Not sure if this is the right place to ask this question, so if any moderator feels that it should be moved to the proper thread area please do so. I also don't know how much details Is should give, so forgive me if my background story is a bit excessive so be prepared....
Anyway, I'm 25, male, and divorced. Haven't talked to my ex-wife except once since our divorce was final ( it was about a dvd of mine that she accidentally took and wanted to know if I still wanted that ). Other than that, zilch, nada. Reasons we divorced was because she was a Dependasaurous Rex.
Wouldn't work, hardly cleaned, was often distance, hated my parents despite being more supportive than any of her family has ever been in her ENITRE life! Sex was awful which I won't even bother going into that. At one point of being miserable and getting yelled at, I divorced her. Having learned what I want in a woman now and knowing I can do better has given me a template for what to look for but unfortunately I think I might be potentially making the same mistake again.
I'm currently dating this woman who is exactly 5 months older than me and it pretty nice and easy to get along with. She has Tunrer's syndrome and is epileptic. She's made it very clear she wants to get married and it's the main goal in her life now. She is diabled and cannot drive at the moment nor have a job because of supposed learning disabilities.
In our state, a person with epilepsy can get a drivers license as long as they haven't had one in 6 months and on medication ( she's met both of those, been 9 months since she's had her last one ). She refuses to drive out of fear of having an accident and killing someone. Naturally, I've noticed this will make a lot fall on me to be a provider. i never minded doing everything as long as I got a wife who cooked and cleaned and had sex with me. ( more about this later ).
We have some similar interests, and overall I like being around her. But the problem I have and still struggle with is that she talks to her exes quite regularly.
1st ex: She dated him pretty much all her high school years ( 4 years to be exact ) and claims to have fooled around with, but not had sex with ( she claims to be a virgin, don't know if she's lying ). This guy is the epitome of loser, became an addict and is still on a methadone treatment. Works for dollar general. She talks with him everynow and then, claims it's nothing more than talking about similar interests ( wrestling, movies, etc ). I'm very weary of this guy, I just have a feeling that he still cares for her. I've talked to him before about a past event where she and a lesbian friend kissed each other.
One of my deal breakers is that if a woman has any lesbian past ( fooled around, dated, sex etc ) then I will not date them or get involved (Ex-wife was a lesbian and I think that may have accounted for our intimacy problems). Anyway, I asked her about this after we decided to date and she reluctantly told me this. I messaged her ex and he immediately went straight to her and told me what I was asking him.
She supposedly told him to "tell me the truth" then he messaged me saying that it happened long ago and when they were dumb kids and it didn't go more than a kiss. He said it bothered him but he got over it and said to me "had I not messed up with drugs, she and I might still be together". That phrase raised nothing but red flags with me as I saw it as an emotional attachment. I've told her again and again I'm not comfortable with this but she told me they have a brother sister relationship and it's nothing more, doesn't believe in getting back with exes, and that they don't talk all the time.
Well, he's twice gotten uppity with her over the phone. On our second date, he tried calling her and when she didn't answer him back, he called her again and got all pissy and brought up past events they had. ( she cheated on him by giving a bj for money to someone she used to work for, claims it was a one time thing only ).
Second time, he called her to tell her that he supposedly got a gf ( I'm friends with him on FB and I don't see one on there ) and she said I don't want to talk about relationships with us. He got mopey and hung up supposedly. She told me all this over the phone and said she just wanted to be transparent but made it clear she will not stop talking to him no matter what and that she won't cut someone out of her life that's supposedly been there for her and had a connection with.
3rd time, he called her when we were in Florida going to Disney World for vacation before I deployed with my sister and I ( which I am right now ). The thing is, he knew she was down there with me, and still called anyway and right in front of me and my family! She told him she'd call him later when she got back because she was still in Florida. She claimed he didn't know we were still there but I think that's a load of s*&#! Am I being paranoid about that?
This part scares me, because it screams that no matter what, even if we are married, she wouldn't get rid of him as a friend because he's that important. She said she doesn't call/text him everyday and only like twice a week at the most. But it's just so regular and I can't help but feel it's very emotional there.
2nd ex: She claims he really isn't an ex and that they have never taken it to an official level, or even met for that matter. She told me they met on a dating sight and talked but it never went into anything more than friends. Same old thing, just friends etc, but how I found out about him was very off putting. She tried to send me a text before we got into a relationship and a picture of her dog but she sent it to both us by accident.
Curious as to who this was, the guy sent me a text asking who I am. I told him and he didn't text back. I asked who this guy was and she sent a panicky text saying," I'm sorry I don't know what happened!" Now I'm getting very scared that she was already in a relationship and was caught red handed. I tried to call the guy but he didn't answer but texted me after about 20 minutes saying they were just friends.
We ( her and I ) talked that night for 5 hours straight going over exes, and she told me her side of the story. She said they had met on a dating site blah blah, and that they are just friends, etc and that she could never do that me. A week later went go official, FB and all.
2nd scare: When we were in florida, he texted her a little bit and she had no problem texting him back ( right in front of me while we went into the car! ). When we got back from going to a museum, he phone started acting up and she was getting upset saying ther phone was messing up when he tried to send her a picture ( it was some football stadium ) but her getting upset made me wonder heavily if it was really because of her phone or that she couldn't text him back.
What really irks me is that she won't let her 1st ex call or text her while we are on a date but she has no problem texting this guy? :scratchhead: With me right there? :confused: and another thing is her grandmother didn't even know who he was until she mentioned him in front of her and told him that he was just a friend.
*note* She lives about 2 hours away from me and I'll spend the night at her gma's house since she won't let me stay with her to prevent anything inappropriate from happening.
I'm still very weary about this guy and his FB profile is only viewable to friends only. I was able to see it once since she doesn't have a computer of her own, just an old samsung phone that she hardly ever seems to let go. She left her FB logged in once and I saw his profile, works at walmart, single, and has the most boring posts ever. I exed it out because I didn't want to snoop any further but found out that she watches porn and has used her gma's computer for it twice. I asked her about this and she said yes but very reluctantly. I do to and I tried to reassure her to not let her be embarrased and it helped a bit but moving on.
I used this opportunity to to let my mom get to know her and she said "she's nice and caring for you but I don't think she's the one for you, she's a nicer version of your exwife".
This bummed me out a bit and I tried to break up with her after we got back and she got upset and said I couldn't do that to her and I confronted her about my concerns and reassured me that we could make it work, and that I have nothing to worry about. My mom was not happy because she thought I was making a mistake primarily because she can't drive and that she got annoying a bit since she can't follow conversations very well.
She'll talk about a subject and go over it several times and got back to it when others try to move away from it. I've talked to her about the driving part and I told her that if she wanted to make it work as far as a marriage would go, she would have to get her license back with the caveat that she only drive to maintain practice in a secure spot and nothing else except emergencies. I figured that this would be a good compromise since she didn't want to crash and hurt anybody. She agreed to do that if we got engaged and I told my mom about this. This pleased my mom and she said," well she just got more points with me."
After marrying me ex, I take my parents opinion very seriously but I'm still kinda wary about all this so I'll list my last concern which is of the sex dept.
She doesn't believe in sex before marriage but has fooled around in the past. Fooling around for her counts as oral, handjobs, and groping with kissing. I'm a little pissed that she won't do any of this with me but did it for he 1st ex and with a guy from her old church one time that she brought to her house.
She said one thing led to another with the church guy but stopped if after that one time because to her "normal guys don't act that way." and she won't do that to me because I'm "special" :scratchhead: I honestly think she tried to rope him into a relationship and that it didn't work, and thus won't do it again.
I'm miffed because here I am spending all this time and money, and she won't even french kiss me. Oh and she did that with her most recent ex ( who she doesn't keep in contact ). I feel I'm "special" enough to just get pecks and hugs while all these guys got to get an appetizer, assuming she's telling the truth about being a virgin. I had to beg her to leg me grab her butt and she reluctantly let me do that once.
Hell, she won't even send me a photo of her posing in shirt and panties for me. :(
Other than that, she's been really supportive of me being deployed and we talk regularly. She's given me the most affection I've had so far but I'm worried about whether I should continue this. She's made it clear she wants this to work out long term to marriage and has said that if we are married she'd do what it takes to make me happy, both sexually and emotionally. But I'm afraid she will renege on all of those and give me hardly any sex ( she doesn't like oral a lot because it supposedly makes her feel dirty and will only do it if it's in a "romantic" setting ). I kinda feel like I'm the bigger better deal and that I'm not going to get much out of this unless I buy the whole package with no samples involved.
I just don't know why these guys got that and not me. I feel like I'm going to be the main provider once more with hardly anything in return with her talking to her exes and with nothing to do except talk to them while I work ( she's disabled and on welfare ).
Should I keep this going on with her? I don't want to make a mistake of contunuing to date her and marry her and get shafted. But on the other hand, I don't want to pass on a woman who is telling the truth about her exes, is really willing to do all that I want/need from wife ( affection/sex, honesty/integrity, and compromise ). As far as I can tell she's telling the truth but the exes bug me, and so does my worry about her attitude of sexual activities in general. It kinda seems she wants it, but just not with me. I don't know, I'm undecided and need help. Advice? Thoughts? Sorry for the wall of text but I need your opinions. If you need more details let me know.
Anyway, I'm 25, male, and divorced. Haven't talked to my ex-wife except once since our divorce was final ( it was about a dvd of mine that she accidentally took and wanted to know if I still wanted that ). Other than that, zilch, nada. Reasons we divorced was because she was a Dependasaurous Rex.
Wouldn't work, hardly cleaned, was often distance, hated my parents despite being more supportive than any of her family has ever been in her ENITRE life! Sex was awful which I won't even bother going into that. At one point of being miserable and getting yelled at, I divorced her. Having learned what I want in a woman now and knowing I can do better has given me a template for what to look for but unfortunately I think I might be potentially making the same mistake again.
I'm currently dating this woman who is exactly 5 months older than me and it pretty nice and easy to get along with. She has Tunrer's syndrome and is epileptic. She's made it very clear she wants to get married and it's the main goal in her life now. She is diabled and cannot drive at the moment nor have a job because of supposed learning disabilities.
In our state, a person with epilepsy can get a drivers license as long as they haven't had one in 6 months and on medication ( she's met both of those, been 9 months since she's had her last one ). She refuses to drive out of fear of having an accident and killing someone. Naturally, I've noticed this will make a lot fall on me to be a provider. i never minded doing everything as long as I got a wife who cooked and cleaned and had sex with me. ( more about this later ).
We have some similar interests, and overall I like being around her. But the problem I have and still struggle with is that she talks to her exes quite regularly.
1st ex: She dated him pretty much all her high school years ( 4 years to be exact ) and claims to have fooled around with, but not had sex with ( she claims to be a virgin, don't know if she's lying ). This guy is the epitome of loser, became an addict and is still on a methadone treatment. Works for dollar general. She talks with him everynow and then, claims it's nothing more than talking about similar interests ( wrestling, movies, etc ). I'm very weary of this guy, I just have a feeling that he still cares for her. I've talked to him before about a past event where she and a lesbian friend kissed each other.
One of my deal breakers is that if a woman has any lesbian past ( fooled around, dated, sex etc ) then I will not date them or get involved (Ex-wife was a lesbian and I think that may have accounted for our intimacy problems). Anyway, I asked her about this after we decided to date and she reluctantly told me this. I messaged her ex and he immediately went straight to her and told me what I was asking him.
She supposedly told him to "tell me the truth" then he messaged me saying that it happened long ago and when they were dumb kids and it didn't go more than a kiss. He said it bothered him but he got over it and said to me "had I not messed up with drugs, she and I might still be together". That phrase raised nothing but red flags with me as I saw it as an emotional attachment. I've told her again and again I'm not comfortable with this but she told me they have a brother sister relationship and it's nothing more, doesn't believe in getting back with exes, and that they don't talk all the time.
Well, he's twice gotten uppity with her over the phone. On our second date, he tried calling her and when she didn't answer him back, he called her again and got all pissy and brought up past events they had. ( she cheated on him by giving a bj for money to someone she used to work for, claims it was a one time thing only ).
Second time, he called her to tell her that he supposedly got a gf ( I'm friends with him on FB and I don't see one on there ) and she said I don't want to talk about relationships with us. He got mopey and hung up supposedly. She told me all this over the phone and said she just wanted to be transparent but made it clear she will not stop talking to him no matter what and that she won't cut someone out of her life that's supposedly been there for her and had a connection with.
3rd time, he called her when we were in Florida going to Disney World for vacation before I deployed with my sister and I ( which I am right now ). The thing is, he knew she was down there with me, and still called anyway and right in front of me and my family! She told him she'd call him later when she got back because she was still in Florida. She claimed he didn't know we were still there but I think that's a load of s*&#! Am I being paranoid about that?
This part scares me, because it screams that no matter what, even if we are married, she wouldn't get rid of him as a friend because he's that important. She said she doesn't call/text him everyday and only like twice a week at the most. But it's just so regular and I can't help but feel it's very emotional there.
2nd ex: She claims he really isn't an ex and that they have never taken it to an official level, or even met for that matter. She told me they met on a dating sight and talked but it never went into anything more than friends. Same old thing, just friends etc, but how I found out about him was very off putting. She tried to send me a text before we got into a relationship and a picture of her dog but she sent it to both us by accident.
Curious as to who this was, the guy sent me a text asking who I am. I told him and he didn't text back. I asked who this guy was and she sent a panicky text saying," I'm sorry I don't know what happened!" Now I'm getting very scared that she was already in a relationship and was caught red handed. I tried to call the guy but he didn't answer but texted me after about 20 minutes saying they were just friends.
We ( her and I ) talked that night for 5 hours straight going over exes, and she told me her side of the story. She said they had met on a dating site blah blah, and that they are just friends, etc and that she could never do that me. A week later went go official, FB and all.
2nd scare: When we were in florida, he texted her a little bit and she had no problem texting him back ( right in front of me while we went into the car! ). When we got back from going to a museum, he phone started acting up and she was getting upset saying ther phone was messing up when he tried to send her a picture ( it was some football stadium ) but her getting upset made me wonder heavily if it was really because of her phone or that she couldn't text him back.
What really irks me is that she won't let her 1st ex call or text her while we are on a date but she has no problem texting this guy? :scratchhead: With me right there? :confused: and another thing is her grandmother didn't even know who he was until she mentioned him in front of her and told him that he was just a friend.
*note* She lives about 2 hours away from me and I'll spend the night at her gma's house since she won't let me stay with her to prevent anything inappropriate from happening.
I'm still very weary about this guy and his FB profile is only viewable to friends only. I was able to see it once since she doesn't have a computer of her own, just an old samsung phone that she hardly ever seems to let go. She left her FB logged in once and I saw his profile, works at walmart, single, and has the most boring posts ever. I exed it out because I didn't want to snoop any further but found out that she watches porn and has used her gma's computer for it twice. I asked her about this and she said yes but very reluctantly. I do to and I tried to reassure her to not let her be embarrased and it helped a bit but moving on.
I used this opportunity to to let my mom get to know her and she said "she's nice and caring for you but I don't think she's the one for you, she's a nicer version of your exwife".
This bummed me out a bit and I tried to break up with her after we got back and she got upset and said I couldn't do that to her and I confronted her about my concerns and reassured me that we could make it work, and that I have nothing to worry about. My mom was not happy because she thought I was making a mistake primarily because she can't drive and that she got annoying a bit since she can't follow conversations very well.
She'll talk about a subject and go over it several times and got back to it when others try to move away from it. I've talked to her about the driving part and I told her that if she wanted to make it work as far as a marriage would go, she would have to get her license back with the caveat that she only drive to maintain practice in a secure spot and nothing else except emergencies. I figured that this would be a good compromise since she didn't want to crash and hurt anybody. She agreed to do that if we got engaged and I told my mom about this. This pleased my mom and she said," well she just got more points with me."
After marrying me ex, I take my parents opinion very seriously but I'm still kinda wary about all this so I'll list my last concern which is of the sex dept.
She doesn't believe in sex before marriage but has fooled around in the past. Fooling around for her counts as oral, handjobs, and groping with kissing. I'm a little pissed that she won't do any of this with me but did it for he 1st ex and with a guy from her old church one time that she brought to her house.
She said one thing led to another with the church guy but stopped if after that one time because to her "normal guys don't act that way." and she won't do that to me because I'm "special" :scratchhead: I honestly think she tried to rope him into a relationship and that it didn't work, and thus won't do it again.
I'm miffed because here I am spending all this time and money, and she won't even french kiss me. Oh and she did that with her most recent ex ( who she doesn't keep in contact ). I feel I'm "special" enough to just get pecks and hugs while all these guys got to get an appetizer, assuming she's telling the truth about being a virgin. I had to beg her to leg me grab her butt and she reluctantly let me do that once.
Hell, she won't even send me a photo of her posing in shirt and panties for me. :(
Other than that, she's been really supportive of me being deployed and we talk regularly. She's given me the most affection I've had so far but I'm worried about whether I should continue this. She's made it clear she wants this to work out long term to marriage and has said that if we are married she'd do what it takes to make me happy, both sexually and emotionally. But I'm afraid she will renege on all of those and give me hardly any sex ( she doesn't like oral a lot because it supposedly makes her feel dirty and will only do it if it's in a "romantic" setting ). I kinda feel like I'm the bigger better deal and that I'm not going to get much out of this unless I buy the whole package with no samples involved.
I just don't know why these guys got that and not me. I feel like I'm going to be the main provider once more with hardly anything in return with her talking to her exes and with nothing to do except talk to them while I work ( she's disabled and on welfare ).
Should I keep this going on with her? I don't want to make a mistake of contunuing to date her and marry her and get shafted. But on the other hand, I don't want to pass on a woman who is telling the truth about her exes, is really willing to do all that I want/need from wife ( affection/sex, honesty/integrity, and compromise ). As far as I can tell she's telling the truth but the exes bug me, and so does my worry about her attitude of sexual activities in general. It kinda seems she wants it, but just not with me. I don't know, I'm undecided and need help. Advice? Thoughts? Sorry for the wall of text but I need your opinions. If you need more details let me know.
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