How to cope with loneliness

Just like so many others here my marital situation is difficult and IF my wife and I aren't able to make progress then divorce is a real possibility. A little over two years ago I separated from my wife after many years during which she was in a downward spiral. There were a lot of reasons why I decided to separate but I think ultimately I felt that we had gotten to a point that we were no longer able to work on things without first separating and collecting ourselves. It was essentially a 180 for me and ultimately for her. We were separated for 13 months and eventually reconciled. It has been about a year since we moved back in together and unfortunately I feel that there are some issues that we might not be able to resolve. Some extra info: We've been married since 1992 (20 years), we have two daughters (11 and 8), I am 45 and she is 42. I think during our separation the one thing I struggled with the most is loneliness. I really had no friends outside of work except for the friends I shared with my wife. She is very religious and involved with the church and other religious social groups and all of our friends came from there. I am not religious and unsurprisingly when I decided to separate, I found most of them very unsupportive. I have no family here and the closest any of my relatives live is about an 11 hour drive away. Other than the time I shared with my daughters, I was completely alone. Interestingly, I thought I was alone in my marriage but it is different when you may go a whole weekend without having a meaningful conversation with anybody ... weekend after weekend ... it became unbearable at times. I used the time to work on myself and from that standpoint, I was frequently able to distract myself from it and mostly avoid falling into the self-pity abyss but it was always there. I didn't know about TAM at the time and if I did I most assuredly been posting back then. The worst thing about being alone was not having anybody to talk to about my situation. Nobody to bounce my thoughts or feelings off of. It seemed like when I needed people the most is when I discovered nobody wanted to be there for me. That was hard because I always felt that I had and would have been there for them. Whose to blame them? Who wants to spend their time with someone going through such a traumatic period in their life? People like to surround themselves with positivity, not negativity and while it took me a while to realize that, working on the positive things I had going for me became my focus. People also like to surround themselves with people interested in them and that is my fault ... I was so focused on my own problems that I had little to give at that time. As I contemplate the thought of divorce, I am ... intimidated ... by my memories of the extreme loneliness. I feel alone now ... my wife and I seem to function only as roommates these days ... but I know those feelings will get worse when I am actually alone. How many of you have struggled with that aspect of separation and divorce? How were you able to cope with it?

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