I just can't get over the infidelity, please advise.

Please help, I am having great trouble getting over the fact that my wife cheated on me about 2 years ago. We have been separated now for about 8 months and my wife desperately wants me back but I don't want to repeat the same mistakes of the past (our relationship deteriorated terribly and effected my physical and mental health - and my wives although she is alot more resilient than me). At the same time she wants me to make the decision - that I move back on and work on things or divorce. She can't make it but wants me to. I don't know why I can't, I am too frightened to move back in because I don't want my mental health to deteriorate but something makes me hold on - I don't know if I love her but I can't seem to just say bye. It is taking a toll on both of us because whenever we talk about it when we meet up for a movie or coffee or on the phone, I break down in tears and it hurts as both emotionally. It is taking it's toll, she feels guilty sometimes and other times she defends her actions. It is so emotionally painful I really need some more advice. So my wife cheated on me with a friend of hers - she lied to me about it for about 1 and a bit years, I had to press her and use psychology for her to eventually tell me the truth. She was visiting this bloke every night and doing alot of favors for him like one night she drove him to the next city (about 400 kilometers away, is that about 200 miles?) and back again in one night so he could pick up his new dog. They went out drinking and I trusted her. She said nothing was happening. So all I got her to admit to a year later was that she gave him a hand job. She defended it saying that it wasn't real sex but it WAS. She kept defending herself and that hurt. She said nothing else happened - until I accidentally found her facebook open to their private message page on the computer and I find out that she lent him 10 thousand dollars for a new motorbike! He was a felon and smashed the bike and had already lost his license - my wife knew he had no license when she lent him the money for the new bike. I asked her to see if she would come clean without directly letting her know that I knew to see if she would lie or tell the truth. She lied, until I told her I knew. I moved out about 2 weeks later when one day we had a big fight and she told me to get out of "Her house". I did and we have been separated for 8 months. Oh yeah and he has never payed a CENT back to her, and just told her he never will and it was her stupid fault for lending the money. She wants me back and keeps apologizing. I said why do you even want me back when for 2 years we had sex 3 times and did not enjoy each others company??? Why?? She says it is because she loves me. I know she feels incredibly guilty and it hurts her. Sometimes she tries to defend her actions to boost her destroyed self esteem and that hurts me when that happens. When I bring it up it hurts us both. I just can't seem to get over it. WHY?? I feel like I will get some closure if she takes legal action to recover the money but she won't, she just wants to leave it be. What hurts me is that I think if she lent him that money then she must of LOVED him. LOVED him. I wonder what else she isn't telling me. I have trouble forgiving and forgetting. I cannot move on, I cannot give her a concrete discussion because I am scared for the future. I cannot say stay or go. Why? Why can't SHE make the decision, she says her decision is that she loves me and she will do whatever it takes to get me back. Will it work, history says no but she says we can start anew. Please help me, I am so confused and I am stuck in limbo. There is a bit more to the story - I suffer from OCD which makes things a bit harder. Any advise would be so appreciated.

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