My story is long so I hope you have a few minutes lol. My husband and I are both 25 years old and we've been married for 3.5 years. We do not have any kids and are still living at home with my father. I'd like to remain anonymous, so let's just say my my husband's name is Joe, and his older brother's name is Kyle. When I was 17 years old, I dated Kyle for about 1.5 years. We had a very volatile relationship. He started becoming very mean and physical towards me and to make things worse, I started becoming the same way. I ended our relationship the day I graduated high school.
Kyle and Joe's entire family was living in the US with expired visas and they had an order of deportation on them. His father was deported while we were dating so things became very stressful as he was the primary bread winner. Kyle continued to try and rekindle our relationship, but I wanted nothing to do with him. I told him we could be friends but you can be sure that didn't work out at all. It always went back to him wanting to get back together.
Meanwhile, I maintained a steady, casual friendship with my now husband, Joe, Kyle's brother. (Kyle is a few years older, he's 29 now). Being that I came to know his family very well (after his dad was deported and before Kyle and I broke up, I was spending more time at their house with their mom and little brother), Joe and I kept in touch via phone and social networking. We would go get lunch together here and there and hit up some parties.
My mother got deathly ill, she went from being a fully active, happy woman, to being in a coma for two weeks, and waking up almost completely disabled. She had a brain injury as a result of a pulmonary embolism. I became her sole caretaker. So Joe was talking to me at lunch one day about how he was going to pay some girl he knew to marry him so he can get his paperwork. Being that my mother was ill and I had planned to dedicate my life to taking care of her, I didn't think I was going to be dating anyone for a very long time. And so I said to him, "Why don't I just marry you? I've known your family for almost 5 years now (I am 21 years old at the time) and you trust me. It's not like I have a life anymore."
After a few days of talking, Joe ran it by Kyle to see if he was okay with it. He said yes. I think he said yes because he was afraid his brother would get deported and he probably thought this would be a good opportunity for him to see me more often. Side note: Kyle was married 6 months after we broke up, and got his green card. However, they divorced maybe two years later. Even when he was with his wife, he continued to try talking to me. Ugh.
His whole family knew about the situation and were okay with it. And so we started spending more time together, meeting more of each other's friends, spending more time with his family (including Kyle). Until one day, I had too many drinks at a party. I got sick and since Joe was sober and a good guy, he took care of me that night. I vaguely remember the night, but when I woke up, I was sleeping in his arms. I was so freaked out. I was like, "OH MY GOD." I literally tried to slide out of his arms without him waking up so we could act like this didn't happen, but he was already awake. That sucker! So the next few days became a little awkward. It's not like we kissed or did anything, but I think a line had been crossed. And then suddenly he and I were flirting with each other. So you can only guess what happened...
We started falling for each other. For real. Suddenly everything became very real. And the first time we had sex was a week before we were married. Kyle was unaware of me and Joe's relationship. And we didn't want to hide it anymore. And so we told him. And that's where the drama began.
Kyle was furious. He kicked me out of their house. He eventually attacked my poor husband at work and then kicked him out too. Joe moved in with my family at home. Kyle continued to talk crap about me and threaten me and my family. Joe's family and friends, who were originally okay with all this, suddenly had a HUGE problem and thought I was no good and was destroying their family. So we actually lost a lot of friends. If they didn't accept us, we cut ties. Unfortunately, that's easier to do with friends but family is more complicated nor do you want to cut that tie. During this time, Joe was not doing a very good job at defending/protecting me and that upset me quite a bit, so our relationship was going through a rough patch. Joe liked to avoid confrontations a lot. He's more of a B type personality and I'm more of an A type personality (my generosity has a limit). And then, on top of that, their mother and little brother moved back to Europe to be with their father. The mot her was really depressed and never did anything. No work, no social life, nothing. Just stay home and cook or clean. Their little brother was 13 years old at the time. I don't think he wanted to leave the US but neither Kyle or Joe could financially take care of him properly and decided it'd be best for him to be with his father again. So not only are Joe and Kyle the only family they have in the US now, but their family is struggling with finding work in their country.
I finally filed a complaint with my police department about Kyle harassing me and my family, and that finally made him stop since the cops called him informing him of the consequences if he were to continue. In the meantime, my mother loses her fight against all the complications of her brain injury and passes away. I became very depressed, to the extent that I was cutting myself. My mother was my best friend and I had felt like I failed her. Joe's parents come around, and eventually say their sorry for the trouble they had given us and directly apologize to me. They also send me their condolences and say they just want everyone to get along, so things become a lot better with them. Still no word from Kyle though.
Until a few months later, he asks Joe if "we can all just act like nothing happened and go back to how things used to be." Of course my husband was very accepting of this, but deep down inside, I still had my doubts. But my husband didn't want to hear it. Things are going well with Kyle. We are ALL hanging out together. This even includes some of Kyle's new girlfriends. There's no arguments, I'm even inviting him to my family's holiday celebrations. Until about a year later, he suddenly asks to talk with Joe alone. I immediately knew something was up. And I had told my husband that he needs to stand up for us if this ends up being the problem with Kyle, again. And my husband finally did. Kyle said, "I can't be around you two anymore. The feeling is still there. Being okay with you guys is going against everything I believe in." Etc., etc. Kyle had come to the shop that Joe and I were at and talked while I stayed inside. It was not a talk at all. It was an argument. It lasted all but five minutes. Ending in him saying to my husband, "You and her don't exist to me." My husband said, "Fine. That's your choice." (So proud of my husband! Not only was he defending me, but he was standing up for himself!)
So we don't hear from Kyle for a few months...Until last week. He texted Joe asking to meet up and talk. And Kyle tells my husband that he is going to be an uncle. So he's having a baby with his most recent girlfriend. They are suppose to meet up and talk tomorrow! And I'm very nervous. My husband says he doesn't know how to feel about it. I can only imagine what he's feeling, Kyle has just been so disrespectful to him.
I am afraid that Kyle will try to talk my husband into believing that he doesn't need to respect our marriage and accept our relationship for everyone to be happy. Or that he's going to try asking for money now that he's got a kid on the way (he has asked my husband for money several times, and my husband always gave it to him but was never paid back). Or that my husband won't stand up to him and we're just going to go through this drama again because Kyle is having a baby. When my husband texted Kyle saying he wants Kyle to respect us, both of us, Kyle said, "We'll talk about it in person." I guess I am feeling very insecure.
I do want everyone's opinion on the situation. I know there's a chance that things will go good and we can all start hanging out together again, but my anxiety is still very high. Please, what do you think will happen? How would you feel or respond to this situation? Have you ever been in a similar situation? What happened? How did you handle it? I guess in all honesty, I feel like this: That's great that Kyle is having a baby, I hope things work out as planned, but what difference does that make if he still will not accept our marriage or does not respect my husband and I? What if his only real problem is with me? Like he wants to have Joe in his life but minus me? Please tell me if I'm wrong. And please be honest with me, no sugar coating is necessary lol. And thank you for taking the time to read my post.
Kyle and Joe's entire family was living in the US with expired visas and they had an order of deportation on them. His father was deported while we were dating so things became very stressful as he was the primary bread winner. Kyle continued to try and rekindle our relationship, but I wanted nothing to do with him. I told him we could be friends but you can be sure that didn't work out at all. It always went back to him wanting to get back together.
Meanwhile, I maintained a steady, casual friendship with my now husband, Joe, Kyle's brother. (Kyle is a few years older, he's 29 now). Being that I came to know his family very well (after his dad was deported and before Kyle and I broke up, I was spending more time at their house with their mom and little brother), Joe and I kept in touch via phone and social networking. We would go get lunch together here and there and hit up some parties.
My mother got deathly ill, she went from being a fully active, happy woman, to being in a coma for two weeks, and waking up almost completely disabled. She had a brain injury as a result of a pulmonary embolism. I became her sole caretaker. So Joe was talking to me at lunch one day about how he was going to pay some girl he knew to marry him so he can get his paperwork. Being that my mother was ill and I had planned to dedicate my life to taking care of her, I didn't think I was going to be dating anyone for a very long time. And so I said to him, "Why don't I just marry you? I've known your family for almost 5 years now (I am 21 years old at the time) and you trust me. It's not like I have a life anymore."
After a few days of talking, Joe ran it by Kyle to see if he was okay with it. He said yes. I think he said yes because he was afraid his brother would get deported and he probably thought this would be a good opportunity for him to see me more often. Side note: Kyle was married 6 months after we broke up, and got his green card. However, they divorced maybe two years later. Even when he was with his wife, he continued to try talking to me. Ugh.
His whole family knew about the situation and were okay with it. And so we started spending more time together, meeting more of each other's friends, spending more time with his family (including Kyle). Until one day, I had too many drinks at a party. I got sick and since Joe was sober and a good guy, he took care of me that night. I vaguely remember the night, but when I woke up, I was sleeping in his arms. I was so freaked out. I was like, "OH MY GOD." I literally tried to slide out of his arms without him waking up so we could act like this didn't happen, but he was already awake. That sucker! So the next few days became a little awkward. It's not like we kissed or did anything, but I think a line had been crossed. And then suddenly he and I were flirting with each other. So you can only guess what happened...
We started falling for each other. For real. Suddenly everything became very real. And the first time we had sex was a week before we were married. Kyle was unaware of me and Joe's relationship. And we didn't want to hide it anymore. And so we told him. And that's where the drama began.
Kyle was furious. He kicked me out of their house. He eventually attacked my poor husband at work and then kicked him out too. Joe moved in with my family at home. Kyle continued to talk crap about me and threaten me and my family. Joe's family and friends, who were originally okay with all this, suddenly had a HUGE problem and thought I was no good and was destroying their family. So we actually lost a lot of friends. If they didn't accept us, we cut ties. Unfortunately, that's easier to do with friends but family is more complicated nor do you want to cut that tie. During this time, Joe was not doing a very good job at defending/protecting me and that upset me quite a bit, so our relationship was going through a rough patch. Joe liked to avoid confrontations a lot. He's more of a B type personality and I'm more of an A type personality (my generosity has a limit). And then, on top of that, their mother and little brother moved back to Europe to be with their father. The mot her was really depressed and never did anything. No work, no social life, nothing. Just stay home and cook or clean. Their little brother was 13 years old at the time. I don't think he wanted to leave the US but neither Kyle or Joe could financially take care of him properly and decided it'd be best for him to be with his father again. So not only are Joe and Kyle the only family they have in the US now, but their family is struggling with finding work in their country.
I finally filed a complaint with my police department about Kyle harassing me and my family, and that finally made him stop since the cops called him informing him of the consequences if he were to continue. In the meantime, my mother loses her fight against all the complications of her brain injury and passes away. I became very depressed, to the extent that I was cutting myself. My mother was my best friend and I had felt like I failed her. Joe's parents come around, and eventually say their sorry for the trouble they had given us and directly apologize to me. They also send me their condolences and say they just want everyone to get along, so things become a lot better with them. Still no word from Kyle though.
Until a few months later, he asks Joe if "we can all just act like nothing happened and go back to how things used to be." Of course my husband was very accepting of this, but deep down inside, I still had my doubts. But my husband didn't want to hear it. Things are going well with Kyle. We are ALL hanging out together. This even includes some of Kyle's new girlfriends. There's no arguments, I'm even inviting him to my family's holiday celebrations. Until about a year later, he suddenly asks to talk with Joe alone. I immediately knew something was up. And I had told my husband that he needs to stand up for us if this ends up being the problem with Kyle, again. And my husband finally did. Kyle said, "I can't be around you two anymore. The feeling is still there. Being okay with you guys is going against everything I believe in." Etc., etc. Kyle had come to the shop that Joe and I were at and talked while I stayed inside. It was not a talk at all. It was an argument. It lasted all but five minutes. Ending in him saying to my husband, "You and her don't exist to me." My husband said, "Fine. That's your choice." (So proud of my husband! Not only was he defending me, but he was standing up for himself!)
So we don't hear from Kyle for a few months...Until last week. He texted Joe asking to meet up and talk. And Kyle tells my husband that he is going to be an uncle. So he's having a baby with his most recent girlfriend. They are suppose to meet up and talk tomorrow! And I'm very nervous. My husband says he doesn't know how to feel about it. I can only imagine what he's feeling, Kyle has just been so disrespectful to him.
I am afraid that Kyle will try to talk my husband into believing that he doesn't need to respect our marriage and accept our relationship for everyone to be happy. Or that he's going to try asking for money now that he's got a kid on the way (he has asked my husband for money several times, and my husband always gave it to him but was never paid back). Or that my husband won't stand up to him and we're just going to go through this drama again because Kyle is having a baby. When my husband texted Kyle saying he wants Kyle to respect us, both of us, Kyle said, "We'll talk about it in person." I guess I am feeling very insecure.
I do want everyone's opinion on the situation. I know there's a chance that things will go good and we can all start hanging out together again, but my anxiety is still very high. Please, what do you think will happen? How would you feel or respond to this situation? Have you ever been in a similar situation? What happened? How did you handle it? I guess in all honesty, I feel like this: That's great that Kyle is having a baby, I hope things work out as planned, but what difference does that make if he still will not accept our marriage or does not respect my husband and I? What if his only real problem is with me? Like he wants to have Joe in his life but minus me? Please tell me if I'm wrong. And please be honest with me, no sugar coating is necessary lol. And thank you for taking the time to read my post.
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