Love is like the wind- you can't see it but you can feel it. Most of the time, I don't feel it. I want to, but it's not there. Something changed. I am not as important to him. We care about each other but I want to distance myself so it doesn't hurt me as much. He is so preoccupied with someone else or doing something else. It makes me jealous and hurts my heart and makes me feel vulnerable all at once. I feel like I need him but he does not need me. I don't want to need him. I want my heart to stop hurting. It hurts knowing that he would fine without me. I don't know why he is still with me. His a good person- a lot better than myself. I feel so alone when I am with him. I don't feel as alone when he is gone, even though I miss him.
He thinks of other people when he goes to a store. He buys people things out of the kindness of his heart, even though they do not ask for anything. It would be nice if he thought of me half as much as everyone else. I cannot remember something that he bought me just because he thought of me. He pays when we go out to eat and buys cigarettes and thinks*that enough. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful and always try to thank him, but it doesn't make me feel special. What he does for me are things he would do for a stranger. He does not do personal things for me like he does for everyone else in his life. If I mention this to him, he calls me selfish and makes me feel terrible for thinking and feeling the way that I do and I can't help the way I feel about it because it hurts me. I am not sure if it is supposed to hurt me but it does and I feel like something is wrong with me. He used to make me feel special, but I cant remember the last time I felt special to him.*
I would do anything for him and I think he would do a lot for me. He did not get me anything for my birthday this year, or last year. He has made me cry a couple years in a row because I didn't even get a card from him. He bought me a necklace online for Christmas last year. He ordered the day before Christmas and has it shipped overnight. I wore it everyday after he gave it to me but I was reminded that I was just a last minute thought (even though he will never admit it). It didn't cost half as much as what he got his mother or even his nephew. He spent so much time shopping for the perfect gifts for them well before Christmas. He couldn't even afford the perfect gifts for them so I gave him a credit card. It was around Christmas that he had become occupied with a new remote control truck. He was spending a lot of money on the truck because new parts kept breaking. Shortly after Christmas he was needing money to get by for the week until he got paid so I made up a lie and t old him that something was wrong with the necklace and it was uncomfortable to wear and that he should return it. It made me sad watching him send it back but he didn't seem to hesitate. I thought I was doing him a favor so the refund would be in his bank account within a day or two. Turns out, he put the necklace on the credit card I let him use. It makes me feel worthless to know that I wasn't a priority to him. He means so much to me and I think that is why it hurts me. I can't even move on and forget it. Every birthday and every Christmas will always be reminded of how unimportant I am to him.*
We have been together for 7 years. Been engaged for the past 5 years. No children, but i want a family. He has such a good personality and makes friends all of the time. I am more of an introvert. My only friends are the people that i work with but i never hang out with them outside of work.*
He gets upset anytime I bring these situations up and tells me that I need to stop living in the past.*Is there something wrong with me or is it all in my head?
He thinks of other people when he goes to a store. He buys people things out of the kindness of his heart, even though they do not ask for anything. It would be nice if he thought of me half as much as everyone else. I cannot remember something that he bought me just because he thought of me. He pays when we go out to eat and buys cigarettes and thinks*that enough. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful and always try to thank him, but it doesn't make me feel special. What he does for me are things he would do for a stranger. He does not do personal things for me like he does for everyone else in his life. If I mention this to him, he calls me selfish and makes me feel terrible for thinking and feeling the way that I do and I can't help the way I feel about it because it hurts me. I am not sure if it is supposed to hurt me but it does and I feel like something is wrong with me. He used to make me feel special, but I cant remember the last time I felt special to him.*
I would do anything for him and I think he would do a lot for me. He did not get me anything for my birthday this year, or last year. He has made me cry a couple years in a row because I didn't even get a card from him. He bought me a necklace online for Christmas last year. He ordered the day before Christmas and has it shipped overnight. I wore it everyday after he gave it to me but I was reminded that I was just a last minute thought (even though he will never admit it). It didn't cost half as much as what he got his mother or even his nephew. He spent so much time shopping for the perfect gifts for them well before Christmas. He couldn't even afford the perfect gifts for them so I gave him a credit card. It was around Christmas that he had become occupied with a new remote control truck. He was spending a lot of money on the truck because new parts kept breaking. Shortly after Christmas he was needing money to get by for the week until he got paid so I made up a lie and t old him that something was wrong with the necklace and it was uncomfortable to wear and that he should return it. It made me sad watching him send it back but he didn't seem to hesitate. I thought I was doing him a favor so the refund would be in his bank account within a day or two. Turns out, he put the necklace on the credit card I let him use. It makes me feel worthless to know that I wasn't a priority to him. He means so much to me and I think that is why it hurts me. I can't even move on and forget it. Every birthday and every Christmas will always be reminded of how unimportant I am to him.*
We have been together for 7 years. Been engaged for the past 5 years. No children, but i want a family. He has such a good personality and makes friends all of the time. I am more of an introvert. My only friends are the people that i work with but i never hang out with them outside of work.*
He gets upset anytime I bring these situations up and tells me that I need to stop living in the past.*Is there something wrong with me or is it all in my head?
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