I don't know why I am so upset about this. Here is the scenario: My wife has a guy friend that has been around for many years. I don't consider him a threat because he is sloppy and fat and it is clear my wife is not attracted to him. He is always quick to jump if she needs help or an errand to make her life more convenient. Things like loan her money, pick up application forms, milk and cheese when he is at the market etc.
I understand completely that they guy used to be in love her many years ago (maybe still does love her?) and would do anything for her; but he was friend zoned many years before we were married.
There have been a couple times when my wife asked me to do chores and I was not quick enough to get er done only to find that she had complained to her friend (lets call him Rick)..and he ended up doing the task. I felt surprised and maybe even ashamed that he was so quick to show up in rain coat, gum boots, goggles and safety vest to pressure my patio as soon as she complained to him that I been procrastinating.
The most recent issue that really upset me seems stupid. I don't know why I am so angry about it.
I consider financials to be a marriage and partnership concern. I do cover most of the major costs in our life (retirement savings, mortgage, utilities, holidays, cars, entertainment etc). I also fund a joint account that my wife spends from but never contributes to.
I always have a jar to keep my coin/change and when it is full I take it to my bank that has an automatic change counter that members use for free. My wife also had a full jar this time and asked if I would convert her change too. I said I would..but I procrastinated for a week. Later she asked again and I invited her to come with me on a day off work and we could do it together (which would save me two trips into the bank. Each jar probably has about $300+), but she said she had other things to do. A few more days, it was a weekend and she asked me to convert her change again, since it was a day off I said sure, lets pop out and do it now and I can do mine at the same time! Again she said she had other things to do so I didn't recognize any urgency.
A few more days goes by and I get home from work and while we are talking the doorbell rings and she says hang on, goes to the door, steps outside and closes the door. When she comes back in...I asked her what was up..and she tells me that Rick had converted her change for her.
I was so upset/angry/flushed....and I don't really understand why. I asked her why he had converted her change and she said she had waited long enough for me to do it. Then she told me that her pay check was unexpectedly short and that she need the extra money. What....really? She didn't tell me that her pay was short, but she did tell Rick and he was quick to take her change to the bank and convert it and deliver her the cash.
Why am I so angry about this? Am I wrong to feel this way? She doesn't see any problem and was not interested in discussing it. I flew off the handle and don't know if I should apologize or how to resolve the situation.
Input sincerely appreciated.
I understand completely that they guy used to be in love her many years ago (maybe still does love her?) and would do anything for her; but he was friend zoned many years before we were married.
There have been a couple times when my wife asked me to do chores and I was not quick enough to get er done only to find that she had complained to her friend (lets call him Rick)..and he ended up doing the task. I felt surprised and maybe even ashamed that he was so quick to show up in rain coat, gum boots, goggles and safety vest to pressure my patio as soon as she complained to him that I been procrastinating.
The most recent issue that really upset me seems stupid. I don't know why I am so angry about it.
I consider financials to be a marriage and partnership concern. I do cover most of the major costs in our life (retirement savings, mortgage, utilities, holidays, cars, entertainment etc). I also fund a joint account that my wife spends from but never contributes to.
I always have a jar to keep my coin/change and when it is full I take it to my bank that has an automatic change counter that members use for free. My wife also had a full jar this time and asked if I would convert her change too. I said I would..but I procrastinated for a week. Later she asked again and I invited her to come with me on a day off work and we could do it together (which would save me two trips into the bank. Each jar probably has about $300+), but she said she had other things to do. A few more days, it was a weekend and she asked me to convert her change again, since it was a day off I said sure, lets pop out and do it now and I can do mine at the same time! Again she said she had other things to do so I didn't recognize any urgency.
A few more days goes by and I get home from work and while we are talking the doorbell rings and she says hang on, goes to the door, steps outside and closes the door. When she comes back in...I asked her what was up..and she tells me that Rick had converted her change for her.
I was so upset/angry/flushed....and I don't really understand why. I asked her why he had converted her change and she said she had waited long enough for me to do it. Then she told me that her pay check was unexpectedly short and that she need the extra money. What....really? She didn't tell me that her pay was short, but she did tell Rick and he was quick to take her change to the bank and convert it and deliver her the cash.
Why am I so angry about this? Am I wrong to feel this way? She doesn't see any problem and was not interested in discussing it. I flew off the handle and don't know if I should apologize or how to resolve the situation.
Input sincerely appreciated.
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