Marriage troubles

My husband of 2 years and I have been going through tough times since we married. We had to relocate to another State when he lost his job so that he could start his new job. I have no family or friends in this new State, they are all overseas (where I grew up) and I have lost my child (from a previous marriage). I was depressed for a year over the loss of my child, I felt less than a woman and it's like getting your heart and limbs ripped out. I was, I admit suicidal at the time. no longer though. I went to counseling and on medication. I am no longer on meds, I dont like the way they make me feel (not myself) and I am no longer going to counseling, he couldn't bring my baby back....I realized I had to deal with this myself. I am however finding that my husband holds deep resentment for the year of hell I put him through, I don't deny I was so completely at a loss. I'm finding him now distant and cold. He no longer sees me as the person I used to be, he puts me down, calls me names such as : ****, ***** (I'd never cheat on him) , idiot, narcissist, using him for sex, using him for his money, and so on. I've been through terrible heart ache. I know it affected him too, he felt helpless. I told him I knew it was hard on him also. He's a good man and works hard every day, but it's go tten to the point where I feel his work is his refuge away from me. Loosing my child made me feel very insecure about the woman I am, I am finally coming to terms with the fact that it was not my fault and I am still young at 39, I still have a life ahead of me and need to be happy and strong again. Now that I've crawled out of my hole, I find my husband is not longer 'in lust with me' (his words) and he does no longer enjoy going out on dates or in public with me. The reason is that for that terrible year, I felt less than a woman and was terribly insecure. I worried incessantly that he was attracted to other women. It's hard to explain but when you lose your child, you feel worthless. I have always been honest and I told him how I felt and that I never was insecure until I lost my baby. He is 53 and was single for a decade. He loves younger women and though he's made a huge effort to stop his ogling in my presence, it's a work in progress, though he tells me he's complete ly over it. Now that I'm gaining my confidence back, I am finding he's still expecting the 'depressed ' me and I don't know what to do anymore. We went out to dinner the other night and had a great time so I thought. Dinners are few and far between these days as he and I have both given up trying in that department because it always leads to heartache. He told me he didn't enjoy going out with me anymore because he's always afraid I'll give him crap about looking at other women. There were no other women there that night! Instead, the younger male waiter said to him "you have a beautiful woman, your a very lucky man"...! So I'm at a loss... We've been through so much. I love him with all my heart and he tells me he loves me. We just can't get past the terrible year we've had. I feel he believes the grass is greener on the other side. I suppose I don't blame him. I need advice from you all. What can I do to keep my husband in love with me? He's pushing me away. We used to have a torrid love life and now it's once a week or every two weeks at best and only after he's watched a hot movie or something like that. He loves TV. He goes right to the tv when he comes home and it's his fantasy land... Yet I believe in reality. I am what is real. I feel so alone. I'm very sexual and need sex to feel closer to him (is that wrong?) but I find he shuts down and turns his back to me most of the time. I need communication and I find he shuts down there too, or we end up arguing which we both hate because it gets us no where. I've tried to discuss what I'm feeling but he shuts me out and either doesn't talk or yells over the top of me, it's like he refuses to acknowledge my needs as his wife. We are both pretty strong personalities. We are both stubborn too. I believe he still loves me, but how to get him out of his shell? He also accused me of 'taking him away from his friends'. Those are the people he would meet at a bar when he was single...he slept with one of them (that I know of). I let him know that it was not my kind of crowd (do you ladies hang out with women your man has slept with?) but he takes offense and blames me for ruining his 'social life'. To be honest, he doesn't really have one. I've let him know that bar is not a place I feel comfortable going, but I've actually encouraged him to go there and he won't. Yet he'll blame me for his inability to do so. I don't get it. It's almost as though he's missing his bachelor life...if that is the case, what on earth do I do?

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