This is a long standing problem. My husband will sometimes tailgate others when he drives. I'll try to ignore it until he gets so close I go into a panic, feel my stomach tighten and the fear begin to rise. If I ask him to leave more space (which I try to say gently), he'll get angry, saying I'm never happy and he can't please me no matter what and then start saying I drive that way too (I really don't) and HE never says anything, etc. Then in anger he'll often begin driving even more erratically, like gunning it from every stop, braking hard, cutting people off and swerving, etc. Everything BUT tailgaiting, and all whether the kids are present or not. If I ask why he's driving that way (which I rarely do then because it can lead to him screaming at me) he'll deny he's doing anything different than usual, but I know it's to punish me for ever saying anything.
As a result, I usually drive but sometimes can't, like if I had a couple drinks at a party (though in anger he's offered me the wheel knowing I'm inebriated and the kids are in the car) or like driving to vacation 10 hours and my legs hurt after 5 hours so I asked him to drive awhile. This ended up in a fight where he drove erratically the next 2 hours while I sat silent and crying, keeping my eyes closed to avoid being terrified.
I've also tried not saying anything in the car, but sometimes he'll do something that frightens me and I'll instinctively reach for a handle or push the invisible brake without thinking, and he'll see this and get angry anyway.
Sometimes he'll apologize hours afterward or the next day, admitting he has a problem with me getting upset at his driving, but he'll do it again next time anyway. And this is a pattern in our 15-year marriage. I confront him on something I'm upset about, he blames me, makes excuses, then inevitably gets mean and says mean things. Then sometimes for a day or two he'll increase doing little things he knows I don't like, I assume to punish me. I don't know what do to anymore. After talking it over so many years, I'm just tired.
Thoughts?
As a result, I usually drive but sometimes can't, like if I had a couple drinks at a party (though in anger he's offered me the wheel knowing I'm inebriated and the kids are in the car) or like driving to vacation 10 hours and my legs hurt after 5 hours so I asked him to drive awhile. This ended up in a fight where he drove erratically the next 2 hours while I sat silent and crying, keeping my eyes closed to avoid being terrified.
I've also tried not saying anything in the car, but sometimes he'll do something that frightens me and I'll instinctively reach for a handle or push the invisible brake without thinking, and he'll see this and get angry anyway.
Sometimes he'll apologize hours afterward or the next day, admitting he has a problem with me getting upset at his driving, but he'll do it again next time anyway. And this is a pattern in our 15-year marriage. I confront him on something I'm upset about, he blames me, makes excuses, then inevitably gets mean and says mean things. Then sometimes for a day or two he'll increase doing little things he knows I don't like, I assume to punish me. I don't know what do to anymore. After talking it over so many years, I'm just tired.
Thoughts?
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