Going through R but back to old habits.

I ignored her needs and resorted to porn for sex do to a perceived LD on her part. She strayed. I moved out and we almost did the amicable D. She dated him while I was out of the house and was prepared to basically leave me for him - suppose she did at this point. We have two kids - 2 and 4. I got to the point where I was cool with a D since I questioned my love for her from the beginning (I know long story but I felt pressure for marriage and things moved fast) but balancing the kids got me to realize the portion of their lives and memories I'd never see. So I made a last ditch effort to R before papers were signed. She said no. Then a week later she had a change of heart (I suspect the "fun" dating phase with the guy came to an end and she saw his faults). So we decided to sell our house, move about 1hr away, and she got a new job. Basically try a fresh start. So that's the background. In her new job she's always getting dressed up and she has t his friendly personality that many males find intriguing I think because she's hot and she talks to them. So basically the entire time I've been with her, she's told me about men flirting with her. Some are zero threats - fat geeks. Others like her affair partner are threats. Basically I think it's a matter of time before she strays. We are back to how things were only with less fighting. Sex is about 1x every 2-3 weeks. The sex is fun but its been the same for 10 years. Heck I've only got about 6-7 bj''s since we've been together - which resulted in me eliminating going south on her. We stopped saying "I love you" and are roommates with rare benefits. I think she is HD but its lots of work doing the prep work to meet her emotional needs so I can get laid - and have it be routine sex at that. Yes we've talked about this but I guess neither of us are motivated to change. And yes I am lazy and selfish. If I'm going to put all this prep work in I keep thinking - why not do that for some strange? I know what I'm getting with her and she had the exciting affair sex. Also realize that I'll never be real close to a female again. I was good at displaying no emotion before and now I'm more so. I can't emotionally attach to anyone again, so for me it's really about sex. And currently that source is basically my hand and porn since the sex I so get is good but not worth the effort - like I'm cool with getting it maybe once every week or two. It can supplant my other time. If it were sex with someone new and exciting I bet I'd barely if ever want the porn since the sex would be awesome. So now I'm wondering if R is the right move. I love everything about my family life. In-laws are awesome the times we get together with my siblings and their kids is nothing short of pure joy. But without the kids I'm not sure what's left in the marriage. Don't get me wrong, I'm not horribly miserable but rather just sort of going through the motions and settling. I don't w ant to gamble what I do have for a worse situation. Anyone have a crystal ball that can tell me the right move? How about some other perspectives? Posted via Mobile Device

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