I'm 44 and my wife is 47 and we've been together for almost 20 years and married for 9. We've had this great marriage without abuse or terrible fights. We regularly do things together and travel together a lot. Don't have many friends because we've mostly done things together on our own.
A year ago she went back to university full time to study literature. I was very supportive because it was her and about 60 kids between the ages of 18-23 in her class, however after a few months I started to notice a change in her behavior. She started complaining that we don't party enough and she became almost obsessive with beauty products and Facebook. She also started to become more distant and less talky (she has always loved to talk to me).
Six months back I found out something was wrong when she was obsessing about a 22 year old guy in her study group. I asked her straight out if there was something going on with this guy, but she told me I overreacted and that she had been a little overwhelmed with everything. I naturally accepted that explanation. Over summer we went on several vacations and everything seemed fine until we got home and the Facebook checking started again. Same guy.
Two months ago her computer broke and being an IT consultant she asked me to fix it and that's when my world fell apart. When putting her files back together I found several diaries writing down what this guy listens to, what he wears and who he is with. She has saved every possible picture of him she has been able to find. I almost fainted when I saw all the work. I got so sad that in my desperation to find out if this was just a one-time thing I set up a tracking on our computer and what I then found is what has thrown my whole life upside down. Every single day she spends time with her diary. She follows and records his every move on Facebook. She listens to all the songs he listens to and sits and cries. On our anniversary day, after I brought her breakfast in bed and flowers, she went straight to the computer and looked at pictures of him, listening to his songs and cried.
I'm 99% sure the 22 year old guy has no idea about any of this, but I sure do and there is no question she has a mega-crush on this guy or love him. A week ago I jokingly asked if she was still obsessing about the guy and she told me like before that I was over-reacting. Well, I would love if this was all in my head, but it's not and now I'm falling apart. Lost 25 lbs in 2 months (I was very fit to begin with) and feel like I already lost the love of my life.
I am desperately in need of advice.
A year ago she went back to university full time to study literature. I was very supportive because it was her and about 60 kids between the ages of 18-23 in her class, however after a few months I started to notice a change in her behavior. She started complaining that we don't party enough and she became almost obsessive with beauty products and Facebook. She also started to become more distant and less talky (she has always loved to talk to me).
Six months back I found out something was wrong when she was obsessing about a 22 year old guy in her study group. I asked her straight out if there was something going on with this guy, but she told me I overreacted and that she had been a little overwhelmed with everything. I naturally accepted that explanation. Over summer we went on several vacations and everything seemed fine until we got home and the Facebook checking started again. Same guy.
Two months ago her computer broke and being an IT consultant she asked me to fix it and that's when my world fell apart. When putting her files back together I found several diaries writing down what this guy listens to, what he wears and who he is with. She has saved every possible picture of him she has been able to find. I almost fainted when I saw all the work. I got so sad that in my desperation to find out if this was just a one-time thing I set up a tracking on our computer and what I then found is what has thrown my whole life upside down. Every single day she spends time with her diary. She follows and records his every move on Facebook. She listens to all the songs he listens to and sits and cries. On our anniversary day, after I brought her breakfast in bed and flowers, she went straight to the computer and looked at pictures of him, listening to his songs and cried.
I'm 99% sure the 22 year old guy has no idea about any of this, but I sure do and there is no question she has a mega-crush on this guy or love him. A week ago I jokingly asked if she was still obsessing about the guy and she told me like before that I was over-reacting. Well, I would love if this was all in my head, but it's not and now I'm falling apart. Lost 25 lbs in 2 months (I was very fit to begin with) and feel like I already lost the love of my life.
I am desperately in need of advice.
Put the internet to work for you.
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