Hello, Thank you for allowing me to join this forum. I have something that is really troubling me, this is also rather embarrassing for me, and it makes me feel pretty vulnerable. However, I have got to get this out of my system, and seek some advice.
The first year we were together (as g/f & b/f), my husband had a serious porn addiction, which I believe he has gotten a handle on. (I'm not here to get into that). I already know that a lot of men look at porn...the reason I mentioned this, is because when he was really having issues with the porn, he came to me about it, (which I admire and respect greatly), and during our "deep" discussion, he felt the need to share with me that sometimes he has fantasies about his 2nd cousin, imagining her naked, and touching her body. My husband also admitted to me that when they were in high school, they came very close to making out, but decided that was not a good decision. Well, I was disgusted and floored to say the least, but over time, I got over that, and figured that no one is perfect, that we humans have weird ideas and thoughts sometimes, and at least he was honest with me. In fact, my husband stopped all contact with his cousin after that conversation. Not that I expected him to, or even mentioned that...he made that decision.
My husband and his cousin used to be really close when they were much younger. They did flirt and play "grab-butt", and I even saw a family video of them horseplaying around, and my husband's girlfriend at that time, in the background, just standing there watching them, with a rather disappointed look on her face, as he was focused on his cousin, more so than his girlfriend. I could relate to that! LOL. As of the last year, my husband and his cousin have started talking pretty regularly on Facebook.
My husband mentioned to me last night, that on Facebook, he had been chatting with his cousin (which I have not had any problems with at all), and he said that they had "poked" (Facebook term) each other back and forth over 100 times. I thought it was a little goofy, and wondered why he told me this, but I honestly didn't think much of it. Until this morning.
I hate to admit this, but my husband left a while ago to go run some auto parts errands, and he left his laptop open with Facebook still up and logged-in. Yep, I did it. Something I am not proud of, and in some ways, now I wish I hadn't have been so low as to snoop on him, after what I found. I started wondering about what he and his cousin were so chatty about on FB lately, so I clicked on his messages to her, and what I read not only disgusted me, but broke my heart.
I am not going to go into actual detail about what was said between them, as it is definitely not appropriate on here. I will tell you that my husband was obviously trying his best to initiate sexual chat and/or cyber sex with his cousin. He used the FB "pokes" to start the conversation, even asked his cousin if she was horny, because she kept "poking him". I could see where his cousin was trying to ignore and brush-off what he was saying to her, by bringing up the fact that her husband and child had been sick. My husband totally ignored that part she mentioned, and continued to say things to her about texting her a naked photo of himself, having to use the toilet, and being detailed about his "size", etc. He even made the comment, "Oh, baby give me more!!!! BAHAHAHA", and there were many other very nasty comments he made to his cousin, that again, they are all of sexual nature, and not appropriate to share.
I don't know how to deal with this now. It totally destroyed my demeanor today, and I feel like I am going to have to fake and act like nothing is wrong when he returns home later. I am not going to bring it up to him, as I am not sure what his reaction would be about me snooping on him, as I have never done this before. I wouldn't want it done to me, and now here I have done it. I will say this though, a part of me feels that it is good that I am aware of this, but it also creeps me out about my husband. Now I feel this overwhelming feeling like all of our future plans and dreams don't matter to me anymore. I feel like my husband is very devious and I feel like vomiting.
The first year we were together (as g/f & b/f), my husband had a serious porn addiction, which I believe he has gotten a handle on. (I'm not here to get into that). I already know that a lot of men look at porn...the reason I mentioned this, is because when he was really having issues with the porn, he came to me about it, (which I admire and respect greatly), and during our "deep" discussion, he felt the need to share with me that sometimes he has fantasies about his 2nd cousin, imagining her naked, and touching her body. My husband also admitted to me that when they were in high school, they came very close to making out, but decided that was not a good decision. Well, I was disgusted and floored to say the least, but over time, I got over that, and figured that no one is perfect, that we humans have weird ideas and thoughts sometimes, and at least he was honest with me. In fact, my husband stopped all contact with his cousin after that conversation. Not that I expected him to, or even mentioned that...he made that decision.
My husband and his cousin used to be really close when they were much younger. They did flirt and play "grab-butt", and I even saw a family video of them horseplaying around, and my husband's girlfriend at that time, in the background, just standing there watching them, with a rather disappointed look on her face, as he was focused on his cousin, more so than his girlfriend. I could relate to that! LOL. As of the last year, my husband and his cousin have started talking pretty regularly on Facebook.
My husband mentioned to me last night, that on Facebook, he had been chatting with his cousin (which I have not had any problems with at all), and he said that they had "poked" (Facebook term) each other back and forth over 100 times. I thought it was a little goofy, and wondered why he told me this, but I honestly didn't think much of it. Until this morning.
I hate to admit this, but my husband left a while ago to go run some auto parts errands, and he left his laptop open with Facebook still up and logged-in. Yep, I did it. Something I am not proud of, and in some ways, now I wish I hadn't have been so low as to snoop on him, after what I found. I started wondering about what he and his cousin were so chatty about on FB lately, so I clicked on his messages to her, and what I read not only disgusted me, but broke my heart.
I am not going to go into actual detail about what was said between them, as it is definitely not appropriate on here. I will tell you that my husband was obviously trying his best to initiate sexual chat and/or cyber sex with his cousin. He used the FB "pokes" to start the conversation, even asked his cousin if she was horny, because she kept "poking him". I could see where his cousin was trying to ignore and brush-off what he was saying to her, by bringing up the fact that her husband and child had been sick. My husband totally ignored that part she mentioned, and continued to say things to her about texting her a naked photo of himself, having to use the toilet, and being detailed about his "size", etc. He even made the comment, "Oh, baby give me more!!!! BAHAHAHA", and there were many other very nasty comments he made to his cousin, that again, they are all of sexual nature, and not appropriate to share.
I don't know how to deal with this now. It totally destroyed my demeanor today, and I feel like I am going to have to fake and act like nothing is wrong when he returns home later. I am not going to bring it up to him, as I am not sure what his reaction would be about me snooping on him, as I have never done this before. I wouldn't want it done to me, and now here I have done it. I will say this though, a part of me feels that it is good that I am aware of this, but it also creeps me out about my husband. Now I feel this overwhelming feeling like all of our future plans and dreams don't matter to me anymore. I feel like my husband is very devious and I feel like vomiting.
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