Looking for some feedback/dialog on having a spouse with a parent in Alzheimer's care units/homes.
I have some feelings that I am trying to justify, or validate. I guess seeing if I am a jerk or not for my feelings.
Quick background: My wife is co-dependant to the max. Been to counseling, no luck. She isn't broken and wont take part in steps to correct it. Mother in law is a complete lunatic, needy, negative, over bearing, rude, has also told me I am not good enough for her daughter. Her father, MIL's husband is in care.
Issues: Wife spends about 3-4 hours there a day, then also a hour or so and many emails (3-6 per day) between her mother and herself discussing the days events at the care center. Now, my co-dependant wife is so engrossed in the care center is almost her whole life.
Anyone have a similar situation? I am happy that I have a career that affords her to not work, and gives her the time to be there for her dad, but I feel with her co-dependency, she may be getting deeper and deeper into this. Almost adds fuel to co-dependency and I see it taking down our marriage.
I feel on the fence about this, one hand I see the need and situation, the other hand it is really out of control and like giving beer's to a alcoholic.
Does this look like problem to anyone else? Or am I being selfish?
A few misc. comments:
* Other children live out of state and only see him once or twice a year.
* I know she has tried offering money under the table to the workers for more care.
* I know she buys the workers meals and catering on the holidays (never told me)
* Is involved with the workers personally and calls/emails daily to them.
* MIL has already been a major issue in our marriage, very needy and does not let her daughter live her own life.
* Our date nights are plagued by texts/calls to workers or her mother.
* We (more like me) have been in counseling about this co-dependency and my feelings of not being appreciated.
Anyways, appreciate the comments.
I have some feelings that I am trying to justify, or validate. I guess seeing if I am a jerk or not for my feelings.
Quick background: My wife is co-dependant to the max. Been to counseling, no luck. She isn't broken and wont take part in steps to correct it. Mother in law is a complete lunatic, needy, negative, over bearing, rude, has also told me I am not good enough for her daughter. Her father, MIL's husband is in care.
Issues: Wife spends about 3-4 hours there a day, then also a hour or so and many emails (3-6 per day) between her mother and herself discussing the days events at the care center. Now, my co-dependant wife is so engrossed in the care center is almost her whole life.
Anyone have a similar situation? I am happy that I have a career that affords her to not work, and gives her the time to be there for her dad, but I feel with her co-dependency, she may be getting deeper and deeper into this. Almost adds fuel to co-dependency and I see it taking down our marriage.
I feel on the fence about this, one hand I see the need and situation, the other hand it is really out of control and like giving beer's to a alcoholic.
Does this look like problem to anyone else? Or am I being selfish?
A few misc. comments:
* Other children live out of state and only see him once or twice a year.
* I know she has tried offering money under the table to the workers for more care.
* I know she buys the workers meals and catering on the holidays (never told me)
* Is involved with the workers personally and calls/emails daily to them.
* MIL has already been a major issue in our marriage, very needy and does not let her daughter live her own life.
* Our date nights are plagued by texts/calls to workers or her mother.
* We (more like me) have been in counseling about this co-dependency and my feelings of not being appreciated.
Anyways, appreciate the comments.
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