Hard to put into words everything I want to say and feel, or even where to begin, but I'll give it a run. I apologize in advance for its longevity, I just feel better painting the picture best I can, plus it helps me to write it all out. :)
So my wife and I have been married 2 years this coming June, after a short dating period of 6 months. I'm now 41 and she's 31, just to paint the picture. We met, both have been in multiple marriages, both have 3 kids, and we almost immediately moved in together. Well, she was just out of her last marriage (he left, and is the dad to her 2 youngest, who are now 5 & 6) only a few months when we met. I had been single around 4 years, and my kids are now 18, 14 and 8. Within a few weeks of intense dating she wanted me to move in, and at the time I wasn't obligated to a lease so I did. Things were amazing, passionate, the sweetness and romantic gestures were everywhere as is typical in a new relationship. She'd have notes laying around the house when I'd get home, write me sweet cards, make me feel like a priority, as I did her. I'd write her notes daily, bring her flowers every week to 2 weeks just because, which I still do 2+ years later. She's been a stay at home mom since her 6 yo was born due to some medical issues and problematic pregnancy she had, and she's since then had 9 surgeries for hernias, a half hysterectomy, had a small benign tumor on her kidney they cut off. I was only with her a few months and she had the kidney surgery, but I risked my job to stay by her side the entire time at the hospital. Our background, we'll I come from a family of 6 kids, she's an only child. Well, only a few months in we had our first big fight, after leaving her parents house where we'd been riding 4 wheelers, having drinks and grilling. Let me say, there's never been any physical crap, just arguing, just wanted to clear the air there in case you were wondering. She's extremely sensitive, so even slightly raising my voice in the midst of a disagreement and she tells me not to raise my voice to her. Well, sorry but when I'm passionate about something, I fight for it. Saying that, her extreme sensitivity comes from her upbringing. Her parents fought a lo t when she was a kid, physical and verbal. Her dad was an alcoholic and did drugs, hit her mom, roughed her up on occasion. She ultimately went to live with her grandma, where she was spoiled by her and all the aunts and uncles as there's never been many grandkids. They still spoil her to this day. Am I jealous, well yeah, I wasn't spoiled in the slightest. My family is more distant, with my dad never really being in the picture much. Her parents have changed, they're now amazing grandparents to her kids and mine, thankfully. My family gets along great, we just don't see each other often. Now her kids are 5, 6, and 11. The 5 and 6 yo are with us all the time, with their dad picking them up for an hour or two on Tuesday and Thursday, then every other Saturday for 4 hours. The 11 yo goes to his dad's every Tuesday, Thursday and every other weekend. My 8 yo son comes every wednesday and every other weekend, then a lot in the summer. My two oldest, well the 18 yo is in college now and the 14 yo comes here and there, but prefers her friends these days which I get, I was a teenager once, right? :) Needless to say, we've never had much time to ourselves, with her parents watching the kids sometimes every other friday till Saturday afternoon. That part has been tough, and yes I've said it all along, we need more "us" time, but it is what it is. The two youngest have been a big challenge, but most kids are, that's normal. But, they'll stay up till 10, 11, 12 playing their DS, watching TV, most often when they've had a nap during the day. Or they come get in bed with us, which on occasion is okay, but not all the time. We've talked about this often, and how we need to get them in a better routine, tho she always just says, well they had a nap so you know what that means, or they'll only be young once. I get it, but it impacts us, and what should be us time on occasion. The two youngest drive her bonkers and stress her out to the max, to where she's yelling and all huffy puffy trying to cater to their every demand. And yes, they are very demanding and cry, throw fits, won't get anything for themselves, they ask her or I for everything, which has been a sticky point in our marriage. I try and help take the burden off of her often when I'm home from work by bathing them, cleaning house, cooking, getting them ready for bed...not all the time, but many times. Most mornings are a nightmare because our 5 yo screams and cries and wants to stay home from school to play his DS or the Xbox. That puts her in a bad mood right there. None of the kids really ever get punished, and if I step in and take something away to try and defuse the situation, she'll cave in shortly after and give in to them. We've talked about this many times. If I try to talk to her about it, her reply is always, "I know, I'm a terrible mom". No, you're not, you're a great mom but you're enabling the kids and they'll keep walking all over you . I've given up fighting that fight. Okay, so since she's been a stay at home mom, she's also been watching kids full time here for extra money. Recently that ended when the dad of the 18 month old she was watching lost his job, so the past month she's not had that on her plate. The youngest goes to school at 9 and she picks him up at 1, and the others go 9 to 4. I work in sales and typically am gone 9 to 5:30. We moved out of her and her exes old house last May into our own home and in a great area and school district. This is her dream area she says. Since we've been together, we've always written each other little notes, with her putting mine in my lunch that she makes for me each night, and I place mine in different areas of the house for her to find. Yes, we still do this, but she tends to forget more than I do, no biggie, I know she's busy in the am with the kiddos. On weekends I let her sleep in, often till 11 or 12 while I drink my coffee, do my fantasy football or j ust mindlessly surf the Web. Now off and on throughout our marriage we've had our share of disagreements over stupid stuff, who hasn't? I forgive and move on the next day or that night. Quite a few of those times tho, she hasn't and I get handed a 4 or 5 page letter essentially telling me how she feels, that she loves me so much and just wants to be loved by me, then talks about not being happy, but hopes we can grow old together. I'm rambling, sorry. So, many of those arguments she's resorted to telling me to leave, we're done, this isn't gonna work, I can't live like this, my parents fought and my exes and I never fought so I can't handle this. Now we make it through these, usually by her and i apologizing and texting me that she loves me so much and hopes I love her and all she wants in life is to make me happy, to be loved by me. Let me paint another picture. She's a beautiful girl and in great shape, we both work out often, more her these days than I, but I get a quick work out in 4 or 5 days a week before work. Since I've known her, she's hated the way she looks, her hair, her skin (she has some facial issues like acne, splotches) and she's always wanted a boob job because hers she says are flat and have stretch marks. I get it and I've told her fine, when we have the extra $. Well, being so insecure I never get to see her without clothes on, not in the shower and when we have play time, she keeps her bra on and it has to be dark. We've had a great sex life, with her always being concerned she wouldn't be enough for me in that department as she's not a very sexual person thanks to some bad things happening to her when she was a teenager. I don't push the issue, instead I tell her all the time how beautiful she is, and that I love all of her. Well, being insecure she fixated on her looks all the time it seems. From her clothes even when she's just running kids to school or going to the store. If it's not clothes, she's talking about her h air, researching ways to grow it longer, thicker, clothes she wants, or she's researching her medical issues as she still on a regular basis has issues with nausea, her hernia and her high blood pressure or her arthritis in her hands. She also has sleep issues, so she takes ambien 2 weeks a month, the other two weeks she'll take nyquil because she takes 2 ambien because they're low dose. So she is very restless often. Almost from the beginning as well, she'll ask me all the time, "are you sure you love me, and are still in love with me?". I get this question on a very regular basis either face to face while laying in bed or via text. I of course say yes, I'm very much in love and love you.
So now that I've rambled on and on, let me continue to bore you. Haha I swear, even if no one reads this it's helping me feel better just writing it all out. :)
From the beginning, she's been big into Facebook and posting things, selfies which I've never really been a fan of this to her friends and guy friends who always comment on how beautiful she is, or how amazing her eyes are. Well, honestly that's the rub to me, I don't post selfies for other women to comment on, I don't need that attention nor would I want her to feel jealous. I've brought it up and she just says oh, they're just friends from school. Now she'll spend hours on fb, always did which has bothered me, especially when we'd be sitting together and I'd be bored out of my mind and inside feeling upset and ignored. I moved on from that and basically quit getting on fb because I didn't want to see or read it all. To me, it's always felt like she needs so much attention and I'm not giving her enough, but that in turn feels like a slap in the face as she should only be seeking my attention, even tho she'll deny that's what she's after with her posts or pics. I will say, re cently that's gotten better and she's not on it as much.
So I go to work, provide for all of us, and she helps out too with the child support that comes in, which is nice. But I also pay out support so it's almost a wash. Oh well. So often I come home and I end up cleaning up messes, the house is a disaster, rarely is dinner made so I make a bowl of soup, iron my dress clothes, get things ready for the next day. Inside, I'm like wth have you done all day, which I know the answer...watched her shows, played on fb, talked to her mom 10 times, played her tablet, picked up here and there. Now I know she deserves down time too. She's wanting to go back to work once the 5 yo starts full day school after this summer. Now I used to be a big gamer, but hadn't done that for many years. Well, all of our boys are into gaming so I started playing again even getting my own xbox one. Keep in mind, our entire relationship we've always cuddled up and watched movies every night, and been up each other's butts...the honeymoon phase as they say. If I 'd get up to do something, she'd always ask where I was going, what I was doing, still does. Even in the middle of the night if I get up to take a leak, she'll wake up and ask where I'm going. lol I'm not a great sleeper, meaning I've always been good on 4 to 5 hours and I'm high energy, thus I typically stay awake longer than she does and watch tv in bed...never been that big of a deal. Well, enter my gaming addiction, and yes I'll admit it, I'm hooked on a certain game I just enjoy playing and completing the missions, it's a complete stress reliever. Started a few months back, and I am guilty of ignoring her to get some play time in. I try and play when she's busy doing things or mostly once she's asleep, but being the terrible sleeper that she is, even tho I wear a headset she wakes up and is fuming I'm still up and playing. I'll admit, I've gotten carried away with playing and spent a good part of the past months weekend playing, but not all the time...i don't play all d ay on weekends and do things around the house, but sporadically I've played too much on a weekend. I know I shouldn't and it's led to many arguments and her going to sleep on the couch. I'll come in and try to get her to come to bed, but nope, not happening. So I go to bed alone feeling guilty and sad, thinking, you get your time every day to watch your shows, play on fb, text your friends, talk on the phone, I don't get that time all day. Now I know I need to make time for her as she's feeling ignored and disrespected by my continuing to play while she's sleeping. I'm an idiot and I should know better. I even bought her a sleeping mask, but she says it's uncomfortable so she won't wear it. I'd move the dang xbox to another tv in the house, but the kids all have their xbox's on those. In fact, we have 3 other xbox's for the kids, yes, it's a gaming house and it drives her nutty as they're always fighting over who's playing. Well they used to until I bought another xbox and tv, now they all can play. She also feels like I'm not attracted to her anymore as I've not tried playing nearly as much as I used too, but hey, she doesn't make the effort either. I do want to, but it seems like there's always something going on, a kid in our bed or the biggest, we have to wait until the movie is over and it's freaking too late, she's falling asleep or I am. Never in the morning either, which she knows I'd love! Now let me add this in, we've both been smokers and she recently quit, like 2 weeks ago, so I know that in and of itself is stressful. We've always had drinks after work, like the Mike's lemonade things or some wine, but now she's not drinking those either and I went thru a month of drinking 2 to 3 glasses of wine 5 to 6 nights a week, which she complained about, so I've nipped that in the bud and drink a few glasses a couple nights a week now. So that brings me to where we are now. Last weekend we got into another big argument at our 5 yo's birthda y party. Her mom had asked me when we were doing presents and I simply replied, ask her, it's her show, she's the boss. Which I said in a happy voice, meaning I didn't organize the party, she did. Didn't mean it in a bad way, but her mom told her what I said and all hell broke loose. We cooled off, talked that night and watched a movie in bed and cuddled. When the movie was over, I turned Netflix on and she was like, turn it off and go to sleep. Well, my alpha male side kicked in and I told her that I just wanted to watch a little more tv, and she didn't need to tell me what to do. Boom, bad idea on my part. Off to the kids bedroom she went to sleep. Now, a week prior to that, we had another argument and she got in my face repeatedly, grabbed the hat off my head and said she bought it for me...so I did get heated and I did yell, we both did. She told me to leave, I said no, I'm not leaving my own house. What's she do, threatens to call the cops on me. I said go for it, I had n't done anything wrong. I went out to the garage as I typically do to smoke and calm down and who shows up, yep, the cops. Who the hell calls the police over an argument??? They essentially did nothing, they couldn't. The guy cop talked to me a bit about the situation, and even was baffled she'd call them. He did say she called back to try and cancel, but they had to come anyway. So here it is Saturday, and all week she's been sleeping in the kids room and we've barely said a word to each other. Wednesday I brought her lunch, she ignored me. I wrote her a note Thursday that said I loved her, she ignored that too. We finally talked yesterday because I told her we needed to, which pretty much changed nothing except that she feels like things will never change, so I guess we're roommates until she gets a job and her own place because she can't afford the house. Talk about awkward around here...i stay in the bedroom most of the time now. Oh and btw, last month she drained the s avings account after an argument. For the record, I've not once thrown out there anything about giving up or walking away, I made a commitment, but I'm thinking that's all for nothing now. Maybe it's me, but I like to think she has a pretty damn good life. We pay our bills, buy what we want for the most part, I work hard, take care of the yard, the cars, help with kids, cleaning, flowers, notes, I don't go to bars, I don't gamble, do drugs. I don't know what to think anymore, but I can tell you, I don't deserve this, and if this is over, I'll never date again, I can't do it.
So so sorry for writing a novel, but like I said, it helps to get all of this off my chest.
So my wife and I have been married 2 years this coming June, after a short dating period of 6 months. I'm now 41 and she's 31, just to paint the picture. We met, both have been in multiple marriages, both have 3 kids, and we almost immediately moved in together. Well, she was just out of her last marriage (he left, and is the dad to her 2 youngest, who are now 5 & 6) only a few months when we met. I had been single around 4 years, and my kids are now 18, 14 and 8. Within a few weeks of intense dating she wanted me to move in, and at the time I wasn't obligated to a lease so I did. Things were amazing, passionate, the sweetness and romantic gestures were everywhere as is typical in a new relationship. She'd have notes laying around the house when I'd get home, write me sweet cards, make me feel like a priority, as I did her. I'd write her notes daily, bring her flowers every week to 2 weeks just because, which I still do 2+ years later. She's been a stay at home mom since her 6 yo was born due to some medical issues and problematic pregnancy she had, and she's since then had 9 surgeries for hernias, a half hysterectomy, had a small benign tumor on her kidney they cut off. I was only with her a few months and she had the kidney surgery, but I risked my job to stay by her side the entire time at the hospital. Our background, we'll I come from a family of 6 kids, she's an only child. Well, only a few months in we had our first big fight, after leaving her parents house where we'd been riding 4 wheelers, having drinks and grilling. Let me say, there's never been any physical crap, just arguing, just wanted to clear the air there in case you were wondering. She's extremely sensitive, so even slightly raising my voice in the midst of a disagreement and she tells me not to raise my voice to her. Well, sorry but when I'm passionate about something, I fight for it. Saying that, her extreme sensitivity comes from her upbringing. Her parents fought a lo t when she was a kid, physical and verbal. Her dad was an alcoholic and did drugs, hit her mom, roughed her up on occasion. She ultimately went to live with her grandma, where she was spoiled by her and all the aunts and uncles as there's never been many grandkids. They still spoil her to this day. Am I jealous, well yeah, I wasn't spoiled in the slightest. My family is more distant, with my dad never really being in the picture much. Her parents have changed, they're now amazing grandparents to her kids and mine, thankfully. My family gets along great, we just don't see each other often. Now her kids are 5, 6, and 11. The 5 and 6 yo are with us all the time, with their dad picking them up for an hour or two on Tuesday and Thursday, then every other Saturday for 4 hours. The 11 yo goes to his dad's every Tuesday, Thursday and every other weekend. My 8 yo son comes every wednesday and every other weekend, then a lot in the summer. My two oldest, well the 18 yo is in college now and the 14 yo comes here and there, but prefers her friends these days which I get, I was a teenager once, right? :) Needless to say, we've never had much time to ourselves, with her parents watching the kids sometimes every other friday till Saturday afternoon. That part has been tough, and yes I've said it all along, we need more "us" time, but it is what it is. The two youngest have been a big challenge, but most kids are, that's normal. But, they'll stay up till 10, 11, 12 playing their DS, watching TV, most often when they've had a nap during the day. Or they come get in bed with us, which on occasion is okay, but not all the time. We've talked about this often, and how we need to get them in a better routine, tho she always just says, well they had a nap so you know what that means, or they'll only be young once. I get it, but it impacts us, and what should be us time on occasion. The two youngest drive her bonkers and stress her out to the max, to where she's yelling and all huffy puffy trying to cater to their every demand. And yes, they are very demanding and cry, throw fits, won't get anything for themselves, they ask her or I for everything, which has been a sticky point in our marriage. I try and help take the burden off of her often when I'm home from work by bathing them, cleaning house, cooking, getting them ready for bed...not all the time, but many times. Most mornings are a nightmare because our 5 yo screams and cries and wants to stay home from school to play his DS or the Xbox. That puts her in a bad mood right there. None of the kids really ever get punished, and if I step in and take something away to try and defuse the situation, she'll cave in shortly after and give in to them. We've talked about this many times. If I try to talk to her about it, her reply is always, "I know, I'm a terrible mom". No, you're not, you're a great mom but you're enabling the kids and they'll keep walking all over you . I've given up fighting that fight. Okay, so since she's been a stay at home mom, she's also been watching kids full time here for extra money. Recently that ended when the dad of the 18 month old she was watching lost his job, so the past month she's not had that on her plate. The youngest goes to school at 9 and she picks him up at 1, and the others go 9 to 4. I work in sales and typically am gone 9 to 5:30. We moved out of her and her exes old house last May into our own home and in a great area and school district. This is her dream area she says. Since we've been together, we've always written each other little notes, with her putting mine in my lunch that she makes for me each night, and I place mine in different areas of the house for her to find. Yes, we still do this, but she tends to forget more than I do, no biggie, I know she's busy in the am with the kiddos. On weekends I let her sleep in, often till 11 or 12 while I drink my coffee, do my fantasy football or j ust mindlessly surf the Web. Now off and on throughout our marriage we've had our share of disagreements over stupid stuff, who hasn't? I forgive and move on the next day or that night. Quite a few of those times tho, she hasn't and I get handed a 4 or 5 page letter essentially telling me how she feels, that she loves me so much and just wants to be loved by me, then talks about not being happy, but hopes we can grow old together. I'm rambling, sorry. So, many of those arguments she's resorted to telling me to leave, we're done, this isn't gonna work, I can't live like this, my parents fought and my exes and I never fought so I can't handle this. Now we make it through these, usually by her and i apologizing and texting me that she loves me so much and hopes I love her and all she wants in life is to make me happy, to be loved by me. Let me paint another picture. She's a beautiful girl and in great shape, we both work out often, more her these days than I, but I get a quick work out in 4 or 5 days a week before work. Since I've known her, she's hated the way she looks, her hair, her skin (she has some facial issues like acne, splotches) and she's always wanted a boob job because hers she says are flat and have stretch marks. I get it and I've told her fine, when we have the extra $. Well, being so insecure I never get to see her without clothes on, not in the shower and when we have play time, she keeps her bra on and it has to be dark. We've had a great sex life, with her always being concerned she wouldn't be enough for me in that department as she's not a very sexual person thanks to some bad things happening to her when she was a teenager. I don't push the issue, instead I tell her all the time how beautiful she is, and that I love all of her. Well, being insecure she fixated on her looks all the time it seems. From her clothes even when she's just running kids to school or going to the store. If it's not clothes, she's talking about her h air, researching ways to grow it longer, thicker, clothes she wants, or she's researching her medical issues as she still on a regular basis has issues with nausea, her hernia and her high blood pressure or her arthritis in her hands. She also has sleep issues, so she takes ambien 2 weeks a month, the other two weeks she'll take nyquil because she takes 2 ambien because they're low dose. So she is very restless often. Almost from the beginning as well, she'll ask me all the time, "are you sure you love me, and are still in love with me?". I get this question on a very regular basis either face to face while laying in bed or via text. I of course say yes, I'm very much in love and love you.
So now that I've rambled on and on, let me continue to bore you. Haha I swear, even if no one reads this it's helping me feel better just writing it all out. :)
From the beginning, she's been big into Facebook and posting things, selfies which I've never really been a fan of this to her friends and guy friends who always comment on how beautiful she is, or how amazing her eyes are. Well, honestly that's the rub to me, I don't post selfies for other women to comment on, I don't need that attention nor would I want her to feel jealous. I've brought it up and she just says oh, they're just friends from school. Now she'll spend hours on fb, always did which has bothered me, especially when we'd be sitting together and I'd be bored out of my mind and inside feeling upset and ignored. I moved on from that and basically quit getting on fb because I didn't want to see or read it all. To me, it's always felt like she needs so much attention and I'm not giving her enough, but that in turn feels like a slap in the face as she should only be seeking my attention, even tho she'll deny that's what she's after with her posts or pics. I will say, re cently that's gotten better and she's not on it as much.
So I go to work, provide for all of us, and she helps out too with the child support that comes in, which is nice. But I also pay out support so it's almost a wash. Oh well. So often I come home and I end up cleaning up messes, the house is a disaster, rarely is dinner made so I make a bowl of soup, iron my dress clothes, get things ready for the next day. Inside, I'm like wth have you done all day, which I know the answer...watched her shows, played on fb, talked to her mom 10 times, played her tablet, picked up here and there. Now I know she deserves down time too. She's wanting to go back to work once the 5 yo starts full day school after this summer. Now I used to be a big gamer, but hadn't done that for many years. Well, all of our boys are into gaming so I started playing again even getting my own xbox one. Keep in mind, our entire relationship we've always cuddled up and watched movies every night, and been up each other's butts...the honeymoon phase as they say. If I 'd get up to do something, she'd always ask where I was going, what I was doing, still does. Even in the middle of the night if I get up to take a leak, she'll wake up and ask where I'm going. lol I'm not a great sleeper, meaning I've always been good on 4 to 5 hours and I'm high energy, thus I typically stay awake longer than she does and watch tv in bed...never been that big of a deal. Well, enter my gaming addiction, and yes I'll admit it, I'm hooked on a certain game I just enjoy playing and completing the missions, it's a complete stress reliever. Started a few months back, and I am guilty of ignoring her to get some play time in. I try and play when she's busy doing things or mostly once she's asleep, but being the terrible sleeper that she is, even tho I wear a headset she wakes up and is fuming I'm still up and playing. I'll admit, I've gotten carried away with playing and spent a good part of the past months weekend playing, but not all the time...i don't play all d ay on weekends and do things around the house, but sporadically I've played too much on a weekend. I know I shouldn't and it's led to many arguments and her going to sleep on the couch. I'll come in and try to get her to come to bed, but nope, not happening. So I go to bed alone feeling guilty and sad, thinking, you get your time every day to watch your shows, play on fb, text your friends, talk on the phone, I don't get that time all day. Now I know I need to make time for her as she's feeling ignored and disrespected by my continuing to play while she's sleeping. I'm an idiot and I should know better. I even bought her a sleeping mask, but she says it's uncomfortable so she won't wear it. I'd move the dang xbox to another tv in the house, but the kids all have their xbox's on those. In fact, we have 3 other xbox's for the kids, yes, it's a gaming house and it drives her nutty as they're always fighting over who's playing. Well they used to until I bought another xbox and tv, now they all can play. She also feels like I'm not attracted to her anymore as I've not tried playing nearly as much as I used too, but hey, she doesn't make the effort either. I do want to, but it seems like there's always something going on, a kid in our bed or the biggest, we have to wait until the movie is over and it's freaking too late, she's falling asleep or I am. Never in the morning either, which she knows I'd love! Now let me add this in, we've both been smokers and she recently quit, like 2 weeks ago, so I know that in and of itself is stressful. We've always had drinks after work, like the Mike's lemonade things or some wine, but now she's not drinking those either and I went thru a month of drinking 2 to 3 glasses of wine 5 to 6 nights a week, which she complained about, so I've nipped that in the bud and drink a few glasses a couple nights a week now. So that brings me to where we are now. Last weekend we got into another big argument at our 5 yo's birthda y party. Her mom had asked me when we were doing presents and I simply replied, ask her, it's her show, she's the boss. Which I said in a happy voice, meaning I didn't organize the party, she did. Didn't mean it in a bad way, but her mom told her what I said and all hell broke loose. We cooled off, talked that night and watched a movie in bed and cuddled. When the movie was over, I turned Netflix on and she was like, turn it off and go to sleep. Well, my alpha male side kicked in and I told her that I just wanted to watch a little more tv, and she didn't need to tell me what to do. Boom, bad idea on my part. Off to the kids bedroom she went to sleep. Now, a week prior to that, we had another argument and she got in my face repeatedly, grabbed the hat off my head and said she bought it for me...so I did get heated and I did yell, we both did. She told me to leave, I said no, I'm not leaving my own house. What's she do, threatens to call the cops on me. I said go for it, I had n't done anything wrong. I went out to the garage as I typically do to smoke and calm down and who shows up, yep, the cops. Who the hell calls the police over an argument??? They essentially did nothing, they couldn't. The guy cop talked to me a bit about the situation, and even was baffled she'd call them. He did say she called back to try and cancel, but they had to come anyway. So here it is Saturday, and all week she's been sleeping in the kids room and we've barely said a word to each other. Wednesday I brought her lunch, she ignored me. I wrote her a note Thursday that said I loved her, she ignored that too. We finally talked yesterday because I told her we needed to, which pretty much changed nothing except that she feels like things will never change, so I guess we're roommates until she gets a job and her own place because she can't afford the house. Talk about awkward around here...i stay in the bedroom most of the time now. Oh and btw, last month she drained the s avings account after an argument. For the record, I've not once thrown out there anything about giving up or walking away, I made a commitment, but I'm thinking that's all for nothing now. Maybe it's me, but I like to think she has a pretty damn good life. We pay our bills, buy what we want for the most part, I work hard, take care of the yard, the cars, help with kids, cleaning, flowers, notes, I don't go to bars, I don't gamble, do drugs. I don't know what to think anymore, but I can tell you, I don't deserve this, and if this is over, I'll never date again, I can't do it.
So so sorry for writing a novel, but like I said, it helps to get all of this off my chest.
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