trying to love again, not working!

Men, please read this and tell me if I'm out of line. Been married for 28 years, happily for maybe 12. Some years back, I finally got up the nerve to tell my husband how miserable I was and that I couldn't live like this anymore. He was, as so many of you men like to say, shocked! Came from no where, as far as he was concerned. I explained I was no longer going to be 5th on his list, work, kids, home, bills, then wife. I told him what I wanted, he stepped it up for about two weeks, then saw I was content and slowly everything went right back to the misery. The see saw continued until two year ago. I told him I was done waiting for him to join me in this gift called life and I was going to have one without him. I have volunteered, worked, joined groups, taken lessons, taken vacations with female friends, go out to dance, go to dinner, the movies... all without him and he's not even invited. He say he doesnt understand what I want from him. I have dragged him into marriage counseling, begged him to get counseling on his own, found my own therapy helpful. I have brought up discussion topics, insisted he and I get time alone, insisted we get hotel time once every 3 months, I have explained AD NAUSEUM, what I needed from him and what I wanted out of life. I have even written it down! Affection, told him what I need, how often I need his affection, ways to show affection. NO CHANGE Affirmation, every woman needs to feel her husband desires her WITH WORDS like beautiful, sexy, hot, luscious, lovely, elegant, pretty, adorable... you get what I'm saying here? What I hear from him... you look nice... Fun, laughs, recreational enjoyment. I told him I needed him to date me. Make the plan, take me somewhere and show me a good time. The first two times we did this we had nothing to say to each other and yet he thought it was a good time. WTF! He waits for me to make decisions, tell him where, when, how, with whom, what to wear... ARGH. He depends on me for conversation and to get the ball rolling. Now when I'm in the mood and reaally need some good fun, I leave him home and go out with friends. I have a high sex drive so we have sex as often as he can manage it. He's been impotent for maybe ten years now and Viagara works but only if you actually take it. Insurance only pays for 3 per month, not enough for a week as far as I'm concerned. He's too cheap to buy them out of pocket. He's a lazy lover most of the time, again because I'm last on the list so he's got no energy left for sex. God what would it be like to have a man who wanted me, desired me, got turned on by me. I've kept my figure, considering my age, while he's become obese. He cant even tie his shoes anymore. I take care of myself and put effort into my appearance. He's had the marine jar head look since I met him but it doesn't work for a man his age and weight. We dont even like the same music, frankly I can't stand his music. In all the years we've been married I've NEVER had little gifts just because, he only sent me flowers about 3 times, he has given me cards several times though. He never went shoping with me, ever EVER. Till this year, I told him I wasn't buying a single Christmas gift unless he was with me. Now I make him come to the grocery store with me once a week. For a solid 25 years we focused on raising kids, paying the mortgage, being with family. There is no "we" any more and I'm not sure it's possible to ever get it back. I dont want to be alone the rest of my life but if my choice is to be alone or be with him... alone it is. I hate being angry and bitter. I hate that everyone is going to hate me if I ever get the gaul to leave. He really is a nice guy, but nice isn't enough. I want passion, affection, affirmation, fun, companionship, and security. I can't blieve I've only now just found this forum.

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