Background: We've been together for 21 years, married for 8. About 10 years ago, hubby had an affair, I forgave him, we got married and I thought we were happy until I started seeing signs of him being unhappy in October or November. I asked him if anything was wrong he denied it. Then in January he came home one night and said he wanted a separation to work on himself. I asked him that night if it was because he was interested in another woman; he said no he wouldn't do that to me again. He said that he loved me, that he was broken and felt he couldn't fix what was wrong with himself under the same roof.
He started therapy, I started therapy and we agreed on couple therapy which starts in 2 weeks.
The last few weekends he's asked to come home and I've agreed to let him stay. We've had good weekends together but it's been very emotionally hard on me every time he leaves.
So here is where things started going wrong. I went to pay the cell phone bill and I noticed that he had over 1,000 texts. This is extremely out of the norm for him. I noticed that the texts were from the same number and were every day all day and up to like 1130pm. I asked him about it and he told me I needed to trust him. He would NOT tell me who it was.
Because he cheated on me in the past all of those feelings that I thought I got over came flooding back with the separation and the texts.
So here is my dumb move of the day and where I went crazy for about an hour today: I looked at the most recent usage and there are non-stop texts to this one number-not just 10 texts, hundreds. I decided to call it…it was another woman I got her voice mail so I got her full name. Low and behold they are friends on Facebook. So, I felt if this was truly "innocent" then no problem sending her a friend request-yup crazy. Well…that didn't go over well she contacted him right away to tattle on me and he FLIPPED out.
He said that I was crazy and paranoid. That if I can't trust him that he doesn't want to do couple therapy and that he's done.
So….yeah I totally went cray cray for about an hour today. I immediately felt I did the wrong thing and regretted my actions. I'm better than that and above that.
Now after what he said to me I feel that I could have ruined our chance of getting back together.
I did tell him when we first separated that one of my major issues is trust. He cheated once and now left me again so it leaves me feeling like I can't trust his commitment to our relationship, I don't feel secure in our relationship and he doesn't seem to understand my feelings.
I KNOW I need to trust him to make this work, but I thought it was something that we'd work on in therapy.
I just really don't know what to do here. I guess the ball is in his court. I do love him.
Would you have done the same thing? How out of line was I? I mean if it was innocent why not tell me who he was texting?
Will therapy help my trust issues or am I doomed? Should I just throw in the towel and call a divorce lawyer even though I do love him?
Any advice you have would be very welcomed.
He started therapy, I started therapy and we agreed on couple therapy which starts in 2 weeks.
The last few weekends he's asked to come home and I've agreed to let him stay. We've had good weekends together but it's been very emotionally hard on me every time he leaves.
So here is where things started going wrong. I went to pay the cell phone bill and I noticed that he had over 1,000 texts. This is extremely out of the norm for him. I noticed that the texts were from the same number and were every day all day and up to like 1130pm. I asked him about it and he told me I needed to trust him. He would NOT tell me who it was.
Because he cheated on me in the past all of those feelings that I thought I got over came flooding back with the separation and the texts.
So here is my dumb move of the day and where I went crazy for about an hour today: I looked at the most recent usage and there are non-stop texts to this one number-not just 10 texts, hundreds. I decided to call it…it was another woman I got her voice mail so I got her full name. Low and behold they are friends on Facebook. So, I felt if this was truly "innocent" then no problem sending her a friend request-yup crazy. Well…that didn't go over well she contacted him right away to tattle on me and he FLIPPED out.
He said that I was crazy and paranoid. That if I can't trust him that he doesn't want to do couple therapy and that he's done.
So….yeah I totally went cray cray for about an hour today. I immediately felt I did the wrong thing and regretted my actions. I'm better than that and above that.
Now after what he said to me I feel that I could have ruined our chance of getting back together.
I did tell him when we first separated that one of my major issues is trust. He cheated once and now left me again so it leaves me feeling like I can't trust his commitment to our relationship, I don't feel secure in our relationship and he doesn't seem to understand my feelings.
I KNOW I need to trust him to make this work, but I thought it was something that we'd work on in therapy.
I just really don't know what to do here. I guess the ball is in his court. I do love him.
Would you have done the same thing? How out of line was I? I mean if it was innocent why not tell me who he was texting?
Will therapy help my trust issues or am I doomed? Should I just throw in the towel and call a divorce lawyer even though I do love him?
Any advice you have would be very welcomed.
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