I had a major disaster this weekend. I have been having problems with my husband for a long time now but have kept everything to myself and not mentioned anything to my family. Anyway I was talking to my mum about something related to my husband and somehow managed to give her information which then started the whole secret telling disaster. It was like being in a car crash and there was nothing I could do to derail the conversation. She was so insistant on me leaving him and moving right back to my childhood home. I got the feeling this has been something she has been preparing for a long time now. Once the brunt of the conversation was over I made my excuses and returned home. And now the calls have started - have I made up my mind yet? Have I spoken to him yet? They are already clearing out my childhood bedroom!! And I feel utterly sick - this is why I keep things secret from her! Yes I know that there are major problems but it feels utterly wrong to b e considering leaving. I have spent so long thinking about it and just no! Having my mum rant that I am stupid to say I still love him and have a small glimmer of hope is really not helping!
I just feel so confused. When I am alone with time to think I can talk myself into completely hating him, hating his lack of empathy, his unwillingness to spend time with me, his selfishness, his inability to communicate etc but then for some reason he will decide to spend time with me and being snuggled on the sofa just makes all the hatred disappear. I just cannot hold onto the anger when he is around.
I am well aware we need to talk and I do agree with some of the things mum said about telling him what I have decided to do to make changes to make my life better and he can either agree to work with me or games over. The thing is what I want is not that great! I want him to spend time with me in the evening, I want him to spend time talking to me - I am not asking for big things here!
I just wish I had not been so stupid as to slip up to my mum! It just feels like a fuse has been lit and the explosion is inevitably going to happen - she is not going to let this go now.
I just feel so confused. When I am alone with time to think I can talk myself into completely hating him, hating his lack of empathy, his unwillingness to spend time with me, his selfishness, his inability to communicate etc but then for some reason he will decide to spend time with me and being snuggled on the sofa just makes all the hatred disappear. I just cannot hold onto the anger when he is around.
I am well aware we need to talk and I do agree with some of the things mum said about telling him what I have decided to do to make changes to make my life better and he can either agree to work with me or games over. The thing is what I want is not that great! I want him to spend time with me in the evening, I want him to spend time talking to me - I am not asking for big things here!
I just wish I had not been so stupid as to slip up to my mum! It just feels like a fuse has been lit and the explosion is inevitably going to happen - she is not going to let this go now.
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