I have been here before, two years ago, and here we go again. Last time I caught my husband texting inappropriate stuff with a co-worker. He denied any relationship, said it was nothing, they were just friends, we both swept it under the rug, and carried on like nothing happened. The other day I accidentally discovered a conversation through facebook messenger with a workmate .....
Woman: Good song ;) (with a link to Sam Smiths song - Lay me down)
Him: Yes it is
Woman: My song also
Woman: To you
Him: Straight back at ya
Woman:See ya tomorrow :)
Him: Will Do :) (kiss emoticon)
Woman: (Kiss emoticon) and (finger pointing back)
When I approached him about this conversation that night he said nothing was going on, saying he was so sorry if I thought that, that he would never cheat on me etc. I told him that I had been suspicious of this workmate friendship for a while. Because ......
At a party we were all at together, she was being over friendly to him ie hugging up to him for support when she had a bit to much to drink ..... I thought ok I could work myself up about this but instead gave them the benefit of the doubt. (She is much younger, very attractive and actually engaged to be married - all factors making me think I was over reacting).
He always mentions her in conversations about work.
We went to the beach one day and she happened to be there with a friend, she said hello to him but didn't stop and talk to us together - then down on the beach they sat about 15 metres in front of us ..... am I jumping to conclusions or was she there to parade in front of him in her bikini top?
And this is the biggie .......I was away for the weekend with the children and he went out with a group of workmates - her and the fiancé included, and ended up staying the night with all of them because they were drinking - and he got a ride to work with them in the morning. - yes it sounds as cliché written down as it does saying it! He swears nothing happened that he slept in the spare room etc and there were plenty of people there.
So I told him about all of my suspicions when I confronted him about the messenger conversation. Deny Deny Deny. I told him that it was not fair on me, and that I would be out of here if there was something going on. We went to bed in silence.
He starts work early in the morning so we did not talk before he left for work. It took me all the strength I could muster to carry on normally get our children to school and go to work the next day. When I got home my legs and arms were like lead, I knew that I had jumped the gun - given them time to sort a story, make excuses etc. When he came home he was the picture of concern, worry, etc. Asking if I was ok, that he had talked to her and she was mortified that I had thought this. He admitted that they talk heaps at work - 40 minutes added up during the day - she shares everything with him, he admitted that some people in his workplace might think there is something going on because of how often they talk. I said what about the fiancé? She was going to tell him what I thought - but the fiancé is in the same workplace and my husband gets on with him also ..... he said that he would understand their friendship.
So, that was the Friday, now it is Tuesday - I have not asked if they talked yesterday - what the fiancé said etc etc. I believe my husband thinks we are going to brush this under the rug as well, that all is forgiven and I believe him when he says it is just a friendship. I have shared this all with one friend - she says it is all pretty messed up - not to trust its just a friendship. What do I do from here? Communication is at a stand still. To make things more complicated there has been a bereavement within our circle of friends in the last few days - we are both devastated about this so emotions are running high - the mixture of these emotions is hideous - I can't separate what I am feeling - but both mixed together is so awful - and I can't help thinking he believes he is off the hook because we are grieving.
Other factors that I have been adding together ..... he has started a health kick - working out, listening to new music, when he used to love older stuff.
And when I went to show him the message I was talking about, he had deleted it already - but not other older harmless messages with other contacts.
We have been married for 12 years, I thought we were happy, until 2 years ago - then I thought we had moved on and were happy again, until now.
help
Woman: Good song ;) (with a link to Sam Smiths song - Lay me down)
Him: Yes it is
Woman: My song also
Woman: To you
Him: Straight back at ya
Woman:See ya tomorrow :)
Him: Will Do :) (kiss emoticon)
Woman: (Kiss emoticon) and (finger pointing back)
When I approached him about this conversation that night he said nothing was going on, saying he was so sorry if I thought that, that he would never cheat on me etc. I told him that I had been suspicious of this workmate friendship for a while. Because ......
At a party we were all at together, she was being over friendly to him ie hugging up to him for support when she had a bit to much to drink ..... I thought ok I could work myself up about this but instead gave them the benefit of the doubt. (She is much younger, very attractive and actually engaged to be married - all factors making me think I was over reacting).
He always mentions her in conversations about work.
We went to the beach one day and she happened to be there with a friend, she said hello to him but didn't stop and talk to us together - then down on the beach they sat about 15 metres in front of us ..... am I jumping to conclusions or was she there to parade in front of him in her bikini top?
And this is the biggie .......I was away for the weekend with the children and he went out with a group of workmates - her and the fiancé included, and ended up staying the night with all of them because they were drinking - and he got a ride to work with them in the morning. - yes it sounds as cliché written down as it does saying it! He swears nothing happened that he slept in the spare room etc and there were plenty of people there.
So I told him about all of my suspicions when I confronted him about the messenger conversation. Deny Deny Deny. I told him that it was not fair on me, and that I would be out of here if there was something going on. We went to bed in silence.
He starts work early in the morning so we did not talk before he left for work. It took me all the strength I could muster to carry on normally get our children to school and go to work the next day. When I got home my legs and arms were like lead, I knew that I had jumped the gun - given them time to sort a story, make excuses etc. When he came home he was the picture of concern, worry, etc. Asking if I was ok, that he had talked to her and she was mortified that I had thought this. He admitted that they talk heaps at work - 40 minutes added up during the day - she shares everything with him, he admitted that some people in his workplace might think there is something going on because of how often they talk. I said what about the fiancé? She was going to tell him what I thought - but the fiancé is in the same workplace and my husband gets on with him also ..... he said that he would understand their friendship.
So, that was the Friday, now it is Tuesday - I have not asked if they talked yesterday - what the fiancé said etc etc. I believe my husband thinks we are going to brush this under the rug as well, that all is forgiven and I believe him when he says it is just a friendship. I have shared this all with one friend - she says it is all pretty messed up - not to trust its just a friendship. What do I do from here? Communication is at a stand still. To make things more complicated there has been a bereavement within our circle of friends in the last few days - we are both devastated about this so emotions are running high - the mixture of these emotions is hideous - I can't separate what I am feeling - but both mixed together is so awful - and I can't help thinking he believes he is off the hook because we are grieving.
Other factors that I have been adding together ..... he has started a health kick - working out, listening to new music, when he used to love older stuff.
And when I went to show him the message I was talking about, he had deleted it already - but not other older harmless messages with other contacts.
We have been married for 12 years, I thought we were happy, until 2 years ago - then I thought we had moved on and were happy again, until now.
help
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