place where I could leave or kick him out, so he called my bluff that time. A couple years later I confronted him again. This time he agreed to clean up, and did for a while. One slip up, but then back to being clean. Things were going well in our marriage. Better than ever.
He had been in kidney failure for a couple years, then a year ago today he started dialysis at home. I was the one who called the doctor to report his symptoms and he was furious with me because he didn't want to be on dialysis. In October I donated a kidney to him. It was like someone flipped a switch. He got his energy back and was back to the man I fell in love with. I had a job that I despised but had stayed at because of the insurance and because I needed to support my disabled husband. I was offered an early retirement with a generous buyout a couple months later and took it. All my dreams were coming true.
January or so I started suspecting the porn had made it's way back into the house. There were subtle changes, but I overlooked it. It continued to get worse. In February, I came into the bedroom after my shower and saw the swipe of the screen on his phone as I walked in the door. He then got up to take his shower. I picked up his phone and sure enough, he was watching porn on an incognito screen that he didn't bother to close. Another confrontation and this time I really pulled back from the relationship. The porn has been going on steadily since then.
Tuesday I had a job interview. I left him home watching TV. I come home, close the back door (it's easily heard in the living room), yelled hello to him, then walked into the living room. He was laying on the couch, naked, with the computer on his chest. It took a few seconds for it to register, but then I heard the classic porn soundtrack. He had a totally dazed look on his face and just looked at me and said he was sorry.
He approached me later as I was moving my things into the guest room. According to him, moving to another room isn't going to help our marriage. Wednesday night I informed him that the move is permanent and that I am done. He didn't say anything.
I've since found out that he started with the porn within a month of getting his new kidney. Possibly sooner, but I doubt it because we had someone staying with us to help in our recovery. I'm making plans to get things fixed in our house so we can put it on the market next summer. I neither know nor care whether he plans on staying in this area or moving closer to his family, but I can't take it anymore. I am heartbroken over this. The worst part is that there is NO ONE I can talk to. I had a therapist, but she didn't have a clue about sex/porn addictions. Now I don't have any insurance, so even if there was someone in my area who dealt with it (there isn't), I couldn't afford to go.
When we got together, my husband told me he was a sex addict. I honestly had no clue what I was getting into. None. It has totally destroyed my marriage and self esteem.
In the 11 years we've been together, we've never had intercourse due to his ED. Supposedly it is due to his diabetes, but the chronic masturbation certainly has a lot to do with it. At one point I had a tracker on his computer and he was spending up to 8 hours a day watching porn. I've asked him to use the penile injections (pills don't work for diabetics), but he refuses. He tells me he wants sooo bad to have intercourse but refuses to do anything about it. Is it a coincidence that the porn he watches involves lots of facials?
I confronted him several years ago about it and was told it wasn't going to change, so I could deal with it or not. Financially I wasn't in a place where I could leave or kick him out, so he called my bluff that time. A couple years later I confronted him again. This time he agreed to clean up, and did for a while. One slip up, but then back to being clean. Things were going well in our marriage. Better than ever.
He had been in kidney failure for a couple years, then a year ago today he started dialysis at home. I was the one who called the doctor to report his symptoms and he was furious with me because he didn't want to be on dialysis. In October I donated a kidney to him. It was like someone flipped a switch. He got his energy back and was back to the man I fell in love with. I had a job that I despised but had stayed at because of the insurance and because I needed to support my disabled husband. I was offered an early retirement with a generous buyout a couple months later and took it. All my dreams were coming true.
January or so I started suspecting the porn had made it's way back into the house. There were subtle changes, but I overlooked it. It continued to get worse. In February, I came into the bedroom after my shower and saw the swipe of the screen on his phone as I walked in the door. He then got up to take his shower. I picked up his phone and sure enough, he was watching porn on an incognito screen that he didn't bother to close. Another confrontation and this time I really pulled back from the relationship. The porn has been going on steadily since then.
Tuesday I had a job interview. I left him home watching TV. I come home, close the back door (it's easily heard in the living room), yelled hello to him, then walked into the living room. He was laying on the couch, naked, with the computer on his chest. It took a few seconds for it to register, but then I heard the classic porn soundtrack. He had a totally dazed look on his face and just looked at me and said he was sorry.
He approached me later as I was moving my things into the guest room. According to him, moving to another room isn't going to help our marriage. Wednesday night I informed him that the move is permanent and that I am done. He didn't say anything.
I've since found out that he started with the porn within a month of getting his new kidney. Possibly sooner, but I doubt it because we had someone staying with us to help in our recovery. I'm making plans to get things fixed in our house so we can put it on the market next summer. I neither know nor care whether he plans on staying in this area or moving closer to his family, but I can't take it anymore. I am heartbroken over this. The worst part is that there is NO ONE I can talk to. I had a therapist, but she didn't have a clue about sex/porn addictions. Now I don't have any insurance, so even if there was someone in my area who dealt with it (there isn't), I couldn't afford to go.
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Talked to my husband
So I talked to my husband today and told him I wantedto know WHY he has done the things he does to me but would never think of doing those things to others. The short version is this. He has physically, emotionally, and sexually abused me as well as allowing others to either sexually assault or outright ra*e me.
Two weeks ago we had a fight and the cops told him to leave for just the night but I told him I don't want him back here and so far he has honored that and has only come to pick up personal items with a police escort and has been here three times on his own to do other things.
His answer was that this is bigger than any of us to understand and that he could only suggest meditation and prayer. But he says he was not using that as an excuse.
Are you freaking kidding me? I'm supposed to meditate or pray because of the nightmares and flashbacks that were a result of HIS actions? Not even an apology. Then he tells me I need to let go of the past and move forward so we can "fix" this. As if it were something broken that can be glued back together....
IDKY but that inferioritied me. He has caused so much trauma and heartache. He has stolen my dignity and my happiness to live and he says meditation or prayer and no apology. I just want to curl up and disappear. I have tried getting help for over two years now and ppl literally don't believe me or tell me it can't be that bad. I told mandated reporters and went to the police. I've had the police here and they treated me as if I were in the wrong.
I admitted to pushing at him and kicking at him to defend myself and get away from him in self defense and one cop literally told me that next time I shouldnt "fight back" call 911 as soon as I can get to a phone. Then later as the other officer left and I had called a friend for help, he literally told me to enjoy my night alone with my friends and have a few drinks with them and have fun.
I had bruises, cuts, and scrapes. I was shaking and crying and those were not only words I didn't want to hear but inappropriate. I always thought the police were here to protect. If he comes near me again, I'm calling the Sheriff's Dept. I have lost all faith and trust in my local police.
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Two weeks ago we had a fight and the cops told him to leave for just the night but I told him I don't want him back here and so far he has honored that and has only come to pick up personal items with a police escort and has been here three times on his own to do other things.
His answer was that this is bigger than any of us to understand and that he could only suggest meditation and prayer. But he says he was not using that as an excuse.
Are you freaking kidding me? I'm supposed to meditate or pray because of the nightmares and flashbacks that were a result of HIS actions? Not even an apology. Then he tells me I need to let go of the past and move forward so we can "fix" this. As if it were something broken that can be glued back together....
IDKY but that inferioritied me. He has caused so much trauma and heartache. He has stolen my dignity and my happiness to live and he says meditation or prayer and no apology. I just want to curl up and disappear. I have tried getting help for over two years now and ppl literally don't believe me or tell me it can't be that bad. I told mandated reporters and went to the police. I've had the police here and they treated me as if I were in the wrong.
I admitted to pushing at him and kicking at him to defend myself and get away from him in self defense and one cop literally told me that next time I shouldnt "fight back" call 911 as soon as I can get to a phone. Then later as the other officer left and I had called a friend for help, he literally told me to enjoy my night alone with my friends and have a few drinks with them and have fun.
I had bruises, cuts, and scrapes. I was shaking and crying and those were not only words I didn't want to hear but inappropriate. I always thought the police were here to protect. If he comes near me again, I'm calling the Sheriff's Dept. I have lost all faith and trust in my local police.
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Permanently damaged
I will star this by saying I've been drinking. And using crappy spell check to catch the errors.
Anyway, grandfather died. Or is in the process.
Now, I couldn't give two $hit$. Already disowned. WTF do I give?
But mom cares. And I am helping deal with the siblings before Itry ndd move out. I don't want them on their own after IU move out. Sounds like a d!ck move.
But in all hontewsly, g-dad? Couldn;t give less of a F@k.
I am not feeling anything towards this man. My grandfather. I have zero feelings towards. Zero sympathy, zero love, pretty much nothing.
Now...other reason for this post.
This happened a few days ago, and I considered posting it. But chose tnot to, because...reasons.
Anyway, girlfriend talked about wanting to se e some band. I, using those connections at work I am estalbihsing (and mostly my boss connections) managed to get tickets to this concert. Sold out. And I got some! Best boyfriend ever right!?
Well, when I went up to school after work one night, since she is taking them summer classes to graduate early, I found her walking out of class holding hands with some guy, and leaning her head on his shoulder.
I don't need to hhave someone tell me they're cheating on me to belive they;'re cheating on me. And yes. We had that whole...mutually excluseive conveo.
So don't give me that...other crap. I don;t need it. I know what I saw.
And regardless, she quasi-knew my history.
Lolz. I remember posting about having rouble truting the female population.
F-ck the female population. they're a bunch of liars. And terrible people.
At least if men want to ruin your life, they'll just try and kill you. Women will mind F@k you.
Anbyway,
after seeing that, I walked up to a random kid and gave him the tickets.
I was full of rage. And then, it subsided to nothing.
Much like I am feeling now.
I just...don't care.
I think I remember reading somewhere people talking about how cheating fundamentally changing a person.
I think I am experieicng that.
Lke, I still want to get bac at mom. and girlfriend.
But seeing all this. I just...don't care.
Like seeing my mom cry at g-dad's bedside. I feel nothing. No sympathy. No sadness at his passing.
Just like when I eventually break upw ith GF. Need to find some hilarious way to do it. Like, a bill-board. (obvious bad ideas is ovbiuous)
I feel like I am becmoning a monster. Or at the very least, something that doesn;'t care. Doesn;t feel.
What stops it?
Anyway, grandfather died. Or is in the process.
Now, I couldn't give two $hit$. Already disowned. WTF do I give?
But mom cares. And I am helping deal with the siblings before Itry ndd move out. I don't want them on their own after IU move out. Sounds like a d!ck move.
But in all hontewsly, g-dad? Couldn;t give less of a F@k.
I am not feeling anything towards this man. My grandfather. I have zero feelings towards. Zero sympathy, zero love, pretty much nothing.
Now...other reason for this post.
This happened a few days ago, and I considered posting it. But chose tnot to, because...reasons.
Anyway, girlfriend talked about wanting to se e some band. I, using those connections at work I am estalbihsing (and mostly my boss connections) managed to get tickets to this concert. Sold out. And I got some! Best boyfriend ever right!?
Well, when I went up to school after work one night, since she is taking them summer classes to graduate early, I found her walking out of class holding hands with some guy, and leaning her head on his shoulder.
I don't need to hhave someone tell me they're cheating on me to belive they;'re cheating on me. And yes. We had that whole...mutually excluseive conveo.
So don't give me that...other crap. I don;t need it. I know what I saw.
And regardless, she quasi-knew my history.
Lolz. I remember posting about having rouble truting the female population.
F-ck the female population. they're a bunch of liars. And terrible people.
At least if men want to ruin your life, they'll just try and kill you. Women will mind F@k you.
Anbyway,
after seeing that, I walked up to a random kid and gave him the tickets.
I was full of rage. And then, it subsided to nothing.
Much like I am feeling now.
I just...don't care.
I think I remember reading somewhere people talking about how cheating fundamentally changing a person.
I think I am experieicng that.
Lke, I still want to get bac at mom. and girlfriend.
But seeing all this. I just...don't care.
Like seeing my mom cry at g-dad's bedside. I feel nothing. No sympathy. No sadness at his passing.
Just like when I eventually break upw ith GF. Need to find some hilarious way to do it. Like, a bill-board. (obvious bad ideas is ovbiuous)
I feel like I am becmoning a monster. Or at the very least, something that doesn;'t care. Doesn;t feel.
What stops it?
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How do I cope with this.
Hi everyone,
I recently got married its going to be two months, I knew my husband for 2 years before we got married. Like teenagers we used to talk on the phone for hours and meet very often. I remember this like yesterday, we never argued. We were always discussing future plans. I come from a religious family and my husband is also quite Traditional/religious. Everything seemed so perfect we never fought or had differences. Two years of getting to know each other, we both honestly thought we are perfect for each other. I knew about his past. He mentioned about an old girlfriend to me while we were together. I always ignored it and said the past is the past. However didnt like talking about his Ex. This would hurt me.
However, now that we are married which is something we both wanted and basically was like a dream come true just because we made sure our families approved and everything worked out perfectly. I have always loved him unconditionally I still do. Lately we seem to be arguing over silly things. For instance I would ask him to do something he would forget constantly. which would bother me because he knows I dont like negligence. We would be happy but then after 3 days we would get into another fight which would be over something silly but yet at that point I am not able to stop arguing. This has become a routine we can never go without a argument for more than 3 days. This is making me worried. I cant fight all the time. He keeps making mistakes that is not tolerable I have always been the kind of person that sticks to the truth . I would never support wrong things If I believe I am right, then I do not stay quite, I voice my opinion. He knows I dont like to talk about past relat ionships. It also hurts me to hear about his past love. Yet when I find some of his old notes it speaks about that girl and this Hurts me alot. I guess its jealousy. I cant seem to understand why it bothers me so much when I find old posts about his old girlfriend. This just makes me angry I get annoyed and angry and he knows this. Surprisingly nothing was hidden from me i knew it all before we got married but I dont think I can ever be ok with this now. Now that we are married its bothering me.
I cant cope with his past and it bothers me. I dont know what to do! Can anyone help me, shed some light?
I recently got married its going to be two months, I knew my husband for 2 years before we got married. Like teenagers we used to talk on the phone for hours and meet very often. I remember this like yesterday, we never argued. We were always discussing future plans. I come from a religious family and my husband is also quite Traditional/religious. Everything seemed so perfect we never fought or had differences. Two years of getting to know each other, we both honestly thought we are perfect for each other. I knew about his past. He mentioned about an old girlfriend to me while we were together. I always ignored it and said the past is the past. However didnt like talking about his Ex. This would hurt me.
However, now that we are married which is something we both wanted and basically was like a dream come true just because we made sure our families approved and everything worked out perfectly. I have always loved him unconditionally I still do. Lately we seem to be arguing over silly things. For instance I would ask him to do something he would forget constantly. which would bother me because he knows I dont like negligence. We would be happy but then after 3 days we would get into another fight which would be over something silly but yet at that point I am not able to stop arguing. This has become a routine we can never go without a argument for more than 3 days. This is making me worried. I cant fight all the time. He keeps making mistakes that is not tolerable I have always been the kind of person that sticks to the truth . I would never support wrong things If I believe I am right, then I do not stay quite, I voice my opinion. He knows I dont like to talk about past relat ionships. It also hurts me to hear about his past love. Yet when I find some of his old notes it speaks about that girl and this Hurts me alot. I guess its jealousy. I cant seem to understand why it bothers me so much when I find old posts about his old girlfriend. This just makes me angry I get annoyed and angry and he knows this. Surprisingly nothing was hidden from me i knew it all before we got married but I dont think I can ever be ok with this now. Now that we are married its bothering me.
I cant cope with his past and it bothers me. I dont know what to do! Can anyone help me, shed some light?
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My husband left me
Things have been rocky in our relationship for a long time. Constant arguing about anything and everything. This isn't the first time he has left. This is the 5th time he has left me. We end up getting back together to just go through the same things. The last time he left, which was end of May this year, I asked him to leave because I found out he was pursuing women online. I let him come back and we agreed to try marriage counseling. We were only able to attend one session so far. We set up a treatment plan to help with anger and to get back that closeness we once had.
Every time he leaves, he tells other, especially other women he hasn't been happy in a long time. He is miserable and depressed, talks about how mean I am, and name calls. This really hurts for him to say these things. He does it every time and I don't understand why he has to say such mean things. I am not perfect in any way. I have my flaws and I am trying to work on fixing them. I have individual counseling set up for myself.
Every time he leaves, he goes back to pursing women online. I wouldn't doubt he is doing it now too. It's very hurtful. All that ever runs through my mind is, "why am i not good enough?", "how can he sit there and pretend to be happy and say he loves me?", "why does he tell me he'll never leave?" I have a million and one things that go through my head that I can't function for a minute.
One of the biggest issues in our marriage has always been his mom. She and I never got along. Our relationship is much better now but she's still a big issue. She can/does encourage him to do things, or gets things in his mind of what he should do, etc.
I just don't know what else to do. I love this man with all my heart. He's my first love and first marriage. We have been married almost 10 years. It hasn't always been easy but we have made it through. I do want him back. I want our marriage to work. It's so hard because he won't speak to me right now.
Thank you all for listening.
Every time he leaves, he tells other, especially other women he hasn't been happy in a long time. He is miserable and depressed, talks about how mean I am, and name calls. This really hurts for him to say these things. He does it every time and I don't understand why he has to say such mean things. I am not perfect in any way. I have my flaws and I am trying to work on fixing them. I have individual counseling set up for myself.
Every time he leaves, he goes back to pursing women online. I wouldn't doubt he is doing it now too. It's very hurtful. All that ever runs through my mind is, "why am i not good enough?", "how can he sit there and pretend to be happy and say he loves me?", "why does he tell me he'll never leave?" I have a million and one things that go through my head that I can't function for a minute.
One of the biggest issues in our marriage has always been his mom. She and I never got along. Our relationship is much better now but she's still a big issue. She can/does encourage him to do things, or gets things in his mind of what he should do, etc.
I just don't know what else to do. I love this man with all my heart. He's my first love and first marriage. We have been married almost 10 years. It hasn't always been easy but we have made it through. I do want him back. I want our marriage to work. It's so hard because he won't speak to me right now.
Thank you all for listening.
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Sex Question/Poll
Just curious............ Except for quickies , after sex what do you and your so typically do? I find that after sex my wife gets up and goes does what ever. I've asked her to hang out for a while maybe cuddle or hang out for a few but she doesn't . it seems the situation is reversed here. Isn't the man suppose to be the one that doesn't hang to cuddle ?
Also, when your wife initiates does she ask you if you want to have sex or a bj or does she just send you the message some other way???
I thinking asking "do you want to have sex now" makes it less attractive.
May be I'm being picky or may be these are just continued signs of our many problems right now.
Also, when your wife initiates does she ask you if you want to have sex or a bj or does she just send you the message some other way???
I thinking asking "do you want to have sex now" makes it less attractive.
May be I'm being picky or may be these are just continued signs of our many problems right now.
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In your opinion when is the right time to have sex?
I've been on several dates with this guy, I really like him but don't want to have sex with him yet. I'm just wondering when most people sleep with someone they are dating, obviously it varies but just want your opinions?
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Are dating websites useless for men?
I've had a bit of lucky since signing up for one, but it seems that all of them revolve around getting women paired with men rather than the other way round.
This only emphasises how much easier it is for women in the dating world. I'm not having a go though, it's just a pain.
I'd really like to go on a date with a cute and bubbly girl who will banter and tease ... someone who I can make laugh ...
Where to go ...?
Advice?
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Am I unattractive?
I haven't had a brilliant track record with women, although I've had a few gf's in the past, most were many years ago. Do you girls or guys (IF you want to comment) think I'm unattractive? I'm a really easy going guy and well I've been told I'm funny and caring.
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First ever date! Excited!
Yesterday a girl asked me out on my first date ever and we are going to the cinema and then a Mexican restaurant next Friday. This is great! I have never even had a friend before let alone a date! Really excited :) What can I do to make the date special for her?
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I really want to go out and get drunk, but i have work :O
Since finishing college I've been working full-time in a call centre and working weekends at a night club, so i really have no free time what should i do? p.s I'm in debt for 2grand which I'm trying to pay off before i go uni-.-
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Question
I posted a thread but it's seeking approval from a mod - it's been a few hours now, how long should I be expected to wait?
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I don't give a fig about wokr or career, does this make me bad?
I have encountered so much hypocrisy and devious, sinister stuff. I feel exploited, a virtual slave. why the hell should I treat work with this great sanctity when I know I will lose, and I know how this country is rigged and what hypocrisy all the moralising is?
Anyway, I don't give two hoots about a career, I know how up against corrupt and evil people I am in some ways, does this make me less than human?
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Why did these girls pick a fight with me?
I am a guy whether this makes any difference. Anyhow, I am soon to begin university and have just finished my A levels. Throughout my A levels, everyone was always kind to me except a group of rather obnoxious girls. All I ever wanted to do was mind my own business and make friends where I could. However, that seemed to be unacceptable to these girls for some reason. And they kept bothering me. So I starting defending myself, I went into the Facebook account of one of them, found some naked photographs and shared them around (anonymously) with everyone in my A level year.
Another one, I spread rumours about that she had had an abortion and a STI. A third one, was in a wheelchair so I blocked the lift delaying her for an important revision session. And the fourth, I caused tension with her and her boyfriend until they broke up (I wish I had not had to do that as he is a nice guy).
I don't know why they bothered me to begin with but I do not regret it. They drew first blood.
What is it with adolescent girls that they keep pushing and pushing until someone pushes back. Why must they be so arrogant and exclusionary. I never ever spoke to them or talked to them, and yet they kept harassing me until I had to take action against them.
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