Married 5 years, been together 17
2 daughters in their teens.
She's 38 and I'm 46
Last month out of the blue my wife says it's over. Doesn't love me anymore. Not happy. Went to sleep at a girlfriend house,
Kids were stunned. Traumatized my 14 year old shut her out.
2 days later she is ok. In bed with me . Holding hands .. Kissing. Sex etc
I suggested to her to talk to our 14yr old. She said she'd get over it and if she needs to talk she'll come to me.
Said she is trying to love me again. I suggested counselling. Something we should of done a long time ago since the issue of of problems keeps coming back. I'm someone who talks about my feelings. I don't hold things in. She holds everything in and it exploded. Well her leaving that night was a major explosion.
I'm not a psycologist but to back track 5 months . Her dad was diagnosed with cancer. Terminal. She has a new job. Sales. Very stressed and not making the money she expected. Doesn't want to leave this job because she changed jobs 3 times the previous year.
She wanted to buy a new home with me, then wanted to buy a double home so my parents could move in. She is close to them.
She has a lot going on.
Our arguments are more misunderstandings than fights and are settled the same day.
Back to now.. 3 weeks in. We've not seen a marriage therapist , she keeps putting it off. We have been talking about the relationship and her needs. She wants more Independance. More alone time for her. Lose weight etc.
Camping, family activities, going out alone for dinner no kids. All good but she is not the same person. Has become more me myself and I. She still hasn't reached out to our 14yr old. Now my 12 year old is suffering.
Our mortgage is due in September for renewal. She suggested we change banks. Clear all her debts and add in 8000$ so she can get liposuction. All to better her self image. I refused since our relationship is still not fixed and we haven't had therapy to clear our issues.
She snapped and it's over again. Lasted 2 days . She never left the house but came home after work and just crashed. Crying .
Another week goes by. All good . Except for my daughters who finally let her know their feelings. They've been telling me their feelings about their new mommy and they don't like it. My wife changed her hair, color it darker. Did not care what the girls were doing . Stopped texting them during the day like she use to . Just to say hi x. But she is always on her phone texting in the corner of the room.
My daughters crying. Asking for their mothers attention. All my wife has to say is. Everything will be fine. Me and your daddy tried and it's not working. When I get an apartment and have you every second week., all will be good.
Again it's over. Ups and downs. I asked her what is going on. You are hurting more than just me.
I feel she is planning an out. Tried to get me to take on her debts. Played me .
I have an appointment with a therapist on Monday. She doesn't want to go. She wants me to go to a separation conselor with her on Friday.
Her behaviour is off. I'm not sure if their is someone else in the picture. She had no childhood friends. No girlfriends except the wife's of my longtime friends. She has a few new friends at work , but she's been there for 4 months. Not sure they really know her to see theirs something not right. I know she talks to them about this because she takes their advise. One Is a single mom, one is divorced went through a bad one. One never married and a flirt,
In the last month. She wanted liposuction and a tummy tuck. 15lbs to lose.
She dyed her hair, changed makeup to more flashy colors, Brazilian wax job, started tanning, and more skimpy clothes.
Started jogging.
Stopped paying her portion of the bills 45days and counting.
Has become a texting machine.
I'm at a loss. Trying to fix my familly before a bad choice is made.
She said to me last night. If we can consult individually ( seems I'm to much clingy and giving her too much love. I need to let her breath). As for her she knows the stress is affecting her. Anxiety etc
Then an hour later. Says she made a list of items she wants after the separation. Furniture etc.
I'm at a loss . Need advise
2 daughters in their teens.
She's 38 and I'm 46
Last month out of the blue my wife says it's over. Doesn't love me anymore. Not happy. Went to sleep at a girlfriend house,
Kids were stunned. Traumatized my 14 year old shut her out.
2 days later she is ok. In bed with me . Holding hands .. Kissing. Sex etc
I suggested to her to talk to our 14yr old. She said she'd get over it and if she needs to talk she'll come to me.
Said she is trying to love me again. I suggested counselling. Something we should of done a long time ago since the issue of of problems keeps coming back. I'm someone who talks about my feelings. I don't hold things in. She holds everything in and it exploded. Well her leaving that night was a major explosion.
I'm not a psycologist but to back track 5 months . Her dad was diagnosed with cancer. Terminal. She has a new job. Sales. Very stressed and not making the money she expected. Doesn't want to leave this job because she changed jobs 3 times the previous year.
She wanted to buy a new home with me, then wanted to buy a double home so my parents could move in. She is close to them.
She has a lot going on.
Our arguments are more misunderstandings than fights and are settled the same day.
Back to now.. 3 weeks in. We've not seen a marriage therapist , she keeps putting it off. We have been talking about the relationship and her needs. She wants more Independance. More alone time for her. Lose weight etc.
Camping, family activities, going out alone for dinner no kids. All good but she is not the same person. Has become more me myself and I. She still hasn't reached out to our 14yr old. Now my 12 year old is suffering.
Our mortgage is due in September for renewal. She suggested we change banks. Clear all her debts and add in 8000$ so she can get liposuction. All to better her self image. I refused since our relationship is still not fixed and we haven't had therapy to clear our issues.
She snapped and it's over again. Lasted 2 days . She never left the house but came home after work and just crashed. Crying .
Another week goes by. All good . Except for my daughters who finally let her know their feelings. They've been telling me their feelings about their new mommy and they don't like it. My wife changed her hair, color it darker. Did not care what the girls were doing . Stopped texting them during the day like she use to . Just to say hi x. But she is always on her phone texting in the corner of the room.
My daughters crying. Asking for their mothers attention. All my wife has to say is. Everything will be fine. Me and your daddy tried and it's not working. When I get an apartment and have you every second week., all will be good.
Again it's over. Ups and downs. I asked her what is going on. You are hurting more than just me.
I feel she is planning an out. Tried to get me to take on her debts. Played me .
I have an appointment with a therapist on Monday. She doesn't want to go. She wants me to go to a separation conselor with her on Friday.
Her behaviour is off. I'm not sure if their is someone else in the picture. She had no childhood friends. No girlfriends except the wife's of my longtime friends. She has a few new friends at work , but she's been there for 4 months. Not sure they really know her to see theirs something not right. I know she talks to them about this because she takes their advise. One Is a single mom, one is divorced went through a bad one. One never married and a flirt,
In the last month. She wanted liposuction and a tummy tuck. 15lbs to lose.
She dyed her hair, changed makeup to more flashy colors, Brazilian wax job, started tanning, and more skimpy clothes.
Started jogging.
Stopped paying her portion of the bills 45days and counting.
Has become a texting machine.
I'm at a loss. Trying to fix my familly before a bad choice is made.
She said to me last night. If we can consult individually ( seems I'm to much clingy and giving her too much love. I need to let her breath). As for her she knows the stress is affecting her. Anxiety etc
Then an hour later. Says she made a list of items she wants after the separation. Furniture etc.
I'm at a loss . Need advise
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