After your separation? Mine is still going strong after 8 months. I tried antidepressants, no difference. When if ever does it get better?
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When you have had enough let it out. A forum style blog about relationship issues and concerns,join in and have your say.
money, stuff, and relationships.
How important is money to women in a relationship? I know this question has been asked a million times in different ways, but I'm always surprised at the answer. Usually, everyone chimes in and says in one form or another that money is not important as long as they can pay the bills. That sounds great, and should puts guys minds at ease; however, I don't tend to see these women in real life, just on forums.
Does that mean that I think women require a rich guy? No. It's not about being rich, but most women I know want to be really, really, really, comfortable. All that is fine, but would they turn down a good man if he didn't seem to be up to par with stuff? I don't know too many who like pinching pennies anymore.
Most would say money and stuff doesn't matter, but perhaps we all have an idea of what normal is and don't let our minds go below that when we picture that. Perhaps every normal guy is expected to at least have a couple of cars, 4 bedroom house, pool, camper, and things of that nature. How much below that would be ok?
Let's suppose you meet a guy and you are attracted to him. You think he is nice looking, he has a good job, he is a nice guy, and he has no debt. You then discover that his "stuff" looks like the pictures below. Would that make any difference? That doesn't mean it would always have to be that way, but would you be turned off by this at first? For those who are married, it will just take some imagination to answer.
I'm not saying there is anything wrong with these, but just a "nothing fancy" example.
Does that mean that I think women require a rich guy? No. It's not about being rich, but most women I know want to be really, really, really, comfortable. All that is fine, but would they turn down a good man if he didn't seem to be up to par with stuff? I don't know too many who like pinching pennies anymore.
Most would say money and stuff doesn't matter, but perhaps we all have an idea of what normal is and don't let our minds go below that when we picture that. Perhaps every normal guy is expected to at least have a couple of cars, 4 bedroom house, pool, camper, and things of that nature. How much below that would be ok?
Let's suppose you meet a guy and you are attracted to him. You think he is nice looking, he has a good job, he is a nice guy, and he has no debt. You then discover that his "stuff" looks like the pictures below. Would that make any difference? That doesn't mean it would always have to be that way, but would you be turned off by this at first? For those who are married, it will just take some imagination to answer.
I'm not saying there is anything wrong with these, but just a "nothing fancy" example.
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I don't know what to do
I have been married for three years and things have been very difficult from the beginning.
At the time of our wedding, my husband and I were both christians. We waited until our wedding day to have sex. This was a huge mistake. I was a virgin, he was not, and it was obvious early on that he was not excited about sex at all. This devastated me completely. After a lot of talking and crying over several months, I discovered that he had been sexually abused and, due to the abuse, saw sex as dirty. He also developed erectile dysfunction and, after, six months of me begging, finally got insurance and saw a doctor. He has hypothyroidism, but the doctor also said that it was probably mostly psychological. I asked him to see a counselor for that and for his anger issues. He would not do that.
Our sex life has slowly gotten better with a lot of work. But now we have more issues.
My husband is a green card holder and had some minor convictions ten years ago. When we were dating, I made sure that those issues were dealt with before we became serious because I'm not an idiot. After about a year of marriage, we found out that he was placed in removal proceedings due to those convictions. This did not happen until long after we were married. He felt horrible and said he never would have asked me to marry him if he'd known this would happen. I believe him because he's really a good man. He's very romantic and he's worked hard to get over the sexual issues. That's not the issue.
The problem is that the stress from the ongoing case, the sexual issues, the fact that he is working full time and going to school full time has become more than either one of us can bear. He also stopped taking his hypothyroidism meds for a year despite me begging him to continue because he thought he was cured (nto possible - it's a lifelong condition). Finally, after a year of horrible moodiness and depression on his part, he went back to the doctor. His thyroid levels were dangerously low. so now he's just started to go back on medication. He will also begin seeing a counselor this Friday.
Last night he told me he was thinkign of dropping out of school. Since he is going to a college where the credits won't transfer (it's accredited, but the setup is unusual), this woudl mean that the last three years of stress and sacrifice would all be in vain. He is in a dead-end job that he hates. I asked him to consider quitting his job and just focusing on school for his last year since we can live off of my salary. HE is considering that.
What's driving me crazy is that he continuously ignores my opinion and makes terrible decisions that affect us both. I'm glad that he's now beginning to address these issues with counseling, but I feel it might be too late.
I care about him deeply, but I'm no longer attracted to him. I'm tired of being stressed out due to his poor decisions, but I don't want to give up on him either. He's said that he thinks we will have to get divorced if he is deported even though I've said that I would be willing to try to work it out. I tend to view challenges as an adventure, but he does not. I just don't know if I can handle being the positive one for us both any longer. I am totally worn down. I told him that and that's why he finally agreed to go back to the doctor and seek out counseling.
I feel like my life has been on hold for the past three years so that he could pursue schooling. Now he says he only did it for me even though that's absolutely not what he said in the beginning.
I don't know what to do. I don't know how to be myself in this relationship anymore. I'm seeing my doctor to get a counseling referral next week. Hopefully that will help.
At the time of our wedding, my husband and I were both christians. We waited until our wedding day to have sex. This was a huge mistake. I was a virgin, he was not, and it was obvious early on that he was not excited about sex at all. This devastated me completely. After a lot of talking and crying over several months, I discovered that he had been sexually abused and, due to the abuse, saw sex as dirty. He also developed erectile dysfunction and, after, six months of me begging, finally got insurance and saw a doctor. He has hypothyroidism, but the doctor also said that it was probably mostly psychological. I asked him to see a counselor for that and for his anger issues. He would not do that.
Our sex life has slowly gotten better with a lot of work. But now we have more issues.
My husband is a green card holder and had some minor convictions ten years ago. When we were dating, I made sure that those issues were dealt with before we became serious because I'm not an idiot. After about a year of marriage, we found out that he was placed in removal proceedings due to those convictions. This did not happen until long after we were married. He felt horrible and said he never would have asked me to marry him if he'd known this would happen. I believe him because he's really a good man. He's very romantic and he's worked hard to get over the sexual issues. That's not the issue.
The problem is that the stress from the ongoing case, the sexual issues, the fact that he is working full time and going to school full time has become more than either one of us can bear. He also stopped taking his hypothyroidism meds for a year despite me begging him to continue because he thought he was cured (nto possible - it's a lifelong condition). Finally, after a year of horrible moodiness and depression on his part, he went back to the doctor. His thyroid levels were dangerously low. so now he's just started to go back on medication. He will also begin seeing a counselor this Friday.
Last night he told me he was thinkign of dropping out of school. Since he is going to a college where the credits won't transfer (it's accredited, but the setup is unusual), this woudl mean that the last three years of stress and sacrifice would all be in vain. He is in a dead-end job that he hates. I asked him to consider quitting his job and just focusing on school for his last year since we can live off of my salary. HE is considering that.
What's driving me crazy is that he continuously ignores my opinion and makes terrible decisions that affect us both. I'm glad that he's now beginning to address these issues with counseling, but I feel it might be too late.
I care about him deeply, but I'm no longer attracted to him. I'm tired of being stressed out due to his poor decisions, but I don't want to give up on him either. He's said that he thinks we will have to get divorced if he is deported even though I've said that I would be willing to try to work it out. I tend to view challenges as an adventure, but he does not. I just don't know if I can handle being the positive one for us both any longer. I am totally worn down. I told him that and that's why he finally agreed to go back to the doctor and seek out counseling.
I feel like my life has been on hold for the past three years so that he could pursue schooling. Now he says he only did it for me even though that's absolutely not what he said in the beginning.
I don't know what to do. I don't know how to be myself in this relationship anymore. I'm seeing my doctor to get a counseling referral next week. Hopefully that will help.
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How does the BH know that his WW told him the whole truth?
How does the BH know he got the whole truth from his WW after D day?
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Thoughts and ideas on infidelity and physical aspects of sex men vs women
Feelings and thoughts on differences between men and women when it comes to infidelit
This was a post I put under another guys thread but it became a bit of a thread jack so I decided to place it here as it's own post and will likely post it on other sites as well. Because I'm very curious to start a dialogue about many things I've been learning while studying more and more about relationship and infidelity as a unit and as they exist separately.
Why so many have such a hard time getting over the physical aspect.
But it is still going to be very hard. Most men cannot stay and be happy after this has occurred. There was a posting of a study on here or another site that showed the numbers that stay after infidelity and when the wife cheats, far more of those marriages don't stay together. Though a part of this could be explained by the fact that women often cheat both physically and emotionally so they may themselves leave their betrayed spouse.
But I also find large numbers of men who can't get over it if it was physical. And this has to primarily with the bilogocal and social pecking order. You have been made into the second choice sexually, she preferred another man over and that is often too hard to get over.
And yes i am with the crowd that believes men and women are different. Not just asexual beings only differentiated by penis or lack thereof, but rather very different all together.
So the same theories cannot apply unilaterally across the board without taking gender into account.
And as far as your counselor is concerned, many counselors don't truly get men and try this one size fits all approach. After all, there really is no male psychology subset. And do remember that psychology as a profession really came about recently. And really started taking a foothold for couple counseling etc even more recently. So it's likely to be skewed by the "modern" bias that developed where we believe in treating men and women as carbon copies of one another emotionally.
Very much all of a mans identity is as a sexual being. You can't bear children, you can't nurse children. You can have sex....that's how you play into the reproductive equation. So when that is removed from you........it's bad. A similar feeling would be a man choosing to have babies with another woman other than his wife. Even though his wife is very much wanting babies with him. Then after the wife finds out, she feels very much like second choice and not worthy on a level that is so deep and so engrained in her, that simply expecting she can choose to get over it any time she wants, would be considered ludicrous.
But yet with a man, we again dismiss and downplay his feelings and emotions and say "it was just sex", "it's no different than her having had sex with others before you" etc etc.
And yet it comes up time and time again, that men do feel differently about the act when it occurs after their wife has been with them. It's not about dates, timing, or what arrangement or commitment quid qou pro was in place at the time.
For example, many men can't get back together with their lady if they break up or separate and she goes out and has sex with other men. Technically she was not breaking any commitments. They were broke up. But many men I've talked with cannot get over the idea she gave herself to another man......even though they know she had other men before himself.
It's a working theory I'm loosely calling "special penis complex."
It's explains that men think of their penis as special. It's the most special penis god ever created. And his lady was only satisfied or desired those other penises because she didn't know his special penis existed or how truly special it was. But now, after had his penis, it challenges everything he thinks of his penis and by extension himself when she chooses to go have another after having had his.
I've seen this so often on these forums and others, plus in my own life with a lot of the men I talk with.
Ok I'm interested in some thoughts from men and women about all this. Please include your status (married, single divorced, betrayed spouse, wayward spouse, other man, other woman, and sex and age, if you would please). It helps to me to better develop my own theories and understanding.
This was a post I put under another guys thread but it became a bit of a thread jack so I decided to place it here as it's own post and will likely post it on other sites as well. Because I'm very curious to start a dialogue about many things I've been learning while studying more and more about relationship and infidelity as a unit and as they exist separately.
Why so many have such a hard time getting over the physical aspect.
But it is still going to be very hard. Most men cannot stay and be happy after this has occurred. There was a posting of a study on here or another site that showed the numbers that stay after infidelity and when the wife cheats, far more of those marriages don't stay together. Though a part of this could be explained by the fact that women often cheat both physically and emotionally so they may themselves leave their betrayed spouse.
But I also find large numbers of men who can't get over it if it was physical. And this has to primarily with the bilogocal and social pecking order. You have been made into the second choice sexually, she preferred another man over and that is often too hard to get over.
And yes i am with the crowd that believes men and women are different. Not just asexual beings only differentiated by penis or lack thereof, but rather very different all together.
So the same theories cannot apply unilaterally across the board without taking gender into account.
And as far as your counselor is concerned, many counselors don't truly get men and try this one size fits all approach. After all, there really is no male psychology subset. And do remember that psychology as a profession really came about recently. And really started taking a foothold for couple counseling etc even more recently. So it's likely to be skewed by the "modern" bias that developed where we believe in treating men and women as carbon copies of one another emotionally.
Very much all of a mans identity is as a sexual being. You can't bear children, you can't nurse children. You can have sex....that's how you play into the reproductive equation. So when that is removed from you........it's bad. A similar feeling would be a man choosing to have babies with another woman other than his wife. Even though his wife is very much wanting babies with him. Then after the wife finds out, she feels very much like second choice and not worthy on a level that is so deep and so engrained in her, that simply expecting she can choose to get over it any time she wants, would be considered ludicrous.
But yet with a man, we again dismiss and downplay his feelings and emotions and say "it was just sex", "it's no different than her having had sex with others before you" etc etc.
And yet it comes up time and time again, that men do feel differently about the act when it occurs after their wife has been with them. It's not about dates, timing, or what arrangement or commitment quid qou pro was in place at the time.
For example, many men can't get back together with their lady if they break up or separate and she goes out and has sex with other men. Technically she was not breaking any commitments. They were broke up. But many men I've talked with cannot get over the idea she gave herself to another man......even though they know she had other men before himself.
It's a working theory I'm loosely calling "special penis complex."
It's explains that men think of their penis as special. It's the most special penis god ever created. And his lady was only satisfied or desired those other penises because she didn't know his special penis existed or how truly special it was. But now, after had his penis, it challenges everything he thinks of his penis and by extension himself when she chooses to go have another after having had his.
I've seen this so often on these forums and others, plus in my own life with a lot of the men I talk with.
Ok I'm interested in some thoughts from men and women about all this. Please include your status (married, single divorced, betrayed spouse, wayward spouse, other man, other woman, and sex and age, if you would please). It helps to me to better develop my own theories and understanding.
Put the internet to work for you.
Why do e think the worst?
I do not subscribe to Springers bull crap, but this Jeremy Kyle is a blast!!!
If you are new around here and begin to think we here at TAM always think the worst, then this video will show you why!!!
Please watch it all and spare 30mins for it, I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt the situation is a bit screwed up, but watch the twists and turns and the people involved, there are always two sides to every story!!!!
Jeremy Kyle
Watch and tell us what you really think happened, this is live on TV in the UK, if you think you are getting the whole story now, perhaps not??............................;
If you are new around here and begin to think we here at TAM always think the worst, then this video will show you why!!!
Please watch it all and spare 30mins for it, I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt the situation is a bit screwed up, but watch the twists and turns and the people involved, there are always two sides to every story!!!!
Jeremy Kyle
Watch and tell us what you really think happened, this is live on TV in the UK, if you think you are getting the whole story now, perhaps not??............................;
Put the internet to work for you.
Me Want Sex Now!
When a husband wants to have sex with his wife, it's rather obvious to the wife.
Women tend to be more subtle about signaling they would like to have sex. I mean really subtle. So subtle, that younger husbands are probably missing those signals entirely. It could be coyness, it could be she isn't comfortable being aggressive in wanting sex. It could be she isn't comforting initiating sex at all so she does things, says things, maybe dresses a certain way...and that's her signal that she either wants sex or wants him to know she is open to having sex-wants him to initiate.
In my early days of embracing my desires, I was absurdly subtle and my clueless husband generally missed them.
I would clean the bedroom, change the sheets, dust everything and iron his shirts... I know, how stupid can I get! But I thought a clean bedroom would make him want sex,
Then I got more overt. I would wear something to bed that showed a great deal of skin, then cuddle up to him because I was cold. Sometimes he took the hint. But he missed it as often and he took it.
Then I finally was able to be rather direct. I would roll over and throw my leg over his leg while I slowly began to caress his shoulders working my way down to my prize. "Guess what I want?"
Please tell me some of your (if you're a woman) most subtle and thus usually missed, signals that sex is On The Agenda. If you're a man, tell me if your wife has given signals you've missed and only over time that you've learned to read them better?
Women tend to be more subtle about signaling they would like to have sex. I mean really subtle. So subtle, that younger husbands are probably missing those signals entirely. It could be coyness, it could be she isn't comfortable being aggressive in wanting sex. It could be she isn't comforting initiating sex at all so she does things, says things, maybe dresses a certain way...and that's her signal that she either wants sex or wants him to know she is open to having sex-wants him to initiate.
In my early days of embracing my desires, I was absurdly subtle and my clueless husband generally missed them.
I would clean the bedroom, change the sheets, dust everything and iron his shirts... I know, how stupid can I get! But I thought a clean bedroom would make him want sex,
Then I got more overt. I would wear something to bed that showed a great deal of skin, then cuddle up to him because I was cold. Sometimes he took the hint. But he missed it as often and he took it.
Then I finally was able to be rather direct. I would roll over and throw my leg over his leg while I slowly began to caress his shoulders working my way down to my prize. "Guess what I want?"
Please tell me some of your (if you're a woman) most subtle and thus usually missed, signals that sex is On The Agenda. If you're a man, tell me if your wife has given signals you've missed and only over time that you've learned to read them better?
Put the internet to work for you.
Husbands - change the oil if you want to get laid
Looks like helping out around the house is necessary to get your woman to want you. But you might be better off not pushing the vacuum cleaner around. Gotta keep that gender differentiation going.
http://ift.tt/1bI2WYV
http://ift.tt/1bI2WYV
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Sigh. And now it begins
In 2012 my XW had a PA. I divorced her and didn't look back. In early 2013 she moved in with a different guy (not her XAP) and they've been together ever since. My story is around here somewhere. :)
Anyway, things have been fine. We've been working well together for the sake of our daughter (6 years old) with no disagreements. I stay out of her life, and for the most part she stays out of mine.
But lately, my XW has been doing some really weird things. Last year I got into the new Doctor Who, and I've been watching it religiously ever since. D knows and watches it with me sometimes. The last time XW came to my house to drop off D was on a Saturday in September or October, her and her BF had plans during her visitation weekend and asked me if I would watch D. I said of course. When she dropped her off, she was wearing a Doctor Who T-shirt, and she couldn't look me in the eye. When she spoke to me, she was looking at anything else but me. I thought that was weird on both counts, as she had never watched Doctor Who when we were together and was suddenly wearing a shirt only after I told my D I watched it now, but I just shrugged it off and figured it was a coincidence.
She's also been sending me a lot more texts. They're all related to our daughter, but they've been happening much more frequently. It's like she's trying to find reasons related to our daughter to text me. But I didn't think much of it and kept on living, I figured she's just trying to be a bit more involved in co-parenting than she was before.
We've been getting a lot of snow here in Oregon the past couple of days. She texted me on Thursday asking if I was going to work on Friday, she said she wasn't, and that I could drop off D at her place or she could pick her up from mine and that she was "open to whatever". The thing is we RARELY do that; D's day care is close to both of us and we have always used it as neutral ground. I prefer it that way as I enjoy my privacy and don't care for my XW coming around my house, and I prefer to stay away from her place to respect her privacy. She did drop D off at my place that one Saturday, but since it was a Saturday there was no other choice and I'll put up with a few minutes with the X in order to get more time with my D. But on a day when day care is open, I prefer to stick to the established norm of making the exchange on neutral ground at day care. I told the XW that I was going to work on Friday and that I'll drop D off at day care like normal, that way she can get D anyt ime throughout the day that is most convenient for her. She said "Ok no problem...just wanted to check in".
Friday morning I'm going through D's backpack, as she had a lot of clothes and toys that stay with me inside and I wanted to make sure I got everything. As I'm going through it, I see a little red book like object. Curious, I open it and see it's a book that has inserts inside for pictures. And all the pictures are of my and my XW's wedding.
My D never mentioned this to me the entire week. Plus she wasn't even born then, so she has no memory of the wedding, and the picture book looked brand new. So I don't think it's hers, and I don't think she even knew it was there. And, red is the XW's favorite color. When i saw it, all her odd past behavior finally made sense.
I was really hoping to have avoided this. I divorced the hell out of her and didn't look back. Not even once. I showed her under no uncertain terms that I was done. I am polite and cordial with her, we don't argue, and I'm very accommodating concerning our D, but I'm just trying to be a responsible co parent. I have given no indication that I'm interested in R. And this begins. I just put the picture book back into D's bag and didn't mention it to her. Haven't mentioned it to the XW either. I'm going to pretend I didn't even see it.
I'm wondering how much more of this I'm going to have to put up with in the days ahead.
Anyway, things have been fine. We've been working well together for the sake of our daughter (6 years old) with no disagreements. I stay out of her life, and for the most part she stays out of mine.
But lately, my XW has been doing some really weird things. Last year I got into the new Doctor Who, and I've been watching it religiously ever since. D knows and watches it with me sometimes. The last time XW came to my house to drop off D was on a Saturday in September or October, her and her BF had plans during her visitation weekend and asked me if I would watch D. I said of course. When she dropped her off, she was wearing a Doctor Who T-shirt, and she couldn't look me in the eye. When she spoke to me, she was looking at anything else but me. I thought that was weird on both counts, as she had never watched Doctor Who when we were together and was suddenly wearing a shirt only after I told my D I watched it now, but I just shrugged it off and figured it was a coincidence.
She's also been sending me a lot more texts. They're all related to our daughter, but they've been happening much more frequently. It's like she's trying to find reasons related to our daughter to text me. But I didn't think much of it and kept on living, I figured she's just trying to be a bit more involved in co-parenting than she was before.
We've been getting a lot of snow here in Oregon the past couple of days. She texted me on Thursday asking if I was going to work on Friday, she said she wasn't, and that I could drop off D at her place or she could pick her up from mine and that she was "open to whatever". The thing is we RARELY do that; D's day care is close to both of us and we have always used it as neutral ground. I prefer it that way as I enjoy my privacy and don't care for my XW coming around my house, and I prefer to stay away from her place to respect her privacy. She did drop D off at my place that one Saturday, but since it was a Saturday there was no other choice and I'll put up with a few minutes with the X in order to get more time with my D. But on a day when day care is open, I prefer to stick to the established norm of making the exchange on neutral ground at day care. I told the XW that I was going to work on Friday and that I'll drop D off at day care like normal, that way she can get D anyt ime throughout the day that is most convenient for her. She said "Ok no problem...just wanted to check in".
Friday morning I'm going through D's backpack, as she had a lot of clothes and toys that stay with me inside and I wanted to make sure I got everything. As I'm going through it, I see a little red book like object. Curious, I open it and see it's a book that has inserts inside for pictures. And all the pictures are of my and my XW's wedding.
My D never mentioned this to me the entire week. Plus she wasn't even born then, so she has no memory of the wedding, and the picture book looked brand new. So I don't think it's hers, and I don't think she even knew it was there. And, red is the XW's favorite color. When i saw it, all her odd past behavior finally made sense.
I was really hoping to have avoided this. I divorced the hell out of her and didn't look back. Not even once. I showed her under no uncertain terms that I was done. I am polite and cordial with her, we don't argue, and I'm very accommodating concerning our D, but I'm just trying to be a responsible co parent. I have given no indication that I'm interested in R. And this begins. I just put the picture book back into D's bag and didn't mention it to her. Haven't mentioned it to the XW either. I'm going to pretend I didn't even see it.
I'm wondering how much more of this I'm going to have to put up with in the days ahead.
Put the internet to work for you.
I never want to have sex with my wife. Divorce?
First time posting here and basically looking for any kind of advice. I met my now-wife in 2011 through a dating website. Things moved fast, she got pregnant in late 2012, we got married quickly, and now we have the greatest 7 month old son. I love him more than anything, and I couldn't picture life without him.
She and I, however, have grown distant. We barely have sex, and it's mostly because I never want to. And it didn't start after the baby was born. It was kind of always like this. She thinks I have low sex drive but it's not true. In other relationships I've been in, sex was constant. And if it wasn't, I was quick to leave. Now I fantasize about sex with other women all day long. I've had conversations with myself about how did I get into this relationship and take it so far when I knew I was never really smitten with her. I think about how strange it is to be in a marriage like this. We're in our early 30's. She's attractive and successful. She's a great mom and she's honestly a great partner. But I have no sexual feelings for her at all anymore. I know I sound like an *******. I feel like one too. I don't want to hurt her anymore. She deserves better than me, on that we both agree.
Now we are considering divorce because it seems like there is no hope in sight. I think we can both be good parents even if we aren't married. After mentioning that to her, of course, I slept in the living room. What do you think? Is sex a reason to end a marriage? Will I always think about other women?
She and I, however, have grown distant. We barely have sex, and it's mostly because I never want to. And it didn't start after the baby was born. It was kind of always like this. She thinks I have low sex drive but it's not true. In other relationships I've been in, sex was constant. And if it wasn't, I was quick to leave. Now I fantasize about sex with other women all day long. I've had conversations with myself about how did I get into this relationship and take it so far when I knew I was never really smitten with her. I think about how strange it is to be in a marriage like this. We're in our early 30's. She's attractive and successful. She's a great mom and she's honestly a great partner. But I have no sexual feelings for her at all anymore. I know I sound like an *******. I feel like one too. I don't want to hurt her anymore. She deserves better than me, on that we both agree.
Now we are considering divorce because it seems like there is no hope in sight. I think we can both be good parents even if we aren't married. After mentioning that to her, of course, I slept in the living room. What do you think? Is sex a reason to end a marriage? Will I always think about other women?
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Hopes to reconcile
Yeah I thought it would give me hope to look at the stories in the Reconciliation forum...
LOL wrong choice.. I wont do that again.
I did have a glimmer of hope and i was still just holding on to it
But last night my Husband admitted the reason why he didnt ask for a divorce... he kept saying i dont know, i dont know but it was becuase he wasnt sure what he needed to do to file for a divorce.. and that he did in fact want a divorce.
Of course i was numb... and i begged cried screamed for him to tell me this wasnt real but he couldnt he wouldnt..he refused i cried,, and then nothingness washed over me.
I do actually feel different today. Im ok. i think its becuase I dont need to hold on anymore..Its a sense of releif and sadness at the same time. But i think im finally beginning to accept my outcome...
LOL wrong choice.. I wont do that again.
I did have a glimmer of hope and i was still just holding on to it
But last night my Husband admitted the reason why he didnt ask for a divorce... he kept saying i dont know, i dont know but it was becuase he wasnt sure what he needed to do to file for a divorce.. and that he did in fact want a divorce.
Of course i was numb... and i begged cried screamed for him to tell me this wasnt real but he couldnt he wouldnt..he refused i cried,, and then nothingness washed over me.
I do actually feel different today. Im ok. i think its becuase I dont need to hold on anymore..Its a sense of releif and sadness at the same time. But i think im finally beginning to accept my outcome...
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Mothers
I was recently reading the story of a young man who was abandoned by his mother when he was a child. It was heartbreaking. He still feels the pain from it, though he now has a happy adult life.
I think sometimes we moms don't realize how much we are doing for our kids. We feel like we are just doing our jobs. But in loving our children, and caring for them, we really are contributing to the stability of society.
Have you read stories or had experiences that have made you realize how important it is to just love a child, to just be there for them?
Fathers are important, too, but what I read focused on the mother, so that is where I got the title of the thread.
I think sometimes we moms don't realize how much we are doing for our kids. We feel like we are just doing our jobs. But in loving our children, and caring for them, we really are contributing to the stability of society.
Have you read stories or had experiences that have made you realize how important it is to just love a child, to just be there for them?
Fathers are important, too, but what I read focused on the mother, so that is where I got the title of the thread.
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Beware of Valentine's Day
According to the cheating sites on the web, many private investigators, etc, the day before, the day of, and the day after Valentine's Day are one of the main days for people in an affair. There will be many people who will have DDays around this time.
For those in the beginning of R.....watch for fishing!
This is a tough period from some BSs, and for some, this day is now tainted. For me personally, its not so much a trigger anymore. But I do remember from my investigation, my fWW had to call the OM first thing in the morning and greet him on facebook...even though I put out her surprise gifts and balloon (she hates flowers) the night before. And it burned me later to think that she was thinking of him even as I was taking her out to dinner that night. Of course I found out later that she called him before going to bed. So now for me, Valentine's Day isn't so special anymore.
For those in the beginning of R.....watch for fishing!
This is a tough period from some BSs, and for some, this day is now tainted. For me personally, its not so much a trigger anymore. But I do remember from my investigation, my fWW had to call the OM first thing in the morning and greet him on facebook...even though I put out her surprise gifts and balloon (she hates flowers) the night before. And it burned me later to think that she was thinking of him even as I was taking her out to dinner that night. Of course I found out later that she called him before going to bed. So now for me, Valentine's Day isn't so special anymore.
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Should I say 'Yes' to everything?
I am so embarrassed to even bring this up, because in my heart I feel like it is stupid. But since it has caused a big disruption in my marriage I feel that I need to at least look for some insight. Here I go. My husband and I do not live in the same house hold because my job requires me to move a lot and he has a really good job. We are trying to lose weight and I am on the WW point plan. The other day he asked me to track his points for him. I explained to him, that not only would it be time consuming, but it would be effortless if he does not do the program correctly, so I said no. And stated that it would be more beneficial for him to do it himself. He said that I should be willing to do what ever makes him happy, even if i do not agree. I told repeatedly that was something I was not going to do and then he said that I will do whatever he asks me to do. I normally do anything he asks me, but I really feel like no only was this a unrealistic request, b ut that I also have the right to say 'No'. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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I want to have sex with my gay best friend
I'm 18 y.o. and as the title says, I really want to have sex with my best friend :$. I've recently told him that I'm gay and from then I can't stop thinking of him. The thing is that I don't want to loose our friendship if something like that happen. Do you thing that something would change between us?:S
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Question for the male population (Be brutally honest)
So due to certain factors i have to spend like a week at a friends place (Dorm room) and this friend is a boy that i almost totally hooked up with, and I'm not stupid i know we most likely are going to hook up, at least once
Here is the problem. First of all.. i have never done this before, slept over at someones place that wasn't family...every sleepover i have had was at mine....so i am kind of freaking out
Secondly the dude is not my boyfriend, i just met him september and I'm not the relationship kind of girl cause i have commitment issues, but i think I'm beginning to like this guy cause he isn't clingy or overbearing and well he's going to be my first and i just want to know, how can i not **** our friendship up even if i already have like almost destroyed the already low chance of being with him because 1. he's likes anything in a skirt and 2. the almost hook up we had happened the first time we met in person after calling and texting for like 2 weeks
And lastly if our messed up selves have a chance at being together, how do i grab it
Here is the problem. First of all.. i have never done this before, slept over at someones place that wasn't family...every sleepover i have had was at mine....so i am kind of freaking out
Secondly the dude is not my boyfriend, i just met him september and I'm not the relationship kind of girl cause i have commitment issues, but i think I'm beginning to like this guy cause he isn't clingy or overbearing and well he's going to be my first and i just want to know, how can i not **** our friendship up even if i already have like almost destroyed the already low chance of being with him because 1. he's likes anything in a skirt and 2. the almost hook up we had happened the first time we met in person after calling and texting for like 2 weeks
And lastly if our messed up selves have a chance at being together, how do i grab it
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I don't like gays/lesbians but I don't mind lesbians/gays?!
I have a sister who doesn't like lesbians but she doesn't mind gays, how does that work?!
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Confused! Need guy opinion
I'm in 4th year in Scotland (I think it's like year 11ish in England) and I've never had a boyfriend before. There's this guy in my art class he was new to the school and I liked him for about three months then I got a crush on someone else. Lately he's been really nice to me and sometimes when I look up he's looking at me. Does he finally like me or is he just being nice?
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Took drugs last night... feel like a junkie today :(
I met a friend for a drink last night but their other half ended up coming along and it ended up turning into a lot of drinks. We went back to theirs and they started doing cocaine. I was pressured into doing it too (I did it once 5 years ago) and ended up doing three narrow lines.
I'm not really sure what possessed me to do it - I regretted ever having done coke five years ago and see myself as very anti drugs. I've had a lot happen in my life recently, like life changing stuff, and I am about to start a new job so thought 'what the hell, may as well' without really thinking about it.
Today I feel absolutely awful - shaky, confused, tired, lazy... and so disappointed in myself. I feel like a junkie and that isn't me at all.
I am also quite scared at how dangerous last night was and how I find it difficult to resist temptation. Like, I could end up doing that again.
I am just mainly disgusted at myself because it's a disgusting thing to do and initially I was declining but eventually gave in to the peer pressure.
Gah I feel ****.
I'm not really sure what possessed me to do it - I regretted ever having done coke five years ago and see myself as very anti drugs. I've had a lot happen in my life recently, like life changing stuff, and I am about to start a new job so thought 'what the hell, may as well' without really thinking about it.
Today I feel absolutely awful - shaky, confused, tired, lazy... and so disappointed in myself. I feel like a junkie and that isn't me at all.
I am also quite scared at how dangerous last night was and how I find it difficult to resist temptation. Like, I could end up doing that again.
I am just mainly disgusted at myself because it's a disgusting thing to do and initially I was declining but eventually gave in to the peer pressure.
Gah I feel ****.
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How to ask a girl indirectly if she has a boyfriend?
Hi,
I really like this girl in my class but I only get to see her once a week because of how the class is timetabled. Last week she went in and sat next to me (bearing in mind she could have chosen 5 other seats to be seated) which I was pleasantly surprised about. She has not mentioned having a boyfriend but I don't want to ask her as it'd make me feel awkward if she said she does have one. Has anyone any ideas what I should do to get an answer?
Thanks :)
Posted from TSR Mobile
I really like this girl in my class but I only get to see her once a week because of how the class is timetabled. Last week she went in and sat next to me (bearing in mind she could have chosen 5 other seats to be seated) which I was pleasantly surprised about. She has not mentioned having a boyfriend but I don't want to ask her as it'd make me feel awkward if she said she does have one. Has anyone any ideas what I should do to get an answer?
Thanks :)
Posted from TSR Mobile
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Dependant Personality Disorder...would you still be interested in her?
If someone had DPD http://ift.tt/1g6pK5A would you run away as soon as you found out or would you stay, treat her normally and be there for her?
Seeing as the person I loved very much ran away from me because he didn't want to take any responsibility for my well being and telling me it's my problem and I have to fight it alone, I'm paranoid I'll never have a long term relationship, I mean, I don't blame him, who would want to be with a clingy girl with mental problems?
Seeing as the person I loved very much ran away from me because he didn't want to take any responsibility for my well being and telling me it's my problem and I have to fight it alone, I'm paranoid I'll never have a long term relationship, I mean, I don't blame him, who would want to be with a clingy girl with mental problems?
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Girl with boyfriend wants me... what to do?
I work in the same building with a girl that I find really attractive. She has a long distance relationship with a boyfriend that's been going on for a little over a year. Her boyfriend is a college student, I'm a highschool graduate working full time. Me and her hang out at work a couple days a week but mostly playfully chat on facebook. As I became more into her she caught on and I admitted I had strong feelings for her. It wasn't a damaging moment for us, I told her it was just something that needed to come into the open and I understood I wasn't going to win her over. We continued to be friends and have playful online chats.
But recently things have gotten more interesting. One day I saw her on the escalator at work and I came up behind her, we walked through the museum exhibits and she stood close to me and was leaving very obvious openings for me to kiss her. I didn't do it, partly from fear (I'm very inexperienced and self-concious) and partly from moral respect for her boyfriend who sounds like a very kind hearted guy that waited through rough times to be with her. But now the flirting has gotten heavier, we joke pervertedly and any time I see her in person now she likes to be close to me, nudge me, and gets sort of close to my face at times. On facebook I recently told her she was sexy and I liked the way she looked in some yoga pants she wore to work one day and I'd be thinking about her in them. She made a passive masturbation joke to me about it, she liked that she made me horny. She's never told me to ease up or back off and lately she wants to see me more at work.
So the bottom line is: I feel there's no chance that she'll break up with her boyfriend, he's smart and successful and good to her and I'm just a highschool graduate with a salary under $30k. She also plans to move back to where her boyfriend lives (also where her family is). So... should I give in to her luring? Should I make out with her and get physical (not sex) just for fun if she ok's it? I only feel lust for her now and I'm sure it's the same on her side (she's never complimented me about anything). We have no chance of being caught and when we have to cut it off it won't be a problem for either of us I believe. If telling her I basically loved her months ago didn't kill our friendship, making out won't either.
Am I evil for fufilling her wishes at the expense of her relationship? She's very permiscuous and self-centered...
But recently things have gotten more interesting. One day I saw her on the escalator at work and I came up behind her, we walked through the museum exhibits and she stood close to me and was leaving very obvious openings for me to kiss her. I didn't do it, partly from fear (I'm very inexperienced and self-concious) and partly from moral respect for her boyfriend who sounds like a very kind hearted guy that waited through rough times to be with her. But now the flirting has gotten heavier, we joke pervertedly and any time I see her in person now she likes to be close to me, nudge me, and gets sort of close to my face at times. On facebook I recently told her she was sexy and I liked the way she looked in some yoga pants she wore to work one day and I'd be thinking about her in them. She made a passive masturbation joke to me about it, she liked that she made me horny. She's never told me to ease up or back off and lately she wants to see me more at work.
So the bottom line is: I feel there's no chance that she'll break up with her boyfriend, he's smart and successful and good to her and I'm just a highschool graduate with a salary under $30k. She also plans to move back to where her boyfriend lives (also where her family is). So... should I give in to her luring? Should I make out with her and get physical (not sex) just for fun if she ok's it? I only feel lust for her now and I'm sure it's the same on her side (she's never complimented me about anything). We have no chance of being caught and when we have to cut it off it won't be a problem for either of us I believe. If telling her I basically loved her months ago didn't kill our friendship, making out won't either.
Am I evil for fufilling her wishes at the expense of her relationship? She's very permiscuous and self-centered...
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Confinding in my mum?
Anyone else find this really hard?
There's this girl I like, and it's driving me crazy...anyway last night my mum randomly asked if I liked her. I sort if awkwardly brushed it off...though I was left feeling that it might help to just talk about it with her?
I have a great relationship with my mum...it's just I never really have conversations like these as I just find it awkward and embarrassing...should I just open up to her?
Anyone else find if hard to talk to their parents about stuff like this?
Ps- I'm a guy if it helps.
There's this girl I like, and it's driving me crazy...anyway last night my mum randomly asked if I liked her. I sort if awkwardly brushed it off...though I was left feeling that it might help to just talk about it with her?
I have a great relationship with my mum...it's just I never really have conversations like these as I just find it awkward and embarrassing...should I just open up to her?
Anyone else find if hard to talk to their parents about stuff like this?
Ps- I'm a guy if it helps.
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