Waking up to life's update

Just thought I'd update you all on a conversation I had recently with my husband. He got angry about a comment I made on Facebook...very long conversation ensued about his unhappiness with my attitude lately, being more "aggressive" and outgoing and doing things apart from him; he said he misses the coy, shy, quiet person he married. We talked a long time about both of us having issues we need to address. I told him how hurt I was that he got angry about me wanting to go to counseling. He admitted he didn't handle that right. I asked him if he could support me in getting the help I need, just like I've always done for him over the years. And I asked him if he'd consider seeing a psych again to address his bipolar 2 (and I believe possibly BPD or Asperger's). He's hesitant to do that because he's had bad experinences in the past with them and is afraid it will be a big waste of time and money again. I asked if he would at least then start by seeing a counselor with me. He said "sure, but I don't know what you'd want to talk about." I said, "how about everything we've just spent the last hour talking about?" :slap: He is hesitant to go because he said he knows he'll just be told about everything that's his fault and he'll try to be better but then if he messes up again I'll leave him. I told him if he goes into it with that attitude, he's right. I asked him to do it, not to humor me, but to show willingness for us to improve our marriage. So in the end, he agreed to go. But at the end of our conversation, his voice changed to sounding like a very fragile 5 year old and he was twisting his blanket in his hand nervously. Just awkward. That conversation happened on Monday. As usual, the rest of the week he acts like the conversation never happened. I truly think he was hoping I'd just forget about it. But Friday I told him I saw the counselor by myself and scheduled an appointment next week for both of us to go. Again the fragile 5 year old came out...he acted exactly like if you were to tell a 5 year old they had to go to the doctor for a scary test or something. But he also seemed suprised or disappointed in a way, like he didn't think I'd actually follow through with it. All of this might seem pretty tame to some of you, but for me it's a huge milestone. To finally jump that hurdle and start having those uncomfortable conversations with him and tell him I want him to support me in going to counseling. The conversation was difficult, because he is good about talking in circles until we forget what we were originally taking about. But I didn't let him get away with it this time. I'm looking forward to our first counseling session, but at the same time I'm dreading it. I know it means we will have to start really digging into very uncomfortable issues such as his health and weight gain and our poor sex life and differences in lifestyle because of it. But...it must be done. I'm hoping, no matter what, I'll at least start seeing things more clearly and can stop living in limbo about our marriage.

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