What happen:
She found out I was looking porn.
For some relationships it's not big deal. Being religious and all it kind a big deal for us. Not justifying my action but here is why I did it. I have a much higher sex drive than she does. We've been doing ok in the sex and relationship department. I've always wanted more that her. I turn to porn to fill in the times that she wasn't up for sex. This would happen a few times a week, but sometimes I'd do months without view it. I always kind of felt bad wanted sex more than her. It put a lot of pressure on her and sometimes she just can't keep up. She's taking care of a bunch of kids. That takes a lot of energy. I don't expect our sex drive to be equal, or even constant over the years.
I feel bad more for how it made her feel than feeling bad because it was sinful. She has been going through a mixture of emotions. Slowly she'll work out how she feels. I'd say all very typical and appropriate. She feels betrayed, violated, loss of trust, and at the same time a failure for not meeting my needs.
Where we're at:
Lack of communicating my needs has been a problem. Rather than trying to resolve them myself, I'll do more to communicate to her when I'm feeling lonely, frisky or have a general desire to increase the frequency of various forms of intimacy. We'll then work out a way to meet, fulfill, or suppress, those needs.
Where I could use some help:
She has said numerous times she just wasn't to forget about, move on, and or have me do something to make it up to her. I understand that. Other than time and allowing her to set the tempo for us moving forward intimately, what should I be doing.
I'm an artist and a romantic so I'm no slouch when it comes to cards, gifts, homemade this and that's with elaborate meals. But this is different than the typical I'm sorry I shrank your favorite sweater in the dryer. What do I need to do to help her feel loved?
She found out I was looking porn.
For some relationships it's not big deal. Being religious and all it kind a big deal for us. Not justifying my action but here is why I did it. I have a much higher sex drive than she does. We've been doing ok in the sex and relationship department. I've always wanted more that her. I turn to porn to fill in the times that she wasn't up for sex. This would happen a few times a week, but sometimes I'd do months without view it. I always kind of felt bad wanted sex more than her. It put a lot of pressure on her and sometimes she just can't keep up. She's taking care of a bunch of kids. That takes a lot of energy. I don't expect our sex drive to be equal, or even constant over the years.
I feel bad more for how it made her feel than feeling bad because it was sinful. She has been going through a mixture of emotions. Slowly she'll work out how she feels. I'd say all very typical and appropriate. She feels betrayed, violated, loss of trust, and at the same time a failure for not meeting my needs.
Where we're at:
Lack of communicating my needs has been a problem. Rather than trying to resolve them myself, I'll do more to communicate to her when I'm feeling lonely, frisky or have a general desire to increase the frequency of various forms of intimacy. We'll then work out a way to meet, fulfill, or suppress, those needs.
Where I could use some help:
She has said numerous times she just wasn't to forget about, move on, and or have me do something to make it up to her. I understand that. Other than time and allowing her to set the tempo for us moving forward intimately, what should I be doing.
I'm an artist and a romantic so I'm no slouch when it comes to cards, gifts, homemade this and that's with elaborate meals. But this is different than the typical I'm sorry I shrank your favorite sweater in the dryer. What do I need to do to help her feel loved?
Put the internet to work for you.
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