Ok, I admit, i have been a nice guy pushover type. I was looking another thread in the thinking about divorce folder and there was a link for a pdf document "No More Nice Guy." Skimmed it just now. I'll read in full. My dilemma is posted in the Thinking of divorce folder...http://ift.tt/1eT0zHS
I learned to watch what I say because of my wife's outbursts and lack of emotion control. I pretty much closed off most of my life from her because of her reactions. The kids also watch what they say as well because of her reactions.
I have always been a people pleaser. But.. I am very open to change and looking at my behavior and choosing healthy behavior.
For example, it was always easier to masturbate than ask for sex, as I learned, that only came around every 6 to 8 months. My initial requests were denied, so over time I learned to not even ask, just take care of myself. When the raging and abuse got bad, I sometimes turned to porn. Now that we are separated, thats not really an issue, but after intense rages that she would go into for hours at time, I used that to decompress.
So can you name some resources for me to get healthier? I'm thinking codependency enters here somewhere as well.
Any tips or books or websites would be appreciated. It might not help in the current situation, but might somewhere down the road.
I learned to watch what I say because of my wife's outbursts and lack of emotion control. I pretty much closed off most of my life from her because of her reactions. The kids also watch what they say as well because of her reactions.
I have always been a people pleaser. But.. I am very open to change and looking at my behavior and choosing healthy behavior.
For example, it was always easier to masturbate than ask for sex, as I learned, that only came around every 6 to 8 months. My initial requests were denied, so over time I learned to not even ask, just take care of myself. When the raging and abuse got bad, I sometimes turned to porn. Now that we are separated, thats not really an issue, but after intense rages that she would go into for hours at time, I used that to decompress.
So can you name some resources for me to get healthier? I'm thinking codependency enters here somewhere as well.
Any tips or books or websites would be appreciated. It might not help in the current situation, but might somewhere down the road.
Put the internet to work for you.
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