Need some advice

I've been talking to this girl that I met at a party, HB8 and we've been texting regularly for about a week. When I first met her at a party we made out for a bit and there's definitely attraction because the second time she invited me to hang out with her. The second meeting went terribly wrong, I was cockblocked by a friend and the night ended with me only kissing her for a few moments. I texted her the next day and we talked for a little, but the next time I tried to reinitiate a convo over text I got no reply. Any thoughts of this being salvagable or not?

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I am confused by her signals.

Hi! I am new here and looking for some advice. I appreciate any reply/input. I created a huge fangroup for a certain band that contains over 3,400 people. That has made me popular in that social circle. I had a huge birthday party last Thursday. A girl showed up at my birthday party because her mutual friends were there. She introduced herself. I've avoided women for a few months now but something about her caught me. She added me as a friend on FB that night. The next day I messaged her immediately and suggested we hang out. This last Monday night we met up. It was honestly one of the most magical nights of my life. We clicked so good, laughed, had fun, and it was so natural. She told me later she was nervous for a while around me. We ended up kissing for about 45 minutes and agreed to keep in touch until I move out there in May. She lives in Los Angeles, I in Wisconsin. She told me she isn't looking for anything serious right now and that we will just see what happens over time. She also said she's not good at replying to texts and sometimes it takes her a while. The first part of the week was great. We spent hours on the phone and communication was good. She even has had me wake her up by calling her just to talk to me because she says it will make her whole day wonderful. Over the last few days she will text me with smiley faces and hearts, etc. and seems super into me. Then she will go about 10 hours without even replying to my texts. She has done this the last 3 days. I don't act needy or desperate. I never text her twice in a row, even if she has gone half a day without replying. I always wait for her. At this point I am really confused. She seems so into me when she actually does talk to me but she doesn't seem to talk to me much anymore. Today it's been over 10 hours since I've even gotten a reply. The good thing is that she doesn't know how bad I feel right now or how it's upsetting me that she's neglecting me so much. We haven't talked about it. I don't want to talk about it because that will be the moment she knows I'm upset and it may turn her off completely. I am obviously way more into her than she is to me. My guy says I should just drop her and stop myself from feeling hurt but I've never felt that kind of click with a girl in my life that we had last Monday. I am just curious what any of you think is going on in this situation? What would make a girl seem into me but ignore me for such huge blocks of time?

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Breaking up the LTR over FUTURE in laws?

Get ready for a long rant! Half of the reason why I am posting this is to vent, but I do pose a serious question at the end of you want to skip the very long rant I have written. The question part is in larger text at the end. I have been dating my boyfriend for two years. I started living with him and his parents 18 months ago. Right when I graduated high school my mom decided to move. I didn't want to go because my boyfriend and I were inseparable. Also I would have to wait over a year to go to college thanks to out of state tuition. They agreed to let me move in and all was well. I used to like these people, at first. They were very open and friendly. When my boyfriend was working I'd hang out with them or go out to lunch with them alone. Certain things about them bugged me, like their extreme negativity/racism and bad habits (smoking inside all the time with no regard for others living in the house). In exchange for living with them I promised to do the household laundry, dishes, and clean up once a week (I also pay a hundred dollars a month for my added bills). Now I feel like I am getting the raw end of the deal because their dishwasher broke a year ago and they decided to waste their money on tons of crap, but since they have a free maid, no need to replace it! (They seriously went out and bought a $400 chair they didn't need at all!) I spend a lot of time cleaning every day. Real maids actually get paid to clean WITH free rent. My boyfriend and I split a 70 square foot room (not joking) and there is one tiny bathroom in the house. I think it's fair to assume that the hundred bucks to help pay for bills and all the cleaning I do is more than fair for "free housing" . I started a small online business and didn't expect it to go anywhere. Well it did. Last month I made over 8k in sales (this was a sudden change from an average of 2k before). I had no employees to help and my boyfriend works full time; I also go to college full time. I was extremely overwhelmed and didn't clean the dishes a few nights; that's when all hell broke loose. One night the bitch (his mom) came home and saw I hadn't done the dishes yet. Mind, she gets off of work at like 2pm. When his dad got home an hour later they called us into the room and basically had a "bash on me" party. They basically said they hate me. I am a sloppy, messy person. I am ruining their "perfect" son. They want me out. If I do anything else wrong in the next month, I'm kicked to the curb. I was shocked, really. I mean this was the first time in all these months I'd done a poor job at cleaning. They didn't bother to talk to me like human beings; and learn that the spring semester started and sales for my business increased 300%! They just wanted something to get mad about and some drama to be in. I didn't even say two words. I just let them yell and yell at me until they were done. I couldn't really say anything anyways. These people are so freaking childish it's ridiculous. Ever since that night happened all I can do is think about why I hate them so much. They are working class because they were too lazy to attend college or training and get real jobs. I know this because the bitch's dad has a great military pension and offered to pay for ALL of her college. He already did it for her sister (and her daughter) and is doing it for my boyfriend. SHE was too lazy to go, so now she has a crappy paying job and so does her husband. They used to get paid pretty well, before the economy sunk. Now they blame their poor salaries on illegal immigrants and black people beating the system, instead of themselves! Which it totally is their fault. They are so negative and all they seem to live for is complaining about other people. They are TERRIBLE with money. The both have cars they bought brand-new; one was over 50k new! Then their garage is full of four-wheelers and dune buggies. But their house is awful. Smells like rotting cigarette smoke and dog piss. It hits you like a brick wall if you've been out for a few hours. There is one tiny bathroom them and their two kids have had to share forever. Apparently a few years ago they took at a 15k lone to build on the house, but blew it all on bullshit instead. On top of that their washer machine barely runs, their dishwasher is broken, their oven is half broken, etc, etc. Their floors are soaked with dog piss and have never been replaced. Terrible carpet or cheap linoleum that should have been replaced tens of years ago. They finally redid the roof this year after waiting five years longer than they were supposed to. My boyfriend's best friend came over and helped for over 30 hours, expecting to get some sort of compensation. They didn't even give him gas money. They did a terrible job with their two kids. My boyfriend told me they have been smoking, in the house, like god damn chimneys ever since he was born! No joke, windows and doors closed, smoking nonstop with their baby and toddler playing on the floor below. I think that constitutes child abuse, because my boyfriend now has asthma and is probably going to have other problems in the future. They do the same thing with me. The smoke is so strong in the morning, even with our bedroom door closed, that it wakes me up. They eat terribly. She has never cooked her family a meal from scratch in her life. All she does is go out and by frozen lasagna or whatever, throw it in the oven, and then tell everyone to come get it. So she is obese and her husband has diabetes. My boyfriend refuses to eat anything but cheeseburgers, burritos and pizza, thanks to them never offering him anything else. My boyfriend's brother went out and got a 15 year old girl friend when he was 21!!! And her mom is like the chief of police or something!! This has been a HUGE problem for the past 4 years. Finally he knocked her up and got married to her. Then there was all this drama between the two families. My mom is a psychologist and offered to help because she suspected the other family had some personality disorders. She spent all night talking to them. To my mom's face they were so grateful and nice. Asking questions and acting like they totally believed and agreed with my Mom. My Mom left and they turn to each other and say "I don't believe in any of that psycho babble!" God damn it I was so fucking pissed. They think they have the right to judge my moms CAREER that she went to COLLEGE for while you two fucked around like teenagers your entire life?? And if they didn't believe in it, why did they pretend to? And then make fun of my mom behind her back? Such fucking children. That's when I really started disliking them so much. They have done nothing with their lives. They both worked meaningless jobs, by choice! They had the option to go to college for free and they used to make plenty of money to do so. But they chose not to. They are negative, racist and judgmental. They were terrible parents who poisoned their children with smoke, junk food and their bad traits. They look down their nose at everyone and pretend to be religious when I have never seen them go to church. They think they are model citizens and have gotten my boyfriend to believe the same, which is the problem. My boyfriend thinks his parents are amazing people. He thinks their behavior is acceptable. I wish I could get him to see that they are simply not that great of people. There are definitely worst people out there, but he shouldn't hold himself to their extremely low standards. It's not okay to be lazy when you have the option to do much better, it's not okay to waste all your money on bullshit when the house is falling apart, it's not okay to eat like shit, smoke constantly, and raise your children in that! It's just not! And he thinks it is… I dunno I think it might be time to give up on him, simply because his parents have poisoned him so much. He is a funny, hard-working standup guy. I love him more than anything. But he was raised by some pretty awful parents and I dunno if I can risk him turning in to that. We are signing a lease to rent our own house because I just can't STAND living here anymore, but now I don't want to risk getting roped up with my boyfriend for 6 months to a year, unable to leave. It's like I love him so much I am willing to try and make it work but I also don't want to take such a major risk moving out with him. I see more and more of the negative traits his parents gave him every day. I have no idea how to talk to him. He knows that after his parents yelled at me that one day, I have liked them a lot less… but he has no idea it's to this extent! Oh also, one more reason why I truly despise these people. A few months ago one of their dogs was dying of old age. I took some vet tech classes so I could tell easily she had a bad internal infection. That poor dog suffered for at least four days before passing. On the first day I said "You should take her in and get her put down. She's suffering." The bitch said no. Want to know why? Because the dog had a huge tumor the size of a potato, that it had had for years, (something I had also said should be seen) and she didn't want to look bad. When the dog got really bad I offered to take her in and pay for everything, they still said no!!:boggled: The dog coughed up/puked up so much blood and had many seizures before finally dying. It was so depressing to watch and not be able to do anything about. All because she didn't want to look bad, it was insane.

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What kind of response would you expect from your spouse?

Let's just say you had an upsetting experience the evening before (conflict with a friend). Spouse not directly involved but present. Nothing ugly, just upsetting. What would you expect from your spouse in terms of support - the same evening and the next day?

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dumb question

Dumb question (if there is such a thing): A lot of people talk about 'outing the WS' and creating a tsunami effect so that they have a shock to the system that breaks the fog. It seems that this is only appropriate when the goal for the BS is R. If you are settled on D, then it seems to me this is just being spiteful. Any arguments with this line of thinking? some background on where I am coming from: married 5 years. dating and early years were amazing. clicked in many ways. Then one of my parents got sick, I decided I hated my career and did a career-180. I was in shock when that parent died and pulling the 180 put a lot of stress on the relationship (this was a 2-3 year period). I did my own counseling when the parent got sick and we did couples when things got rocky during the 180. Couples counseling started ~1 year ago. main focus of all sessions was how much of a s**thead i was because I didn't do xy and z. Not avoiding here, but also not sure details are necessary at this point. I felt I made tremendous progress through counseling. Did a lot of behavior change and got my act together from the fallout of parental death and career-180. Counseling ended ~6 months ago. Shortly after that, things spiraled downward. Every week, we have a long (3-4 hr) 'conversation' about how our marriage is ****ty and I don't make her happy and xy and z. Started getting suspicious when I realized that, although I saw a light at the end of counseling and the 'conversations' she did not. Lots of goalposts moving from week to week. Lots of things asked of me, but nothing offered in return. I have to turn in phone records for work. Started to notice a large volume of minutes on her phone line. She calls her sister a lot, no prob. Looked into it more, noticed a substantial number of calls to a strange number (out of state). Dug into it. Long story short, she has been having a EA->PA with an ex from HS. Started ~1 month prior to couples and continues to this day. I have all phone records matched up with my/her whereabouts. Mad calls when I am out of town (like 3 hour calls from 10p-1am). She has made several trips to OMs state. We were in that state recently on two distinct business trips that slightly overlapped, I suggested I stay a few extra days to hang out and see her during the trip. She said no. Excuses. Etc. Have her txts from the entire period. Made/makes me sick to my stomach. They are soul mates reconnecting after years apart. Plotted several hotel visits. Trashed me as a man. etc. All while in couples counseling! Currently in the roller coaster of oscillating between R and D. Really want to have the balls to do D, but its a big decision. When I am in R mode, I make myself read the texts to get back into D mode. Obviously need to talk to a Lawyer asap. Live in a fault state, so w/o talking to lawyer, I think my options are 1) separate, then D or 2) evidence of affair, D now. Need to know if what I have constitutes evidence. If not, what else I need to get. No kids. Not much in the way of assets, but our salaries are disproportionate. My goal would be: you take your stuff and your money and 50% of our joint assets, I do the same. One of us moves out. And we never speak again. I suspect with evidence of cheating, I could do a lot of damage, but I have no interest in prolonging this for a few extra $$ or to cause her pain. I hope that is a possibility, but I have read through most of shamwow, bff and other threads. So I know things can get complicated. On the off-hand that when I confront, my balls shrivel up into my pockets, I want to make sure I am prepared to 'out' her to her parents and siblings and (perhaps) very close friends to ensure NC etc. But doesn't seem that is necessary if I am trying to go the amicable D route. Any thoughts or suggestions or advice or anything else from the more experienced folks here? (read the newbie post and the 180 post -- any other mandatory reads?)

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6 month with no sex and so relieved!

My husband (39)and I (32)met online6 years ago. After 3 months, we moved in together, got enraged at 6m and married at 14m. Things have been okay in our mrriage except for the lack of sex. It started shortly after we moved in together. The sex dropped rapidly but I didn't notice that until now how badly it's effected the relationship. We used to have sex all the time, not being able to keep our hands off each other. My husband used to run to my tent when we went camping just so he could see me change in to my bath suit and have sex with me. That changed even before we got married. No more noticing me, no more kinky games, no more happy sex life. He used to try the things i liked... being tied up, anal, spankings, etd. now nothng... just the same of boring moves. We didn't consummate our marriage until at least 3 months after the wedding. Over the last 6years I can probably count the number of time we have had sex on one hand. He used to excite me, I used to be attracted to him and want nothing more than to have his body on mine. Now I can't stand the sight, smell or feel of him. He tries to French kiss me and I stay firm lipped in a pucker to avoid it. He never liked French kissing when we were dating. And now he's trying it? I no longer want sex with my husband but want to have sex with other people. How do. Even begin t tell my husband this? Before anyone says anything about just doing it.... I have tried! He won't have sex with me even if I ask him. Just thinks that pleasuring me In other ways will do it. When I want a tongue, ill ask for a tongue. I've been asking for him to have sex with me for far to long and have lost all interest I him sexually as a result. There is no intimacy between us aside from hugging and pecking. I refuse every advance and know he masterbates to relieve himself. I masterbates to take care of myself but truly just want to be able to go out and sleep around. I find it in my nature as I h ave had over 50 partners. I slept around a lot on my youth and want it back. I just can't imagine not having my husband in my life anymore. I do not want a divorce. I want lovers that are not my husband. He's far too unsatisfying. I also tend to think that a lot of the sex issues we have has to do with my promiscuous youth. Sex is not love, nor doesn't mean anything to do with love or companionship. It's pleasure and nothing more for me. How do I tell the man I love that he's not dong it for me and I don't want him to even bother trying anymore?

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Raising Real Men

Caribbean Man wrote: "Real men are fast becoming an endangered species" In the last few threads the topic of what we are teaching our sons has been touched on. Are we teaching them about appreciating a woman's total package, are we teaching them to game. What do they learn about relationships in todays divorce ridden world. Entropy3000 wrote: Quote: The biggest thing a father can provide a son is an example of how a man can be very powerful but can also live in a loving marriage. I agree with this completely, my own father set this example. However, in today's world how many fathers are like this? Many men here at TAM are trying to figure out how to set this example. How to find the balance of being a powerful man in a loving marriage AND do that with an equally powerful woman. always_alone wrote: Quote: How do we prevent him (a young man) from being scarred? Or help him heal from them? What about the boy/young man in the split family home or single parent home. How is he going to learn to be a real man? What is a real man? Why are they endangered? What can we do to raise strong men of character in today's society?

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Girlfriend of six months reached out to ex-husband twice

If this was anybody else's situation, I would know what to tell them, but, when you're in it, it's hard so I'm intentionally looking for strong leadership and direction. My GF is 45, married twice. Background is this. Me, never married and no kids, 47. Her, married twice. She grew up without parental direction. Pretty checkered past in comparison to my "normal" healthy loving family dynamic. She started having sex at 15 while dating a senior in HS. Had an abortion. This led to some sexual exploration (giving a guy a BJ at a party her senior year, having sex in the same room with another couple (she stopped it midstream out of feeling uncomfortable). She had sex with married men in college, got pregnant and a child by one, dated a married cop that saved her from a drunk driving arrest, dated (no sex) her college professor, and when she married a Christian guy believing she could find normalcy and learn to love him in marriage, she wound up cheating on her husband with her ex boyfriend that broke her heart for the entire engagement and marriage. She ultimately divorced her husband and had a Notebook "fall in love" relationship with her ultimately second husband. That lasted three years - two years of bliss and then a fallout due to her putting her work and kids first above him. She has a self-centered personality. After her second husband divorced her, (she denies any infidelity on him), she became born again Christian. Really worked it hard too - books and journals everywhere. She admits it was to seek God's reconciliation for her marriage but through it she has a genuine love for Christ because she realizes now her life was a mess. However, her nature comes out quite a bit. When we met, we truly connected. She lied about her past so as to not look like a bad person, and I understand it to a point. One of the lies was that her reconciliation attempt with her ex was in January 2012. In reality, it w as January 2012 beginning and ended only 2 weeks before we met. This guy was definitely the love of her life. I see it, sense it. What can I do??? I also had a Notebook love story that didn't work but it's been 7 years and so I'm past it. Picking up the story to the point, she reached out to her ex twice. Once was two months into the relationship. She said she did it to "make sure" they are through because we started and it's time for him to make sure because she's moving forward. She says that the rejection by him was the motivation and that she honestly says she doesn't think if he responded with a reconcilation attempt she would have gone there. I disagree and of course, the self-esteem feeling from that act makes me feel like "what the hell am I doing with her and acting understanding"....I don't like how I felt and it was an issue that I didn't take or accept well. The second time was after a major fight at the airport. She reached out to him by phone saying that fight was so bad that she thought we were over and she wanted to feel loved so she went back with what was familiar. There has also been some texting going on - mostly about a refinance on the house - but she has promised me she would not text him about it anymore and get the info through other means, but...she still did it. She really seems to struggle with the loss of that marriage, that she was divorced and he does NOT want her back, though, he has sent a drunk text or two and she's shown them to me when they came in. I've looked at her phone bills on her work and home phone and other than the initial lies of reaching out to him, her story seems to add up. I basically feel that this relationship with him is something still in her and she got involved with me without healing from that loss. All that being said, there are some other lies - about stupid things and legitimate things. Stupid....like....she said she was section leader of her clarinet section in HS ban d, and that during her divorce a guy was pursuing her, but instead it was her who was pursuing him to legitimate things like the reach out to her ex and, for example, I texted her because I had to go the ER due to a kidney stone and she didn't respond to the text for 5 hours. She said it was because she was in the OR (she's a PA) and come to find out she lied because she just didn't see the text because she just didn't check her phone until the phone rang from a coworker (she said she didn't hear the little beep). She said she lied because she felt bad that she didn't see the text and I was in the ER alone. I verified everything on her phone record. She has broken nearly EVERY promise to me - literally - so there is an integrity issue. Yet, when these problems arise, she goes and studies the bible, journaling and it's sincere....she's really troubled by it (I read her journal behind her back) and it seems like a person who wants to be a good person. So, she makes the e ffort, but she continues to stumble. But, I have so little trust in her word and so I have separated from her. One of the mantras in her journal is the desire to be loved, needed and wanting desperately to be loved and she says in her journal she doesn't know why she lies to me. The relationship for the most part other than these pillars of relationship is generally good. We enjoy each other, laugh alot, etc.....so.....I'm not sure how to make sense of all this as far as a response. My experience and gut says "love doesn't lie" and "love doesn't cheat". The only time I lied to my girlfriends or cheated (never cheated physically but flirted with others) was when I just wasn't that into them and didn't really value or respect them. So, transferring my experience tells me that's who I am to her and I should really just let this go. We've talked about marriage several times already. So, my head says I must let this go, and another part says play this out, be patient - bu t experience tells me that everything in context about her - I'm going to get hurt because she has lied, cheated (in a sense) with me already, a history of it, and she's just not stable. My heart wants to try and persevere, be patient, work this out with her, go to church with her and just work this relationship and issues and see what happens. But, I'm hurt with every violation of the pillars - trust, honesty. I'm really a simple guy (not a doormat, I'm pretty confrontational and a NY Italian, German and Irish descent), and I think she likes that I call her out because she feels she has to be accountable and I think she interprets that as love and respect that I don't let her get away with BS. But, to you, this forum, I just revealed what's really going on. Would really like good feedback. I love her, want to love her, but I want healthy and I'm not sure this is where I should be or what I should be doing. I'm confused. Thank you so much.

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Wife Cheated and I Don't know what to do

Like most of you here I thought I would never be in this position. Just had our 10 year anniversary in November. Been together almost 14 years. I'm 39 she's 35. We had the ultimate bond and a level of trust I've never experienced. Great Catholic Foundation and were best friends. We have a 9 year old boy and a 5 year old girl. All our friends envy us and think we have it figured out. Sex was always great and after a week of dating we never spent a night away from each other, other than work or guys / girls trips. About 2 years ago I started school 3 nights a week that lasted a year. She hated it. A year ago, after trying for 7 years I finally got offered my dream job as a Firefighter. She supported me the whole way and we new it was going to be a challenge being gone for 24hrs at a time. It really effected her. I have always been a great husband and father. Everyone, including her told me that and i tried to be even better after the FF job started because I knew how it effected her. I could have been more affectionate, but did try and do romantic things now and then. Last August she ran into an old friend at the grocery store. They Facebooked each other, but no messages until November. Then it turned to texting (she put him in her phone under a friend at works name)in December. On Dec 29th I was on shift and she told me she was going out with the girls. No biggie as this was common practice once a month or so. She took the kids to her parents and went to his house to talk....well we know where this goes. I started noticing changes in January and extreme in February. Wouldn't let her phone out of her possession, going out more, etc. About 3 weeks ago it really hit me and I had that feeling. Checked the cell phone usage online and compared all the phone numbers and noticed the one number I didn't recognize. Looked it up on her iCloud and saw the friends name and I didn't know who that was. It was odd, but I didn't have enough to go on. Last Friday she went out and text me at 2:30am saying she was crashing at a friends or would call a cab. I went berserk. I ended up going and getting her and she was at the friends house, but I knew something was up. I checked her phone that night, but didn't see anything super incremenating. We fought over the weekend about everything and on Monday I really dug in. I detailed the text usage and saw that one number excessively. I search and searched and searched and couldn't find out who it was. Then good ole Facebook came thru. Typed in the number and wa la! Mind u the whole weekend she was telling me that she wanted things back to normal and to have us back, all the while still texting him. Monday evening I called her out on it and she denied it up until I showed her the final proof. She spent the next 3 days convincing me it was an Emotional Affair and never physical. A few pictures, but that was it. She begged and pleaded for me not to leave her and wanted us again. She gave me all her passwords to everything. I have never been so mean to someone. I had lost all compassion a nd was treating her like utter garbage. I spoke to some lawyers about getting detailed text records since my carrier requires a subpoena. No of them were really interested unless I filed for divorce. I was pressed for time because they constantly purge text details. I researched online and found a few products that help recover deleted data. I took a chance and ordered one next day air. Overnight Thursday night I ran the program on her phone and my computer. It only went back a few weeks but all the proof was there. I went and woke her up at 4:00am and busted her. She finally came clean. She has been transparent since then, telling me anything I ask. I am freaking out. I have been extremely mean and almost abusive to her. Actually I probably have been emotionally abusive. I HATE her but for some reason just can't walk away. I did pack some things and leave yesterday and I'm on shift tonight but will be going home tomorrow. We have been in constant contact and most of it is me still berating her. She is somewhat using the kids as a ploy for me to be around, but for the most part I ain't falling for it. I took the kids after school yesterday and then dropped them off after dinner and left to go to a hotel. Right now she is cooperating with anything I say. I have complete control over all her accounts and she says she is willing to do anything. I am scarred. There are things in those texts that I will never get over. There are things she done with him that I will never get over. I've always said I would be gone if my wife ever cheated but I don't know why I have these feelings to maybe try and work it out. I realize I left a void when taking this job that she let get outta hand. By no means do I feel this is any of my fault. There were better options to try and help us out. Oh and we have been in counseling for about three years. We went through a ruff stretch, but got it figured out and kept going to see our therapist as it always seemed to help. She went by herself on Thursday and then we went together the same day. She lied to our therapist about it also. The therapist even told her - you know he's not going to stop till he gets the detailed texts and she said yes that she had told us everything. I think she thought I wouldn't be able to get them in time or I would let it go. Am I crazy for even remotely thinking this could still work? I have appt with a lawyer this week and one next week. I just want to be prepared for whatever I decide. I talked to our therapist on Friday and filled her in. She said to not jump to a decision. I feel so much hatred towards her right now. I feel so terrible for my kids and myself. Any help or suggestions are appreciated!

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Are we too different?

Okay so my boyfriend & I have been together 3 1/2 years. We met at Uni but he graduated before me so now we are living 4 hours apart. This isn't much of a problem as we've done long distance before. The problem is that since he graduated I think we've started to drift apart. At uni he had barely any lectures and spent the rest of his time in the pub or playing video games - which is fine for a Uni student, don't get me wrong. However when he was nearing graduation he still wasn't doing anything to try and search for a job etc. Which has meant that now he is still doing unpaid jobs to try and get an actual job. He only works a few days a week and spends the rest of the week playing video games. He doesn't seem to have any real interests/hobbies and he doesn't do as much as he could to find a job. He does know what career he wants to have and he always says stuff like 'today I'm gonna spend the day applying for jobs' but in the end most of those days he just ends up playing games instead. He's a really laid back guy, which can be a great thing, but I'm starting to think that he's too laid back for me. I will be graduating soon and am planning on travelling for 3/4 months. He originally said he wanted to come too but now said he 'just doesn't want to'. So I am going on my own. He said that for him 4 months away from his life at home is too long - I personally think 4 months is nothing. He has no job sorted out for when I am travelling and I'm worried that I'm going to come back with these amazing memories and he's just going to have played video games the whole time. Also, I can't help but see everyone else's partners going off travelling with them and mine won't come, even though he has no job sorted and he already has the money to go, just because 'he doesn't want to' even though he knows that being apart for that long could break us up (not that I'm saying I won't try but obviously sometimes it does break couples up). It makes me wonder if he'd ever do anything out of his comfort zone or something that I REALLY wanted to do? I know if it were the other way around I'd do something with him if he wanted it that badly because I wouldn't want to risk us splitting up and because I want him to be happy. I've even said i'll move to where he lives if we decided to live together and I have no job sorted somewhere else. I do love him but I don't know if this is something I will be able to deal with in the long run. Even with me he is so laid back - when I mentioned that travelling breaks some couples up he just said ... well whatever happens happens or he says 'whatever makes you happy'. Is this just me being rubbish? Has anyone else been in this situation?

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629979

i'm lost!!! :/ hepppppppppp!!!

hi everyone, sooo i'm a college student and i've got this professor who keeps looking at me like 70percent of the time when he's lecturing,who always asks if i'm okay with his suggestions, who asks me to do presentations even when i dnt volounteer,when ever he suggests sth or says sth funny i catch him looking at me,he teases me sometimes.....(and he does all these stuff i've mentiones with no body else but me) and there was this one time i've missed a class of his and i asked if i can attend another one(the exact same with other ppl) and he said okay.that day when he walked into the classroom the 1st thing he did after putting his papers on the desk is looking for me and when he found me he smiled like i'e never seen him smile before and said good morning to me ( i said to me cuz he didn't say it outloud for the intire class to hear he only said it in a way so i could read it from his lips),i said gd morning back the same way.anyway, the next day i met him in the hallways ,said good morning and he just kept starring at me like he hates me or sth:S anyway this whole thing confuses me i'm just wondering if he does this because he has a crush on me or is he just encouraging me...by doing this(cuz i'm a student who always does her job..and seems interested in learning....)??? btw i kinda like him 2 i mean he is not very attractive or anything but seems veeery interesting and i just wanna get to know him...... soo what do u ppl think? does he have a crush on me or...????

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629979

Urghhhh.. advice needed :(

Hi. I met my boyfriend 2 years ago and we got engaged last year. He became depressed, grumpy and withdrawn. Then he text me to say he can't do it anymore. We spoke and he said he wanted to break up because lifes too short to be settled down! He changed his fb status to single! He's still living in our house and is acting normal, he sleeps in the bed, tells me he loves me, kisses me before he goes to work, spoon cuddles me in the mornings etc. He keeps going out until early hours of the morning on one occasion it was 6 o'clock. I found some messages of a girl askin to meet him in a hotel! He's continued to sleep with me in the 3 days he's been 'single'. I don't know what to do??? He is livin the best of both worlds but I don't wanna lose him! :sad::sad:

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629984

I'm living How I Met Your Mother

And not the good parts of How I Met Your Mother. If you've watched/are watching HIMYM this will make sense to you... I'm basically a Ted Mosby. I'm a law school student, I'm 27 (like Ted was at the beginning) and I live in New York City. I hang out with my friend Jacob (more or less a Barney, the king of one night stands, and always coming up with crazy schemes). But there is a Robin, another student in my classes. She's the same age as me, she's very pretty, but she just isn't for me. I want a romantic, all-in relationship, but she's not looking for anything long term, and she helps all that couples stuff. We are very close friends. I'm slowly falling in love with her, but I know while she likes me as a friend, she is not interested in anything romantic. I've convinced myself in my mind that I've moved past her, but I can't get into a relationship because I still think about her. I was on a Valentine's Day date and my date actually said, "It's obvious that you're in love with Jamie. What are you doing here with me?" Basically what I'm saying, and probably what everyone on here is saying, i s that I just can't get her out of my head. I don't want to like her, and I know we want different things. Is there any way that I can be at peace with the thought of never having any romantic interaction with her?

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629984

For wayward men only

I have read a lot of stories from betrayed spouses but few on spouses who have had secretive physical or emotional affairs. Are any of you willing to share your stories on such specific things like how long did it take you to get over the OW or how did it make you feel to find out how bad you had hurt your wife? What drove you to do this and how are you showing her you are truly remorseful? I'm just trying to understand the thoughts of a WS during reconciliation. Thanks!

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629979

Does your spouse know your schedule?

Today is my husband's day off and he had to work so last night I specifically asked him how long would he be. He says "I have to do A, then I'm going to come home for a bit but then I've got to go back out and do B (he's a cop)". I'm sure he mumbled that his day was shot. "A" normally takes 1-2 hours but 5 hours later I hadn't heard a peep out of him and quite frankly I'm annoyed. I hate when he does this to me. He finally calls and I ignore it. He ASSUMES I'm busy (tells me this later) so he doesn't text nor does he call again. 3 more hours go by and I call to find out what's up. His response "I said I was going to be gone most of the day". Um no you didn't. He apologized profusely but I'm still upset. We've had this problem before and it gets old. Do others have this problem or is it just me? How well does your spouse know your schedule?

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629979

Not feeling very good...should I go anyway?

I joined meetup at the advice of a member here. I RSVPed to an event and now I'm feeling kinda sick...Flu...Now here's the problem.. there are 13 RSVPs to this function..and I'm the only guy... I'm thinking of just going and having fun...

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629979

Met a manipulative entitlement minded girl, patience has run a course

Ever since I met girl, my life has been constantly turning downside with almost everything about is spelling incompatibility and differences which i am no longer can handle. Okay I me a girl out of town we have been chatting for sometime. Turned out she was quite a bit of a pride in herself however she has been divorced and quit her job. I have been single for quite some time, so I just wanted to give it a try with her despite all her issues going on with her. I met her few times, but problem immediately arose as she was a quite a boastful one bragging about her accomplishment and her parents purchasing a home for her and couple of times she made to me a really derogatory mark. I lost patience and we had arguments couple of times. Also besides that she has been talking about regretting an abortion she did to herself while she was with her previous husband and repeatedly mentioning about wanting to have a baby. At the same time she boasted about her ability to raise herself the baby without my assistance if she had one with me and it does not matter whether I am with her or not despite my pleading about not talking this way. I havent had even chance to made my point firmly although I had assured her that we shd not have baby this soon after one time she again talked about baby. Thing has gotten bad and she got pregnant only we met few times and she has gotten completely insane on me. I did not agree with it, so I told my position is abortion however she has been calling me all names since then. Things like I am killing my own baby..yeah but If I called her killer since she had an abortion, you would understand how she would react. After having difficult times, I made a compromise based on her situation and decided that she pursue her pregnancy. I kept on emotional roller coaster during her pregnancy. Lot of time, I felt confused, tired, disoriented and several times, I had barely energy to go to work. One time, I was so distracted while I was driving and ran a red light. We talked about our financial situation but it has been really hard to be in sync in various aspect especially in money. Even thought she has been divorced and lost her job, she does not acknowledge she is going thru hard time but she really boasts it is nothing to be worry for her. Part of the reason is that she get lots of assistance from her parent, they bought her almost brand new apartment and brand new luxury car. However she told me she wanted another apartment. Her parents agreed so I thought they had a lot of money, but later it turned out, for the second apartment, her parents are borrowing. I immediately told her to stop buying the second one but she pushed through saying she really wants the second one. Later on, somehow she stopped pursuing the second condo, some how her family must have agreed her but it was not something I was not able to persuade her. We both lived in USA for more than ten years now and most people I know has some degree of financial responsi lity, us culture is about leaving parents as soon as they reach adult age and becomes toward living independently. But with her, I dont understand her mentality. She is 31 but she cares zero about her financial situation. During her pregnancy, I also asked her about repaying her debts, however she does not wanted to talk to me about it, instead she kept buying luxury items. I asked her during normal times, it is okay divulge in luxuries which I do, however she keeps on doing no matter what her situation is. My life has been really ****ty after all the incidence, I lost the patience about this girl and frequently thought we sholud not be together. She really seem to lost with the reality, she talks about all good things that just does not materialize. I dont know how to handle with her. I met her parents and they told me you will lead the family once the baby is born, but current situation is that she is not the one who discuss, compromise or respect. Based on her attitude I dont know how I will be able to lead the family with such a woman. I did not want the baby either however now the baby is born. However I really want to separate from her. I would not mind participating in life of child but mother being such a person, I am afraid life is going to be really hard to deal with. I am also open to her having a baby or me raising the baby. However joint custody seems almost impossibility as our disagreement is too much. Before I got a chance to know her, she rushed about baby and we built up too much resetnment. In case she keeps the baby and goes after child support, I dont like the idea becuase it is after all her manipulating attitude she has been doing to me. If I had spend some of my life with woman that I respect and love each other and divorce that is different thing, I would agree on supporting. But this woman has gotten way way too far with me. If she goes for child support, law does not distinguish, i am responsible because I impregnated the poor woman and she is suffering and going through hardship in life. Currently we living both in state of California in separate apartment. Rent costs are sky high in the area and I contributed to her apartment and helped her to furnish her apartment by buying furnitures and TV-s. Only thing she has told me is another boastful remark that I can take back my stuff anytime. Is there an any option for me? I am talking to her parents tomorrow however I really dont have anything to say positive about her, and once I started talking about her problems an issues, I am not sure they will understand or whether they will get hurt. Things are quite emotionally at this time and lot of resentment has built up. In such a short time, someone I met has become really irresisitable force with insatiable demand with too much entitlement mentality and she just carried my baby. I started thinking previously unthinkable option such as giving up fathers rights or going for custody battle. I researched all my options however all the laws seem to be on her favor. Mother mostly keeps the child and father pays for child support. I visited once her shortly after she had a labor, did not talk much. I looked at quite baby and feeling really bad for her. Thanks

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629979