Could I get some mens' opinions?

Hey, I was wondering if I could get some insight. I've been dating a guy for a year and 4 months now. Before this he'd never been in a relationship for even a year. He was always in and out of relationships and when we met he thought it was going to be another fling but it turned into more pretty quickly. He fell head over heels (as I did) and took me to look at engagement rings and was talking about kids early on. I was in shock but digging it. We got into a routine of spending pretty much every day at his house but I never moved in. Now he's getting stressed and having ups and downs and unsure and has said that maybe it is cold feet but that he doesn't think he's ready for this relationship. That when he gets married that is it relationship-wise and he believes that you don't mess around after that and he doesn't want to mess up so...he needs a break (to mess up a little first?). He said this will be like a test for us...that I am the girl he wanted to find all along but now that he found me he doesn't know what to do next...that he doesn't feel fully like a man yet...so I told him I needed to get all my stuff out of his place and for him to call me if he feels like it. He was a little bothered that I wasn't going to call him but I don't think he'll figure out whether his dissatisfaction is related to his job...himself...or our relationship if I don't get out of the picture for some time. He said that ideally we would date and work on our communication and see if we can be friends without the random sex and without just spending all (or any) time bumming around at home. And we actually have gone on a lot of interesting dates but still...we were together 24/7 except for work and sleep. I told him I'd be up for going out and doing something and for him to just give me a call. So after I packed up my stuff and left we spent the next day not contacting each other at all and it was so hard for me to sleep that night. I got a co uple of texts from his first thing the next morning (it was like a defibrillator on my heavy heart) and his texts said sorry to bother me but he just hopes I have an amazing week and he misses me and he has been thinking about me a lot and hopes everything is ok. So I just responded with, "thank you!!!" because i was grateful that he shocked my broken heart back to life and I kept it short because I was afraid to let his words comfort me too much in case he was just writing that out of sadness and guilt even though maybe he's trying to get over us so he can be free of this relationship. Now it has been a week since we started this break (he didn't want to give it a name or call it a break or a breakup or anything...). and even though I know I need to be focusing on myself (and I'm doing a lot of reading and learning and trying to make sure I never fall back into a relationship where I am SO dependent on someone to keep my heart alive again) I am still waiting to hear my phon e ring and wondering if I should have any hope that he will come back to me. I don't know if the, "no contact," rules should really apply here since he held me and cried with me and told me he loved me and that he would call me when we were parting last week. Is no contact (until he contacts me first) the only way to keep my dignity? Because if I keep giving him assurance when he's not 100%...I feel like we'll keep repeating the same problem. Thank you for any manly input you can offer.

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Can't believe its come to this

After 20 years, it appears this is the beginning of the end :frown2:. It looks like my wife of 20 years and I are going to separate and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm not going into detail about what issues we are having but every relationship has its share of issues but I have always believed that our marriage was going to be one of the exceptions and be strong enough to get through anything. Every time I think about it I get sick to my stomach. Why cant I be strong enough to just say "it is what it is" and not worry about it.

We talked about it today and she says to give it a chance (the separation) and see what happens. I think she is just sugar-coating it and doesn't want to say what her full intentions are. She says she still loves me, always has and always will but we need a break. It sounds suspiciously like "I've had enough".

I really, really just don't know how I am going to deal with this. The biggest problem is going to be that we work for the same company, on the same shift so its going to be darn near impossible not to run into each other.

I feel so lost right now and emotionally I just want to break down and cry but that's not going to change what is inevitably going to happen.

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Is my STBX electronically spying on me? How can I find the signs?

I had written up a pretty good basis for my feeling this way, then I lost the whole darned txt I had written with the stroke of one key...ug.

In short;

2 yrs ago X (STBX in short), had an emotional affair that he admitted to, even in our whopping 2 sessions of counseling). I knew something was up because he took his phone with him always, was rude 2 me, distant, and alway on that phone, and threatened divorce constantly.

Now he is leaving his phone at home while gone...ALL of the time...always in places it never used to be.

He's purchased electronics and not left receipts out (I do the books, high $ purchase receipt is MIA). I still do the books even though divorce is imminent, because I know he knows I'm not high maintenance and I've NEVER screwed him over!

We have an agreement on how we will divorce and any time I mention wanting to talk to a lawyer (to CMA), he gets verbally angry and says things like...you just want to take me for as much as you can get! All I want is to be sure what I sign is what I should sign...didn't take marriage lightly and I'm sure not going to during divorce. My first, his 4th:O

He has done suttle things that make me wonder if I can even use the bathroom in privacy! He has always been the "tech", person in our house. Though I'm not totally neive about technology, he is above me in the aspect by far.

My cell has been acting strange from time to time, and his demeanor has also been questionable.

.....

Wish I could've not lost what was previously written so this didn't sound like I'm a paranoid freak, but I don't have the time to rewrite it.

HOW can I tell if I'm being video'd in the house, or if my cell is also tapped. I have nothing to hide for crying out loud, but the pressure of having to live in the same house is just plain killing me, and filing now will also cause me severe financial hardship. BETTER YET, is it legal to do so in a shared house? We are in separate rooms, shared space. This man that was my best friend, my rock...is now the one I fear the most!?!?!

Apologies my question was not laid out as best as it could've been you all could reply better. I'll answer any questions put forth as soon as I can. Chores ya know...can't be on the cell all day;)

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What Affirmative Consent Looks Like

Not wanting to participate in the other thread anymore...but do want to discuss the topic of AC.

Someone mentioned that AC would require women to actually say "yes, I want to have sex with you".

I totally agree, this is what women will have to be able to say. If they are not feeling comfortable doing this, then why are they comfortable having sex at all? Gone are the days where you could just give a come hither glance and expect a man to know this means yes. We can't be like that anymore, because there is too much risk for misunderstanding.

All of the young people I know get this and have no problems just saying yes, including women.

A lot of the men who still protest the AC concept, grew up in a time when they were schooled by other men that the way to get into a woman's pants was by escalation. You keep pushing the envelope, she either keeps going along, or if she didn't want to any longer she was basically expected to sit up and slap you across the face for "crossing the line". Anything less than this was considered a soft yes, please keep pushing the boundaries.

And of course, some women did enjoy this type of escalation and did not want to just say "yes, I want to have sex with you". Partially this was because she would be considered a sl*t if she did so, so she had to wait for the guy to push her along rather than state her desires.

Also, sometimes she just didn't know if she wanted to or not until they got to the point of going for it.

Again...those days are gone. If people are adult enough to have sex, they are adult enough to use condoms and say "yes I want to have sex with you". Anyone not able to do this should wait until they are able to.

I personally am not following the debate surrounding the laws about AC, I am only in tune with the sex positive concept about it. Remember too, there was a time when people scoffed at the idea of wearing condoms. Now it is understood and accepted that you really need to wear one, for your protection and your partner's. The same is true for AC. It protects both of you.

In a marriage things are different and AC can look anyway you both want it to look.

Here's a great video by the lovely Laci Green about consent. This is stuff most young people easily understand and adopt.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_CpIbhkZco

It is really mostly the older crowd who don't get it...and that is basically because their early sexual experiences were much different (and more secretive, shamed, and unaccepted by their elders) than the young people now are having.

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Need some advice please... :(

I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs - phone rings, she glances at it and decides that she doesn't want to pick up the call for no good reason suddenly, and among lots of other "Red Flags", she started going out 'with the girls' a lot recently although when I ask which girls it is always "Just some friends from work, you don't know them".

I always look out for her taxi coming home but she always walks down the drive although I can hear a car setting off. As if she has got out of the car round the corner. Why? Is it not a taxi? I once picked her mobile up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife, I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth... but last night she went out again and I decided to check on her. I decided I was going to hide behind my car which would give me a view of the whole street so I could see which car she gets out of.

It was whilst crouched behind my car that I noticed rust around my rear wheel arch :(

Should I take it into a panel beater or should I buy some filler and try to repair it myself?

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17 Years wife cheated and I'm lost.....

Found out 2 weeks ago that my wife of 17 years (3 kids) had been cheating on me for a month. She created an online single's profile that stated she was divorced. I won't get into the details on how I found out, but it involved snooping and digging in her phone etc. A week prior to me finding out she asked for a separation. After I found out she cheated I kicked her out. After a few days, I felt bad and told her to come back home with no stipulations and we would live together but remain "separated." Tuesday she left the house and went to go see her OM. I couldn't take it and ended up calling him. Telling him I just am trying to save my marriage, etc. The guy said he would back off. When my wife found out she decided to leave again, and based on her phone logs, they are still meeting and talking. Since Thursday I have stopped looking at her phone, tracking her whereabouts etc. I'm trying to detach. On top of all of this, I just found out today that I might have Prostate Cancer. I got tested because my father had, 2 of my uncles had it and now my older brother just got diagnosed with it. I'm trying to remain positive, but all of this stuff is happening to me at once. Wife leaves me, the Dr. Finds a nodule on my prostate and my PSA levels are elevated which points to Prostate Cancer. I haven't told the wife about the recent test results though she knows that i was getting tested. I don't want her sympathy and I don't want her to think I'm using it as a tactic to manipulate her. I'm losing sleep, not eating and just all around depressed. Trying to get out of this funk, but its so hard to do. The kids are with me and she gets to live her single life style staying with one of her girlfriends, while I try to pick up the pieces of my life and move on. Been reading about this 180 process but I'm having trouble detaching. I don't want to manipulate her at all...I just want to find me and become a better person, but its hard to get the thoughts of her and him out of my mind. Its consuming me.

Any advice or help would be appreciated.

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Alpha beta is not an either or choice

Overly alpha and overly beta is not attractive. I believe we have consensus on that matter.

Even more so, it is clear each women has her own preference for what the "percentage mix" of alpha/beta her ideal man has.

Some women, much to the surprise of the overly alpha fans, prefer a more beta man. The evidence even on TAM is consistent as several women chime in they prefer a majority beta preference while arguments over definitions of alpha and beta break out.

Some women want a full on neanderthal overly alpha jack a$$. We can argue about definitions which is never clear but always seems to prefer alpha over beta from most attempting a definition.

Let us not tar all men and women with the same one size fits all alpha / beta mutually exclusive nonsense. A given women's preference is a mix of each alpha and beta while each preferred mix for each women is a mix different that other women.

If you think all women have the same mix of alpha/beta preference, you are not paying attention.

My crew of red blooded male carpenters represents every imaginable combination. Each has their admired and appreciated strengths adding to our team. We discussed all matter of issues in relationships and life daily.

We discussed how each of us would comfort a child at the scene of an accident that just lost a parent in a car crash.

Each had a somewhat unique but clearly effective approach with every mix of alpha/beta imagineable.

Each has a women in their life that loves them the way they are alpha / beta and all.

The all or nothing perspective is silly.

No one single mix has a corner on the market or the keys to an individual women's heart.

It also warrants discussing preferred for what? Marriage, a red hot one night stand, defense of a home invasion, counseling a teenage daughter, helping with chores during a medical recovery, slaying a dragon, suggesting cost effective but thoughtful ways to decorate for a school dance, comforting a child that just lost a parent, comforting someone just diagnosed with cancer, giving enough of s $hit to know your wife's favorite things, etc

There are plenty of examples of getting more sex by adding beta and a very similar amount of examples of adding alpha.

Those that recommend one approach only are relying on anecdotal evidence of their personal experience. It doesn't hold up under the scrutiny of polar opposite experiences.

It's all about the mix of alpha and beta, the individual women's preference, where your alpha/beta mix started.

Alpha and beta are elf improvement and self-awareness ingredients to be added and subtracted to get the recipe for attraction right in line with your spouses preferences.

Some will argue that alpha can not be added because it is not authentic. That is the crowd that does not recognize personal growth in people benefitting from self-reflection, tips from others, applying new wisdom and trial and error. Those that believe alpha or beta can not be adjusted are mistaken due to their missing the remarkable ability for someone to grow for themselves and their own happiness if they desire and have the determination, tools, personal strength and the information needed to pull it off.

If they don't get that, it is them missing these ingredients. It is outside their personal experience so it's altogether impossible for them to grasp it as a very viable option to save a marriage of a determined man that is honest with himself and his loves his wife.

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Husband has sexual aversion to me - please help

My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years. We have one child together (not his biologically, but he's been in her life since she was 6 weeks old, so he's all she knows). Everything has been great until the last couple of months. We were always talking/texting, when he was home from work we were always talking/cuddled. We've never been like rabbits in the bedroom but several times a month was the norm.

I'm going to assume we're all adults here, so I'm just going to put this out there - and please no judgment. That's not what's needed here at all. I need advice. The last time that we had any sexual activity, he wanted to 69. I started doing my part and he wanted me to straddle his chest. I did, and when he went to do his part...apparently, I hadn't wiped well that day. He's been completely turned off since then. Not just turned off...repulsed.

He didn't tell me about it until 2 weeks ago. He was talking to a female coworker about it and ended up getting too close to her. They didn't do anything physically but there was definitely emotional infidelity. But I can get over that on my own. I love him and believe in forgiveness.

I just don't know what to do to get him interested in me again. He only holds me when he's asleep and doesn't realize he's doing it. He even has a hard time kissing me...the past few days it's been on the cheek. We went to a marriage counselor this past week, but she was more focused on his getting close to the coworker and didn't really address his issue at all.

We are thinking about seeing a sex therapist, but is this something that they can help with? Does anyone have experience seeing a sex therapist? He looked me in the eye last night and said "I used to think that you were the most beautiful girl in the world" - it's a gut wrenching feeling when the one who's made you feel like the ONLY girl in the world for three years suddenly has no interest in you at all.

PLEASE help...I don't believe in divorce. My mother has been married 5 times, my father 4. I am my husband's second marriage, he is my first. When I said I do, I meant forever. For better or worse...he says he wants me to be happy and he wants so badly for him to be the answer to my happiness, because he knows how much I love him. And I know he loves me...if we can get past this, everything else is great.

It's really embarrassing and humbling to write to a bunch of strangers about this, but my marriage is sacred to me. Aside from our daughter, my husband is by far the most important person in the world to me - not only my husband, but my best friend (until recently. I now feel entirely alone).

Please...someone...be able to offer some advice.

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do I tell wife my fantasy?

Married 50 years to a woman who has never been with another man. I'm 73 in good health and work out and so does she. I'm a typical man with fantasies when pleasuring myself and one of those fantasies is seeing my wife with another guy… not just another guy but the husband of one her friends. He flirts with her when we're at parties and I can tell he really has the hots for her… for the past 30 years.

I take no medication and I don't take the blue pill but there have been times in the past two years when I can't keep an erection. I've never fantasizes while we are having sex until the other night. I started going soft but then for the first time ever I began fantasizing her have sex with the other guy. I became very hard. My wife responded with several orgasms before I had a big one. And I stayed hard! The question is this:

Should I tell her about this fantasy? She says she never fantasize and has never expressed interest in me telling her any of my fantasies.

So, husband have you told your wives if this has happened to you and wives would you want to hear that from your husbands?

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Would you marry someone that has child support payments?

I was reading another thread and the poster spoke of helping her husband pay child support that he owes for a child from a previous relationship. And it got me to thinking . If you are seriously dating someone, and they have to pay child support, would you consider helping if they had some financial hardship? If you are married to that person, should you contribute also? Is it something that goes without say during a marriage?

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Staying at home for a while after having twins

Both my husband and I have very successful careers, being able to have a nice life and save more than a half of our earning. I'm 30 and he's 32 years old, and we're planning to start working on kid next year. I'm kind of person that always wanted to be a mother and had difficulties understand that my husband needed more time, despite having met all the conditions required to raise the kid properly. So, as per his wish, we "agreed" to start working on it from next year (well, not agreed, I just accepted what he proposed as I had no choice). I always wanted to be a business woman as well, to earn money and help my family have a nice life and nice future, but maternity is something I really want to do properly. As there is hight probability that we will have twins, I was thinking that going back after 6 weeks after delivery (this is as per my contract) should be too soon. Therefore, all hypothetically speaking, I suggested to my husband that in a case that w e get twins I think it might be a good idea for me to stay at home for 6 months. He exploded when he heard that and said that I'm not kind of wife he was looking for and that he expects me yo get back to work after 3 month max. Even with his salary, we could have nice life and still save, and for me would be quite easy to find a job after six months. Even though I tried to explain that I don't want to fail as a mother, that my career maters by my kids as well, he did't want to listen. He said that we're not going to lose x amount of money that I earn per month just because I want to raise twins. Again, my idea was to have 6 month break only. And in a case that we would get twins, that would be my only maternity leave, as we don't plan more than 2. I tried to explain that 6 month time in my whole career wouldn't mean a lot, but would mean to our kids which I would like to breastfeed, but it was useless. He reacted quite badly and accused me to be lazy etc. Plus, there's no o ption for me to have part-time job, it would be 12 hours per day at least... I would like to hear other peoples' opinion and see if I'm maybe wrong...
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Feeling lost, I think I married the wrong man

Thanks for reading this guys. I really appreciate all your help.

The story: I'm under 30 and I've been married to my husband for five years, together for almost ten years. No kids. We've had a lot of problems over the years and nowadays we are constantly arguing and our sex life is non-existent.

The problem is that I've always felt that he's not that interested in me. We are also very different. I'm outgoing, emotional and intuitive, at times "all over the place", and I love living in the moment. My husband is a quiet, calm and rational person who doesn't like to show his feelings or to experience new things. These have been major issues for me over the years, but I still married him because I felt I loved him and that I enjoyed the little time we spent together.

When we started dating, he would mostly sit by his computer, and that hasn't really changed much. Over the years, he has initiated only a few things for us to do. He says that when he has spare time (meaning, whenever he's not working), he wants to do his own things because that makes him relax. He feels that doing things together as a couple is more of a chore than something genuinely enjoyable (with one exception: sex). Sometimes he wants to make dinner with me or watch a movie, but that's about it. So for instance today when I asked if we could do something fun this weekend, he said he wanted to focus on his own computer projects.

I understand his point of view and try to give him as much time for himself as possible. Also, I love spending nights at home, too, and sometimes we have really fun together. But I also want to go out and do things, enjoy life and have fun!

So, the truth is that I feel SO LONELY in our relationship. I don't have the energy to initiate 100 % of our "couple time". I want him to do his share, too. The last draw for me was my last birthday, when I didn't even get breakfast or a present from him. In the end, I booked a table for us at a restaurant on my own birthday because I wanted to celebrate it somehow.

By the way, I fully acknowledge that I am as responsible for our wellbeing as a couple than he is. For instance, I can be a very difficult person at times, and I have been working with my flaws to improve them.

I'm just really afraid that I will always be unhappy with him in way. I need to spend time with my husband and I need him to feel happy when doing things with me. That's why I've been thinking of getting a divorce. He has even said the same thing, he says he's not sure if he's happy with me anymore. However, even the thought of a divorce makes me absolutely shattered. I still love him so much. We've been together since we were 19 so I really can't picture a life without him. And then I'm of course thinking about things like "Will I ever meet someone again", "What if I won't have any kids"...etc. I really don't know what to do.

So, from an outsider's perspective, could you please tell your thoughts? Thank you!

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Most disturbing movies

When I was active on this site awhile back, I started a similar thread. Since there are new people here, I would like to know the most disturbing movies you have ever seen. Movies that make you want to wash your eyeballs out with bleach. Movies that haunt you, make you feel uneasy, and just plain FREAK YOU OUT.

Watching movies such as these are hard at first but after awhile they do not shock you and you become desensitized to where hardly anything shocks you anymore (this is where I am, is that a good thing or a bad thing?) Below are some zingers that will make your skin crawl and make you rock back and forth under the shower. However, the films I listed below are my favorites. :wink2:

A Serbian Film
Martyrs
The Bunny Game
The Poughkeepsie Tapes
Threads
August Underground Mordum

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porn and relationships -- Do you hide it?

I have been watching porn flix since I was 19 (18 years) pretty regularly when I am in relationships and between relationships. I probably watch porn 2-3 times a week to get off, sometimes a little more if I'm not having sex.

My question has to do with disclosure. I've never told a single gf or even my current wife that I watch it. Never once. In fact I've always managed to keep it secret with a few close calls of almost getting caught either "in the act" or with my stash (before streaming days and just having VHS DVDs). I always prefer sex over porn, so I don't think I have a problem, but I have HD and like sex regularly. If I can't get sex, i turn to porn.

Is it normal to hide it? Perhaps it is the shame aspect or my guilt watching/seeing other women naked Two of my best friends also hide porn from their wives, so that makes me feel less guilty/weird. Then again, I read about couples who watch it together and/or dont mind one partner watching/getting off alone.
How many of you hide it? Did any of you once hide it the later reveal it to your partner?

One more point, It is very difficult, even stressful, to schedule secretive porn watching times when living together. I feel like I'm 14 still and hiding a Playboy under my mattress! Sometimes I just want to say "honey, I know we aren't making love tonight, so don't mind me while I wank to this streaming site. " :surprise:

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Perspective on EA.

Where to begin. I used to come onto this site to berate people in affairs and to share my experience. Now I have put myself in the same place. Given that both of my parents cheated and continue to battle addiction (as well as each other), I thought I'd be smarter. My life has taken many turns over the past 2 years. My wife has developed a chronic illness and other than essential functions she has become a shut in. Which, other than work pretty much makes me a shut in.

I began spending more time on the laptop and fell in with a crowd of people I found interesting. We game and video chat online. One member of the group is a very pretty 21 y.o. accounting student we'll call "Lexie". In spite of my best efforts I took a liking to her. At first it was all me. We "got along" pretty well after a while and began talking regularly outside of our social circle. Sometimes until 4AM.

I will admit I purposely began to insinuate myself into her life because I developed a massive crush on her. We would goof off together and have inside jokes and stuff. Our friends began to roll their eyes b/c of the flirting and call her "your girlfriend" when they talked to me about her. We even have our own song we sing to annoy the crap out of the others.

I seriously thought this was all one sided until she confessed she felt the same way. She hasn't had much luck with men her own age in her part of the country.

I am addicted to this person. In my freetime, I find myself eye banging the pics I have of her. I think about her constantly. I told my wife that I have a "friend" who I talk to and game with. I had hoped to ellicit a little jealousy. Instead, she said that she was glad I "had someone to vent to." She isn't threatened by Lexie at all. I almost get the feeling she knows what's going on but doesn't care at this point.

I don't want to give this, whatever it is, up. I am actually afraid to. I was at a low point when I met Lexie and knowing her has pulled me out of a very dark place. I won't go back there. I am hoping she finds a boyfriend so that I will have no say in the matter and that will be that.

I know how this post reads, but I can assure you that I know what I am doing is wrong. I can also assure you that it would be WAY different if the roles were reversed and it was my wife in the EA! If you read some of my previous posts you will see what a hypocrite I have become. I have come here for perspective. I know from experience that his board can be particulary rough. I'm prepared for you to give it me good. Hopefully it will be the magic words that help out of the fog. Thanks.

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Wife gets moody for no reason.

So im a newly wed..got it. My wife had a talk with me saying that all she feels is like she does the house work, goes to work and come home. She doesnt have any friends she says, but at the same time if she alienates everyone/ judges everyones flaws then how can you make friends..no one is perfect. Back to the main point being that she feels like I dont even want to talk to her or be around her. I didnt know what to say, she was crying so I hugged her and said I was sorry and would try harder as a husband. when I come home from work and ask her how was work or how her day went and she says long or gives a one worded answer, how can I try to include her or talk to her or do anything with her when she doesnt try? Then she asks me why im upset? this Shi% it driving me bat shiz insane and I honestly dont know what to do about it. Any advice? I Love my wife and want to improve our relationship but its hard when she distances herself from me.

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What would you do

It's been a while since I've been on here.
Long story short. My W family is taking advantage of her and it's causing me to be unhappy and question out future.

Her parents are sick and need help but none of her siblings do anything so it falls on her. I think it's totally unfair. We can't move on with our lives because she don't do it no else will.

I don't think it's fair that we have to put our lives on hold while her siblings live there's care free.

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The gift of being born?

In college once my roommate turned 21, his mom gave him the video she had made of him being born. In the dorm, we were all a bit freaked out about it, and all I remember was that I could NOT bring myself to watch it with him.

So guys if your mom handed you a graphic video of your birth, could you watch it?

I don't think I could handle that myself...

Cheers,
Badsanta

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Please allow me to ask a few questions

I went out tonight for a little while. I was sitting on the patio at a bar by myself after I ended my work day. While I was sitting there a coupe of woman cam in and sat at the table next to mine. I overheard the one woman introduce her friend to a guy sitting at the bar that I know casually. Then she took a phone call. I could over hear the conversation and she was talking about having the appraiser out before uesday so they could close. When she hung up I asked her if she was a realtor. She said yes and so was her friend. I asked if I could join them, and they agreed. So I went over and started talking to them about business, since I am an appraiser. We exchanged business cards. And they provided me with some contact information both for my appraisal business as well as for a possible move into selling. When I got home I googled both of them. Specifically the friend. She was a very attractive curly haired blonde with blue eyes. I found out she was a fri end of a friend on Facebook. So I messaged him that I had met this woman and what could he tell me about her.
So my question is -
is this the new norm in todays world of social media?
Or is this the modern day equivalent of checking out some one you find attractive, pretty much the same as in HS except thru the internet instead of at lunch or in class?
Is it out of line?
Would you even mention doing this if you would meet her again?
Because truth be told, I have every intention of contacting her next week and asking her out.

Put the internet to work for you.

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How do you feel when your long time ex dates?

We dated years ago for five years. Super close, first everything. We were young.

He discovered lots of women were attracted to him because he was cute. He dumped me in 1984.

I went on, we both married different people and I moved far away with my family. I never contacted him.

He called me 20 years later to wish me a happy birthday and told me he had a great marriage and great kids. Ok, no problem.

He keeps in touch yearly and after 25 years we are both divorced.

He wishes me a happy birthday on facebook every year and texts me, "hello" every 2-3 months. NOTHING innapropriate.

He now has a girlfriend. Good for him although she is married and although the girlfriend has a bad marriage this is a huge turn off to me.

We will always have those first love special feelings but I would never date him again. I don't really care about his life but if he needed something, I would help.

Last night I posted a picture of myself on a date with a new boyfriend.

7:30 am, I receive a text from my old, old, first ex, "who's the lucky guy?"

I texted him back briefly and gave a few details.

He is dating, hasn't seen me in years although he keeps loose "life" tabs on me. Just a wee confused.....

Do you guys care about what long ago loves are up to even when YOU'RE in a long-term relationship and miles away?

He's never stated any feelings for me at all since I was 20 years old. That was 30 years ago.

Simple curiosity ? Possessive of old girlfriends? Bruised ego?

If he mentioned something down the road like, "hey, who was that guy I saw you with way back in August on FB, I would understand but this was 7:30 am.

I kinda like having my ego fed but just want a guy's perspective. If you're with another woman, why would you care?

Put the internet to work for you.

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