Feeling like a doormat... please help

I am at the 5 months mark from D-day and feel ashamed to have desperately held on to my WH and our M in spite of his 18 month affair with a younger woman he said he loved as well as multiple ONS. I feel that I'm being a doormat for taking him back even though he has not done what is expected from a truly remorseful WH. He has been honest and open with me, answered all my questions, but has not agreed to NC with OW. He even told me that he wants to remain friends with her. I was so scared of losing him that I let him contact her as long as our M and family always comes first and that their friendship never turns back into an A. My husband contacted her 6 weeks after dday. They exchanged emails that still had inappropriate elements like saying how they will always love each other even though they are no longer together. A few weeks later she called to say that she is moving on and wants NC from him since he chose me over her. I am hurt that she is the one who wants nothing else to do with him and he is still mourning her. He often talks about OW saying how wonderful she is, how deep their connection was, how she was his best friend and a fantastic lover. I feel so inadequate on every level knowing how he feels about her & the fact that he's asked me to allow him to stay in contact with her and that I've accepted makes me feel even worse although there is now NC between them. Since OW has been out of our lives for good, my WH has been trying hard to reconcile with me but I know that he still thinks about her and I feel like second best. He told me that our children are the main reason he stayed with me and ended his A with OW. He told me on D-day that he cared about me and that I was important to him, but that he was in love with OW and had never felt so alive and happy as he felt with her. This was devastating to hear and I still struggle trying to figure out what to do, whether to stay with a man who does not love me as much as I love him, who compares me to OW. How can I ever feel special again to him after this? I know that he doesn't want to hurt my feelings but his betrayal and the love and lust he had for OW is killing me! I am attractive and have had a good sex life with my husband throughout our M but the way he describes the sex he had with her, I know that I will always feel inadequate in comparison due to my "normal" lovemaking skills while she has done things with him that he describes as "off the charts". What can I do from here?? How can I reclaim my place in his heart and give him what she provided sexually??

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