I don't know what to do

I feel like I need a boyfriend. I would never cheat on my husband but I just feel like I'm alone. We've been married for four years...a lot of drama. We've worked past some of it but I still have trust issues and he knows it. We still fight horribly. He's more of a social person, I'm more of a home body and this causes issues. It's just got to the point though where it's like were living different lives. I do my mom thing he does whatever he does and it's depressing. This weekend he's gone to the beach with his buddies they got a hotel for two nights and are fishing and partying and god knows what. I'm home cleaning and chasing three babies around and he calls and tells me how much fun he's having and asks me what I'm doing I say cleaning and he's like well have fun with that. I just feel like I wanna punch him. I wanna go to beach, I wanna have fun but I'm never part of his plans and I get with three kids it's hard to balance it all out but at so me point he's gotta realize what this is doing. He says make plans so I do and we don't ever follow through something always comes up. He's home it's video games and babe I need this...babe I need that...babe the house is a mess...babe i'm starving...babe make the kids be quiet. I just feel like I work for the guy or something. I tried talking to him but he doesn't want to feel bad he thinks I'm bsing him to make him stay...to trap him. I mean what am I gonna do beg him for his attention? If telling your husband you feel alone and depressed doesn't wake him up what else can you do? And I know what people are gonna say...find your own happiness...do things that interest you....but doesn't that just cause for more space? If it's like I'm doing the family stuff on my own...I'm going out on my own...wth is the point of being married? I gave up a lot of my friends for him because they were all guys and I get that but, if he's not gonna hang out with me then who is he to tell me w ho to hang out with? I dunno I just feel like every time I try to talk to him it's more of a debate then him actually listening to what it is I'm saying.

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