It's been almost a year since the discovery of my wife's 4+ month long EA, which included commentary such as "come F me" toward the end.
From the beginning, she has had a nearly complete lack of remorse. I always got to hear that it was "just a little flirting", "not a big deal", "you should be over it by now", "it wouldn't have happened if you met my needs", Etc. Blameshifting, DARVO, and complete lack of responsibility. Personally, I think it would have been easier to deal with if she had a one night stand.
I saw this quote in another thread, and totally agree: "To me, the thing that is worse than death is betrayal. You see, I could conceive death, but I could not conceive betrayal."
― Malcolm X
If she had been killed in a freak accident, leaving me to raise our 2 & 6 yo daughters alone, I think there would have been less grief.
I'm in the beginning stages of divorce finally. The final straw happened when POSOM attempted recontact after 8 months... via an invite to a sexting app, which I saw when she was putting D2 to bed. Long story short, she lied to me and our marriage counselor several times. She had installed the app, took measures to hide it from me, and flat out lied even after being confronted with hard evidence. I can accept all this.
What I'm struggling with in the present - when I tell people, family mostly, WHY I would choose to divorce her and break up the family of D2/D6, they don't always understand the impact of an EA. It's maddening. STBXW will go to the grave thinking it wasn't a big deal. She seems to have her family convinced as well.
She tells her friends that she flirted with some guy ages ago and I never got over it, then gets lots of sympathy. She paints my grief and seeking of reassurance as controlling behaviors. It's maddening. I hate her for what she did to our family, yet I seem to be the one being judged for having the self esteem/worth to not put up with this behavior.
Accepting the divorce is one thing, but the injustice of it bothers me more than anything. What can I do?
From the beginning, she has had a nearly complete lack of remorse. I always got to hear that it was "just a little flirting", "not a big deal", "you should be over it by now", "it wouldn't have happened if you met my needs", Etc. Blameshifting, DARVO, and complete lack of responsibility. Personally, I think it would have been easier to deal with if she had a one night stand.
I saw this quote in another thread, and totally agree: "To me, the thing that is worse than death is betrayal. You see, I could conceive death, but I could not conceive betrayal."
― Malcolm X
If she had been killed in a freak accident, leaving me to raise our 2 & 6 yo daughters alone, I think there would have been less grief.
I'm in the beginning stages of divorce finally. The final straw happened when POSOM attempted recontact after 8 months... via an invite to a sexting app, which I saw when she was putting D2 to bed. Long story short, she lied to me and our marriage counselor several times. She had installed the app, took measures to hide it from me, and flat out lied even after being confronted with hard evidence. I can accept all this.
What I'm struggling with in the present - when I tell people, family mostly, WHY I would choose to divorce her and break up the family of D2/D6, they don't always understand the impact of an EA. It's maddening. STBXW will go to the grave thinking it wasn't a big deal. She seems to have her family convinced as well.
She tells her friends that she flirted with some guy ages ago and I never got over it, then gets lots of sympathy. She paints my grief and seeking of reassurance as controlling behaviors. It's maddening. I hate her for what she did to our family, yet I seem to be the one being judged for having the self esteem/worth to not put up with this behavior.
Accepting the divorce is one thing, but the injustice of it bothers me more than anything. What can I do?
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