I decided to not hijack Dread Pirate Roberts thread with an update.
So we all know ex was diagnosed professionally as a narc on the high end of the spectrum. Years ago he moved from his condo in with his mother 40 miles away and I didn't even know for over a year even though he was to advise me of any change in address. Because rules don't apply to special people and narcs are always special.
I live right in between the house where kiddo was born and where she lived for several years before I left ex so same general area - within 5 miles or so.
Kiddo was going to take her driving exam - the road test. Before she took it I sent him a nice email saying I was giving her my old car, a brief rundown of the maintenance that had been done and said it would be nice if he were to give her some gas money and help her with car maintenance.
Then after she got her license I found out this state has a multi-stage license progression (mine did not) and therefore she is only to drive to and from school, work and extracurricular activities for the next 6 months and only between 5am and 9pm.
Meanwhile I mention to kiddo that I sent the email. Apparently they spoke about it because she said he wasn't going to give her gas money; that he'd been paying to drive to see her for 12 years. I replied that, while I respect the decision to live with an ailing elderly parent, it was his choice to move. That was all that was discussed on the topic.
So I sent a text to him notifying him that her license is only provisional for the next 6 months and that he needs to plan on picking her up as usual for his alternating weekends of visitation. He replied OK.
Now I suddenly get this long text message saying that it was obvious that making him pick her up was retaliatory because he wasn't going to pay to maintain a car that wasn't his; that he'd been footing the cost to transport her for 12 years and that he was going to file a motion to reduce support.
Now I was only thinking of handing her $20 every couple weeks (federal mileage reimbursement rate would be double that) and maybe paying for an occasional oil change, or if it needed a new battery... I wasn't thinking about a new transmission! I think he's just plain mad at himself for not being for successful - he's almost 60 and still driving the same vehicle as when we separated 12 years ago - of course I was, too, up until this month! But he's always the victim.
I did some research and it looks like in my state the cost of transportation for visitation is on the person who moves out of the court district (him); AND the cost of vehicle and insurance is calculated into child support. I have no idea what he earns but if he tries to calculate you can use a simple formula OR a long form. And I will INSIST on the long form because he pays nothing to live there - the household bills are paid with his mother's funds including the house and utilities. He is self employed and the only thing he pays for is his cell phone, internet and vehicle expenses, all of which are tax deductible for his business. Everything left is expendable. While I pay a mortgage and all of the utilities, for her cell phone at $120/month, tumbling at $65 a month, car insurance is $945 every 6 months for her... The long form means we list every bill we pay - everything coming in and going out. Even with the short form, counting insurance, etc. he is paying exactl y what he should.
What an ass that he doesn't want to help keep the car safe for his daughter and pitch in a little gas money for driving 80 miles round trip. That's a lot of wear and tear on a car with 200K miles on it.
So we all know ex was diagnosed professionally as a narc on the high end of the spectrum. Years ago he moved from his condo in with his mother 40 miles away and I didn't even know for over a year even though he was to advise me of any change in address. Because rules don't apply to special people and narcs are always special.
I live right in between the house where kiddo was born and where she lived for several years before I left ex so same general area - within 5 miles or so.
Kiddo was going to take her driving exam - the road test. Before she took it I sent him a nice email saying I was giving her my old car, a brief rundown of the maintenance that had been done and said it would be nice if he were to give her some gas money and help her with car maintenance.
Then after she got her license I found out this state has a multi-stage license progression (mine did not) and therefore she is only to drive to and from school, work and extracurricular activities for the next 6 months and only between 5am and 9pm.
Meanwhile I mention to kiddo that I sent the email. Apparently they spoke about it because she said he wasn't going to give her gas money; that he'd been paying to drive to see her for 12 years. I replied that, while I respect the decision to live with an ailing elderly parent, it was his choice to move. That was all that was discussed on the topic.
So I sent a text to him notifying him that her license is only provisional for the next 6 months and that he needs to plan on picking her up as usual for his alternating weekends of visitation. He replied OK.
Now I suddenly get this long text message saying that it was obvious that making him pick her up was retaliatory because he wasn't going to pay to maintain a car that wasn't his; that he'd been footing the cost to transport her for 12 years and that he was going to file a motion to reduce support.
Now I was only thinking of handing her $20 every couple weeks (federal mileage reimbursement rate would be double that) and maybe paying for an occasional oil change, or if it needed a new battery... I wasn't thinking about a new transmission! I think he's just plain mad at himself for not being for successful - he's almost 60 and still driving the same vehicle as when we separated 12 years ago - of course I was, too, up until this month! But he's always the victim.
I did some research and it looks like in my state the cost of transportation for visitation is on the person who moves out of the court district (him); AND the cost of vehicle and insurance is calculated into child support. I have no idea what he earns but if he tries to calculate you can use a simple formula OR a long form. And I will INSIST on the long form because he pays nothing to live there - the household bills are paid with his mother's funds including the house and utilities. He is self employed and the only thing he pays for is his cell phone, internet and vehicle expenses, all of which are tax deductible for his business. Everything left is expendable. While I pay a mortgage and all of the utilities, for her cell phone at $120/month, tumbling at $65 a month, car insurance is $945 every 6 months for her... The long form means we list every bill we pay - everything coming in and going out. Even with the short form, counting insurance, etc. he is paying exactl y what he should.
What an ass that he doesn't want to help keep the car safe for his daughter and pitch in a little gas money for driving 80 miles round trip. That's a lot of wear and tear on a car with 200K miles on it.
Put the internet to work for you.
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