We have been married for almost 7 years. No kids. Dog and cat.
Its hard to describe everything in a relationship :) but I will try my best.
When we were in college we were madly in love. We lived together for about 4 months and decided to get married. Its been almost 7 years and I am having a hard time understanding on whats the best strategy to make our marriage work given my husband's complex personality and my nature. We are both very similar in nature (introverts) and truth be told don't have much family relationships.
Its us two and our pets. That is my entire world right there. We heavily depend on each other , share our professional vision, goals, discuss likes and dislikes on random events, movies etc. My husband is very ambitious yet reserved. ALWAYS thinking of career stuff in his head. Kind of like a loop.
Current state: I don't remember the last time we kissed. It would be so nice to hold hands and kiss each other goodbye but my husband 80% of time is too pre-occupied in his own head/ his loop. i let my ego get in the way to keep reminding him to kiss him/feel weird asking him to hug me. It feels like I am talking to a brick wall sometimes, as he is always thinking something else. Sex feels like a quick 10 minute thing where i don't really get any enjoyment and feel used. Hence I just avoid it now and make excuses. Slowly loosing my attractiveness towards him and starting to imagine hypothetical romantic encounters with others.
He loves to give me advise on overcoming my insecurity, self-esteem and focusing on my goals....awesome advise. It has really helped me and I have started thinking on ways to become a better, vision focused individual. Such a big support.
But when I try to give him advise it NEVER registers with him or no foreseeable action ever comes out of it. I will get a nod or sometimes if he will backfire with overly defensive hurtful statements. "Yep, you should just leave me now" is what I just got about an hour ago and it prompted me to write this thread. I was hurt and replied "Do you even think about things u say? I am just trying to help you and you purposefully are hurting me". I know this upset him but he didn't say anything and just got up from dinner table without eating dinner and slept. He has his own ways of doing things. His own thoughts...i feel left out.
Food is like highpoint of his life and he has admitted it himself. If I or he are hungry he will be caring to get us both food :) Its not like he is not caring...he does care on things HE feels are important. Or I REMIND him that hey perhaps you should care about me in this situation....
I am sometimes scared of what is going in his head. It feels like a pressure cooker in there. We can talk all day about random things like netflix shows, this event , that person...but when it comes to communicating about us we are at a low rating of say 2/10.
Final Kicker: In order to pursue better opportunities in career he has decided to move the west coast. We both want to move to west coast, however i can only move after 5-6 months. He told me "he can't wait and can't stand the feeling of not reaching his full potential in this city"..i agree west coast is better for both of us. Initially when I tried to ask him to justify & prioritize what we were about to do i.e. "live separately for 5-6 months" he got all defensive...again. sigh.
If you have read entire/most of this post...thank you. What do I do?
-learning woman.
Learning to live a richer focused life
Its hard to describe everything in a relationship :) but I will try my best.
When we were in college we were madly in love. We lived together for about 4 months and decided to get married. Its been almost 7 years and I am having a hard time understanding on whats the best strategy to make our marriage work given my husband's complex personality and my nature. We are both very similar in nature (introverts) and truth be told don't have much family relationships.
Its us two and our pets. That is my entire world right there. We heavily depend on each other , share our professional vision, goals, discuss likes and dislikes on random events, movies etc. My husband is very ambitious yet reserved. ALWAYS thinking of career stuff in his head. Kind of like a loop.
Current state: I don't remember the last time we kissed. It would be so nice to hold hands and kiss each other goodbye but my husband 80% of time is too pre-occupied in his own head/ his loop. i let my ego get in the way to keep reminding him to kiss him/feel weird asking him to hug me. It feels like I am talking to a brick wall sometimes, as he is always thinking something else. Sex feels like a quick 10 minute thing where i don't really get any enjoyment and feel used. Hence I just avoid it now and make excuses. Slowly loosing my attractiveness towards him and starting to imagine hypothetical romantic encounters with others.
He loves to give me advise on overcoming my insecurity, self-esteem and focusing on my goals....awesome advise. It has really helped me and I have started thinking on ways to become a better, vision focused individual. Such a big support.
But when I try to give him advise it NEVER registers with him or no foreseeable action ever comes out of it. I will get a nod or sometimes if he will backfire with overly defensive hurtful statements. "Yep, you should just leave me now" is what I just got about an hour ago and it prompted me to write this thread. I was hurt and replied "Do you even think about things u say? I am just trying to help you and you purposefully are hurting me". I know this upset him but he didn't say anything and just got up from dinner table without eating dinner and slept. He has his own ways of doing things. His own thoughts...i feel left out.
Food is like highpoint of his life and he has admitted it himself. If I or he are hungry he will be caring to get us both food :) Its not like he is not caring...he does care on things HE feels are important. Or I REMIND him that hey perhaps you should care about me in this situation....
I am sometimes scared of what is going in his head. It feels like a pressure cooker in there. We can talk all day about random things like netflix shows, this event , that person...but when it comes to communicating about us we are at a low rating of say 2/10.
Final Kicker: In order to pursue better opportunities in career he has decided to move the west coast. We both want to move to west coast, however i can only move after 5-6 months. He told me "he can't wait and can't stand the feeling of not reaching his full potential in this city"..i agree west coast is better for both of us. Initially when I tried to ask him to justify & prioritize what we were about to do i.e. "live separately for 5-6 months" he got all defensive...again. sigh.
If you have read entire/most of this post...thank you. What do I do?
-learning woman.
Learning to live a richer focused life
Put the internet to work for you.
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