I am feeling guilty about this scenario: Can you please tell me if I should?
I had a very volatile relationship with my ex bf. We just recently broke it off. He is very, very aggressive and controlling. I had gone to a therapist who thought he would become a batterer. He started hiring people to follow me -- he was also monitoring my text messages and demanding to deal with my lawyers about my own child custody issues from previous divorce. He also demanded I turn on a location tracker on my phone - so he could see where I was all the time - and If I shut it off - he would tell me he was done with me.
Much of this is due to his innate jealousy, but also because of some half truths I told him about my whereabouts at times -- because if I told him I was at lunch with a colleague--or even meeting for a business event -- he would call these people and verify I was there! He even did this on a job interview I had -- he called them independently to verify I was there! It got embarrassing -- so I stopped telling him every single stop I made. And that fed the problem.
Now -- fast forward to last weekend. My cell phone was on the counter. A text message pops up and he demands to read it. It's a guy who I have never even spoken to -- who is a friend of a friend who lives in another city. The guy is asking for restaurant advice since he's from out of town. I had already texted with him the previous week and let him know I had a very jealous BF and that he does NOT want to interfere - but my BF does not appreciate that kind of behavior. So he had been warned.
Well, my BF at the time -- takes that text to believe that this person is going with me. I lie and tell him it's just a girlfriend. He does reverse look up -- and finds it belongs to a guy. He gets super angry. He demands that I call the guy on speaker phone in front of him. Again I had never even spoken to this person. When I call - my BF is flailing his arms and getting super angry in the background. I'm totally thrown off and the guy is like -- what's going on? He said "are you ok?" He said - I know we've never spoken before -- but you sound like something is wrong. You sure you are ok? I said yes -- and quickly got off the phone.
My BF grabbed my phone out of my hand and began screaming at me and accusing me of cheating on him. I told him that was NOT true. But, he didn't care. I was beginning to get scared. My BF had always said that he would never hit me -- but that jealousy made him "crazy"...so I was worried.
I grabbed my phone back and the guy texted and said are you ok? I said NO! and Deleted the text. Then, I started googling for a cab....since I didn't have my car. My BF came over freaking out -- saying -- what are you doing? What are you texting? I said nothing. I knew it would cause more problems. He started watching my every move --
He started trying to grab my phone. I tried to hold onto it. He continued to monitor my hands when he was yelling at me. I didn't text.
He then decided to call the guy back and demand to know the nature of our relationship. The guy told him he was way out of line and that he had never even spoken via phone to me! my ex bf said -- that he was fearful I was cheating on him and he wanted to know "man to man" what the deal was. Apparently the guy could tell my BF was very unstable because he got off the phone and immediately texted me (thank God I was holding the phone)..."are you ok?" I quickly responded "no" and deleted the text. I again started googling for a cab. My bf stopped me and said if I wanted to leave HE would drive me back. I was worried about getting in a car with him. So, then he worried that the guy was going to call the cops....which he did. My BF said "if the cops show up here...I'm going to tell them you broke into this house.."
I freaked out -- I didn't know what to do. So, I got mad and ran for the door. Well, my BF screamed -- I won't do that -- but get back over here!. Well the cops were at the door.
They took me outside. I told them that I was okay -- that I had not been hit -- but that I was concerned and wanted to leave. They asked why I was concerned -- I explained the above and told them I wanted it on the record that I did NOT break into the house. I told them my BF threatened that -- and recanted - but I wanted to make SURE - no one thought that.
They went in and questioned him and arrested him! I told the cops he should not be arrested and that I wanted to leave -- not to arrest him. They said "it's up to the state and what you have said -- is a charge of interfering with a 911 call."
I watched them haul him away. The cops took me to a hotel. Now - my exBF is angry and has begged me back over and over. However, he's VERY angry and is blaming me. He said he would NEVER have hurt me or told cops anything to hurt me or have ME arrested. He said the threat of burglary was just a threat. Not real. He is a prominent person in the community and he may lose his career. He has to be licensed for his profession and now he's scared that he will never be able to work again - if he's found guilty. His attorney has told him -- he's in deep trouble.
He has told me that his mother said that even if her husband hit her - she would NEVER have called 911 -- because she loves him -- she would have just leave. His whole family hates me now -- of course.
He is now begging me to help him. He wants me to come back to be with him -- and to call the district attorney and try to "clarify" my story -- he believes that they think he was holding me hostage and preventing me from using the phone at all -- and that is not true. But, he was taking it from me intermittedly --- and then making the threat of burglary.
I feel very guilty. He sees this as all my fault and wants me to recant -- or essentially say I "misunderstood"....
What would you do? Did I overreact?
And the WORST problem - is that I still miss this guy -- and his begging and pleading me back -- has made this very difficult.
I had a very volatile relationship with my ex bf. We just recently broke it off. He is very, very aggressive and controlling. I had gone to a therapist who thought he would become a batterer. He started hiring people to follow me -- he was also monitoring my text messages and demanding to deal with my lawyers about my own child custody issues from previous divorce. He also demanded I turn on a location tracker on my phone - so he could see where I was all the time - and If I shut it off - he would tell me he was done with me.
Much of this is due to his innate jealousy, but also because of some half truths I told him about my whereabouts at times -- because if I told him I was at lunch with a colleague--or even meeting for a business event -- he would call these people and verify I was there! He even did this on a job interview I had -- he called them independently to verify I was there! It got embarrassing -- so I stopped telling him every single stop I made. And that fed the problem.
Now -- fast forward to last weekend. My cell phone was on the counter. A text message pops up and he demands to read it. It's a guy who I have never even spoken to -- who is a friend of a friend who lives in another city. The guy is asking for restaurant advice since he's from out of town. I had already texted with him the previous week and let him know I had a very jealous BF and that he does NOT want to interfere - but my BF does not appreciate that kind of behavior. So he had been warned.
Well, my BF at the time -- takes that text to believe that this person is going with me. I lie and tell him it's just a girlfriend. He does reverse look up -- and finds it belongs to a guy. He gets super angry. He demands that I call the guy on speaker phone in front of him. Again I had never even spoken to this person. When I call - my BF is flailing his arms and getting super angry in the background. I'm totally thrown off and the guy is like -- what's going on? He said "are you ok?" He said - I know we've never spoken before -- but you sound like something is wrong. You sure you are ok? I said yes -- and quickly got off the phone.
My BF grabbed my phone out of my hand and began screaming at me and accusing me of cheating on him. I told him that was NOT true. But, he didn't care. I was beginning to get scared. My BF had always said that he would never hit me -- but that jealousy made him "crazy"...so I was worried.
I grabbed my phone back and the guy texted and said are you ok? I said NO! and Deleted the text. Then, I started googling for a cab....since I didn't have my car. My BF came over freaking out -- saying -- what are you doing? What are you texting? I said nothing. I knew it would cause more problems. He started watching my every move --
He started trying to grab my phone. I tried to hold onto it. He continued to monitor my hands when he was yelling at me. I didn't text.
He then decided to call the guy back and demand to know the nature of our relationship. The guy told him he was way out of line and that he had never even spoken via phone to me! my ex bf said -- that he was fearful I was cheating on him and he wanted to know "man to man" what the deal was. Apparently the guy could tell my BF was very unstable because he got off the phone and immediately texted me (thank God I was holding the phone)..."are you ok?" I quickly responded "no" and deleted the text. I again started googling for a cab. My bf stopped me and said if I wanted to leave HE would drive me back. I was worried about getting in a car with him. So, then he worried that the guy was going to call the cops....which he did. My BF said "if the cops show up here...I'm going to tell them you broke into this house.."
I freaked out -- I didn't know what to do. So, I got mad and ran for the door. Well, my BF screamed -- I won't do that -- but get back over here!. Well the cops were at the door.
They took me outside. I told them that I was okay -- that I had not been hit -- but that I was concerned and wanted to leave. They asked why I was concerned -- I explained the above and told them I wanted it on the record that I did NOT break into the house. I told them my BF threatened that -- and recanted - but I wanted to make SURE - no one thought that.
They went in and questioned him and arrested him! I told the cops he should not be arrested and that I wanted to leave -- not to arrest him. They said "it's up to the state and what you have said -- is a charge of interfering with a 911 call."
I watched them haul him away. The cops took me to a hotel. Now - my exBF is angry and has begged me back over and over. However, he's VERY angry and is blaming me. He said he would NEVER have hurt me or told cops anything to hurt me or have ME arrested. He said the threat of burglary was just a threat. Not real. He is a prominent person in the community and he may lose his career. He has to be licensed for his profession and now he's scared that he will never be able to work again - if he's found guilty. His attorney has told him -- he's in deep trouble.
He has told me that his mother said that even if her husband hit her - she would NEVER have called 911 -- because she loves him -- she would have just leave. His whole family hates me now -- of course.
He is now begging me to help him. He wants me to come back to be with him -- and to call the district attorney and try to "clarify" my story -- he believes that they think he was holding me hostage and preventing me from using the phone at all -- and that is not true. But, he was taking it from me intermittedly --- and then making the threat of burglary.
I feel very guilty. He sees this as all my fault and wants me to recant -- or essentially say I "misunderstood"....
What would you do? Did I overreact?
And the WORST problem - is that I still miss this guy -- and his begging and pleading me back -- has made this very difficult.
Put the internet to work for you.
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