Every marriage that goes long term will probably experience some sexual dry spells. Sometimes the partners' dry spells are simultaneous which is very convenient. Nobody wants it and nobody feels bad about that. When one isn't in the mood for days, weeks, months, whatever and the other is then conflicts arise.
All I can talk about is what has worked for us in the past. We've both had dry spells and worked through them together. You do have to talk about it. No holding anything in because you want to avoid a fight. That's the illusion of a content marriage but not a really content marriage.
My wife and I came up with solutions that worked for us. Maybe some permutation of it can help someone else.
I had a brief health issue that required I take some medication that zapped my desire or even capability to have sex for a few months, almost a year. I literally had zero desire and physically couldn't get stimulated. The meds were killing that.
Didn't mean my lips and tongue didn't still work. wink wink wink. I couldn't enjoy sex at all so I enjoyed giving her pleasure. That's actually my favorite part of sex. I couldn't enjoy it sexually but I loved that she was really enjoying it. We bought some very interesting toys and had some fun times with them. Even though she was the only one who could climax we still shared the moment together and it was awesome!
She has also had dry spells. We have three kids. After each birth my wife's sex drive would be totally zapped for a few months. I had to go back to satisfying myself like Jr. High school days. Rosie Palmer and her 5 sisters. At least today we have every kind of porn you could possibly ever want right at your finger tips. A far cry better than jerking it to the same issues of Playboy or the occasional Hustler your dad might be stashing around the house. She was cool with it. One day she woke up and I was going to town and she watched. It was awesome! I loved doing that show for her. That became our thing while she wasn't in the mood. Sometimes she'd tell me what to do or coach me through it. It was amazing. She got nothing from it other than the satisfaction of how much I enjoyed it.
If it's not your bag that's cool. I just think there are solutions to life's issues. Either of us could have over-dwelled on this issue, analyzed it to death, made false assumptions that our spouse no longer loved us, and maybe even split up. I've seen that. I've read some posts on TAM where that very thing happened. Instead we communicated. We realized that sometimes the other person just isn't in the mood. It doesn't mean there aren't ways to git'ur done.
BTW, she loves the shows and even when the mood came back she still demands performances occasionally and I aim to please! ;)
All I can talk about is what has worked for us in the past. We've both had dry spells and worked through them together. You do have to talk about it. No holding anything in because you want to avoid a fight. That's the illusion of a content marriage but not a really content marriage.
My wife and I came up with solutions that worked for us. Maybe some permutation of it can help someone else.
I had a brief health issue that required I take some medication that zapped my desire or even capability to have sex for a few months, almost a year. I literally had zero desire and physically couldn't get stimulated. The meds were killing that.
Didn't mean my lips and tongue didn't still work. wink wink wink. I couldn't enjoy sex at all so I enjoyed giving her pleasure. That's actually my favorite part of sex. I couldn't enjoy it sexually but I loved that she was really enjoying it. We bought some very interesting toys and had some fun times with them. Even though she was the only one who could climax we still shared the moment together and it was awesome!
She has also had dry spells. We have three kids. After each birth my wife's sex drive would be totally zapped for a few months. I had to go back to satisfying myself like Jr. High school days. Rosie Palmer and her 5 sisters. At least today we have every kind of porn you could possibly ever want right at your finger tips. A far cry better than jerking it to the same issues of Playboy or the occasional Hustler your dad might be stashing around the house. She was cool with it. One day she woke up and I was going to town and she watched. It was awesome! I loved doing that show for her. That became our thing while she wasn't in the mood. Sometimes she'd tell me what to do or coach me through it. It was amazing. She got nothing from it other than the satisfaction of how much I enjoyed it.
If it's not your bag that's cool. I just think there are solutions to life's issues. Either of us could have over-dwelled on this issue, analyzed it to death, made false assumptions that our spouse no longer loved us, and maybe even split up. I've seen that. I've read some posts on TAM where that very thing happened. Instead we communicated. We realized that sometimes the other person just isn't in the mood. It doesn't mean there aren't ways to git'ur done.
BTW, she loves the shows and even when the mood came back she still demands performances occasionally and I aim to please! ;)
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