Last week, I couldn't imagine that I would be in this painful situation, but here I am and I badly need advice. I have been in a long distance relationship with a woman in her early 40s since April 2012. She lives in another country. We first met as friends in 2011, then decided to continue to get to know each other. The following April, I visited her for two weeks and fell in love. I am also in my early 40s and never married. We become close during those two weeks and slept together. However when I left, I felt sad because I could sense that her feelings were not the same strong feelings I had. During the next month we tried to continue with our communication. She did not have the passionate feelings about me yet, but gradually felt that she did not want to leave me, but she still wanted to date others. On June 1 we decided to have an exclusive relationship. She still had her profiles up on dating sites. After I explained my situation to business friend, he told me that it doesn't look good for me. Therefore he used the same dating sight and told he that he would like to meet her. He is a good looking man and sadly she was excited to receive his message an fly to her city to meet. My friend sent me her reponse and told me that this should teach me that she is not someone I can trust.
After that, she seemed somewhat remorseful. Later she After a slow process, she one day said that she realized that I am the man she wants. She would then come to visit me in my city for a few weeks in September. I quickly agreed to try again because I loved her much. After that we exchanged messages everyday and saw each other on Skype every weekend. She made plans to visit me in Sepember for a month. We got along well and after that trip, she began to tell me she loves me everyday.
I visited her an in January 2013. She introduced me to her parent's friends and siblings. However I could still sense that she did not have much passion for me.
In summer 2013, she came to be with me for four months. During that time we discussed how to get married and the visa issues. We get along well, but she is still generally not so romantic with me. The sex was ok, but not so often and often not high on her priority.
After our summer together, she seemed to be a little more distant. She went to a south Asian country for a business meeting, and before she left, she did not tell me that she was going to stay there an extra 10 days for vacation. During her extended vacation, she did not make an effort to contact often, so we became very distant.
When she returned to her city, we had several long tops about me ending the relationship. However we worked it out and both agreed to try to have a happier more passionate relationship.
After two months of improving our relation, I went to her country for four weeks to officially ask her to marry me and I gave her a diamond ring on New Year's Eve. This had been the best time we had been together.
Then during my last evening with her before I needed to return back to the US, her Iphone alarm came on while she was not there. Her phone was opened I looked in her phone to see if she still has my old messages. I was stunned when I discovered that she had sever other men during the first summer that we were dating. I have proof that she slept with one man from a few weeks before I first visited her in April until mid August. After her and I made love in April, 30 minutes later, she sent the other guy a text message saying that she wishes she was with him now.
She had continue to have sex with him (Kim) from time to time for four 1/2 months while being in the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with me. She said that she didn't love him, but enjoyed the sex. He wasn't looking for a serious relationship. Also during that summer she had lied to me about closing all of her dating accounts because she also met a few other men during that time - meetings arranged through a dating site.
I also saw a previous email that was before me in which she expressed how much she enjoyed the sex and wrote long excited emails about how they will enjoy their time together.
She never sent me messages that the messages she sent to those two men. She had always claimed that she did not know how to express romantic words and that she did not have much experience to talk about sex. That is clearly not true. She was a much more wild lover with the other two men.
Our sex and her response to sex did improve during the past four weeks with her. I was more confident that she loves me now. After we got engaged, we broke the news to my family and her family. The plan was for her to move to my home this summer to get married.
Then the final night I learned that our first summer was a big lie.
It strong seems that she hasn't cheated on me after summer 2012, but the two biggest problems is that I don't know if I should ever trust someone who was so selfish during our first months together. Also it appears that the sex with the other men was much more exciting for her. I don't know if I can get passed that even though she says I am a good lover now.
This is very stressful for me now because I love her much and because my whole family is excited for me that I'm finally going to get married.
Put the internet to work for you.
via Personal Recipe 2629979
