I guess I'm trying to find others I can relate to on this. I've never posted on here so I'm not sure on any unwritten rules but anyway I want to tell my story and try to find a bit of comfort from others.
Ok this may be a bit of a long one. But hell I want others to hear it and give their opinions. Sometimes the best advice is from people you don't know.
About 2 years ago I met this girl through some close friends of mine initially one of my other close friends was introduced to her in an attempt to see if they'd end up together. I'd seen her before around sixth form and on a couple of occasions I'm sure I caught her looking at me across the dining hall but never really thought anything of it, (I was never that interested in the concept of sex until I was about 16, and never really paid too much attention to women in school, my mother was the same about men when she was younger and I guess I got that trait from her.) until one day my friend was talking to her while he was waiting for me to go to lunch. I just sat down since he was still talking to her and didn't put in too much effort to get involved, I'm generally quite shy around people, I usually come across more shy with pretty girls, and just disiniterested around other new people, mainly because I don't say much at first. But anyway, almost straight away she seemed to m ake me feel comfortable quite easily. She seemed friendly, on top of her good looks but I figured out she was like that with everyone. She said I looked like I was smart, which seemed like an odd conversation starter, but better than being called stupid I suppose. I didn't get much involved since as I said I'm a shy person generally.
Fast forward a bit of time and I've added her on snapchat and found it to be a really good way to talk to her, I got to know her pretty well, I almost never had to ask about her or her family because conversation flowed so smoothly, we seemed to click really well and she really liked my sense of humour, it seemed almost too good to be true that I'd click so well with someone like her. I ended up asking her out a couple times and had a good time. But as a consequence of my social flaws I seemed to avoid trying to make any moves on her, I thought she'd just liked me as a friend. Then at some point we'd be hanging out in groups with other friends and even then we got on really well. Best of all she never did any typical "you're friendzoned" things like come to me only when she felt like it, we just seemed to be able to talk for hours, and even when we didn't talk it didn't even feel at all uncomfortable. Then a period of weird signs that she may have fallen for me appeared. I di dn't pick up on what they could've meant until afterwards. Hindsight is such a wonderful thing isn't it? Firstly one of her friends asked me if I was seeing her, then a few times when I spoke to her shed said her older sister thought I was good looking, which was odd because even now I've never actually met her older sister, I've met her parents and younger sister but never really spoke much to them, only pleasantries really. Maybe if I picked up on these things I wouldn't be writing this now.
As summer passed we remained on good terms, she asked me round to hers at one point near the end of summer and we watched a film, yet again I didn't make a move but this was probably my best opportunity. If I could go back to one moment in time with the knowledge in life I have now it would be that day. I know now that she wanted more from me at that point in time, I even made an extremely bad joke and she almost wet herself laughing. It was genuinely so terrible I can't even put it into words. She came to mine a week later but seemed a little hesitant as I hadn't really planned anything. She started to slowly go a little cold on me, maybe as a result of my lack of action. We still spoke fora little afterwards and the last time I saw her that year was a short while after my dad had died. That time it felt really different. I had actually planned I'd actually kiss her that time but the date didn't really last long, honestly I don't think she felt the same at that point, someho w I'd managed to friendzone a girl I genuinely fell in love with without realising and she seemed to have accepted it and got over it quite quickly. I think women are better programmed for change in all honesty. From this point on I knew I'd ducked up. She ended up in a relationship with another guy a couple months later and we only spoke every now and then. But stayed on good terms.
Until Christmas, she'd broken up with her ex about a month or two before, and I thought I'd give it another go. Maybe I could've saved what I'd lost and go for it. So I asked her out on Christmas, I gave her a bar of chocolate as a small gesture. Asked her out and she said yes, in truth I thought she'd just ignore it or say no so I was pleasantly surprised. We had our date on Monday and it went well, at the end I asked if I could kiss her, shyness again but at least I did something. She said "Are you sure you want to?" of course I did. so she kissed me and we parted. But when I spoke to her the next day, (I knew she wasn't free the rest of the week because she goes back to uni soon, but I thought I'd try to see her again before she left, couldn't hurt to try right?) she said she's just got out of a long relationship, and she still talks to her ex, that she doesn't feel the time is right to see someone else, especially someone at home. :( :/
I figured by this point she just wasn't interested at all anymore, which is confusing because I asked her out, and she agreed to it, why would you do that if you weren't sure? It was the same as the previous year when we were spending time together, she told me she missed me and a few other friends after we left sixth form, (since we were in the year above), to be fair I kinda thought it would be coming when she asked if I was sure I wanted to kiss her the night before but tried to think positively and that I was just being negative because that's how I am.
Honestly, the experience, and her has helped me become a better person in my eyes, the only problem is I'm both heartbroken and also somewhat optimistic in that it'll work out for me in the end, maybe I'm beginning to move on in part but part of me still wants to end up with her, call me lame, stupid or just a hopeless romantic but I genuinely love her and would love nothing more than to end up with her over anyone else.
Anyway, I'm asking if other people have had a similar experience to me and if they can offer their insight. You think it could work out and there could be another chapter? Or more likely just moving on and ending up in a different place? Because honestly, I'm still confused as to what just happened. I'm leaning more towards a "no chance" outcome but I'd happily sit and wait it out, give her space and time and see if anything changes. Some people are worth waiting for and she's genuinely amazing and I'm not afraid to admit that. And as hearts can change, as Adel Rose sang in November Rain. Although I'm not sure my blind hope has helped me thus far! Haha.
Thanks for taking time to read by the way, hope you can get involved!
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