My Complete Inability to trust Men

Hiya I have a problem... I'm a 17 year old girl and two years ago I found out that my mum was very brutally raped and almost murdered by a complete stranger. When I found out, I had only started my period for a few months and had no experience yet with boys. It happened a few years before I was born, and after she told me I became obsessed by it and obsessed by him, I have such a burning hatred towards the man it makes me feel like I could do anything if someone tripped my wire. I saw a counsellor about it and she said because my baby photos were in the paper after the trial, photos of me with 'rape' written above them, and because I have a bad relationship with my dad and knew very little about sex through personal experience, in a way mum's story WAS my first sexual experience in my head. I used to have nightmares about it, and when I did have sex and lose my virginity I got these vile images that made me want to be sick. The counsellor also said that the way I spoke about it wa s like it had happened to me, because of my nightmares and fear of the opposite sex As a result, I find being friends with boys so hard. I'm so afraid of them, I hate it when they make sexual jokes and I don't like how physically they are stronger. I like men in TV shows and in bands because I know I'll never meet them, they are of no risk to me. My closest male friends are all gay. I don't mean to sound arrogant, but I get a lot of male attention, however I've never been able to go out with a boy for more than 3 weeks because of this fear. I hate walking into clubs and having men grab me like I'm a piece of meat. It freaks me out and reinforces my lack of confidence with guys. I want to meet a guy I really like, someone who I can feel safe with, but I feel I'll never know until I can start a proper conversation with them first... I'm sure I'm not gay though. I was wondering does anyone else have similar experiences through bad relationships with men? Has anyone overcome this????

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