No advice needed, just sharing a recent WTF moment with my WS.
Recently my WS and I were chatting about his sister's recent divorce from her gambling addict WS when the topic of what could have been our own divorce came up. He asked if I kept the divorce papers I had drawn up almost two years ago, shortly after DD. A few of the requirements that had to be met prior to reconciling included selling our house and buying one I can afford with my own salary should the need ever come up; we've been in our new house for about 1.5 years. Other requirements included selling his car and buying a replacement (xOW had been in his car several times); that car was a HUGE trigger for me. I am still maintaining a separate checking account which he has no access to, all of my pay goes into that.
Anyhow, at the time these other aforementioned decisions were made, I was very clear and on more than one occasion that I had divorce papers ready to go should I change my mind and/or reconciling didn't work out for any reason, including a subsequent betrayal after the original DD back in 2012.
WS looked genuinely surprised :scratchhead: :smthumbup: when I told him that yes, the divorce papers were still saved on my work laptop and no, I had no plans to get rid of them. In my mind, almost two years of R is NOT all that long. I should add that R has been going well, considering, so I have no plans to file the divorce papers either.
Although I wouldn't accommodate the request if it had been made, WS did not ask me to get rid of the divorce papers, yet he still seems surprised and miffed about their existence :confused: :rolleyes:. He says I might as well have his bags packed and waiting by the door should he do something to implode our 20+ year marriage once more. I let him know when he chose his actions by having an affair, he chose any and all associated consequences, divorce papers on standby being one of them.
Later WS told me he understood my POV and was just surprised, and hurt, to learn I didn't eventually get rid of the divorce papers. Yah well, I was a "little" surprised and hurt to discover his affair :rolleyes:.
As I mentioned earlier, R is going well and things are slowly improving. Though sometimes things are said that leave me shaking my head.....like seriously? Yep, a whopping almost two years have passed so go ahead and move that file to the recycle bin. I don't think so. I appreciate the fact that post conversation he approached me to discuss it further and appears to get my POV. OTOH, I am a little taken aback and annoyed by his surprise over it. Seems to me holding onto divorce papers post affair wouldn't be a real shocker. IDK, maybe I'm wrong. Meh.
Recently my WS and I were chatting about his sister's recent divorce from her gambling addict WS when the topic of what could have been our own divorce came up. He asked if I kept the divorce papers I had drawn up almost two years ago, shortly after DD. A few of the requirements that had to be met prior to reconciling included selling our house and buying one I can afford with my own salary should the need ever come up; we've been in our new house for about 1.5 years. Other requirements included selling his car and buying a replacement (xOW had been in his car several times); that car was a HUGE trigger for me. I am still maintaining a separate checking account which he has no access to, all of my pay goes into that.
Anyhow, at the time these other aforementioned decisions were made, I was very clear and on more than one occasion that I had divorce papers ready to go should I change my mind and/or reconciling didn't work out for any reason, including a subsequent betrayal after the original DD back in 2012.
WS looked genuinely surprised :scratchhead: :smthumbup: when I told him that yes, the divorce papers were still saved on my work laptop and no, I had no plans to get rid of them. In my mind, almost two years of R is NOT all that long. I should add that R has been going well, considering, so I have no plans to file the divorce papers either.
Although I wouldn't accommodate the request if it had been made, WS did not ask me to get rid of the divorce papers, yet he still seems surprised and miffed about their existence :confused: :rolleyes:. He says I might as well have his bags packed and waiting by the door should he do something to implode our 20+ year marriage once more. I let him know when he chose his actions by having an affair, he chose any and all associated consequences, divorce papers on standby being one of them.
Later WS told me he understood my POV and was just surprised, and hurt, to learn I didn't eventually get rid of the divorce papers. Yah well, I was a "little" surprised and hurt to discover his affair :rolleyes:.
As I mentioned earlier, R is going well and things are slowly improving. Though sometimes things are said that leave me shaking my head.....like seriously? Yep, a whopping almost two years have passed so go ahead and move that file to the recycle bin. I don't think so. I appreciate the fact that post conversation he approached me to discuss it further and appears to get my POV. OTOH, I am a little taken aback and annoyed by his surprise over it. Seems to me holding onto divorce papers post affair wouldn't be a real shocker. IDK, maybe I'm wrong. Meh.
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