My W's behavior scares me. I don't know what to do and I don't have anyone to talk to.
We probably have one major fight every 2-4 weeks, and it is usually for minor things. We don't have fights over big problems. Our finances are ok, no kids, no affairs, etc., which makes our fights even more disturbing to me.
The latest fight occurred over the weekend in the city. It was snowing pretty hard and I didn't bring anything to cover my head. My W kept asking if I wanted her hat and I kept saying no. She asked (nagged) me again and I said, "Fine, give me your damn hat" (in an irritated and ungrateful tone). Well, this pissed her off. Yes, I was a jerk and I did apologize. She seemed to accept this and we moved on.
On the drive home, it is dark and snowing with some ice on the road. I don't know how to get home so my W is giving me directions. At one point she said "Take that ramp", and I said "Yes, yes". She interrupted my tone as "shut up, I know where I'm going", which not even close to how I was feeling. I repeating tried to explain that she took it the wrong way, but she is not buying it. Now she is pissed at me again for just trying to help. I was pretty anxious at the time because of the traffic and weather so my tone could have been bad.
I break the silence by asking my W if the mall we are driving by is xxxx (I'm new to the area). Then she goes into a tirade about what an idiot I am and what a stupid question that was because I wasn't even close. Then things really escalate when I tell her she's being the jerk now. Screaming ensues (she lost her voice); she is calling every name in the book; cussing at me; yelling about things earlier in the night and in the past. I'm screaming back, but I'm not cussing at her or putting her down.
The next day, I give her a hug and kiss on the cheek as a peace offering. She stands there like a statue and does not reciprocate. She is very stubborn and does not easily forgive and forget.
This is long and boring story, but things like this happen all the time. Something minor occurs and we cannot resolve it before it explodes.
When we argue, she yells (really loud) and cries; most of the time I don't yell or cry. I usually sit there patiently trying to be calm to help defuses the situation. (or just mentally curl in up the fetal position unit the yelling stops).
She is really angry at me for not taking responsibility for the pain I cause her. I am manipulating her; not admitting wrong; I'm causing her to think that she is crazy. The funny thing is this is how I feel about her.
I can't seem to reason with her or complain to her about things she has done wrong. She is very quick to anger. It stuns me how quickly she turns on people. It not just me, she is like this with her family, colleagues, and friends to a lesser degree. She really thinks other people are the problem.
I've been reading about BPD on this forum and it really stuck a chord with me, but I really hate thinking that she's "crazy" and none of this is my fault. It's too easy. But I wish other people could witness these fights.
Last night I told her I would be leaving for a while and her response was that I was "one upping" her.
This morning when she left for work she said, "I really hope you leave, but I want you to stay". Not an exact quote, but close enough.
Later I get a text saying "I don't want you to leave. But if you feel that is best, I'll support your decision".
I am a coward and don't want to leave. She was repeatedly said I have "no balls".
She won't go to couples counseling. I need to work on my "own sh**".
I moved to her home state. I kept my job and I work remotely from home. I have no friends or family out here. On most days my only human contact is my W.
Anyway, sorry this is long. I needed to express myself somewhere.
We probably have one major fight every 2-4 weeks, and it is usually for minor things. We don't have fights over big problems. Our finances are ok, no kids, no affairs, etc., which makes our fights even more disturbing to me.
The latest fight occurred over the weekend in the city. It was snowing pretty hard and I didn't bring anything to cover my head. My W kept asking if I wanted her hat and I kept saying no. She asked (nagged) me again and I said, "Fine, give me your damn hat" (in an irritated and ungrateful tone). Well, this pissed her off. Yes, I was a jerk and I did apologize. She seemed to accept this and we moved on.
On the drive home, it is dark and snowing with some ice on the road. I don't know how to get home so my W is giving me directions. At one point she said "Take that ramp", and I said "Yes, yes". She interrupted my tone as "shut up, I know where I'm going", which not even close to how I was feeling. I repeating tried to explain that she took it the wrong way, but she is not buying it. Now she is pissed at me again for just trying to help. I was pretty anxious at the time because of the traffic and weather so my tone could have been bad.
I break the silence by asking my W if the mall we are driving by is xxxx (I'm new to the area). Then she goes into a tirade about what an idiot I am and what a stupid question that was because I wasn't even close. Then things really escalate when I tell her she's being the jerk now. Screaming ensues (she lost her voice); she is calling every name in the book; cussing at me; yelling about things earlier in the night and in the past. I'm screaming back, but I'm not cussing at her or putting her down.
The next day, I give her a hug and kiss on the cheek as a peace offering. She stands there like a statue and does not reciprocate. She is very stubborn and does not easily forgive and forget.
This is long and boring story, but things like this happen all the time. Something minor occurs and we cannot resolve it before it explodes.
When we argue, she yells (really loud) and cries; most of the time I don't yell or cry. I usually sit there patiently trying to be calm to help defuses the situation. (or just mentally curl in up the fetal position unit the yelling stops).
She is really angry at me for not taking responsibility for the pain I cause her. I am manipulating her; not admitting wrong; I'm causing her to think that she is crazy. The funny thing is this is how I feel about her.
I can't seem to reason with her or complain to her about things she has done wrong. She is very quick to anger. It stuns me how quickly she turns on people. It not just me, she is like this with her family, colleagues, and friends to a lesser degree. She really thinks other people are the problem.
I've been reading about BPD on this forum and it really stuck a chord with me, but I really hate thinking that she's "crazy" and none of this is my fault. It's too easy. But I wish other people could witness these fights.
Last night I told her I would be leaving for a while and her response was that I was "one upping" her.
This morning when she left for work she said, "I really hope you leave, but I want you to stay". Not an exact quote, but close enough.
Later I get a text saying "I don't want you to leave. But if you feel that is best, I'll support your decision".
I am a coward and don't want to leave. She was repeatedly said I have "no balls".
She won't go to couples counseling. I need to work on my "own sh**".
I moved to her home state. I kept my job and I work remotely from home. I have no friends or family out here. On most days my only human contact is my W.
Anyway, sorry this is long. I needed to express myself somewhere.
Put the internet to work for you.
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