My story is too long to write here. My stepdaughter has told me (texted-she never speaks to my face) that I have destroyed her family by marrying my husband (we met a year after his divorce was final and after his ex married the man she had an affair with and was pregnant with the child of). There is nothing that I can do right in her eyes. I am terrified of her. She has many times embarrassed and humiliated me. I almost died last year after a surgical complication and she did not visit or speak to me.
My husband has been ineffective in defending me. He advertises himself as 'stuck in the middle' in the hopes that no one looks to him or gets angry at him. I love my husband and his mother and father and his aunt and uncle and try to cultivate good relationships with them only to see her sabotage every relationship I have with them. This is particularly hurtful as I don't have family of my own.
I have a question...My stepdaughter (who lives about 20 mins away with her mother) asked my husband if I was coming to her HS graduation. He said probably not. She told him I was not to attend, even though it was a major family event, everyone would be in from out of town to attend, and there are no attendance limitations at her high school...also my DH was hosting the graduation brunch. For the first time (he admits this as well) he stood by me and held his ground. He told her that I am his wife, and if he attends that means that I may attend as well.
My stepdaughter did not like this. She told him
he is not to attend her graduation as well. She told him that he is not to get her a graduation gift, or have contact. My husband told her that he will cancel the brunch then.
My husband then came in the door and said to me (I didn't even know he was on the phone) and told me, 'are you happy now I chose this hill to die on'. When I found out (he wouldn't speak to me for the entire night and put his back to me in the farthest spot of the bed from me) I told him how bad this made me feel and he told me that 'it's all about you isn't it'.
He told me that in his family, this means not that he simply stated that if his wife couldn't come he wouldn't come...he told me that this meant that he disinherited her. He said that he no longer has a relationship with her, and disowned her. He said that his family will not understand, and that he is not 'persona non grata'.
I don't understand. He stated that not all families are like how I treat my children and that this is more than him standing by me that this is a disownment. He wont speak to me. He wont smile. He won't touch me. He left today for hours in the middle of Mother's Day to 'go drive' while he left his phone here so that I couldn't get hold of him...he left in the middle of a Denver snowstorm. He made me the Mother's Day dinner and didn't speak or look at me. I have cried all day.
Is this unreasonable to say to him that to the average outsider, this doesn't constitute a disownment and if anything,that she disowned him? And also, does this 'standing by me' warrant the kind of treatment I have received? I don't understand and I am utterly devastated and tortured. I feel as if I am a terrible horrible person. Do I have a right to feel this way? Do I have a right to tell him that he is treating me bad? That he is overdramatizing this and is behaving immarturely? Or is this my fault? I don't understand having never had this happen. (we have been married two years and his children (11, 14, 17) despise me. I have not been hated before now and now sincerely question my own worth and goodness in this world).
Thank you. Gwendolyn
My husband has been ineffective in defending me. He advertises himself as 'stuck in the middle' in the hopes that no one looks to him or gets angry at him. I love my husband and his mother and father and his aunt and uncle and try to cultivate good relationships with them only to see her sabotage every relationship I have with them. This is particularly hurtful as I don't have family of my own.
I have a question...My stepdaughter (who lives about 20 mins away with her mother) asked my husband if I was coming to her HS graduation. He said probably not. She told him I was not to attend, even though it was a major family event, everyone would be in from out of town to attend, and there are no attendance limitations at her high school...also my DH was hosting the graduation brunch. For the first time (he admits this as well) he stood by me and held his ground. He told her that I am his wife, and if he attends that means that I may attend as well.
My stepdaughter did not like this. She told him
he is not to attend her graduation as well. She told him that he is not to get her a graduation gift, or have contact. My husband told her that he will cancel the brunch then.
My husband then came in the door and said to me (I didn't even know he was on the phone) and told me, 'are you happy now I chose this hill to die on'. When I found out (he wouldn't speak to me for the entire night and put his back to me in the farthest spot of the bed from me) I told him how bad this made me feel and he told me that 'it's all about you isn't it'.
He told me that in his family, this means not that he simply stated that if his wife couldn't come he wouldn't come...he told me that this meant that he disinherited her. He said that he no longer has a relationship with her, and disowned her. He said that his family will not understand, and that he is not 'persona non grata'.
I don't understand. He stated that not all families are like how I treat my children and that this is more than him standing by me that this is a disownment. He wont speak to me. He wont smile. He won't touch me. He left today for hours in the middle of Mother's Day to 'go drive' while he left his phone here so that I couldn't get hold of him...he left in the middle of a Denver snowstorm. He made me the Mother's Day dinner and didn't speak or look at me. I have cried all day.
Is this unreasonable to say to him that to the average outsider, this doesn't constitute a disownment and if anything,that she disowned him? And also, does this 'standing by me' warrant the kind of treatment I have received? I don't understand and I am utterly devastated and tortured. I feel as if I am a terrible horrible person. Do I have a right to feel this way? Do I have a right to tell him that he is treating me bad? That he is overdramatizing this and is behaving immarturely? Or is this my fault? I don't understand having never had this happen. (we have been married two years and his children (11, 14, 17) despise me. I have not been hated before now and now sincerely question my own worth and goodness in this world).
Thank you. Gwendolyn
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